__________________________
A Child's Prayer
Sent by Mohamed Koroma - Sierra Leone
One night, a father passed by his son's room
and heard his son praying:
"God
bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father
didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying.
The next
morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack.
The father
reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next
night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta,
Grandma."
The father
was worried, but decided to wait until morning.
Sure enough,
the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really
scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night.
And sure
enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the
father was crapping his pants.
He stayed up
all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health
was fine.
When he
finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch.
She said,
"Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found the
milkman dead on our porch this morning
-------------------------------
Interview DialogSent by Frederick Ifeanyi Obiajulum Adigwe - Nigeria
*Officer: What Is Your Name?
*Candidate: M. P., Sir
*Officer: Tell Me Properly.
*Candidate: Modape Pakurumo Sir
*Officer: Your Father’s Name?
*Candidate: M. P., Sir
*Officer: What Does That Mean?
*Candidate: Moshood Pakurumo,
Sir
*Officer: Your Native Place
*Candidate: M. P., Sir
*Officer: Is It Makurdi Purum?
*Candidate: No, Minna Port, Sir
*Officer: What Is Your
Qualification?
*Candidate: M. P., Sir
*Officer: (angrily) What Is It?
*Candidate: Metric Pass
*Officer:so why do you need a job?
*Officer:so why do you need a job?
*Candidate:M. P., Sir
*Officer:meaning?
*Candidate: Money Problem, Sir
*Officer:whats your
personality?
*Candidate:M. P., Sir
*Officer:would you explain
yourself and stop wasting my time?
*Candidate: Monacrotic
Personality
*Officer:i see. I will get back
to you
*Candidate:so sir, how's my MP?
*Officer:and whats that again?
*Candidate:my performance
*Officer: MP!!!
*Candidate:meaning?
*Officer:MP - Mental Problem
----------------------------------------
HOW TO START A FIGHT
By Jude Okeke - Nigeria
By Jude Okeke - Nigeria
A man & his wife
were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
while they were in
bed.
He turned to her and
said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered..
He then said,
'Is that your final
answer?'
She didn't even look
at him this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So he said,
"Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the
fight started.
-----------------------------
100 Points to Heaven
By Frederick Ifeanyi Obiajulum Adigwe - Nigeria
100 Points to Heaven
By Frederick Ifeanyi Obiajulum Adigwe - Nigeria
A man dies and goes to heaven. As usual, St. Peter
meets him at the pearly gates.
St. Peter says, “Here’s how it works. You need 100
points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you’ve done, and
I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it
was. When you reach 100 points, you get in.”
“Okay” the man says, “I attended church every Sunday”
“That’s good, says St. Peter, “that’s worth two points”“Two
points?” he says. “Well, I gave 10% of all my earnings to the church”
“Well, let’s see,” answers St. Peter, “that’s worth
another 2 points. Did you do anything else?”
“Two points? Golly. How about this: I started a soup
kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans.”
“Fantastic, that’s certainly worth a point, ” St. Peter
says.
“Hmmm…,” the man says, “I was married to the same woman
for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart.”
“That’s wonderful,” says St. Peter, “that’s worth three
points!”
“THREE POINTS!!” the man cries, “At this rate the only
way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!”
“Come on in!”
-----------------------------------------------
joku
By Jude Okeke - Nigeria
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joku
By Jude Okeke - Nigeria
A man is driving down the road and breaks down
near a
monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on
the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I
could stay the night?”
The monks graciously accept him, feed him
dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he
hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks
what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you.
You’re not a monk.”
The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying
to know. If the only way I can find out that sound is to
become a monk, how do I become a monk?”
The monks reply, “You must travel the earth
and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact
number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you
will become a monk. ”The man sets about his task. Some forty-five
years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the
monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what
you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of
grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the
earth.”
The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now
a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head
monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The
monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the
wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands
the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key,
and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
So it went until the man had gone through
doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst. Finally, the monks
say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is
relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind
that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange
sound.
But me, jude okeke, no go tell una, because
una no be monk.
-------------------------------
I was just Joking!
By Frederick Ifeanyi Obiajulum Adigwe - Nigeria
Phone rings!!
GIRL: HelloBOY: My love how are u doing?
GIRL: I am fine
BOY: Will you be less busy over the weekend to come to my house?
GIRL: I am sorry I can't make it, because I will be attending my aunty's wedding and the next day is the thanks-giving in the church, 'am so occupied
BOY: I wanted to take you for shopping to buy for you, as promised, the BB(Blackberry), porsche and brazilian hair extension you've been asking for!
GIRL: I will be coming and I may even spend the weekend if you want my love.
BOY: What of the wedding?
GIRL: Which wedding, I was just joking
Boy: Even me, I was just joking ,too!
-------------------------------------“One for me, one for u”
Sent by Frederick Ifeanyi Obiajulum Adigwe - Nigeria
Two little boys stole a bag of orange from their neighbour & decided to go to a calm place to share the loot, one of them suggested the nearby cemetery .
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, 2 oranges fell out of the bag behind the gate but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minuets latter a Drunkard on his way from a local bar passed near the cemetery gate and heard a voice:
“One for me, one for u". “One for me, one for u”!
He immediately sobers up and ran as fast as he could to the local priest.
He immediately sobers up and ran as fast as he could to the local priest.
"Father please come with me, come and witness 'God & Satan' sharing corpses at the cemetery.” They both ran back to the cemetery gate and the voice continued:
"One for me, one for u", "one for me, one for u"!
Suddenly the voice stopped counting and said:
“What about the two at the gate?"
Come and see marathon... the Priest and the Drunkard ran that even the priest almost passed the church gate, shouting
“we are not dead yet”!
Moral:
Everybody wants to make Heaven but No one wants to die.
-----------------------------------------------------
APR
By Igbanda Nanka - Nigeria
APR
By Igbanda Nanka - Nigeria
a nurse smiled & said; Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC Pad Remover. When the machine couldn't find a pad on you, it went for your balls. Your balls are in this jar LWKMD
Find all the jokes here: Afrisonet Jokes and Humour
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