Disgusting things men do in relationships

By Epiphenia Muolokwo
VANGUARD Nigeria. Saturday, January 25, 2020

Apparently, no woman likes to be cheated on, bad morning breaths, wearing the same underwear for days, farting, over-sized ego, lies, being taken for granted, being taken advantage of etc. These are most of the things we find disgusting in relationships, but we tend to compromise or be quiet about some, just so we don't hurt your feelings.

Relationships they say, come with a lot of sacrifices from two connected individuals, who are willing to make things work. They tend to endure some things just to make the relationship work.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean you're losing yourself.

Of course, you want to stay real and genuine when you're in an intimate relationship with someone. However, you still want to do your part in putting your best foot forward. It's always important that you are presenting your best self towards your partner.

Men do a lot of disgusting things in relationships while being completely oblivious of the fact that their partners may find them quite obnoxious. Some of those disgusting things, I took my time to outline.

Morning bad breath

While some may find it romantic, especially to kiss her in the morning without brushing; many others fare not comfortable with it .

Wearing the same underwear for days

Exactly! 'Eww'! That's what I believe everyone should say too. It's completely disgusting and I strongly believe no woman likes this.

It's wrong! It's gross! We women find it disgusting! Please stop! There's no justification to this. It's only right you change your underwear EVERYDAY. That way, you save your partner the stress of continually inhaling filth and treatment of infection.

Nothing is as sexy and attractive as a clean Man.

Ego

Ego: Every human's sense of self-worth or self-importance. It's present in every human being – no doubt. However, it gets unattractive and even disgusting to women when you possess an enormously unnecessary sense of importance. You think of yourself as the best thing to ever happen to the woman on planet earth.

You rub it in the face of your partner and may even tend to demean her in the process. Some even go as far as abusing their partners over trifle faults because they think they own them. A lot of women may endure this, perhaps for her unending love for you, or for what you guys share together. Or even for any other reason whatsoever. Many women endure to keet relationship on. For whatever it is – it's wrong!

I personally find it disgusting!

Some women shared their thoughts on this topic.

Will you dump him if he loses his libido!?

VANGUARD Nigeria. Sunday, November 3, 2019

If you're not sexually compatible with your partner, it's going to put a huge strain on your relationship. Goes without saying that sexual satisfaction is really important in keeping both people happy. But what happens if your man suddenly loses his libido or has a sharp drop in his performance level? Will you give him the elbow?!

Opinions are really divided on this. It's easier for a woman to fake orgasm - what with different lubricants that make penetration easy when she suddenly become dry. But, apart from the expensive Viagra, no magic pill will make a man rise to the occasion when he doesn't feel like it.

"Why would the woman stay with someone who's not in sync with her sexually?", asked Mfon, 45, who runs a fairly successful catering outfit. "She'd be better off trying to find someone she's better matched with. Life's too short to be unhappy with a partner who isn't giving you what you need in the bedroom.

"People say relationships are about compromise, but if one person feels they're not getting enough nookie, it could lead to disaster. They might cheat, thereby breaking the trust between them. The person who wants more sex might also feel rejected, which could lower their self-esteem and confidence. They may end up beating themselves up over why they're always being turned down. I know I would. Don't get me wrong, cuddles and kisses are great, but women need to feel desired.

"A pertinent question when faced with this dilemma is: Would your partner make the same sacrifice? Men in particular have a very short fuse when dealing with frigidity. After a couple of kids, you wouldn't expect your partner to be as hot as when you first met. But you hear of men who look for passion elsewhere instead of helping their wives or partners regain their libido. One of such husband explained his reason for taking a second `wife' was because she has a better `fit' when they make love than his legal wife!

"It makes sense for a person with a low libido to be with someone similar because they won't have to feel guilty about constantly shunning their partners advances. If couples are at opposite ends of the scale sex-drive-wise, I reckon it's time to call it a day".

Joy, a 39-year-old beautician, disagrees with Mfon. According to her, sex is not be-all and end-all of a relationship. Being part of a couple is about supporting one another emotionally, loving each other and just enjoying one another's company. Sex seems important at the start, but once a relationship develops, it usually takes more of a backseat. Things like having shared interests, similar values and even the same sense of humour are more important than having in-sync sex drives.

Know your Rhesus factor

By Dr Rotimi Adesanya
~Punch Nigeria. WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2018.

Dr Rotimi Adesanya

About 95 per cent of Nigerians are Rhesus Disease positive. The remaining five per cent are RhD
negative. There is a need to encourage parents, especially mothers, to know their blood groups and Rhesus factors because it could help to reduce or prevent cases of mortality.

