At 28, only one man has ever proposed to me, yet I cannot marry him.

Written by Bosede Obasa


No one ever told me or my siblings about any existing marital spell. Even our parents never saw any cause for alarm as far as their children's marital prospects were concerned. My mum got married to my Dad when she was 23 and her husband was 26. They have lived together for almost 30 years in what can be described as a blissful marriage, at least in the honest assessment of their three children-two beautiful ladies and a good looking young man.


My parents are blessed financially. They hail from Ogun State. But things appear not to be working for us as easily as it did for our parents, especially marriage. I am the second child of the family, fondly called Sisi by members of our household. My elder sister and I are very fond of each other, although she is three years older than me.
But she is indeed a likeable person and I always see myself through the mirror of her life. It was therefore instructive for me that she could not get married many years after graduating with a Second Class Upper grade in Geology. From nursery to university, we were always together, except that she usually graduated before me, since she was two years ahead educationally.
Two years after she left the university, I graduated with a First Class degree in Mathematics. I later travelled abroad for my master's. By the time I came back, I became very worried for myself and my elder sister. I was worried because I felt that something was amiss. We did not have any suitor, much less making choices. It was natural for our mum and dad to get directly involved. They frequently asked, 'how far?' and encouraged us to be strong.


We resorted to prayers, assured that we had all it took to be married. Fortunately, my sister got married at age 29, four years after she started working in an oil company. She had been transferred from Lagos, where our parents were based, to Port Harcourt, and that worked some miracles for her. It was there she eventually met the man she got married to.
Now, back to my humble self, the struggle to clinch a suitor continued. It happened that in the same year that my sister moved to her husband's house, I met a guy from the east by the name Chidi. He expressed interest in me but it was very difficult for me to say yes in spite of my desperation to settle down.
The first reason is that Chidi is not educated. He is a trader in foodstuff like rice, beans, and so on. However, what one could not deny about him was the fact that he had carved a niche for himself in the trade. At the last count, he was managing four stores with assistance from some people he employed to man them.
Even when I decided to consider his proposal because I had waited for too long for a suitor, the fact that he was not educated became the stumbling block when I told my parents about him. And I had anticipated that because our parents had always expressed the desire that we should settle down with people who were educated like us. I still don't have my parents' consent. This, however, turned out the least impediment to my decision to marry him, as I later found other stumbling blocks and they were too crucial to be ignored.



After I had thoroughly worked on myself, I stopped struggling with the challenge of marrying an uneducated man as a Master's degree holder, and started to accept and love him. I still had to face the hurdle of getting my parents to accept him too. Indeed, it is a running battle, but one that I can eventually win with a lot of persuasion; since what was key to my parents was my happiness. But I had a bigger challenge when I discovered that Chidi was seeing another lady. Our relationship was about two years old at that point. She happened to have been his girlfriend before I agreed to go out with him. Acting on a source's information, I had found them a few times in postures that made it appear as if they were still very much in love and that I was only being taken for a fool. Without further delay, I confronted Chidi with the facts available to me. He apologised heartily and explained that he had told the girl that he could not marry her, but that she was only forcing herself on him.


For one month, I made it seem as if I was no longer interested in him. I rarely spoke with him, but he kept pleading with me and tried earnestly to prove his innocence. I did not allow any member of my family to know about my discovery concerning the other lady. I knew that would greatly reduce, if not erase Chidi's chance, because my parents passionately hate polygamy or double dealing and they always told us about its demerits.


After much meditation and reflection on the short time we had shared, I decided to follow my mind. Of course, I always had it in mind that I was running late on my schedule for marriage. My mother's early marriage set the pace for my desire to get married early, especially when I had every other thing going for me-education, wealth, good home training and what have you. I embraced Chidi again and we continued with our relationship.
Actually, we were billed to get married in the last quarter of that year, and I thought it would be great to ask for my pastor's view about it, because he had played a supportive role in my struggle. I have a lot of respect for my pastor because there is nothing he says that does not come to pass. So, I hold him in high esteem.
On that fateful Sunday afternoon, just after the Sunday service, I walked up to my pastor in company with Chidi, whom I had invited to meet him. He greeted us cheerfully and asked some personal questions from Chidi. After 20 minutes, we were set to leave when my pastor told me he had a message for my ears only. So, he asked me to see him while Chidi stayed away. He told me plainly that Chidi was not the man for me. He said I had no future with him and advised me not to defy the caution as it could spell doom for my prospects in life.
I met Chidi at 28, but I am now 29. I had heaved a sigh of relief that I could settle down before getting to age 30. But my pastor's counsel is like a dagger in my soul. I am confused and confounded. If my parents hear this, it will be the end of the road for the relationship I have been nurturing. How do I tell Chidi? He would think this still has to do with the offence for which I said I had forgiven him. What exactly should I do now?