Why ‘good’ women marry ‘bad’ men

Is it really true that good women marry bad men most of the time?
Written by Chioma Gabriel

Perhaps they do. It seems good women are naive and this naiveté make them to take things on their face value. The good book says that the heart of man is evil and desperately wicked and everyday, we see things that happen in the society that attest to this. A ‘good’ woman gets carried away by a smile that does not get to the eyes; simple statements that connote much more; good gestures that mean other things and they get easily ensnared into the trap of the ‘bad’ man. The good woman suffers so much pain in her relationships. She is patient, enduring and long suffering. She is optimistic about her relationships with the bad man she is married to and she gets bitten at the end of the day. So why do good women marry bad men? Femi Fasanya generated the topic Every man needs a nagging wife. Today, he tries to answer the above question and I hope he hits the nail on the head.

A woman in love is blind—Femi
Interesting, one should expect that as a male writer, I should write on why ‘good’ men get married to ‘bad’ women. However, I really sympathize with women who find themselves in the hands of wrong men. The emotional impact of a failed relationship, tells more on females than their male counterparts.

I heard a research done by an individual in one of the psychiatric hospital in the western part of Nigeria (not confirmed though), that 70% of the female inmates got there because of a wrong choice of relationship with the opposite sex. They either caught their husband with their sister in bed or with their best friend or with other women.

Women have also been known to attempt suicide because they got dumped by the men they gave their heart to. To get to my point, I will like to tell a story that I pieced together from different women I have counseled over the years and polished to suit what I am writing on. So it’s really not a story of any particular individual but a combination of many individuals…

Lara was a lady that you will readily love at first sight; brilliant, loving, caring, and respected in the community she lives in with her parents.
Right from her early years, she has always stretched out a helping hand to those who have needs. She spent time twice in a week to do community service by taking care of the aged in the home built for them. She took time to cook their lunch, do their laundry and listen to them talk to her about those issues that are pressing in their minds.
She finished with a good grade in the university; got a well paying job and all went well for her until she got married to Peter. Then everyone seems to notice that she has become a shadow of herself; she had lost that glow she always carried. Now she cries and lives in constant regret of getting married, to a husband whom she never believed will turn out to be a beast. Severally occasions, he had physically molested her.

To some single women, the story is a true life picture of the heartlessness of men since they may have gone through a terrible experience with men. To other singles (especially women), these question will pop into their minds; how could such a lovely lady like that have gotten married to such a beast? The answer to this question is the reason for this article. There is a need for women who are not married to be sensitive and to seek knowledge before giving their consent to a marriage proposal.
I have observed that one of the reasons for a wrong choice of a partner is that they allowed their emotion go hay wire; due to the emotional state of women, it’s easy for them to ignore warning signs in the relationship that they are in, all in the name of love. Like a sheep lead to the slaughter they keep on with a relationship that it’s obvious wasn’t going to lead to a successful marriage, all in the name of loving him. Years after marriage those who got into marriage because they were crazy about their partner soon come to their senses but with a lamentation of, had I known.

Another reason for the wrong choice of partner is due to being caught in the trap of the way Hollywood and Nollywood -defined love. In the romantic films you will find story lines of people who found love in less than two hours and end up with a married life that appears to be heaven on earth. When a character like the men they admire in the movie comes their way, they get attracted to the person. Some of these women also listen to love songs, which awaken their emotions that made them prone to being attracted to men who show some level of care to them.
The truth is that most of these films and songs only carry a false impression of the reality of relationship, especially that of marriage. Do a research into the lives of those that have sang love songs, written or acted love films, you will find that very few of them have successful marriages.

I have observed an increase quest amongst single women for the spectacular in choosing a partner; some women got married on the basis of the prediction of a diviner, an experience they had and live with regrets today. Women who are susceptible to this mistake mostly are those who are desperate to get married due to their age and others are those who think too highly of the person that came up with that line.

A woman’s choice of a marriage partner is entirely her decision and, moreover. A woman is free to choose anyone she likes. That, however, is as far as her freedom goes, for once she has chosen, she is bound by the responsibilities that go with her choice. When single women illogically choose their men, they often end up regretting that decision later in life.

Femi Fasanya
singlesaffair1@yahoo.com