I have on several occasions seen patients request information on their blood groups. Not one person ever mentioned his Rhesus factor as the reason making the request.

A popular Chinese proverb says "The beginning of health is to know the disease". This explains why it is important for everybody to be aware of this condition.

There are several different types of human blood. The four main blood groups are:

blood group A
blood group B
blood group AB
blood group O
Each of these blood groups can either be RhD positive or RhD negative. The RhD is a protein that is either present or absent on the surface of the red blood cells. This is indicated by a plus sign + or a minus sign -. The blood type O+ means that the blood is type O and each blood cell has RhD positive.

A simple blood test can tell if a woman is RhD negative. Every woman should be tested at her first prenatal visit, or before pregnancy, to find out if she is Rh-negative. The RhD negative gene is recessive, while the RhD positive gene is dominant. This means that there is a chance that a woman who is RhD negative will give birth to a RhD positive child.

A person who is RhD negative may have an immune reaction if RhD positive blood cells enter his bloodstream. A pregnant woman's body considers the RhD positive cells a threat and it mounts an immune system response. Her immune system makes antibodies, also known as anti-RhD antibodies, against the cells. If the woman conceives another RhD-positive baby, her anti-D antibodies will attack her unborn baby's red blood cells. Such complication is also known as the Haemolytic disease of the newborn.

The Rhesus disease destroys foetal red blood cells. It was once considered to be a leading cause of foetal and newborn deaths. Without treatment, severely affected foetuses are often stillborn.

In the newborn, Rh disease can result in jaundice (yellowing of the skin and eyes), anaemia, brain damage, heart failure and death. It can also affect the mother's mental state. Most mothers are always depressed after such a loss.

Four urogenital symptoms men should never ignore

Guardian Nigeria. Thursday, March 14, 2019

How knowledgeable are you about your urogenital health? Concerning the male genitourinary system, it encompasses organs that are essential for urinary and reproductive genital health such as the kidneys, urinary bladder, prostate, testes, penis, and other structures. When men have problems or concerns involving these organs, there is sometimes a reluctance to mention any urologic concerns to a doctor on account of embarrassment about the issue. There are certain symptoms however, that always require medical attention and delays in seeking out treatment may result in severe lifelong health consequences. Here are four red flags that your urogenital health may be seriously at risk and that you must urgently see an urologist.

You experience a continuous and painful erection lasting several hours -

A painful continuous erection that persists for greater than four hours and arises in the absence of sexual stimulation is known as priapism. When priapism occurs, there is no relief of the symptoms even with ejaculation. The type of priapism that is the most worrisome is ischemic priapism, which results when blood is unable to be drained from a penis that is erect. It's a urological emergency that may lead to penile necrosis (tissue death) that can't be reversed.

There are various reasons why priapism may occur in males. In some cases of priapism, it may happen due to the use of medication for the treatment of erectile dysfunction. Priapism may also be a complication of sickle cell disease. Sometimes the etiology of the condition is simply unknown.

Treatment may include blood aspiration, meaning that a doctor would use a needle to remove blood from the engorged penis. Administration of vasoconstrictive medication is also another treatment modality. Nonetheless, priapism is a serious condition that must never be ignored.

You have rapidly progressing genital skin discoloration/break down plus foul odor

If you ever experience a rapidly progressing genital skin discoloration or break down in conjunction with the symptoms of genital pain, foul odor, and fever, then there may be great concern for Fournier’s gangrene. It is a type necrotizing fasciitis of the external genitalia and perineum. Though the condition is rare, it tends to occur more in men versus women. There is also an increased risk of the condition in those with chronic medical conditions like diabetes or other health problems leading to an immunocompromised state e.g. HIV. Treatment may include administration of intravenous antibiotics and removal of the necrotic tissue via surgical intervention. The condition may ultimately be life threatening and early treatment is crucial.

You feel severe testicular pain

Testicular pain is another major red flag that you must urgently seek evaluation from an urologist.

The effects of sexual frustration

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, March 31, 2019

The concept of having to deal with a sexually frustrated person has never occurred to yours truly as a
disease entity. However, several weeks ago, a man who is not even a skilled worker brought me face to face with an entirely new concept of illness and the facts unearthed were very profound. The sexually frustrated individual is that person who because of certain peculiarities within their body is unable to enjoy the sexual act. They are not satisfied by any act because of some attributes that they have. Some of these people have deformed organs or inadequately developed organs and are unable as a consequence to copulate. They are agitated persons because they do not have good sex, cannot complete a sexual encounter and consequently lack sex. Such people are nearly universally frustrated and the frustration they feel is the gap between the people's desired sexual goals and their actual achievement. Some of these persons may even be hermaphrodites, being that they have both male and female sex organs.

