Get acquainted with some sexual dialect

Written by Funmi Akingbade - Nigeria

Funmi Akingbade - Punch, Nigeria

Sexual dialects, codes, terms and acronyms are sets of linguistic phrases used to refer to sexual activities, practices and sex organs; they are mostly slangs and formal and informal medical words. Understanding and application of some of these words will be to couples' sexual advantages, and they can be applied subtly. The fact that many of these words are used as medical terms makes it become a form of education for couples who get familiar with them.

Let's look at a few of such words. The areola is the dark ring of skin surrounding the nipple. The mons veneris is a mound of flesh located above the vagina. Vulva is a collective term that refers to a woman's external genitalia. The labia is the external folds of flesh of the vulva. The labia majora is the thicker, outside labia layer of the vagina, while the labia minora is the inner labia. The hymen is the tissue that partly or completely covers the vaginal opening. The foreskin skin is a covering that protects the head of the penis of an uncircumcised man.

The clitoris is the most sensitive external female sex organ, otherwise called the penis of the female because it is full of nerves.

Circumcision is the surgical procedure of removing the foreskin of the penis. Female genital mutilation of the clitoris is the surgical removal of the clitoris or part of it. A blue ball is the inflammation of the epididymis.

Sexual activity is the manner in which humans experience and express their sexuality. Sexual activity normally results in arousal and physiological changes in the aroused person, some of which are pronounced while others are more subtle. Sexual activity may also include conducts and activities that are intended to arouse the sexual interest of another, such as strategies to find or attract partners. It could also mean personal interactions between individuals, such as foreplay. Sexual activity may follow an arousal.

Sexual activity can be consensual or take place under force or duress contrary to social norms or generally accepted sexual conducts.

The physiological responses during sexual stimulation are fairly similar for both men and women and there are four phases.

There is the excitement phase, during which muscle tension and blood flow increase in and around the heart and sexual organs. There is also increase in respiration and blood pressure. Both men and women experience a "sex flush" on the skin of the upper body and face. Typically, a woman's vagina becomes lubricated and her clitoris becomes swollen.

Another stage is the plateau phase, during which heart rate and muscle tension increase further. A man's urinary bladder closes to prevent urine from mixing with semen. A woman's clitoris may withdraw slightly and there is more lubrication, outer swelling, tightened muscles and diameter reduction.

During the orgasm phase, breathing becomes extremely rapid and the pelvic muscles begin a series of rhythmic contractions. Both men and women experience quick cycles of muscle contraction of lower pelvic muscles and women often experience uterine and vaginal contractions; this experience can be described as intensely pleasurable. However, roughly 15 per cent of women have never experienced orgasm, while half of them report that they have faked it. A large genetic component is associated with how often women experience orgasm.

During the resolution phase, muscles relax, blood pressure drops, and the body returns to its resting state. Alhough, it is generally reported that women do not experience a refractory period and thus can experience an additional orgasm, or multiple orgasms soon after the first one. Some sources state that both men and women experience a refractory period because women may also experience a state after orgasm in which further sexual stimulation does not produce excitement. This period may last from minutes to days and is typically longer for men than women.

Sexual dysfunction is the inability to react emotionally or physically to sexual stimulation in a way projected of the average healthy person. It can affect different stages in the sexual response cycle, which are desire, excitement and orgasm. In the media, sexual dysfunction is often associated with men, but in actuality, it is more commonly observed in females (43 per cent) than males (31 per cent).

Most people engage in sexual activity because of the pleasure they derive from being aroused, especially if they can achieve orgasm.

Orgasm is the muscular contractions involved during sexual activity, along with the characteristic patterns of change in heart rate, blood pressure, and often respiration rate and depth. That is why hypertensive patients are carefully advised on how to go about their sexual activities because each orgasm leads to increased blood pressure.

