Uncharted subtle medium to good sex

Written by Funmi Akingbade

Funmi Akingbade

Hi husband, when actually was the last time you just laid back and kept your hands off your wife while letting her show you the way to pleasure her best? And you wife, when was the last time you lavishly abandoned yourself on the bed and tell your man to come and show you the stuff he is made of when it comes to sexual surprises?

Today, we are going to learn all about total abandonment that can make an ordinary wife whisper the 'unusual' and an ordinary husband ask for more from his wife. A really good starter script for letting the other take the lead during sex is simply to try and eat together. This is one explorative gateway so many couples ignore. It is true that the couple that eats together sleeps together. Eating together is like giving your partner a love potion, because a delicious meal can be a prelude to sex. The act of cooking together can be a form of foreplay, and the smell of food can ignite intimacy especially when couples eat some aphrodisiacs food items together.

Certain natural love potions otherwise known as edible aphrodisiacs, can reignite, spark, and turn up the heat in couples' sexuality by improving blood flow to the genitals, enhancing performance and pleasure and ultimately, put the couple in the mood for lovemaking.

Some couples have found out that fruits such as bananas, coffee, cucumbers and carrots, speak for themselves on that score.

Avocado is called "testicle trees." Then again, newlyweds are mostly encouraged to drink honey wine and water melon during the first month of marriage to improve their sexual stamina. That is why 'honeymoon' came from the word 'honey'.

Garlic is rich in antioxidants that protect against cell damage. Garlic is said to stir sexual desire and increase blood flow to the genitals.

Also, research has shown that the aroma of local popcorn induces blood flow to the penis, and the combination of cucumber and coconut make some women ready for sex.

Of course, if you want better sex, take care of your health! Being overweight may deflate your spouse's libido. Extra body fat raises the spectre of elevated blood glucose levels that can damage the blood vessels and nerves that allow for arousal and sexual pleasure. It also increases the risk of high blood pressure and clogged arteries.

Upon menopause, women lose 90 per cent of their circulating oestrogen, which may result in less blood flowing to the genitals and diminished capacity for arousal. Body fat offers some protection, because, like the woman's ovaries, it produces oestrogen.

Another trick that could do the magic in your sexual lives is sending some romantic and erotic text messages while at work or somewhere far away from home. Messages such as; 'I'm just thinking about you right now and I am not only full of some sexual surprises for you, I want to go down with you' or 'hurry back and come to where your heart is, I can't wait to have all of you inside me', can go a long way to make your spouse crave to have you. And while at home, when you are certain the coast is clear and the environment is favourable, start off sexual exploration by saying what you dream of and what you would love to take place between both of you. Tell each other what you are going to do to each other in a very low sexy seductive voice. Or you can subtly whisper, 'I love and enjoy passionate sex with you', 'come kiss me and undress me', 'the feel of your breast in my hands is the best erotic feeling I always have'. Many husbands are eagerly waiting to hear something hot and seductive like, 'I love the feel of this please don't stop', or 'Ooh, I need you inside me, you are always the best.' Then try describing your feelings and sensations, like, 'Mmm, you taste so good' or 'Ahhh… You feel so good pressed up against my body, are we repeating this soon?'

Researchers say words such as, 'come inside me', 'don't go, I want more of this', 'your rod satisfies me fully' and so on, turn husbands on faster than anything. Words are powerful, especially seductive and erotic sexy words. Try some tonight.

Husband, do you know that ordinary, 'come to me my one and only', can make your wife be ready for sex there and then? You can say 'I feel warm inside when I am around you and I can't wait to get inside you again and again'.

Whenever you envisage sex, make sure you make the foreplay hot and steamy for her. Begin with small bites on the earlobes and along the contours of her neck, followed by smooth and tender sucking on both nipples. Use light touches along the torso with your fingertips. Do these until you come into contact with her inner thighs. Let your wife be the one to guide you once she is prepared to take the exploration to a new level. Then slowly pull her to the bed, play with her affectionately then tactically open her legs wide with one hand with the other hand, lift her left leg up and slowly place your male organ on her female organ and push it in gently. Immediately your male organ gets in, make sure she holds you so close while her leg is still lifted for easier entry. And then whisper nice things to her ears.