The individual who led me on this fact-finding mission is a security man. The jovial man is a dutiful sentry at the main gate of a large company dealing in oil products. The three women who drove up to the gate had no appointment according to the security man and the women in turn had no reason to be verbally abusive because the gentleman was doing his job. There is no derogatory term they did not use on him and he stood there emphasizing that he would not let them in. The women were all in their mid-forties and wore human hair and loud make-up. They looked a bit crazy too and talked in a rough manner. The security man was careful not to provoke a scene since he could not entirely be certain who within the company they knew.

However, when the noise and abuse became unbearable, he faced them calmly and told them they were sexually frustrated women. He said further that they should look for good men to teach them some bedroom lessons so that their heads could cool down. He hit a raw nerve: the women were at first stunned into silence. Then they got into their Sport Utility Vehicle and drove away.

A few weeks later, one remembered the incident and decided to do an online search. The findings were profound enough to provoke this essay. Yes, there is such a concept and yes, there are related health challenges associated with its presence in our lives. It is important to know that no two people have the same sexual desires and tastes, not even among identical twins. Some people want a lot of it and others less. And this is when the male genitals and the female counterpart are normal and able to function in the way they are supposed to function. It is a present feature in every marriage and the effects can be quite profound. For that reason, it is not universally found to be a problem which certain medications can solve. In many cases, no drugs would help them deal with the issue. There are many hurdles to cross before the men, most commonly become afflicted with erectile dysfunction which progressively takes away the excitement surrounding sex. In some situations, one partner may assume that there is sufficient sex in the relationship and could develop problems not being able to understand why the other party whines about not having enough of it.

Dear Bunmi (Relationships, Family, Sex and Life, Romance...) : The humiliating experience of being jilted

Topics:

Dear Bunmi, 

• The humiliating experience of being jilted
• At 28, still a virgin and no girlfriend
• Dumped by a heartless colleague
• Should I go for this junior staff?
• He won't take no for an answer
• Hubby preying on neighbourhood girls
• How do I resume making love?
• Should married men have platonic friendships?
• My life is falling apart!
• Does she think I'm too old for her?
• Dad married late mum's best friend
• Should I tell her husband?
• Hubby got my daughter pregnant
• She's pregnant for man who raped me!
• Is my boss ashamed of me?
• I need to let him know I fancy him!
• Friend tried to snatch my man
• In love with a married mum
• Why is he always texting in the toilet?
• I prefer him as a lover
• I need to break off with this old lover
• Sister finds it difficult to cope with her divorce
• He seems to like large-breasted women
• Could he be cheating?

Does your foreplay turn your wife off?

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2018.


Ike was feeling damned pleased with himself. As he parked the car, he whistled a cheerful tune,
gathered the 'treat' he'd brought for his family and trotted to his flat.

Amidst squeals of welcome from his kids, he dolled out his presents; meat pies and doughnuts for the kids, a peppered quarter chicken for his wife, Remi and of course, the same piece of chicken for himself too. Remi sighed. She knew what would follow.

She would be expected to fry chips to go along with the 'treats" so that she would spend less time on the family dinner. Her husband would then wash his chicken and chips down with a big bottle of stout and she would be expected to do the same with a small stout of her own.

The next stage would be the bedroom. Naturally, Ike would have had a shower and as soon as Remi got into bed he would pounce on her. "It is nice to feel wanted by your husband but sex should not be a routine", Remi sighed. "Ike would deftly put out the light, reach for my nipples and kneed them in turn and expect me to be instantly aroused. But it is always irritating. I hate my nipples to be twiddled and if my husband wants sex, I want to be flattered by being asked.

"On days when I'm not in the mood and I tell him so, he looks so wounded that I feel guilty. Unfortunately, I seldom initiate sex. When I do, it is the same hasty preamble before he goes into the real thing. After doing it the predictable way all these years, sex with my husband has become a necessary evil. I have to grimace and bear it".

Unfortunately, a lot of men believe that as long as you can make a go of love-making for say 10 to 15 minutes non-stop, you are a super stud. Recounting a recent experience where he met a married legal practitioner, at a seminar, Bernard, another lawyer who delivered a paper said: "Don't let me bore you with details. The chemistry when we met, was right and we both found ourselves in bed in her hotel room on her own turf so to speak. She was the most liberated woman I'd ever seen. I switched off the bed side light so that only the TV light was on and we made what I thought was beautiful love".

