Does weight gain or loss affect him/her?

Written by Chioma Gabriel

MICHAEL Webb, a relationship expert describes weight gain as a cruel trick of nature. Suddenly, a once slim, elegant lady of your dream begins to add weight in all the wrong places. And the ostentatiously virile young man begins to double in the middle. You watch his muscles turn to fat and he helplessly builds a pot.

Both men and women tend to expand and sag over a period of time. Men’s bodies begin to sag as they approach middle-age and the women add weight with child-birth. What is unfortunate is that women tend to change more drastically than the men. They lose their shape with childbirth and it’s almost a miracle to see a woman who keeps maintaining her trim figure after childbirth.
But do the men care?

Yes they do. And the women too care that the once athletic body they used to admire in a man has become a saggy pot-belly. Pots don’t sit well on some men...and women too except if she is pregnant.
And does weight-gain affect the love of a man and a woman? Of course! You don’t even need to ask.

Weight-gain makes a man or a woman look older. You cannot even begin to argue that and most men would prefer slim women, (I did not say skinny) just as the women would prefer a handsome athletic well muscled body. A few percentage would appreciate the fatso and vice- versa. That is if you are looking for outward approval. But who isn’t?

But how a huge man or woman carries himself/herself matters. Some people waddle their fat and others walk smart with theirs. How do you cope with yours?

Men naturally get distracted even if they are married to the most beautiful women in the world. Most men who look for alternatives outside their relationships have beautiful women. And if a man with a beauty can go outside for a side-kick, what happens if she is on the weight side? Except where such a fat woman have a very strong hold on the man, she would practically constitute an abandoned property or a convenient partner. That means the man acknowledges her only when it is convenient for him.

But don’t get it wrong, a man who really loves a woman would not give a damn if she is a slim-fit Maggie or not. It is the inside that really counts in genuine relationships. Over-weight, we must know is a health problem. It is healthier to stay trim but not easy.

There are women and men who have problems keeping their weight off. Some have taken drastic measures all to no avail. I have seen women who practically starved themselves in order to lose weight and appear more attractive but nothing happened. There are men and women who would do anything to add weight and all their efforts would be futile. There are really thin people who would eat anything in their bid to add weight but would soon realise it is a waste of precious time. But that’s how lucky some women could have it.
People who are very familiar with Oprah Winfrey Show would agree that weight loss is not an easy task, yet, the Talk Show expert was able to reduce tremendously from what she used to be to what she is now. And of course, weight-loss has become one of the strongest points in her Show. Every time, she seems to ensure more women are introduced to the tricks of weight loss.
Lets see how weight-gain or loss has affected people’s relationships.
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My husband doesn’t want me to lose weight, yet, he admires slim women; Efe, 28.

Before I met my husband and married him, I was never at anytime described as a slim woman. I was the voluptuous type and he said he loved my skin and the flesh. I did not add extra weight after three kids. I maintained my fleshy build but I soon realised my husband was admiring slim women. Whenever he thought I was not looking, he would ogle at them and sometimes exchanged winks with his friends. We agreed to have three kids and thankfully, I had them without adding extra weight. I still weigh what I was weighing at 24 when I got married. My husband and I are still young and I’m not going to let him slip through my fingers after three kids.

Any way, I did not do much to cut down my weight but my husband complained. He said he preferred me fleshy but I’d been fleshy all these while and I wanted to be slim for now.

So, I stopped taking soft-drinks and all the junk-foods. I stopped sharing stout with him to his chagrin because it always gave him tremendous pleasure whenever I made out time to share a bottle of stout or brandy with him. But I stopped all those. I began to eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. I would walk to the next bus-stop instead of taking a bike or a bus. I was skipping meals and doing a lot of house-work. That aspect excited my house-help but she didn’t know I had reasons for it.

