So, what do men want in women?

Written by Chioma Gabriel

There are no rules in relationships. When a man gets the right woman, all the several problems would not crop up in the first place because the man is dealing with his kind of woman. The ‘right woman’ varies from man to man.

A woman has to be total in all ramifications — Segun, 33, banker

All the problems people have in relationships is attributable to the fact that couples end up with the wrong partners. There are no rules in relationships. If a guy gets the right woman, none of these problems would crop up in the first place. I know because I grew up in a polygamous home. My mother is the third wife and she is from Edo State.

I did not like polygamy because of its inherent problems. I had all my education in Benin because I lived with my maternal grand-mother and spent only long vacations with my parents. Women in polygamous homes are full of despication for one another despite all the pretences they put up. My mother and the other wives of my father used to do everything together to the point of wearing same clothes all the time. But I saw all the hatred and jealousy they had in their eyes for one another.
I wanted to ask my father since child-hood why he was polygamous but I didn’t have the courage to do so until I became a man. But even in those days, my mother would always tell us inside her bedroom to beware of the children of the other women and their mothers. Yet, she would always pretend to like them. I also realised that the others told their children to beware because I overhead my half sister one day telling another child of her mother not to eat anything my mother gave him without first showing their mother.

It beats my imagination that my father did not anticipate all these before getting his harem together under one roof but I realised later that he did it for selfish reasons. He married each of his wives to serve a particular purpose. He told me for instance that my mother is versed in languages and could speak Hausa, Yoruba and Igbo fluently besides her local Edo Language. He also told me that my mother mixes up freely and easily and had no social inhibitions. And she is very beautiful. He told me that his first wife, Mama Gbenga was good in traditional values and ensured all the kids were brought up to respect these values. That explained the fact that I speak Yoruba very fluently besides Bini Language and Igbo which I learnt from a girlfriend. I’m learning Hausa Language and I’m improving.

When I came of age, I began to take a lot into consideration in my search for a wife. I wanted a woman who would be everything and I found her here in Port Harcourt where I live and work. My wife is from Cross River but she is a typical Nigerian who speaks Yoruba, Igbo and her native Language. She also speaks Hausa because by virtue of her father being a police man, she lived in many parts of the country and could speak a lot of local dialects of other tribes.

I found in her all that I need in a woman because I was just beating about the bush, going from one lady to another until I met her. We worked in the same bank until she got a job in an oil company. She is what you can call upwardly mobile and yet, she is very traditional. She cooks very well, can easily transform to a very local woman which she exhibits each time we travel to my village in Osun State. If she decides, she could speak Yoruba with the local accent like someone who has never been to school. She spoils me and treats me like a mother and switches to a mistress once inside the bedroom whereas, she plays my wife perfectly. She is a total woman and each time, it’s like I’m dealing with a separate woman.

She could transform her looks from ordinary girl, to a hightly sophisticated lady. She can go without make-up for a period and the next, she would transform into a high-chic that you would wonder if it was the same woman. And she is so natural because it is not something she sets out deliberately to do. She’s a woman of all seasons. If you take her to a party, she is a different woman, just like she is inside the bedroom and yet she looks so innocent in everything she does. I think she understands what I want and she blends naturally to suit my different needs. We have been married for three years and for a whole three years, I have never had anything to do with another woman. I have not even had enough of her and I wonder if I will ever have enough of her. And you won’t believe it, we have two kids now. She had the last child five months ago.

We don’t have any rules guiding us. I have never sat down and told her that I like this, I don’t like this. She does not pretend. Many times, she has told me she had to buy food outside or get someone to help her in the kitchen. And she goes to the market herself and cleans the house. The only thing we pay for is the dry-cleaner. My wife is different and with a woman like her, a man would have no hassles.
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Reactions...

Ukay Obot
I am so happy to read this from you. Though I am yet to be married but girls from Cross River are Good in all aspect. With my girl friend, I at times think I'm under a spell but she is so real that you cant get enough of her. I believe your story 100%.

Arogbowei
You're fortunate to have such an all rounder, all season woman. However what makes this transformations possible is because she believe in you. Please do not look outside. Women unfolds in a man's house to, either good or bad, oftentimes based on what they met.

Pastor S. Okhuevbie
I have gone through your article here but I observed that you omitted a weighter matter which is spiritual statue of women in home building. Most women are dedicated when their husband seem prosperous however what shall it profit a woman if she gain the whole world and loss her soul. Therefore men should attach treasure in the spirituality of their wife more than domestic know-how.

Chris Ibanga
Your opinion is very correct because, I have searched a lot and had many girls in an attempt to get the right one until I met my present wife who is everything to me and my kids especially now that I am not with them in Naija. Na God dey give person a virtuous wife.

George
What's this about having a woman who is an all-rounder, a multiple-faced personality. I think this is a tall order. Let's quit dreaming and face reality because there is no such woman! This story doesn't fool me one bit!

Toye
Thank God for you for having such a wife. The fact remains that upbringing matters in ones life, a properly brought up girl will certainly be an asset to her man. On the other hand, most of the men would have used there best would be wife as a ordinary 'girl friend' due to their plan to just satisfy their sexual curiosity. Many men will deliberately jilt there best partner and in return having marital problems.