Forgive, forget, move on

Forgive, forget, move on
Kemi Dayo-Ayetan

Ekaete is bitter. At 35, she has just been jilted by her fiancé of two years. ”I met him through a friend and we hit it off immediately,” Ekaete recollects. ”Eric was an answered prayer and I looked forward to the day I would be called his wife. He was caring, loving and very generous. Just 38, he was very eager to get married and had introduced me to his siblings.
”When he took me to his mother, she was very receptive and asked when I would pack in as their wife! He met my mother and she was relieved after many years of waiting to meet a man in my life. We had planned our wedding and I had already travelled abroad to shop when I got the bad news. His mother complained of my fat body and insisted on pregnancy before we got married. Didn‘t she see my fat body when I went to greet her and she approved of me? I promised to slim down. On the pregnancy stuff, I stopped taking contraceptives, but I never got pregnant.
”After six months of unsuccessful search, Eric called off the relationship. I almost went mad! What about those things I got for the wedding? What would my friends say? What happens to my mother? I was on admission for a week. My mother thought I was dying and cried. That was last year and I‘m getting over that shock. I heard Eric married a lady from his village, which was his mother‘s choice. I‘m bent on avenging this betrayal. My friends have told me to harass his wife on phone and tell her that I have a baby for Eric. That would upset her and probably strain their relationship. My prayer is for the marriage to break up so that I will get my Eric back. Even if I‘m not ready to avenge, which man will come to woo me? I‘m 35; I‘m fat and not too beautiful. I‘m not ready to forgive Eric. I must have him back.”
The same goes for Paul. Forgiveness is impossible and difficult for Frances, his ex lover. ”I can‘t forgive a lady who deceived me for five years” he says. According to him, he met Frances when she was an undergraduate. ”Then, she told me she was a virgin and advised against pre-marital sex. I was taken in by the fact that she claimed to be a virgin and I exercised patience with her. I was so disciplined that I didn‘t even kiss her for a moment. I was expecting to take her down the aisle after graduation. But one night, she came crying to me. I was worried and asked her what was wrong.
“When she started her story, I was flabbergasted. Frances was no longer a virgin! How did it happen? She said she had a boyfriend before meeting me and they had been sleeping together! Moreover, she had to tell me that lie when she saw my desire of marrying a virgin. And just when we had started plans for our wedding, she had to confess to me! I later called off the relationship. She begged, cried, and sent many of my friends to me. My mind was made up and I was ready to sacrifice my love for her. Since then, I‘ve not dated any woman, because I believe they are all the same. Women are liars, they are cheats and betrayers. I will never forgive Frances for this and even when I decide to get married, the lady must suffer what I went through.”
Let‘s get talking
There are so many reasons why a man or woman can hold on to bad experiences in any relationship, but do you have to ensnare your soul? Un-forgiveness robs you of your peace, your joy, and your soul becomes an iron gate. Even if you decide not to date that partner again, forgive them and cleanse your heart and soul. Holding on to grudges imprisons you. It dries you up and you don‘t forge ahead. Forgive, forget and move ahead. There is no need to tie yourself with another person‘s sins. Forgive! If you once loved that individual, why the sudden surge of hatred? Vengeance is God’s. Never vow to avenge because it is not in your power to do so.


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Linda Brakeall
Author of
Unlocking the Secrets of Successful Women in Business