What’s age got to do with it?

Written by Chioma Gabriel

Lifestyles vary. In Africa, the general belief is that the man in a relationship should be older than the woman. The idea is that he would be in a better position to control the woman. A man is meant to be a conqueror and a woman to be conquered. Where a man cannot control his wife, such a man is seen as a wimp. Women prefer men who take charge.

In their affairs, the woman wants the man to be her father, her husband, her brother, her confidante and her friend. Women in their search for a father figure fall for the older men who would pet them and spoil them or treat them like little girls. They want the man that will take care of all their needs. And perhaps, that brought about the concept of ‘aristos’ which make very young girls go for much older men.

The lust for young ladies has made older men consider their female mates as too old. And in reaction, the ladies are going for younger men who are strong too. The youth has something these older women find endearing and these days, it is not strange to find couples who look mismatched in the eyes of the society fall in love.

I think the time has come for a line to be drawn between child-abuse and relationships. Men do it and get away with it but should women? We hear of ‘sugar daddies’ and sugar mummies. Now, there are ‘sweet boys’ and ‘sweet girls’. Some think this is wrong. But others think otherwise.

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I’m married to an older man but I find myself dating a younger man: Blessing, 30
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I got married seven years ago and had a child with my husband. I came from one an influential family, and because my husband did not have a privileged background, my family decided to raise him to the level they want their son-in-law to be. With our family influence, my husband got a job at NITEL (Nigerian Telecommunications, Plc) and was sent back to school after our marriage. He was working and schooling at the same time. But he stopped being the man I married as he rose in his job and graduated from the university.

He began to show interest in anything in skirt. I can say he started that from his days in the university. By the time he graduated, our marriage was suffering. He did so much to embarrass me in the neighbourhood. He was having an affair with two teenage girls in the neighbourhood and in the church, a young lady was known to be very close to him. Although he denied it anytime I asked him what was going on, but the stories of his escapades were everywhere.

In 2005, he was transferred to Abuja where he lived as a single man. My husband is 45. My sources told me that with my husband, it’s a different young girl every week. My child and I keep looking forward to joining him in Abuja but uptil date, we are still in Lagos.

But last year, a younger man moved into the compound where we live and has been very helpful. He helps drive my child to school every morning and keeps an eye on us as if he is family. My son and I began to dot on him and naturally, we began to get closer by each passing day. I don’t seem to realise he is younger. He is strong in all ramification and gives me useful advice.

We are not into sex but I fear that if my husband does nothing to get my son and I out of Lagos, I might get much more closer to the guy. He has everything a woman requires in a man and he seems so matured, so wise and so well- behaved. We hang out a lot but there is nothing else to it.

He has never asked to be closer but I see it in his eyes and I think he respects the fact that I am still married even though he has never met my husband. He knows my story and feels for me but he thinks something else can still be done to save my marriage. I am ready for him but he is still taking his time. I do not care that he is younger. I am thirty and still young and he is twenty-seven and yet so responsible.