Sexual inexperience is killing my marriage

With Agatha Edo
 Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com , gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com
Tel: 08054500626

Frank writes Agatha:

Dear Agatha,

Kindly tell my wife and I what to do to improve our sex life. As a man, my organ is small and my performance cannot last more than five minutes. My wife, on the other hand, is near frigid. She doesn’t contribute a thing to our lovemaking. She leaves the entire job to me.

Our marriage is two years old. I am already thinking our marriage is a mistake. This isn’t what I envisaged when I got married.

Although we both got married as virgins, I believe that lovemaking should be more fun than it currently is between my wife and I.

Deep inside me I feel something is missing in our marriage. I am seriously itching to know what it is.

Please help me.

Frank.

Agatha's Counsel:

Dear Frank,

Doubtless, sex is fundamental in every marriage. No marriage is able to survive the rigours of two strangers living under the same roof without quality sex.

Your problem is not just about the size of your organ as a man but that of you two, knowing what to do with your bodies. More often than not, size is not as important as knowing the techniques that help a man satisfy his woman as well as his own desires. Size has always been a problem for men. It is either it is too small or too large. For most women, it is a matter of making do with what is available and not a matter of having the perfect fit.

The key to a happy relationship is for you and your wife to be happy with what God has given both of you. You must learn to be proud of what you have if you want her to be comfortable with it. The moment you begin to exhibit inferiority complex about what size you were given, it won’t be you itching to go out for excitement; she would be the one complaining of lack of satisfaction and a thirst to experiment outside. This is why you should learn to manage your situation as a man.

Since she has no record of previous performance to compare with yours, you just have to stop complaining and look for positive ways of ensuring you and her enjoy the liberty of your age and status as a married couple.

As a man, it is your duty to teach your woman how to please you and not the other way round especially as you are her first and only lover. If she is dormant, it is because you haven’t given a reason to be active. It is also a reflection of your knowledge of the game as well as your inability to bring out the woman in her.

More often than not, when a man complains about the failure of his woman to satisfy him in bed, he is unwittingly complaining of his inability to carry his woman along. To make a woman happy in the bedroom, the man must have an understanding of what the woman wants. He must also have a liberal mind, one that would help him give the woman the kind of support to freely express herself.

Frankly, your size isn’t the issue here. Before the advent of plastic surgeries, a lot of men have had to cope with whatever size their packages come in. What you need is a fair knowledge of what lovemaking is all about. You must understand the simple fact that a complete package has different components that help a couple achieve premium satisfaction and each of these are added value to the real thing. The fingers are very explosive tool that can do up to 90 percent of the work before the real thing happens. Just like the fingers, the tongue too does a great job in the rating of the overall performance.

The things here are the willingness of the couple to let go of foundational beliefs as well as the spirit of adventure to explore each other’s bodies.

To help increase your time and by implication your performance, rely more on the use of your fingers and tongue. By the time you are ready for the real thing, your woman would be ready to peak which means both of you would be reaching that point at about the same time.

Because she has been properly stimulated, she won’t even notice if you are pint-sized or not. All that would matter to her at that point is for you to complete the little job left that your hands and tongue have almost finished.

Quality lovemaking requires time, devotion as well as a spirit of adventure. If you and your wife refuse to leave whatever beliefs you came with into your marriage behind, both of you will continue to suffer deprivation in the area that matters most in marriage.

Even if you go outside your marriage, at the end of the day, it still won’t resolve the issue of lovemaking between you and your wife until you overhaul your attitude entirely. It must be done with sincerity as well as the fear of God. To do otherwise is to break up your marriage.

To help get you and your wife out of this situation, you both have to sit down to discuss the value of your intimacy in your union. In discussing this, both of you must come to the meeting with the clear understanding that it is not dirty and forbidden for married couples to enjoy sex. You must understand that it is the right of a married couple to introduce dimension that would help them appreciate the essence of this special gift from God.

Importantly, as human beings, we are given the liberty by the power of our imagination to interpret it to suit our moods and demands.

Once you both are able to appreciate that there is nothing sinful for a married couple to enjoy their intimacy, it becomes easier for other dimensions of the game to be introduced and discussed. It also helps in drawing out the importance of sex to a married couple. With this comes a realisation that sex can be used as an effective communication tool between a couple as well as a good barometer to gauge when extraneous matters creep into it.

Sit her down to discuss her fears, disappointments, pains, wishes and expectations. Every woman has a secret wish. Despite marrying as a virgin, she must have nursed an idea of how she would want her sex life with her man structured.

This is something you should find out. It would help you find out what appeals to her as well as what you should do to draw her out of her shell. Once she is able to come out of her shell, your efforts would be made easier. The reason for the discussion is to build a new life together, to share each other’s dream as well as agree on what is achievable in all the options available.

There is also the need for you both to help your knowledge by watching adult films and reading up literature that would help both of you get your rhythm right.

Always have it at the back of your mind that there is no better woman out there than your wife and that you can help her be an expert like any mistress.

Good luck.