Colours of a difficult man.

By Kemi Ashefon - Nigeria

Ben is the best man any woman could have. However, that is to any onlooker but not to his wife, Kate. "He could give out his heart to outsiders at no cost at all," she said. "He could go the extra mile in assisting others, but not at home. We got married seven years ago and now have three children. I have to beg him over and again to help me pick the children from school since he closes five hours before I do. He has one excuse or the other and these children are always at the mercy of our neighbours.

"Last weekend, I was almost in tears having to clean the house, make soups and stews for keeps and taking care of a child suffering from malaria. When I asked him to take me to the market, he said he was going to see his late friend's widow! This widow enjoys my husband's company more than I do - she gets a monthly allowance from him and he is always visiting her. Though her husband was very nice and was Ben's best friend, I am sure he would not have gone the extra mile for me if I were in his wife's shoes!

"My husband finds it so difficult to give me N2,000 to buy shoes but would take that widow and her kids for shopping. I have made investigations and realised that they are not lovers. That is just Ben for you - an angel to outsiders but the opposite at home."

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Beatrice's spouse could be in high spirits this moment but the next, he might be as cold as ice. "He would keep quiet throughout the day and whenever I ask what is happening, he would say 'nothing.' What kind of man would stop talking to his wife for no reason? Aside from that, whenever he wants to talk, he would pick his phone and talk to his friends for hours! Initially, I thought he was angry at something I did, but I soon realised that he behaves that way even when I do everything that should make him happy! I cannot remember the last time he ate with the family on the dining table - he prefers his room and stays glued to his sports channel. But in his moment of 'joy,' he could do anything to make me happy and those are the times I get the best from him.

"It is still a miracle that we have two kids and I have stopped asking him to sleep with me again. Meanwhile, his mother would tell you that he took after his father who was very quiet and never told her he had three children outside their 45-year-old marriage before he passed on! I have tried to make him drop this funny 'inheritance' but he would not! I think his mother's way of idolising him is the problem and it is time I told her to stop visiting," she said.

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Not every woman would stick a man like Joe. "He nags like a woman," Yvonne, his wife disclosed. According to her, he complains about everything she does. "You would not believe that he complains about the way I lie on bed! To him, a woman should sleep straight and not curl up like an embryo! Just last week, I served him food in a new set of plates I bought from Dubai and he complained that I made him feel pauperised. He complains about the kids' clothes if he didn't buy them; he complains about the colour of my pants; he complains about the clothes I wear (my cleavage must be covered); he complains about love-making, and the only time he is happy is when he is with the bottle. Moreover, I have observed that he wants to make me feel inferior and sad. But for my children, I would have divorced him."