In less than three months that I changed my routine, my weight came down but my husband did not like it. He began to say things that would ridicule me but I did not let it weigh me down. He said he preferred me fleshy, that my slim looks would deceive young men into thinking I am still single. He complained that other men would start making passes at me but I should realise I’m his wife and a mother of three. True to his word, his friends began to compliment my new look. I am slim and young but I am not free. I feel better the way I am even though my husband frowns at my body-hugs and tight jeans. I feel healthier and lighter and I never forgot to tell the guys that I am happily married and has three kids. I wear my wedding ring very loud!

And now my joker! Despite my husband’s complaints that I look like a teenager, I have this feeling that he admires me more than before because he started taking me to parties and always laugh off his head when his new friends ask him where he found me, thinking I’m his girlfriend.
Marriage is sweeter and our sex life has improved. There is nothing those other girls have that I don’t and I can tell you it is good to be trim and sexy.
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She was skinny and attractive, then she ballooned up and became unattractive — Oscar 37

My wife Debbie was tall and skinny when we started dating. I realized also that all her sisters were like that. They took after their mother who had nine kids and still remained trim. There is this saying in our place that if you want to know how a girl will look like after having children, you should look at her mother. And that was what I did. Debbie’s mother was very okay inspite of her age. She looks tall and elegant despite nine grown-up kids and I was certain Debbie would look like her.

But I was wrong. We planned to have four kids because my mother had just the two of us , my kid sister and I. I grew up with my parents, missing the fun of a full- house which was what I would want. I visited my aunties and uncles as a young lad and always envied their full house-holds. But my mother had only my sister and I. Growing up was not too much fun. But what I did not get as a child, I got in the boarding house. I had a lot of friends both inside and outside the school. Even at my age, I am a ‘crowd’ person , always the one to party and I carefully chose my wife with that consideration in mind.

I wanted a wife and a hostess; a woman who would look elegant and presentable at all times even after our four kids. But it did not work out for me. Actually, I did not know at what point my wife began to add weight. I know she was still trim after the second child but I realized suddenly that she has added weight. She suddenly developed big breasts, big arms and a huge buttocks. Initially, she didn’t look so bad and I was telling her to do something about her weight gain before it got out of hand . She said she was not eating much. I told her to check the kind of food but she said she was not even eating enough.

Sooner, my friends began to point out her weight and ask her to watch it but to no avail. I overheard her telling her friends that she was taking too much fast food because one was located just opposite her office. She even told her friends that she has gotten so addicted that if she didn’t take a cup of ice-cream a day she would not feel comfortabale. I overheard her friends advising her that although she is tall, the fat is getting too much, that she should know her husband would not like her to be fat. My wife hissed when her friends said that and whispered to them that I was already complaining.

I did not say a word. But my worry deepened when my wife did not get pregnant the third time. Three years after the second child, pregnancy became difficult to achieve. I became afraid and began to cut down on my alcohol intake. I didn’t want to be told I’d developed low sperm-count. It got to a stage that I decided both of us should see a doctor and we did. Tests were conducted and nothing was said about low sperm-count. The doctor said nothing was wrong with my wife apart from the fact that fat has blocked parts of her system and she should reduced her weight.

At home, I asked her if she was dodging having babies and she said no. I told her to do something to come down or I would have the remaining kids we planned outside. I guessed the devil heard that because in 2006, two women got pregnant for me. One of them tried everything to abort but failed. The girl eventually gave me my first son because the two kids I had with my wife are girls. The second lady had another boy and the number of kids I want are complete. I did not marry any of the ladies because they know the fact that I am already married and my wife and I used to hang out with them. Debbie refused to be placated after I had other kids outside marriage.

She moved out of our matrimonial home December 2006 because of my infidelity. We didn't know she was two-month old pregnant which she had late July last year. It was another baby girl, our third. I have pleaded with her to come back to the house to no avail. I am not proud of my unfaithfulness but I don’t regret the kids I produced outside marriage. One of the ladies who had my son has moved on with life and gotten married but my wife would not forgive or come back to her matrimonial home. The last time I went to see her, she has doubled in size and when I asked, she said I pushed her to add more weight, because the emptiness she feels makes her want to eat all the time. She called it compulsive eating but that has made her very unattractive. But she is my wife and I want her back because I still love her.