Making love or having sex

Written by Funmi Akingbade

Making love or having sex, are they the same thing? How do I differentiate love making from just having sex? This nature of questions comes up frequently from spouses and proffering answers to them may sometimes get confusing.

Basically, making love is when two lovers are deeply in love with each other and indulge in all form of passionate sex, while having sex may just be about experiencing erotic pleasure down there. But oddly enough, both are very necessary in any marital relationship.

Almost always, ladies say they like making love simply because it involves lots of touching, long sensual foreplay and the like; while many men can't help but say they like having sex. However, gender generalisation may really not be true because many men prefer love making to having sex.

Although, making love and having sex may sound similar, there's a big emotional difference. While making love involves the feeling of love, the spouse connection, love doesn't really have to enter the equation when it comes to having sex. When couples have been in a relationship with each other for few months or years and they are deeply attracted to each other, such partners are probably making sweet love every time both of them get into bed. Making love is far more relaxed and slow paced than just having sex. It brings with it all the hot pleasure of sex and each time these two emotions come together, the pleasure would definitely be more intensified. And the best part about making love is that there is more room for communication, deep sharing and prolonged foreplay. Both partners would not only be comfortable with each other, they will be aware of each other's moves and deepest desires, that naturally may not surface when having sex. In one word, sex is just a perfect fusion.

But when it comes to having sex, sex is usually triggered off more from object of attraction, boiling arousal, sexual famishment, long abstinence, and prolonged denial. Foreplay is usually skipped; this type of sex is usually fast and furiously done in the car, under the shower, on a road trip, in a private office, at a friend's place... anywhere secure and at least semi-comfortable! In this type of sex, you just want to have sex to quench your arousal-hunger and endless torture and you wouldn't care about awkward positions or cramps and sprains until the deed is done. While having sex is more of a pure carnal satisfaction, yet both make sexual intimacy in marriage spicy.

Sometimes, just having sex with your husband or wife can be more fun than making love. At the start of a marital relationship, it's the sexual attraction that makes making love feel so sexy. But when couples make love all the time and avoid having fast, quickie and furious sex, the hot rush of passion may start to drop because neither of the partners is focusing on sexual attractiveness and triggers.

It is not uncommon that both may be deeply in love with each other yet sexually unsatisfied due to lack of sexual attraction. Sometimes, this may even lead to loss of libido, lack of sexual desire, weak erection and some orgasms challenges.

You can still experience the best love making in sex and even stay loyal to each other while both of you exchange hot quick ideas and sexual thoughts while having sex.

Time of love making helps sexual romance to bloom; it gives room to communion well and also helps activate the mind while creating fantasies and imagination together. Spouses can even create new and exciting sexual memories.

Time of lovemaking is time of pure openness; it allows you to say what you are thinking and also makes you to talk like you're having an affair. The sexiest way to talk freely with your partner is when you are most relaxed; it helps you to fantasise about passionate moments. In any successful relationship, couples need a perfect blending and balance of making love and having sex. So therefore, when a spouse feels like his or her partner is not emotionally connected in bed, that is not the moment to fret. At times, just having sex can be a good thing too, just as long as you look for ways to bring lovemaking back into the bedroom now and then. So, balance the equation; make love and have sex. The combination can be super.