How well do you cope with spite?

Written by Chioma Gabriel
I nearly committed blunder in my bid to hurt my girl - Timi, 29
I was doing a weekend post-graduate programme in one of the universities in Lagos. I work in a bank and have a girlfriend who also work in the same bank.
We always try as much as possible not to allow the relationship affect our job because this office romance thing can turn out either way.
I was always careful in chosing girl friends so that any girl I befriend could be my wife if need be. So, I always look for the wife material so that if the girl gets pregnant, we could get married.
My choice of Laide was centred on that. But with my weekend MBA programme, I was not paying enough attention to the relationship as I ought to.
And of course it affected us because other people used the opportunity of my being in school to sell lies to my girl. At the end of the day, Laide believed I was having something with somebody else at the university and every attempt to convince her there was no such thing didn’t seem to be succeeding.
And then, there was a guy in the bank who took it upon himself to be picking Laide every morning and dropping her at the close of work since they live in the same environment. I did not feel comfortable with that and I told my girl so but she hissed at me. This trend continued until I was almost convinced Laide and the guy had become an item. I always had this feeling that my colleagues were laughing at me because of that. I could not confront the guy because he was a senior staff and married. So, the only person I kept talking to was Laide who always had a funny look on her face whenever I voiced out my feeling.
Then, the worst happened when I was transferred to another branch of the bank.
That mearnt I was not seeing Laide during the week or at weekends because of the MBA programme I was pursuing. I had the opportunity to visit the former branch on a Wednesday and was shocked to see my girl glowing in the company of this assistant manager as they ate roasted plantain and groundnuts together. I thought she would jump up when I came in but she gave me a cool welcome; invited me to eat with them and didn’t even get up to greet me. You would think I was just an ordinary person who had nothing to do with her. I was furious and didn’t know how to tell her so there and then.
Fortunately for me that day, I had cause to work in the former branch till the end of the day and the rest of that week. I made frantic efforts to find out from my friends what was going on behind me but they laughed at my face. A newly employed secretary told me she had always seen Laide and the guy together and expressed dismay that she would go for a guy who belonged to another woman already.
On the few days that I worked in the former office, I tried all I could to talk to Laide but she was distant in a way that troubled me. I knew I wanted to do something terrible just to hurt her. I tried to start dating another lady who showed sympathy over my plight at the same bank but that one turned out to be the real trash. I didn’t realise I was trying to date a lady who had had affairs with three different managers at the bank. I was even shocked at Laide’s indifference to what I was doing and I hated the other guy more and more.
Then, came one Sunday morning. The whole thing was just so ridiculous and I couldn’t go to school. I decided to pay Laide a surprise visit in her parents house but learnt on getting to her house that she was spending the weekend in the guy’s house. I almost went mad. I drove to school straight from her house and had missed three courses. I decided to go back to her house later in the day to find out what she was up to really and nail the matter.
I was lucky but Laide was in the company of some girlfriends including a lady she later introduced to me as the wife of the guy I thought she was dating. I was made to understand that Mr. Williams was even a relation from her mother’s side and a pastor in her church. I felt so stupid, wondering why she did not bother to explain the relationship but I realised the hard way that she only used the guy to make me jealous because of her fear that I was dating somebody else.
Yes, I can interpret it to mean that Laide used her uncle to spite me and get me worried and also to establish my stand in our relationship। And I foolishly fell for it and nearly committed blunder by attempting to date the girl that worked in the same bank. I would have been the fourth man to have dated her and would have ridiculed myself if I had not taken it upon myself to carry out my investigations. I also realised that my colleagues who I thought were laughing at me behind my back were really laughing at how love-struck I had become over Laide but I thank God that today we have been able to work out our differences and are back together.

She smashes things; Eddie, 25
My girlfriend Patricia is always into smashing things whenever she suspects anything especially when it has to do with another girl.
With her by your side, all you need to do is to give her a 100% attention or you will be in trouble. We had cause to severe our relationship on many occasions but she always came back pleading guilty and begging for reconciliation.
On three different occasions, Patricia had fought and wounded the other ladies she met in my house. I didn’t know she was that kind of person until this particular day that a schoolmate of my younger sister came to visit her in the house. My parents were out and I was home alone when this girl came. I kept her company while she waited for my sister and Patricia visited during the period.
She didn’t stay long because of the visitor but later in the day, I was hearing a loud noise in the street and I went out to see what was going on. I was too ashamed on realising that Patricia had engaged my sister’s schoolmate in a street fight accusing her of attempting to snatch me from her under the guise of coming to visit my sister.
At another time, she smashed my phone because a lady, my cousin called my line and Patricia picked it instead. On hearing a female voice, she smashed the phone on the wall scattering it. I was so shocked after putting it together that it was my cousin’s call that made her to behave in such a nasty manner.
At that point, I decided to call it quits with her but she came begging, sending people to me and eventually I had no choice but to accept her back.
I was seeing off my friend Theo who visited me with his girlfriend and her sister on a Saturday evening. That was yet another time. We were standing by their car; you know, two guys and two females and Patricia sent somebody to come and confirm that I was the person standing there. I didn’t realise when a friend of hers greeted us that she was actually checking out on me until Patricia landed at the scene in a few minutes.
She knew my friend and his girlfriend and so, decided that the other girl was brought to me to ‘toast’। Patricia just pulled her by her blouse and tore it to shreds. Then she landed me a hot slap on the face and I saw stars. Everybody was in shock but the girl-friend of my friend would not just stand there and watch her sister assaulted. She reacted by tearing Patricia’s clothes too. I was so shocked because I didn’t know how Patricia picked a bottle and smashed it on a stone there, ignoring the fact that her breasts have spilled out of her bra as she pursued my friend’s girlfriend and her sister who ran for their lives.
This last experience took place August last year and I swore I would never have anything to do with her again but strangely, during the new year eve, she landed on our door-step with tears in her eyes swearing she would never do anything again to spite me or embarrass me but I don’t believe her because the Patricia I know would do it over and over again. She said she did it to protect our love but smashing things to spite me is madness, not love. All the same, I have forgiven her this last time and I hope she would never misbehave again as this is her last chance.