Sexual arousal, also known as sexual excitement, is the awakening of sexual desire, during or in anticipation of a sexual activity. A number of physiological responses occur in the body and the mind in the buildup to sex and continue during it. Genital responses are not the only changes, but they are very noticeable and also necessary for consensual and comfortable intercourse. Male arousal will lead to an erection and in female arousal, there is vaginal lubrication and sexual tissues such as nipples, vulva, clitoris and vaginal walls are engorged. Mental and physical stimuli such as touch, and the internal fluctuation of hormones, can influence sexual arousal. Foreplay is the mutual sexual stimulation of one's partner, usually as a prelude to sexual intercourse. Flirting is a social and sometimes, sexual activity involving verbal or written communication, as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other. Erotic is arousing or satisfying sexual desire subject to or marked by strong sexual desire. 

Pre-marital sex is sexual activity between unmarried persons.

Extramarital sex can also be called infidelity, unlawful carnal knowledge, adultery or fornication. This occurs when a married person engages in sexual activity with someone other than his or her spouse. From a different perspective, it also applies to a single person having sex with a married person. Researchers found out that 82 per cent of males and 76 per cent of females had extramarital sex one time or the other in their life time, while 86 per cent have fantasised about extramarital sex much often.

Sexual assault, or rape or forced kissing, date rape, inappropriate touching or fondling, obscene phone calls, sexual harassment, child sexual abuse, or the torture of the victim in a sexual manner are all forms of sexual assault or sexual violence. This is any involuntary sexual act in which a person is threatened, coerced, or forced to engage against their will, or any non-consensual sexual touching of such person.

Similar to sexual assaults is also incest which is a form of sexual abuse by a family member. This is more common than other forms of sexual assault on a child, and can result in more serious and long-term psychological trauma, especially in the case of parental incest. Approximately, 45 to 55 per cent of women and 15 to 25 per cent of men were sexually abused when they were children. Most sexual abuse offenders are acquainted with their victims; approximately 30 per cent are relatives of the child, most often brothers, fathers, mothers, sisters and uncles or cousins; around 60 per cent are other acquaintances such as friends of the family, babysitters, or neighbours. Studies have shown that the psychological damage is often particularly severe when sexual assault is committed by parents against children due to the incestuous nature of the assault. Often, sexual assault on a child is not reported by the child for several reasons: the children are too young to recognise their victimisation or put it into words, they were threatened or bribed by the abuser, they feel confused by fearing the abuser but liking the attention, they are afraid no one will believe them.

Infertility means one cannot get pregnant (conceive) as of when desired. There are two types of infertility: primary infertility refers to couples who have not become pregnant after at least one year having sex without using birth control methods. Secondary infertility refers to couples who have been able to get pregnant at least once, but now are unable.

Penis erection otherwise called “Hard on” is a physiological occurrence in which the penis becomes firmer, engorged and enlarged. Penile erection is the result of an interaction of psychological, neural, vascular and endocrine factors, and is often associated with sexual arousal or sexual attraction, although erections can also be spontaneous as in case of night emission, however the shape, angle and direction of an erection varies considerably when fully erected. The arteries dilate causing the tissue of the penis to fill with blood. A penis which is partly, but not fully, erect is sometimes known as a semi-erection while the penis which is not erect is typically referred to as being flaccid, or soft.

Masturbation is when a person touches his own sex organs to have pleasure. It often results in an orgasm. Masturbating may be done alone, but can also be done with another person, or with the use of vibrators and dildos, but it is often done with just a person’s hand. Studies have shown that the large number of people who masturbate regularly, heavily and habitually later develop problem with their erection and sexual performance, cases like weak erection, premature ejaculation, weak ejaculation and erectile dysfunction are always an aftermath of habitual heavy masturbation.

Ejaculation is the release of semen from the penis; it is a normal part of the male sexual response cycle. During sexual intercourse, semen collects in the ejaculatory ducts, which are located where the ends of the vas differentia join the seminal vesicles within the prostate gland. When excitation reaches its peak, a spinal reflex causes the rhythmic contractions of the smooth muscles within the urethra, penis and the prostate gland, and propels the semen through the urethra out the tip of the penis in spurts.