When you notice she is steady on the bed, then lift her up, turn her back making her two hands hold the bed rail, tilt her up a bit in a doggy style with her two breast accessible for your gentle caressing and massaging. The degree of your thrusting can make your wife moan with pleasure.

This type of explorative sex can linger on as long as both spouses desire. After a while, you could even make your wife lie on the couch faced down, then kneel behind her and fill her genitals from behind with all your fingers in a rhythmic manner until you could feel her wet with her natural lubricated fluid. You may keep on exploring with your fingers till she makes some usual sighs. If you notice she is enjoying the act, you may then turn her face up and make her hold on to your waist and slowly enter inside her again. But this time, make sure your penetration is gentle and welcoming, making her face full of smiles.

Nothing stops a wife to be explosive while making love with her husband. Place one of your nipples in your husband's mouth and seductively tell him you want him to suck it as he makes love with you. Play with his male organ, tease him like a baby. Let him giggle while you touch him, it brings the boy out of him. Touch the tip of his penis with your breasts as you systematically rub it against your nipple. The cap of the penis is very sensitive; try to feather- touch that spot with your tongue and see a new man emerge in your husband.

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QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Please what's a "normal" sex drive?

I recently started feeling funny anytime I am with my woman; my erection will not only fail and disappoint me but embarrass me as well. I went to the hospital and was diagnosed to be having low testosterone. My question is this; could this be erectile dysfunction or what? Please what's a "normal" sex drive?

Abel Adamu

Surprisingly, low testosterone by itself rarely causes erectile dysfunction, or ED. Low testosterone alone – with no other health problems – accounts for a small minority of men with erectile dysfunction. Testosterone isn't the only fuel for a man's sex drive and performance. But low testosterone can reduce your ability to have satisfying sex. Lack of sex drive and erectile dysfunction are sexual problems that can result from low testosterone. If low testosterone is the cause, treating it can help. Researchers haven't unravelled the mystery of just how testosterone increases libido. It's normal for a man's sex drive to slowly decline from its peak in his teens and 20s, but libido varies widely between men. What one man might consider a low sex drive, another might not. Also, sex drive changes within each man over time and is affected by stress, sleep, and opportunities for sex. For these reasons, defining what a "normal" sex drive is; is next to impossible. Usually, the man himself identifies a lack of sex drive as a problem. Other times, his wife may consider it to be an issue. Low testosterone symptoms don't always include feeling like you have no sex drive. Some men maintain sexual desire at relatively low testosterone levels. For other men, libido may lag even with normal testosterone levels. Low testosterone is one of the possible causes of low libido, however.

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Do you have any idea of what is wrong with me?

I always experience pain in my belly area each time I am about to ovulate, is this normal or am I infected with some sort of illness or disease or what. But the funny thing is that I always feel like wanting to make love, do you have any idea of what is wrong with me?

About one fifth of women can actually feel something happening in their ovaries around ovulation. This can range from mild aches to twinges of pain. Some women feel ovulation as one-sided backache or a tender area. This condition is called mittelschmerz, it may last anywhere from a few minutes to a few days. If you notice, these sensations at roughly the same time each month. Check your cervical mucus.

Ovulatory pain can be a useful guide to when you're fertile as well as Mittelschmerz (pain associated with ovulation) and a heightened sense of smell. Many women experience heightened sexual desire in the several days immediately before ovulation. Feeling sexy may all be signs that you're at your most fertile. You may notice a peak in sexual desire at this time.

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Does my problem have a cure?

Most of the erections I have had have been more of a pain and curse than a blessing. I am a sickle cell patient, though well managed but not sexually active before marriage. Shortly after my marriage, I started noticing perpetual erections that take days to subside immediately after ejaculation. This eventually led to my wife leaving me to carry my cross. Does this have a cure?

