I fear Nelly might give into pressure and dump me

By Bosede Olusola-Obasa  - Nigeria

I'm hoping however that I do not turn out the eventual loser. I am in love with a man - Nelly. He also claims to love me. He has had three children from three relationships earlier as a youth.

At the moment, he is not married to any of the women who bore him the children. The three children are in the custody of their mothers, who live in separate countries from where he lives.

I met him living a bachelor's life and only got to know about his past from his narrations. He is getting very close to his 40th birthday and is seriously desiring to settle down. Nelly told me that he has no contractual commitment to any of the women, but he acknowledged the children as his own and will be willing to have them back home any day. For me, that is okay, especially because I later got to know that the first two women are now married to other men.

He told me a lot about his desire to settle down with me and has asked for my hand in marriage. We have been in a very mutual relationship for some years already but I do not live with him.

I am looking forward to our marriage sometime soon; so, I did not hesitate to let my parents know him. Good enough, they feel comfortable with his personality, especially because he hails from my father's home town. He speaks the dialect with such fluency that never stops to captivate my dad.

The only thing that is now giving me reasons to worry is that the woman, with the youngest of his three children, has been getting in touch with Nelly more frequently than ever. From time to time, all of his children speak with him on their mum's telephones as a way of maintaining a relationship between them. Again that is okay by me.

In recent times, however, I seem to be getting really uncomfortable with the conversations between Nelly and the woman I mentioned earlier. At times, when I come around to stay with him over the weekend, the conversations I listen to suggest that of people who are trying to re-establish a relationship. None of the three women knows me; neither do their children. But I have seen their photographs with Nelly. They appear very loveable people but my dear Nelly never minces words saying that none of the women can be his wife.

That notwithstanding, when it got to a point that I could not bear it any more, I decided to ask him some questions again and get some reassurances from him on my fate. I do not want to make a mess of my life, especially because my aged parents are already involved in this.

My concern now is: will Nelly be able to stay true to his commitments to me in spite of the pressures that may come from the other women? He appears to be sincere about his promise to me, but I feel that the other woman also thinks that she has a stake in his life as well. Am I not taking a risk with my life?

One point stands out: my parents will never agree to give my hand out in any marriage to be a second wife. Their position is also known to Nelly. How certain is my fate? Am I playing safe at all?