The games women play when your zipper is open

Written by Biodun Ogungbo - Nigeria

Dr. Biodun Ogungbo

I thought I would spend this week just chilling out, reminiscing about the games men and women play. But first, women! Women play games in love and relationships. As a man, you need to be at your best to figure out when the game starts, the kind of game and the rules of the game.

First, a joke

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady walked up to him and said, 'Your barracks door is open.' He did not understand her, so he went on his way looking puzzled. When he was done shopping, a man came up and said, 'Your fly is open.' He zipped up and finished his shopping.

At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady was who told him about his 'barracks door.' He was planning to have a little fun with her. So, when he reached the counter he said, 'When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?' The lady (naturally the smarter sex) thought for a moment and said, 'No, no, I didn't. All I saw was a disabled soldier sitting on a couple of old duffel bags.'

The first time

Of course, she did not plan to spend the night but she did! What was strange, however, was that she asked to have a shower and wash her knickers. She left the knickers on the window sill to dry and came to bed naked. To a man, this means open house and an invitation to the house warming party! But, you still have to ask nicely or you would be denied.

However, if, for example, you refuse to take the bait and force her to make another move, this is what she would do. She would curl up and pretend to sleep.

Then, sometime during the night, she would turn over and accidentally put her leg across your legs and her knee in your groin. A little later, her hand will slam across your chest, waking you up. An apology will follow but, of course, she now has your attention.

From stroking your chest, she would move lower to the soldier now standing at attention. The games women play!

Another joke

A man accidentally bumped his elbow into the breast of a woman. He apologised, saying, 'I hope your heart is as soft as your breast.' She looked him over and replied, 'Well, if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I am in room 302.'

The move

Early on in the relationship, the girlfriend of one of my mates came to stay for the weekend. We noticed that she 'forgot' her pair of slippers and makeup bag when she left. Guess what? It was a prelude, as the next time she came, she brought a suitcase and never left. She moved in permanently, taking over the cooking, the washing, gave regular sex and ran his entire life. The games women play!

The marriage

After the marriage, my friend's girlfriend started making demands on him, stopped washing his clothes, got a cook instead of cooking for him and didn't really put out regularly again.

All the 'love' appeared to become stale quite quickly after the marriage. The game is not funny if, after a few months of the marriage, you discover that your 'wife' is pregnant for her ex-boyfriend. But perhaps it's better now than after 14 grown children who all belong to the ex!

The final joke

A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She decided to write him a letter saying she was tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

He came home and read it. After some silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, singing and dancing while he did.

He grabbed his phone and dialled a number. His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting with someone. "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes, then will join you," he said. "As for my wife, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around and left. It was wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier."

Then he hung up and walked out of the room. In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed to read what her husband had written.

Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet, you silly woman. I am going out to buy bread."

Women play games and cannot stop digging holes for you to jump into. They test your faithfulness and commitment all the time: using lies, tricks, crocodile tears and emotional baggage to take you on a trip.

Once your guard is down and your soldier has been beaten into submission, they start to wear trousers around the house.