Borufo Ijiokshe

The medical term for this condition is priapism commonly called a permanent erection or an erection that won't go away within four hours. In priapism, blood becomes trapped in the penis and cannot flow out. This is a medical problem. This condition can be treated but if left untreated, priapism can lead to permanent damage.

Another persistent, long-lasting erection can result from some men taking or injecting themselves with medication because they suffer from impotency, or from some diseases that thicken the blood, making it impossible for blood to leave the penis after it has entered. Sickle cell anaemia is one of such diseases. Other medications can also cause priapism - for example: antidepressants, anticoagulants, and antipsychotics. Priapism is not only painful, it is potentially harmful. Doctors can now treat priapism without surgery, but the condition still requires medical care.

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I have lost potential spouse

Hi Funmi, I have been so unfortunate with marriage all because my mouth smells badly. In fact, I have lost potential wife materials, good women who were ready to marry me if I could get a lasting solution to my bad breath. They all run away because my mouth smells. One was bold enough to tell me that it actually stinks. What can I do?

One of the prime causes of bad breath is plaque, the sticky build-up on teeth that harbours bacteria. Food left between teeth adds to the problem. Try to avoid foods that sour your breath. Onions and garlic are the prime offenders. Unfortunately, brushing after you eat onions or garlic doesn't help either. Bad breath is just one of many reasons not to smoke. Smoking damages gum tissue and stains teeth. It also increases your risk of oral cancer. Swishing your mouth with plain water could freshen your breath by eliminating food particles and stimulating saliva. Anti-bacterial mouthwashes may add extra protection by reducing plaque-causing bacteria. Try to also skip after-dinner mints and chew gum instead, because sugary candies promote the growth ofbacteria in your mouth and add to bad breath problems. Instead, chew sugarless gum. Gum stimulates saliva, which is the mouth's natural defence mechanism against plaque acids which cause tooth decay and bad breath.

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'Bored and Worried'

My husband's idea of foreplay and sex is taking off his clothes and lying in bed. He barely touches my breasts and I have to be on top every time. He won't discuss trying anything different. I don't know what else to do. If I want to have sex, it is either his way or no way. I find this so boring and it bothers me.

A. Labintan

Well, Labintan I can quite understand your predicament. One hard aspect of your husband's behaviour (beside your frustration) is that he is unaware of the pleasure he's missing out in the foreplay. From experience, I know that many men enjoy variety and they are not given to monotony, with regard to sex. You must be a satisfying lover for him to avoid foreplay. But I can assure that he will improve, if you draw his attention to the situation. You can write him a letter expressing your disappointment and explaining your need for a more stimulation to really enjoy sex with him. Please, you have to stick with your feelings rather than complaining about his behaviour. Tell him you crave more stimulation. Let him know that women have a slower libido response than men, and penetration in sex alone is rarely sufficient to produce an orgasm. Most men also like to hear praise for their love making, so include affirmation for the times he's brought you pleasure. Let him know he is doing a great job that is worthy of commendation and he deserves a beautiful gift. Don't just assume that you are the only one that needs a pat on the back; he must be feeling that way, too.

A second approach would be to seduce him unexpectedly. Be assertive in your foreplay, telling him how excited you are. Maybe his arousal will give him a taste of what he's missing. Some wives we've known have met their husbands at the door in a sexy night wears or kidnapped them from work and drive to a romantic spot. Changing the routine adds adventure to your sex. Take the charge and talk about your desire for him and how great it feels when he caresses or kisses your whole body!


A third, more drastic response would be to take a sabbatical from sex until he'll listen to your feelings. But I think that should be the last resort. I have seen cases whereby some husbands have problem with premature ejaculation. When they are afraid, they want quick sex to avoid embarrassment. Perhaps your husband may have heard somewhere that women like to be on top during the act just to assist clitoral stimulation, and since foreplay may cause them to climax too quickly, he just feels safe sticking to that position.