Once a man reaches a certain point of sexual arousal, he can no longer prevent ejaculation but has to forcefully let go. This feeling of having reached the brink of control once these contractions start is known as ejaculatory inevitability. The rhythmic contractions of the prostate, perinea muscles and shaft of the penis occur initially at 0.8-second intervals, just as in women, and account for the spurting action of the semen during ejaculation. The intervals between contractions become longer and the intensity of the contractions tapers off after the first three or four contractions.

The semen does not actually appear until a few seconds after the point of ejaculatory inevitability because of the distance the seminal fluid has to travel through the urethra. During ejaculation, the internal sphincter of the urinary bladder is tightly sealed to make sure that the seminal fluid travels forward and to prevent any urine from mixing with the semen. There are several types of ejaculation. In some cases, the fine-tuned process of this sexual response is disrupted such as retrograde ejaculation where the bladder’s sphincter does not close off properly during ejaculation, so semen spurts backward into the bladder. This condition is usually found in some men who have multiple sclerosis, diabetes, or after some types of prostate surgery. It can also occasionally occur in men who do not have any serious problems. It is not physically harmful, but it does render the man infertile and he may have a different sensation during ejaculation. A retrograde ejaculation is also known as a “dry come” because the man may experience orgasm, but no semen is released from the penis.

Wet dream: It is also known as nocturnal, night discharge or, emission. It is an involuntary spontaneous discharge or reflex emission of semen during sleep.

This accidental semen release is a type of spontaneous orgasm involving either ejaculation during sleep for a male or lubrication of the vagina for a female if she perceives that it resulted in an orgasm. Nocturnal emissions are most common during adolescence and early young adult years, but they may happen any time after puberty. It is possible to wake up during a wet dream or to simply sleep through it. Nocturnal emission or night emission may be accompanied by erotic dreams. The most common seems to be that the body was partly designed for nocturnal emissions because a man needs to ejaculate from time to time even when he is not sexually active. It basically suggests that a body can hold a maximum amount of semen and when this maximum amount is reached, it needs to get rid of it. It is an involuntary natural way of releasing sexual tension unaided. The more a man ejaculates during ‘normal’ sex, the less nocturnal emission he will experience.

While libido is the same thing as sexual feelings or drive, sexual fantasy, also called an erotic fantasy, is a mental image or pattern of thought that stirs a person’s sexuality and can create or enhance sexual arousal. It basically resides entirely in a person’s mind and can be created by the person’s imagination, mental recollection or thought. A fantasy may be triggered autonomously or by any object or medium. For example, it can be created by a long, drawn-out story, such as in erotic literature or pornographic film; by a quick mental flash of sexual imagery, such as a photograph or be due to a sexual attraction to another person or an aspect of that person. Anything that may give rise to a sexual arousal may also produce a sexual fantasy, and sexual arousal may in turn give rise to fantasies.

Sexual abstinence also known as sexual restraint is the practice of refraining from some or all aspects of sexual activity for moral, medical, psychological, legal, social, financial, or religious reasons, while celibacy is sexual abstinence generally motivated by factors such as an individual’s personal or religious beliefs.

Sodomy simply refers to anal sex. However, the actual dictionary definition includes anything considered “unnatural or deviate sexual intercourse” which may include everything from oral sex to sex between partners of the same gender.

Bestiality is sexual activity with animals; a bisexual is a person who is sexually or romantically attracted to both sexes. A lesbian is a homosexual woman. Prostitute is someone whose professional job is to exchange money for sexual favours. Swinging is a consensual sex involving the exchange of marital partners for sexual purposes. Heterosexual is a person who is sexually or romantically attracted only to the opposite sex while homosexual is a person who is sexually or romantically attracted only to the same sex. Incest is sexual intercourse between closely related persons. Cunnilingus is the stimulation of the vulva with the mouth while Fellatio is stimulation of the penis with the mouth. Frottage is sexual pleasure from rubbing against another person.

Vibrator is an electrically driven machine that vibrates.