"You make love beautifully," she said and I glowed only for her to crash my ego by adding "for yourself. Now make love for me". I looked at her a bit puzzled. "You did not say a word about how beautiful you thought my body was or how tantalizing you found parts of my body. Do you read the Bible often? You've read the Songs of Solomon and the bit about `How beautiful are thy breasts, like twin doves?. If a man could be as romantic as that all those centuries back, then why are you making love mechanically? Is that how you make love to your wife?"

Without regular sex women risk mental disorder – Psychiatrist

By Lydia Ngwakwe, Saturday, November 17, 2018
News Agency of Nigeria (NAN)

Mental disorder in women who do not have regular sex - Kadiri

A psychiatrist, Dr Maymunah Kadiri. on Saturday. advised married women to have regular sex with
their spouses in order to prevent depression and gain happiness.

Depression is a common mental disorder that causes people to experience depressed mood, loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep or appetite, low energy, and poor concentration.

Kadiri, the Medical Director of Pinnacle Medical Services gave the advice in an interview with the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in Lagos.

Pinnacle is a health and wellness centre for psychological, behavioral, and mental health related issues.

According to her, sex is not just to nourish a woman's body, but it is also beneficial to her mental health.

"As women, there is need for us to make our spouses our best friends if we want to be mentally healthy.

"Studies have shown that women who have more active sex and in long term relationships were less likely to be depressed than women who went without sex.

"So, more sex is important and essential. It is a remedy to curing women from having persistent headache.

"Low sexual drive, which leads to depression, should be looked into. A woman can be depressed when that sexual drive that she used to have is no more there.

"Frequent active sex can play good roles toward women's sense of well being and quality of life,'' Kadiri said.

She explained that sex was not just for procreation and to have children, adding that it could create bonding, good companionship and sound sleep.

Kadiri, popularly called 'celebrity shrink', urged women dealing with depression to frequently indulge in sex, while boosting their self-esteem.

She also advised women who are over-weight to also involve in active sex, saying doing so will boost endorphins which are happy hormones.

"The happy hormones will make them lose some calories as well as sleep better.

"Orgasms trigger the release of endorphins which are happy hormones secreted by the brain that act as effective painkillers,'' she said.

She added that sex was not only beneficial to the men, but especially to women because it was capable of freeing them from stress.

~NAN

When another baby fails to come

By Dr. Abayomi Ajayi 
Phone: 01-4667360, 07026277855 
Email: info@nordicalagos.org
~Punch Nigeria. SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2018

 Dr. Abayomi Ajayi 

There is always a feeling of joy when years of struggle with pregnancy are followed by conception, pregnancy and birth of a baby with ease. A woman that has never conceived and has difficulty conceiving has primary infertility. However, there are several women that have trouble conceiving again after their first or subsequent pregnancy. This is known as secondary infertility. Many people think primary infertility is more common than secondary infertility.

Whether or not they are right is debatable. However, one thing that is certain is that primary and secondary infertility, though common, can be adequately diagnosed and treated.

Primary infertility is when a woman has never been pregnant and is having difficulty to conceive. Secondary infertility, on the other hand, is the inability of a woman that has had at least one pregnancy, but is unable to become pregnant or carry another baby to term after at least one year of trying. Both primary and secondary infertility share a number of similar causes.

Why am I unable to conceive this time round? This is one of the biggest questions in the minds of men and women that experience secondary infertility. People may wonder why these women are trying so hard and why they cannot just relax. This, again, is not easy to answer.

I have interacted with several women diagnosed with secondary infertility and one thing I can confirm is that secondary infertility is as big a problem as primary infertility. Secondary infertility can be unexpected and stressful as much as it can be confusing and shocking. It is logical to ask why a couple that had no trouble getting pregnant the first time is now struggling.

About one in 10 couples that already have a child experiences secondary infertility. Worse still, for one reason or the other, couples experiencing secondary infertility may be more likely to delay seeking help. They may also find that friends, family, and even doctors downplay their fertility struggles. But whether you're struggling for child number one, or number two, or a higher number, there is often anxiety and grief to confront at every point.

Corpers and life of sex, booze, drugs in NYSC camps

By Timileyin Akinkahunsi and Ojoi Ijagah
Punch Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2018.

