Help! We quarrel always!!

By KEMI ASHEFON - Nigeria

EUGENIA still can't explain why she will always quarrel with Jack, her boyfriend of three years. "We are always at each other's throats and he has this caustic tongue," she says. "I will not deny the fact that I am not a patient person either. Why should I be patient with him anyway? He is not my husband and I don't even think that I can marry him. Last month, we went for a friend's wedding and I was busy helping with food and drinks. By the time I took a plate of food to Jack, where he sat, he was so furious. He said I was not bothered about him and could not take care of him at a party. Before I could apologise, he started abusing me in front of other guests. Though I tried to control myself, I never bothered going back to where he sat and I went home straight without telling him. My fear is this quarrel. If two persons are in love, I am sure they will not quarrel."

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By the time Mike returned from his trip to Makurdi, he knew he was facing another round of quarrel from Kike, his fiancée . "I forgot to buy the Kilichi (dried meat) she sent me. I was so busy that I forgot about it as I headed for Lagos," he says. "Kike came to pick me at the airport and guess her first question? 'Where is my Kilichi?' It was at that point that I remembered and I apologised. You would not believe all that she said - I never cared for her, I didn't buy things for her and I was selfish. I kept quiet in the car and by the time we got home, she was more aggressive.

"She went to the room, packed her things and went home. I was so tired that I could not just beg her to stay behind. We had always been like cat and mouse, but I am sure Kike loves me. Though I also love her dearly, I wonder why we were always quarrelling. Naturally, I hardly talked but with this girl I talk and get angry by the second. She drives me crazy with her ideals, ideology and her ingratitude. We quarrel over diet, clothes, friends, rent and business ideas. How can a girlfriend tell me to float a sachet water plant? Before she even finished, I retorted that she was a village woman. To all I said, she said nothing. It was some hours later that Kike replied me and said that she regretted ever knowing me. She said she wished she had agreed to date my friend (he was the first to ask her out). Even while at play, we could be laughing this second but the next, we had started abusing each other. I am just tired."

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This is the same for Kemi. Kemi says, "I was joking with Albert, my boyfriend, about his briefcase and a quarrel ensued. I thought he was joking, but when I saw the anger, I kept quiet. Albert will always get angry at every joke I shared. There was a day he was washing his car and I humorously said that he should wash mine too. You needed to have seen how he reacted - I called him a servant, I was rude and not even the last born in his family would ask him to wash a car. That irked me and I blew my top. I said all sorts of things and left his house. That was two weeks ago and that was the last I saw of him. He did not call, neither did I. I am tired of dealing with a man who behaves like a teenager. Anything wrong in sharing jokes with each other?"

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Ambrose recalls that he only has peace in his relationship with Tenny, his girlfriend of two years only when in bed with her. "We were always having an argument on one issue or the other," he says. According to the 34-year-old man, he loves Tenny but he is afraid of any commitment. "My mother said that a woman who you quarrel with as a girlfriend would not give you peace as a wife. In fact, Tenny did not like me talking about my mother," Ambrose adds. "If she was extremely happy about a million dollars, just mention my mother and would rake and end up with cents. She believed I was too attached to my mother and mentioned her too often. If we see each other five times in seven days, we would quarrel throughout. I have tried patience with her but I don't want her to talk about my mother anyhow and I would do anything not to have that happen again."