Dildo is an artificial penis used in sexual activity. Condom is a sheath of latex, plastic, or animal skin worn over the penis to prevent sperm ejaculating into the vagina to guide against pregnancy or the transmission of disease. Dental dam is a piece of latex placed over the vulva during cunnilingus to protect both partners from STDs. Diaphragm is a dome-shaped cap of rubber designed to cover the cervical opening and prevent sperm from entering the cervix. IUD is an intrauterine device, a method of birth control.

Let’s look at some abbreviation that couples use when they want to be sexually connected but surrounded by external families, friends and environmental distractions. ATF = all-time favourite. Aunt Flo = menstruation, period. BCD = behind closed doors. Blue pill = natural enhancers. Blue Jay = blow job. CDS = come for doggy style. FBSM = full body sensual massage. FIV = finger in vagina. GSM= g-spot massage. PIV = penis in vagina, ATTEMPTS = trying to orgasm, Cowgirl = CG = girl on top facing you, Doggie = man behind girl, girl on hands and knees, French kiss = Kissing with tongue insertion, LK = light kissing, closed mouth. Missionary = man on top, girl on back, Reverse cowgirl = RCG = girl on top facing away and Lingerie sexy night wears or clothing.

Sperm motility is the ability of sperm to move properly through the female reproductive tract and reach the egg. Sperm motility can also be thought of as the quality of sperm that do not “swim” properly will not reach the egg in order to fertilise it, while semen analysis is the test done in the clinical laboratory to determine the quality of the semen. A low sperm count also known medically as oligozoospermia or poor sperm quality is the cause of infertility in about 20 per cent of couples.

Premature ejaculation is a condition also known as rapid ejaculation. This is a sexual response problem in which a man consistently feels he has little or no control over the timing of his build-up to ejaculation.

Retarded ejaculation also known as delayed ejaculation, is a condition known as ejaculatory incompetence in which a man is unable to ejaculate even though he is highly sexually aroused.

We also should know that female does ejaculate. This has sparked controversy among sexuality researchers. There is a body of research documenting that some women expel a fluid from the urethra at the time of orgasm through G-spot stimulation. It has been theorised that this fluid may come from a “female prostate,” rudimentary glands surrounding the urethra whose tissue corresponds to the male prostate gland. In fact, some suggest that the female prostate is the anatomical location of the G-spot. Not all researchers have been able to duplicate the female ejaculatory response in their studies. Not all women experience the ejaculation-like response.

Orgasm otherwise known as excitement, swelling, or sexual climax is a feeling of intense sexual pleasure which happens during sexual activity. It’s sometimes called ‘coming’ or ‘climaxing.’It is the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual tension during sexual activities resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterised by sexual pleasure experienced by males and females. So, both men and women have orgasms.

What actually happens during intercourse is this, as a man nears orgasm, his pelvic thrusts become less voluntary and muscles of the penis begin to contract rhythmically in order to eject semen from the urethra. So when an orgasm begins, the heart rate, blood pressure and respiration all increase. As a matter of fact, the heart beats faster and the breathing gets quicker and heavier after which a man may not have another orgasm for a little while. This recovery phase, in which the penis and testicles shrink back to their normal size, can last for a few minutes. While in a woman, it is an intense, pleasurable release of sexual tension accompanied by contractions of the genital muscles. A woman may have more than one orgasm if she is continually stimulated.

Ironically, it is possible to have a male orgasm without ejaculation. This is true in some pre-adolescent cases in which boys may experience an orgasm without ejaculation.

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Question and Answer

Is the penis a muscle or does it have cartilage? How then can it be broken?

- Jimoh Taiwo

The penis is not a muscle contrary to popular belief. It does not contain any muscle, which is why you cannot do much about its shape when it is erect. The penis is a kind of sponge that is filled with blood when a man is sexually excited. Blood builds up inside two cylinder-shaped chambers, causing the penis to swell and stiffen. The swelling blocks off the veins that normally take blood away from the penis. As an erection disappears, the arteries in the two chambers narrow again, allowing blood to drain away from the penis.
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How effective are condoms?