For Dorcas Ifeji, the best time of her life was in 2016, the year she participated in the one-year mandatory National youth service programme. And all of the excitement was down to the three weeks she spent in the National Youth Service Corps orientation camp in Taraba State.

Ifeji described her experience in camp as the time of her life she would always relish. As a fresh graduate, she had thought that the regimented life in the camp, with soldiers keeping a watchful eye on corps members, would be stressful, but she was wrong. The experience was almost like nothing changed for the party-loving lady.

"We had a place called Club Zero behind the Mammy Market (usually a market in military barracks where food, beverages and other things are sold); it was like a clubhouse," she said with a sheepish smile.

"Club Zero was where everything unimaginable happened in the camp. It was just behind the Mammy Market. You could get to smoke weed, party and indulge in everything irregular; some adventurous people even made out in the open.

"What made Club Zero interesting was because the soldiers in the camp usually let their guards down there, looking for free beer from the guys and willing girls to flirt with. Some soldiers were lucky enough to find drunk and vulnerable girls who would follow them to their quarters for private business.

"It was normal to see corps members in pairs, kissing, groping and doing sexually suggestive things in Club Zero. The place was dimly lit so the atmosphere was conducive for certain actions. A day really stood out for me: people were shouting and I was wondering what could have happened. Then I realised that a guy and a lady had just been found having sex in a corner at Club Zero.

"The act should have attracted serious punishment but people actually hailed them and after the noise went down, all the soldiers present there said was 'una must buy us one crate of beer o' (you must buy us a crate of beer)."

Since the national youth service is compulsory for Nigerian graduates under the age of 30, those seeking employment are required to show proof of participation or formal exemption from taking part in it as a prerequisite for getting jobs in the country.

Good-time girl with a heart of gold!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2018.

Faith was having a private dinner at a push restaurant with her current sugar-daddy when she spotted her mum's best friend at the reception.  "It was too late for me to avoid her not noticing me", Faith said. "Aunty May as we all called her is my Mum\s very good friend and my `partner' is one of her friends' husband.  I'd actually met him at her place when they had a house-warming party. I could always tell a bored, rich old man from a distant and I made a bee-line for him.
"Mike, as he later introduced himself was a very successful businessman and he was flattered to be chatted up by me. I was a fresh graduate but looking for a salaried job was the furtherest thing on my mind. Even as an undergraduate, I'd built a very impressive client¨le of men who found my type of beauty alluring. I was tall, very light-skinned - not bleached with boobs to die for. And I was a good girl.  Largely because of the solid moral grounding I got from my Muslim father, who sadly passed away five years ago, and my hospital matron mother.

"It was my close friend, Angela at the university who introduced me to this life of leisure I love so much.  She got drunk one night and blurted out something as soon as she came through the door of the room we shared.  `Faith, promise me you won't tell a soul but I've got something to tell you. I've been dying to tell you for months now'.  `What is it?'  I quizzed her. `Have you got a new boyfriend?' `Humph, sort of", she giggled mischievously.  `I've actually got PLENTY of boyfriends and they pay me well for services rendered!' I was gob smacked. `Are you tell me you're a prostitute?'


"It turns out there is this lively house she visits from time to time. It is owned by a glamorous socialite who'd hosted a lot of men since her husband passed away decades ago", even whilst her husband was alive, she'd made little or no efforts to hide her escapades. As she and her `gang' grew older, they encouraged younger single girls to visit so the men would be spoilt for choice.  `I's easy', Angela told me.  `As long as you like sex, it's a breeze. You should give it a go' While the thought first repulsed me, I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Could I actually do it? What would Mum say'  In the end I did take the plunge and the money along with the contacts were so intoxicating I never looked back.

What has shame got to do with a raging libido?

Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, August 19, 2018

Why are today's young women so carried away with having fun and experimenting with sex that they scarcely give a thought to getting married?  Those that are lucky to walk down the aisle do it haphazardly. The slightest marital problems they have, their bags are packed, ready to look for greener pastures by eagerly joining their footloose and fancy free friends. So, once in a while, friends get together looking for ways to drag their unwilling daughters down the aisle – no matter how short-lived such relationship turn out to be.
So when Lillian's daughter, Jessica finally came home after her live in lover of three years jilted her to get married to a white woman, we were really sympathetic.  "According to this creep of a guy,Jessica stole him from one of her good friends", Lillian told us.  "He'd had a free ride with the friend, then latched on to Jessica before realising Nigerian girls are dogs. His safest bet was to get married to a starry-eyed British woman who saw him as a stud to die for!  When I saw how devastated Jessica was, I felt for her and was afraid she might do something foolish. So, I convinced her to relocate so she could find a suitor. The word is now our girls. Jessica is now 28 and must find a suitor, come hook or crook!".

