The clitoris and better sex

Funmi Akingbade

Written by Funmi Akingbade

There are some couples who always seem to have an almost perfect sexual relationship. But then, there are some others who have a really hard time staying contented in their relationship because the sexual side is dead.

One of the principal secrets a couple needs to know is the recipe for perfect romance and sex. And it needs just two ingredients- unconditional love and wild sexual passion. When it comes to wild passion, couples are advised by sex therapists not to ignore the clitoris. The clitoris when well-handled, gives both husband and wife the best of sexual pleasure.

The clitoris, often described as a small penis, is actually the female version of the penis although much smaller than the penis. It has exactly the same number of nerve endings like the penis. The clitoris is actually big. It is behind the labia and surrounds the vagina. The visible parts of a clitoris are the hood; the frenulum, where the skin of the inner lips meets at the glans; the clitoral opening to the vagina; the hymen; the fourchette; the perineum; and the urethra. The woman’s vulva which is a fatty layer of skin, mostly covered by pubic hair, surrounds and protects the clitoris.

The clitoris is the key for sexual pleasure for most women and unless it is touched, stroked and licked directly, most females would not be able to have an orgasm. Just as a husband gets most but not all of his sexual pleasure from his penis, the wife gets most but not all of her sexual pleasures from her clitoris.

The clitoris is harder to find than the penis because it is hidden under a hood and it is also a delicate organ and must be handled as such.

The clitoris swells slightly during arousal, and then retracts under the clitoral hood as arousal continues and it becomes hypersensitive. This means when a female is feeling sexy, her clitoris is filled with blood and swells up. The outside part doubles in size (like the size of a large pea) and feels hard. It is packed with nerve endings (it has around 8000 nerve endings, this is twice as many as the end of the penis) and is very sensitive. This is why most married couples like to touch it lightly at first during foreplay.

Many husbands sometimes misinterpret the “disappearing clitoris” as a sign of diminishing arousal in their wives. In fact, it is the exact opposite. The shaft of the clitoris runs up under the hood for cover and protection when extremely aroused. This hood covers the clitoris, protecting it from excessive stimulation. Some husbands sometimes think they need to retract the hood to get to the clitoris when manually or orally stimulating their wives. But this is unnecessary; at best, it can only result in overstimulation that borders on pain. Dried secretions known as smegma can collect under the hood, causing pain during sex.  A man knows that a wrong touch on his penis will not only fail to give him pleasure but may cause intense pain. However, many men fail to realise that a rough touch on the clitoris can also cause pain to the woman. The reason most men make inadequate lovers is that they do not know where the clitoris is. They don’t even understand the importance of this organ and how to stimulate it.

Now for better sex, couples must know how to handle the clitoris and its environs. It is important the clitoris is gently stimulated by gently squeezing it at the initial stage of sexual contact. When the husband gently squeezes these folds of skin between his fingers, he’ll immediately feel the pressure it puts on his wife’s clitoris in her facial expression.

Remember that different people have different preferences, so make sure to play around with this technique and experiment with squeezing different areas until you find what she prefers. Feather light touch is another clitoral stimulation. It is really easy and the opposite of the previous one. With ‘squeeze style,’ you may be using some form of pressure but ‘feather light’ is completely the opposite of this. When using ‘feather light’, you will be using an absolute minimum pressure on her clitoris, almost to the point where it feels more like soft vibrations.

To start, make your wife lie down on her back and rub a small quantity of lube or saliva on her clitoris. Next, you are going to bring your finger to the side of her clitoris so that it’s just about touching it. It should feel as if a feather is touching the side of it. You shouldn’t have your finger covering her entire clitoris. Instead it should just be touching the side of it.

All you need to do is simply move your finger up and down, while keeping in contact with the side of her clitoris. You will only be moving your finger a few millimetres up and down. So you will hardly be moving it at all. In fact, it will feel more like gentle vibrations. While doing this, you will notice the tension building up in her as she may start desiring more pressure. When you continue with this you would have developed a very good hard on and before you know it, both of you are experiencing a good climaxing sex.