My husband and I went on a couples' cruise this summer and it was an awesome experience. But in spite of the use of a good condom, I still got pregnant. How effective are condoms? We're still planning to go for holiday in December but I fear that I might be seasick.
- Mrs. Chunua Okmarto

Condoms are effective at preventing unwanted pregnancies, but only work when they are used consistently and correctly. Studies estimate that 2 out of 100 couples using condoms consistently and correctly only become pregnant during the first year of use. To get the best out of condom use, do not remove them prior to ejaculation bacause it may lead to pregnancy. Make putting on of a condom part of the pleasure of foreplay; this way, your husband is less likely to lose his erection. Keep condom in a cool and dry place out of sunlight and please do not reuse condoms. Check the expiration dates on condoms. Yes, your last cruise to Spain was splendid and remarkable, but I tell you, the next one to Dubai is going to be breathtaking because of the historical places couples visit. I want as many couples to be part of this cruise. You should not be afraid of seasickness; there are medical experts that would take good care of you.
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What is 'orchitis'?

- Orawemu Sunny

Orchitis is a condition in which the testicle is inflamed, and that can be secondary to an infection or another inflammatory condition. But certainly, infection is the most common cause of an infection of the testicle.
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Cannot reach orgasm, shed endless tears instead

I will be forever grateful if you can take out time t o read and answer my problem. The best stimulation that can make me climax and get a good orgasm is when my husband fingers my clitoris and vagina simultaneously, and my husband knows that whenever he wants to get me to be sexually responsive in a wild manner, he does this a lot since we have been married. But recently, I notice that I am not able to reach orgasm during clitoral stimulation any longer and instead my body’s reaction is to cry with painful tears. This stems from the fact that while the stimulation is pleasurable, I am sensitive to the point that it is so intense that it is very painful. Rather than giving an effective erotic massage, it gives me unbearable pain and in this case, the pain brings me down and keeps me from achieving orgasm. Essentially the greater the pleasure, the greater the pain, until my body gets so sexually frustrated that I have to shed tears and grab my husband’s hands. Please I need help.

Frustrated wife

The clitoris has an amazing number of nerve endings and there is often a fine line between pleasure and pain in that area. I think one of the ways out is to suggest to your husband that whenever he wants to stimulate you, he should focus on the area AROUND the clitoris instead of directly on it, because there may have been possibility of tenderness over the years, since that is the major form of caressing and arousal for you. In addition, some nails-fingers and finger-skin are often a bit too rough and unkempt; so it is also advisable for him to thoroughly wash and trim his fingernails and use a hand-softener-lotion whenever he wants to finger you. Besides he could use his tongue to caress your clitoris more than the use of his fingers. If he does, you will find that the tongue does not cause the same discomfort and you will even like it more. Then try using lubrication during foreplay as this is always a big help. If I may ask, how is your husband massaging method? Is his massage technic too rough and hard on your clitoris? His touch would be a lot better if it was feather like touch, the clitoris is a very delicate area that needs to be handled with all tenderness and also wet all the time especially during sexual activities.

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Bedwetting immediately after sex

My problem seems to be bigger than me. The plain truth is that at age 34, I still bed wet immediately after sex even after two kids, and eight years of marriage. Initially, my husband was very supportive but now, we have not only stopped sleeping together in the same room and bed, he has not had sex with me for four years. He kept giving excuses that the mattress smells of urine with my unending bedwetting after sex. This situation has driven us apart. Even when I resort to using a dildo on myself, I still bed wet after I climax. Is this spell cast on me or what? I have used all sort of things, nothing is helping, I feel like dying, help me.

Mrs Alajare Comfort

I cannot categorically say this is a spell or not but inasmuch as bedwetting is often a normal part of growing up, most children don’t stay dry at night until about the age of three, after which it becomes a matter of concern at the age of 6. I don’t know how far you have gone into seeking medical assistance but I think you should look for the right one because most times, bedwetting especially immediately after sex isn’t typically a sign of an emotional or physical problem. It sometimes runs in families; and many things can lead to bedwetting after sex. It could be slower development of bladder control, hormonal issues, sexual stress and anxiety can also be a cause. If while you were growing up as a kid, you have been dry at some time or the other and suddenly started bedwetting after sex, you may have developed some sort of infection which will warrant proper medical investigation. But meanwhile, make sure you drink less liquid in the evenings when you are likely to have sex and wear adult disposable pampers immediately after sex.