You couldn't just have a man on tap, I told her, reminding her of all her match making capers that hit a brick wall. But a couple of months later, Juwon, one of my good friends came calling, grumbling about a nephew well in his 30s and still single.  "All the wife materials he's met, he'd used them for sex", she moaned.  "He's my sister's only child and she's very broody - she wants grandchildren".

A light suddenly went on in my head. Why not match-make this man with Jessica?  The more we discussed the prospect, the more excited Juwon was. When I later called Lillian, she said she knew Jessica's taste and would want to give Adams the once-over before she linked him up with her daughter. Fair enough.

"That Adams of yours is a real cad", Lillian said, months after. I was at hers, having a relaxed evening but her tone of voice made me sit up.  "I don't think Juwon told him what the set up was. When he came to the house, he was confident and cheeky - not the introverted man Juwon painted him to be. When we finally got to why he was really at my place, his face fell.  `I thought you fancied me, he protested.  `My auntie merely told me you needed a favour, I thought ...' `No, no, no' I told him.  `Nothing of that sort must even cross your mind.  I'll arrange for you to meet my daughter as soon as possible'.  And that was what I did.  He looked a bit older than I thought as we talked.

Take a second look at your husband while thinking of having an affair

By Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Saturday, July 21, 2018

"MOST times, lying with my husband watching him sleep on his back, beer belly rising and falling with each snore, he doesn't look appetizing in the least especially with his treble chin and bald head. I am starting to find him repulsive…." Melisa looked so forlorn as she told me about the state of her marriage that I had to laugh.

She wasn't amused. I reminded her they'd just been married 12 years and it was a bit early for her to start being resentful, especially when she has two adorable kids and a well heeled husband who gave her and the children virtually everything they wanted. "But what about meaningful sex? Seun was fit and energetic when we got married with a body to die for.

Now he's flabby and unattractive. His weight had more than doubled; the only thing that hasn't changed is his personality. He's still kind and loving with a good sense of humour. Trouble is, I just don't fancy him any more. I want rippling muscles-not rippling fat!"

I warned her to be extremely careful. After escaping the seven year-itch, maybe, 12 years is when her marriage should have started showing signs of being in a rut-she should strive for both of them to get out of it. "I don't know about Seun," she said simply, "but I'm trying my best to do just that. As a matter of fact, I've just met someone at work. He is a technician we briefly used. Though he is single, he knows he's nothing but a bit-on-the side. And he's so sexy.


Instead of the usual boxers, he wears clinging lycra cycling shorts which makes him look deeply sexy. It is easy to get a way to meet him as Seun works really late now he's been promoted to management level. Don't get me wrong, I love Seun, but sex with Ephraim is like an icing on a cake." I told her she was treading on dangerous grounds but she just laughed in my face.

Months later, she came running back to me, "It is Seun" she said, a bit frightened, "it is as if he suspects I'm having an affair. Last night, he came outright to ask why we never seem to make love any more. That 1 couldn't get away quickly enough whenever he touched me.

Men beware – Lack of sex can make your woman angry!

By Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 22, 2018.


IT is a well-known fact that sex has come to be an accepted stress reliever. Some mornings, Felicia
confesses she feels so lethargic she has to force herself out of bed. At work, the lethargy turns to irritability and she finds herself snapping at colleagues for no reason before returning home and picking silly arguments with Dan, her husband about dirty dishes and not helping enough with the children. Sound familiar?

While Felicia's mood swings may bear some resemblance to the symptoms of pre-menstrual tension or mild anxiety, they are completely unrelated to her hormones or mental state. Her crushingly low spirits are caused by something else altogether-when she last made love. Too long without sex, and she becomes miserable and fractions. "I feel so low, it's like I'm almost depressed," confesses Felicia, 33, an executive assistant. "On the weekend, I can't be bothered to look after the house or do any house work and I'm so short-tempered and feel angry at Dan for everything.

"At work too, my colleagues detect my change in mood and ask if I'm Ok, and I'll then say I'm feeling a bit low so they won't take it personally." Felicia, a mother of two children aged five and 16 months, said she made the connection between her mood swings and the state of her love life after her children were born. "Before we had children, we'd have sex whenever we wanted and would hardly go a day or two without," she recalls. "But parenthood drained our energy and we'd often be too exhausted.

