A paucity of good men

By Tola - Nigeria

I knew this day would come. I knew that it was just a matter of time before our negligence came back to bite our collective asses. There was a time when the lament was that there were no good women out there for our sons to marry... the story today is rather different.

The evolution of the girl child in these parts over the last several decades has been an interesting one. She's come full circle. She's moved from being the afterthought, being ignored and a 3rdclass citizen in her father's house to a 1stclass citizen. How, would you say?

There was a time when a daughter was merely considered an extra pair of hands in the house. Someone to help ease the burden of house chores till someone who could afford the bride price came along or in bigger family dynasties she is bartered off to strengthen inter-family bonds.

Her education was not of paramount importance. As long as she could cook, clean, and was schooled in the art of keeping a home (and a man) mission accomplished. While this is going on our boys are raised as emperors of all they survey (whether or not they've earned it) and thoroughly schooled to understand that women are their chattel and therefore treat them as such.

While the above scenario is still actively in play in some far flung areas I am happy to say that things have improved considerably.

I am not sure what exactly is responsible for the turn around... maybe people were having more daughters than sons so it became imperative to educate them regardless of gender or be saddled with illiterate children period.

Or, maybe, it's when the boys grew up to be indolent, lazy, money grabbing selfish louts who were simply squandering the family fortune that parents began to see the wisdom of educating their daughters.

Anyway, the girl child became the recipient of world class education comparative to that of her male siblings and in a lot of cases far above and beyond. Great; right? The problem though is that while we changed our thinking and approach to raising our daughters; the way we raise our sons have remained pretty much the same.

So what do we have on our hands? On the one hand a generation of beautiful, highly educated, successful, goal driven,entrepreneurial and independent women. Schooled very early in the art of making and managing their own money. And on the other, a generation of boys who are still mostly indolent, lazy and presume that they emperor of all they survey simply because their mama told them so! No, I am not saying that there are no good God-fearing eligible bachelors out there... I'm just saying that they are few and far between.

Come time to marry now, trouble. The boys are busy looking out for malleable woman who would take their bullshit just like their mothers' took their fathers'. Thing is, that kind of woman is fast becoming extinct. Today's young woman is sharp, aggressive, and knows what she wants; and if what she's looking at isn't it - she's gone. Then we turn around and begin to call her all kinds of names forgetting that we are the ones who raised her to be independent, able to recognise and settle for nothing less than the best.

It's not so much that our girls are over exposed or over educated... I think it's that we don't spend enough time with our boys. Isn't it hilarious? We encourage our sons to go out there and 'sow their wild oats'. Then you complain when he can't find a virgin as a wife duh? Where do you think all those oats were being planted?

No, we have to spend more time with our boys, teaching them life skills, teaching them how to be husbands and fathers. And since women are at the receiving end it will be mainly up to us to get the job done. After all who's better to teach a man how to treat a woman than a woman herself?