To encourage your husband, try to make sure your bedroom environment is odour-free because urine can leave a stubborn odour in clothes, in bed linens, and in the room even after a spray of good airfreshners. So try adding a cup of white vinegar to your wash to remove the smell. And if you need to clean urine from a mattress, first use towels to blot up as much as you can. Keep blotting, but don’t rub, until no more moisture comes to the surface, once you’ve blotted up as much of the urine as you can, saturate the entire area of urine stain with hydrogen peroxide. Let it stand for 5 minutes, and then use towels again to blot the area dry, once the mattress is dry, sprinkle baking soda over the entire area and let it stand for 24 hours. The next day, vacuum the baking soda away.

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Can antiperspirants use in armpit cause breast cancer?

Please can antiperspirants use on the armpit cause breast cancer? My wife has a terrible body odour. I can’t go near her sexually unless she uses a strong perfume or body deodorant. But recently, she refused all the roll-ons I got for her, insisting that they cause breast cancer.

Mr Murudeen

Actually, you may have heard that chemicals in antiperspirants can get into your body through armpit spray or razor scratches and cause breast cancer. Experts say there’s no evidence this is true.

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His erection no longer firm

My husband and I have hit middle age, and suddenly his erections seem less firm and his libido has dropped drastically. He says this is normal, but sex is not just the same for me as before. Moreover, I am even ashamed to admit to myself that I am more active sexually now than ever, and I sometimes envy my children’s sex life. Funmi, please be honest with me, is this normal?

Mama Otumbabu

It is normal for you to be more active sexually now than ever because you are more peaceful emotionally. There is no need for you to envy your children’s sex life because you can experience same. Most males after middle age experience changes in sexual function. They may not develop an erection as quickly or as often as before and their erections may not be firm. They may not also maintain long erection. Ejaculation may not occur as quickly and there is typically less volume to ejaculate.

These changes usually develop slowly and may not always occur in the same degree. In other words, the erect penis may be larger and firmer one day, and less firmer the next. Sometimes, other factors affect a man’s system like fatigue, alcohol use, some types of medications, dejection and anxiety—particularly “performance anxiety.” Performance anxiety is a good reason for you not to express your concern about your husband’s erectile changes in derogatory terms or accusatory tones.

The added stress could make him worry more about loss of potency and make normal sexual function even more difficult. On the positive side, some couples find that the changes in a husband allow him to last longer in intercourse, which can potentially provide greater stimulation for his wife. Your husband is extremely interested in and perhaps anxious about your reactions to his problem. He’s also probably very sensitive about it. Be as reassuring as you can about your love, admiration and respect. Eliminate words that might be interpreted by him as rejection. A problem like this calls for teamwork. However, when changes in erectile ability are creating serious tension between spouses, it’s a good idea to consult a sex therapist.

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Could his stressful job be affecting him?

My husband does a stressful job and he is having a problem with impotency. My husband is discouraged and I am also disturbed as well. I miss the intimacy of sex, and my husband is disappointed in himself just because he can no longer perform.

Mrs. Mojisola Apataganga

Sex is an important area in marriage, so it is worth facing this situation head-on. Your husband needs not feel embarrassed or frustrated at all. Help is within reach. His condition may just be premature ejaculation or weak erection or erectile dysfunction and not outright impotency. In addition, do not assume stress is causing your husband’s impotency; physical disorders such as diabetes mellitus, hypertension, or a hormonal imbalance are possibilities that may not be ruled out.

Various medications such as some antidepressants, antihypertensive, or diuretics, as well as excessive cigarette and alcohol consumption can also cause impotence. In majority of men, however, impotence is triggered by psychological factors such as stress, fatigue and state of hopelessness. If that is the case, your husband will have to find healthy ways to reduce or cope with his stress. In the meantime, do not allow impotency to eliminate your physical connection.