As the gaps between our lovemaking becomes wider, I noticed the difference in my attitude to Dan. Even when we hadn't had sex for just a week, I'd start to feel like we were drifting apart and it made me frustrated and angry. I worried about everything and whether our relationship was in trouble. It was very frightening. I can see how couples could break up in these circumstances. A 'sex famine' as it's now popularly referred to, is something many exhausted parents can identify with, not to mention couples who've lapsed into a lazy over-familiarity in long relationships."

She did what she had to do to give her kids a better life!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 15, 2018.

WOULD you do anything to make your kids happy – however sordid you believe such things to be? A few years ago, Denike, a teaching assistant at a private primary school resigned and started a sort of petty trading. "We had the front two rooms in the house we moved to after Dele, my husband, was medically discharged from the armed forces and the little money he had ran out", she explained.
"I started with running a small canteen in front of the house but the landlord kicked against it because of the fire hazard it created. Then I started retail trading but the profits weren't much to look after us all – four children in total. I felt guilty every time I had to tell my children we couldn't afford little treats they'd taken for granted. Out of frustration, I confided in a former colleague at the school. She earned the same salary I did but had told me she also had a part-time job that paid fairly well. I wanted her to find out if there was a chance of my being employed.

"She didn't even bat an eyelid before explaining what she did. She worked at a private club that offered massages to members. It was right in the middle of town and was always busy. She could take me there if I was keen. Of course there was a catch. As well as massaging the clients, I would have to provide extras too. After giving it a thought, I said I would do anything but full sex. I would be okay with a bit of touching, but I couldn't go that far. It still didn't stop me from being nervous though. I remember my first time with a man – massaging his back, hardly knowing what to do as he tried to slip his hand up my skirt. He then pleasured himself on me. I felt dirty and violated.


"I was screaming inside. I just wanted to run from that room, go home and never came back. Then I remembered the toys my kids wanted that Christmas. I imagined their eyes lighting up as I handed them their presents on their wish list. When the man had finished, I cleaned up, took the cash from him as he left. I was a bit relieved it was ready cash. Pure profit so to speak. It was an encouraging start.

"Over the next few months, I saw more men. Some just wanted a massage and a fondle, others were after more. I still didn't feel comfortable enough to have sex with a stranger though. But the more I worked the more relaxed I was about the idea. My colleague assured me what 1 was earning were peanuts compared to what 1 would get if I went the whole way. And about three months after starting, I was finally ready to take the plunge. At least, I thought I was. That morning, I was a wreck. I couldn't eat much. Every time I thought about a stranger on top of me, I broke out in a cold sweat.

Where exactly are the wife materials?!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl by Emmanuel Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

HAVE you noticed it's taking men a long time to settle down these days and make an honest woman of one of the 'catches' they always have on the leash? When Joseph hit his 30s, I often counselled him on the advantages of settling down and having all his children whilst he was young. "What's the hurry," he always told me.
A suave gentleman with a good job and a nice to-die-for pad, he believed it wouldn't be an effort to meet a partner when he was good and ready to settle down. He recently hit 40, and a dad to an adorable son whose mother doesn't want to get married! "I couldn't really believe it when she told me", Joseph said, scandalised. "I was too old for her? Too old?

She was in her mid 20s, when we met and already had a child.

"When she became pregnant, I grudgingly decided to ask her to be my wife thinking she would be grateful to have a stepfather for her child. She was also for it at first, but after she had the child, she told me she didn't think I was financially buoyant enough to look after her and two children. That her furniture business was doing well and she would rather be on her own. I was free to visit my son any time I wished and contribute to his upbringing. I was speechless. Not even my mother could talk her round. She's put a big dent in my self-esteem, I tell you! I'm now 40 and don't think I'll ever have a genuine girlfriend to make my wife. I want to settle down and have children by one woman. As things are now, it seems I've mucked up and made a mess of my future. It's true I loved clubbing and each weekend, I'd take home a different girl and we'd have a great time.


"I was young and all I wanted was sex and more sex and I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing – that was until now. To my embarrassment, I've discovered, that no decent girl will come near me. Yes, I do get girls, but they've been around a bit, and I've slept with most of them. Just before the end of the year, I went to an office and met a lot of girls having a natter. It so happened that, out of the seven of them, I'd slept with five.

"They greeted me warmly but I was shaking in my shoes with embarrassment. I was sure that as soon as I left, they'd be having a good gossip at my expense! I don't want that kind of life again. I know its' my fault that I suddenly found myself out of the market. I mean, I never dreamt I would get involved with a single mother, not to think of such a person giving me the elbow!

