Dealing with a nasty mother-in-law

Written by Bunmi Sofola (+234 8056180152)

EVERY time Ireti visited her mother-in-law, her teeth were always on edge. Ruth, her mother-in-law is now in her mid 70s, frail and ailing but as full of spite as when Ireti married her precious son 15 years ago.
“Ruth and I had always been at war,” confessed Ireti, “but Gboye, my husband was unaware of this.
He’d been the result of an affair with a wealthy industrialist who bought mother and son a house but kept the ‘embarrassment’ away from his family. “In spite of this shabby treatment from Gboye’s father, Ruth was always thrown his name, and how much money he lavished on them,” Ireti said. After the man died, when Gboye was in his teens, his mum had poured all her love into her only child. No wonder he worshiped her. Her frailness never concealed her razor-sharp tongue, especially when we’re alone together.

Gboye and I had gotten married when we met abroad, so I was already a mother of two when we finally came back home. The first time I met her, she was hostile as soon as her son left the room and instead of being intimidated by her hostility, my back was up!
Who did she think she was? I was in the kitchen when she’d whispered to Gboye that he should have married a more suitable wife - only she was loud enough for me to hear.
On our way home, I’d warned that if she were going to be unfriendly, I wouldn’t visit anymore. But Gboye pleaded I should be patient with her that she was just overprotective of him.“That was hogwash as far as I was concerned, and by the time I’d known her a couple of years, I’d realized how devious she was.
To everyone else, she was a sweet old thing who doted on her only son. To me she was vicious! My pounded yam was always lumpy. The house not clean enough and the children (now four) rowdy. I hated her as much as she hated me. Only, there was this silent agreement to pretend to get along for Gboye’s sake. That was why I swallowed my rage at her catty digs, plastered on a fake smile when she visited. It’s a relief to see both of you get on so well, ‘“Gboye had observed with pride on our way from one of our visits to her. I bit my tongue real heard to stop me from disagreeing with him.

Shortly after this, Gboye dropped his bombshell - Ruth couldn’t be trusted to live on her own. Her health was failing and he would love her to live with us.
What? On a permanent basis?
All I know was that we’d be at each other’s throats all the time if we lived under the same roof - that calculating dragon was bound to drive me round the bend!
The news caught me unawares that I burst into tears.
Gboye was alarmed. Didn’t I want his mum living with us? “I thought you liked her,” he said, confused.
“Of course I do,” I lied. “The thing is, I’ve been having my own health problems lately and what with work and the children, I sometimes feel everything’s just been getting on top of me.”
Gboye was alarmed. He wanted to know what was wrong and I’d had to invent a disease which symptoms a friend recently discussed with me.
He consoled me and seemed to have forgotten about wanting his mum to live with us. But I knew it would be a matter of weeks before this mother in-law would bring up the topic again.
Discreetly I visited Gboye’s uncle, who had always been nice to me and who was aware of the hostility between Ruth and I, and cried my heart out to him.
He told me to dry my tears. His house was virtually free now the children were grown, and Ruth would be more than welcome to live with him and his wife. They had a couple of servants and I promised to chip in with the expenses of Ruth’s keep but he waved off the offer. He then suggested I shouldn’t say anything to Gboye, he would make it look as if it was his idea.

It was a relieved Gboye who came home a couple of days later to tell me what a wonderful option his uncle just suggested to him.
Relief surged through me but I quickly hid it as we got ready to give Ruth the good news. ‘I’m glad she would be looked after by her younger brother’ Gboye enthused. She’ll be fine, and knowing her, she would adjust in no time,’ I’d won this battle! As we discussed the option of moving with Ruth, she glared pure hate at me - but I looked through her.
I wish I could stick out my tongue at her in triumph.

Fancy living with that kind of a woman for God knows how many years!“She’d since moved in with her uncle and Gboye visits more often than we do together. He’s obviously feeling guilty -his mum must have seen to that. I feel nothing but relief knowing if Ruth had moved in with us, I would be in despair - good riddance I say!”