How to revive your partner’s libido

Written by Bunmi Sofola - Nigeria

If your love-life is flagging, you're always advised to change your partner! A bit drastic, but it could be extremely inconvenient socially but one thing you definitely ought to try first in reviving your libido,is changing the background.

Many couples who have made love year after year in the same bed have discovered that their sex lives are mysteriously revitalized when they go on holiday or stay in a hotel. Although they may attribute it to rest and 'change in the air', the novelty of new surroundings is probably more instrumental in this revival of libido. Yet, not all of us could afford the luxury of a good holiday or the price of a decent hotel room.

The alternative is to redecorate your bedroom to create an erotic atmosphere by investing in larger beds, sexy sheets, and strategically placed mirrors. You can also try other rooms in the house that you do not usually think of as venue for sex, such as the bathroom or even the guest room! And the light from the TV set in the living room has been known to be quite romantic, and if you choose the right kind of erotic programme, this can also enhance your love-making!

If you find these methods a bit daunting, then think of a spur-of-the moment atmosphere. Like the great outdoor for instance!

There is something very exciting about going back to nature, making love among trees, long grass or with the sound of waterfalls on the beach in your ears! Unfortunately, there are certain hazards and you have to be wary of insect bites, stinging nettles, poison ivy and trigger-happy bush meat hunters with their dane guns, who sometimes shoot at anything that moves and only afterwards try to identify it. Sand in the works can also be very uncomfortable.

Another possible hazard of outdoor sex is discovery by the authorities-the over-zealous policeman always rapping on car-locked windows or kicking at writhing bodies! Sometimes ago, two British tourists were sentenced to jail for getting carried away by making love publicly on a Greek beach. Apparently, a crowd of several hundred spectators had gathered to watch the performance before the police arrived to spoil everybody's fun. Through all the 'friendly' encounter, argued the couple, no private citizen had deemed it fit to intervene as they might have done if the pair had been fighting, yet the court was totally unsympathetic to them!

Similarly, in Britain, when a well-known businessman was discovered having oral sex with a girl-friend on the bandstand in a public park, the court proceedings destroyed his marriage. In this case, the couple were charged with indecency even though it was pitch dark, the park was closed for the night, and the act was witnessed only by the constable who shone his torch on them! And in a rather more liberated precedent, the Italian courts once ruled that sexual intercourse in a car is legal if the couple are sufficiently passionate to steam up the windows.

It is common knowledge: 'some lovers get a particular kick out of having undetected sex in public places under the very nose of unsuspecting people', for example while sitting on a park bench or dancing at a party. This is facilitated if the couple go out wearing no pants! One young writer claims to have made love to his girlfriend on several occasions while sitting on the couch watching TV with her parents.

"Many people believe that making love at night when it is dark is the decent, natural thing to do. Nothing could be further from the truth. In the animal world, sex normally occurs in the day-time, along with eating and most other kinds of activity. The night is reserved mainly for sleeping. This pattern is seen in nearly all mammals, including our nearest relatives among the primates, and there is reason to believe that it applies to humans too.

For example, secretion of testosterone, the hormone responsible for sex drive, rises to a peak in the morning, and falls sharply in the evening. Therefore, it seems probably that our natural love-making urges are stronger when we are fresh and active in the daytime. The human shift to nocturnal sex must then be a culturally determined tendency-society prefers that we concentrate on work during the day. True, there is an instinct in animals which motivates them to seek privacy for copulation, but the love of darkness is not a favoured solution.