Toxic effect of pornography on relationships

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

In my early teens, I vividly remember sneaking into our father's bedroom from time to time, my heart always in my throat for fear of being caught. I was drawn to a stack of Playboy magazines my dad had surreptitiously hidden amongst flies he always brought from the office," said Ephraim. He's now 28, has a fantastic job and a string of girlfriends-but is not thinking of marriage yet. He is now a member of millions of online pornographic junkies. "As I salivated over the 'full frontal' centrefold, with those glamorous models spread-eagled across pages with come-to-bed eyes and staples through their midriffs-I rushed to my room and masturbated.
"Only, as I grow older, my experience of porn has been very different from my dad's. I'm part of the new generation of men to grow up with internet pornography as part and parcel of everyday life. I've never had to pay for it nor faced the embarrassment of asking for it. When I get tired of one image, there's always another… and another… and another. All I need do is type the words: 'free porn' into an internet search engine and there'd be thousands of hits, with most sites containing hundreds of pornographic images.

"Internet porn was part of my life throughout my early 20s and now at 28; I'm increasingly aware that I have a problem. I'm not yet ready to admit I'm an addict, but there's no denying that internet porn has become a deeply ingrained daily habit. As it is now, I struggle to get through a day without at least one visit to one of my favourite sites.

I'm sure a lot of your readers will be mouthing a silent: 'Yuk' as they read this and I entirely understand their reaction. But what they need to know is that I'm certainly not alone-I'm convinced that virtually every man of my age with access to the internet will log on to internet porn sites on a reasonably regular basis. You see, men, by and large, like porn and enjoy using it-it is getting caught using it that they don't like.

"Today, soft-core porn barely exists. Internet porn is now almost entirely 'hard-core'- which involves female and male models graphically engaged in an extraordinary variety of real sex acts. For years, I thought my internet porn habit was having no effect on my relationships in real life. I was confident I could keep internet sex and real sex separate.

Sex toy: A handy helpmate

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 10, 2018.

Sex toys are still largely shrouded in certain social taboos in many cultures, especially in this part of the world. This however, does not come as a surprise since many people still find it difficult to discuss sex and sexuality issues even privately, not to think of expressing their sexuality, preferences and pleasures in the open. However, this has not stopped the growing market and demand for sex toys from fast gaining ground in Nigeria. This is because more people, especially the young are now more educated, thus enlightened and are more open minded and free to embrace their sexuality.
Simply put, sex toys are man-made instruments designed to enhance human sexual experiences. There are various arguments against the use of sex toys, many of them sexist, self centred, myopic and perhaps parochial. Of the most ridiculous, being that once a woman gets used to using a vibrator, she will have no need for the real thing.

I compare this with our God given legs and their natural ability of movement, taking us from one point to another and the manufacture of cars or various types of transportation also designed to take us from one place to another by man. Now, you have the option of walking to your destination, anytime, anywhere and under any circumstance or simply making things easy, comfortable and pleasurable by taking an appropriate and affordable mode of transportation to your destination. While the choice to either walk or go by transportation remains yours, opting for this instrument for movement does not render your legs useless but assisting your body to perform better and reach your desired destination faster. Nor does acquiring a mode of transportation mean that you will have no need for your legs again or that they will lose the ability to walk. A joke I once read on one of the social media platforms comes to mind.


The conversation was supposedly between a Jamaican Taxi driver and a Muslim male passenger. The man on boarding demanded that the music be turned off because he does not listen to it. He went on to explain that it was a religious injunction because in the time of the great prophet Muhammad (pboh) there was no music or radio. The taxi driver turned off the radio then parked the car a few meters after. He then opened the car door and asked the passenger to get down. Puzzled, he asked the driver what happened and why he was being ushered out of the car. The driver then replied him that, "in the time of the prophet, there were no taxis, so come out of my taxi and wait for a camel". The simple truth is that times have changed and are still changing. The goal is to get to your desired destination (sexual fulfilment/satisfaction), how you get there is your business, so long you are not hurting anyone.

While everything has its merits and demerits, the truth is that sex toys make our sexual efforts easier, faster, more pleasurable and colourful, no matter how uncreative an individual can be. There are several ways sex toys can enhance people's sexual lives as individuals and couples, just as there are many sex toys designed for various parts of the body. As a couple, using sex toys together or alone can help you attain a high level of communication, openness, trust and love for your partner.