When last did you 'fine-tune' your wife?!

Written by Bunmi Sofola - Vanguard, Nigeria. 

SHOULD the romance in a marriage stop after the birth of a few kids? Forget slaving to put food on the table, pay the rent and put a substantial sum of money aside for the kids education. The question is: When last did you give your wife a complete 'MOT', just as often as you do that priced car(s) of yours?

What brought on this thought-provoking poser is the recent experience Linda confessed she was elated she had. She just turned 40, but said sadly,she couldn't remember the last time her husband made proper love to her.

"After almost 14 years of marriage" she continued, "I'd put on some weight especially when I had our fourth child. Dare, my husband, had gone bald and the most exciting thing we did was share the occasional take-away treats with the kids. Sex was virtually non-existent, just a quickie every other week.

"I was at a classmate's 40th birthday party when a friend I hadn't seen for years looked shocked to see me. 'Why have you put on so much weight?' She squealed, 'you used to be a stunner. What happened to you?'

I felt a bit embarrassed. I had put on quite a lot of weight alright, what with the huge meals I shared with Dare, and scoffing the kids' often left-overs so food wouldn't be wasted. But did she have to be that blunt? Her criticism stayed with me for days. Friends I saw regularly couldn't be as outspoken as she was for fear of hurting my feelings.

Thanks to her, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. I vowed to give myself a health over-haul before my birthday. So, I ditched all the stodgy food and cut down on the portions I eat.

I also started taking the staircase to my fourth floor office. At first it was hard but by the time my birthday loomed, the improvement was awesome. My critic of a friend had even visited, bringing me some cosmetic stuffs to 'tone' my skin and I'd bought lots more. Thanks to her, I now looked a million-dollars!

'Only whenever I asked Dare how I looked, he'd just glowered and muttered 'nice' without even taking a proper look at me. I knew I looked and felt fantastic. If he didn't appreciate the way I looked, maybe someone else would. A few days after my well-attended 40th birthday party, a friend invited me to a party.

Her elder brother just had a son after two girls and he was throwing the bash to 'wet' the head of the baby. His wife was still abroad and I reckoned it would be a 'let it all hang out' party now the cat was away. I didn't let on to Dare that the wife was still expected or he might want to come to keep me in check.

As it was, he was super-glued to Super Sports, on the telly, drooling at the games. When I was dressed and ready to go, he was too relieved to be left alone to get on with his fun. But he really looked startled when he saw my outfit.

I quickly left to join my friend who was impatiently hooting the car horn and I had conveniently forgot to put on my wedding ring. A wedding ring is always a dampener if you want to have fun. Men would just assume you're either single, divorced or widowed!

"The party was a lively one and in my group was this cocky television journalist happily controlling the flow of the conversation. I challenged his views from time to time and he took notice of me, with his eyes roaming all over my body. I flirted right back-it felt great to have a man's attention after all these years of grumpy Dare.

When he asked me to dance, I jumped at the offer. We swayed slowly to the haunting music, our hips locked together with my body pressing into his firm chest. He was tall and in his 30s, and I was loving every minute with this hunk. My friend was watching with a big smile on her face-as if she was taking the credit for who I'd now turned out to be.

I was now slightly tipsy and as my hand rested on his tight bum, he pulled me closer to him and an electric shock went through me. His name was Ade and after we finished dancing, he got a bottle of wine and we talked some more.

He told me about a project he was into and offered to show me the progress he'd made if I could come with him to his car. Clinging onto what looked like my conquest, I let him lead me out of the party and smiled defiantly at the shocked look on my friend's face.

"The car was a bit of a clap-trap. Not the most glamorous setting for betrayal but I was far too wound up to care. As soon as we got to the back seat where the supposed 'project' was we were all over each other. He pulled up my long kaftan and was on top of me, the car seats rough against my bare bum.

Unfortunately, his prowess didn't actually match his big mouth. He wasn't the gentlest of lovers and he pawed at my boobs like a bush man. But none of that mattered. This was purely about proving to myself I was desirable and I felt deliciously wanton and sexy!

When we returned to the party, nobody seemed to notice anything-except for my nosey-parker friend who just kept on giving me curious glances. Ade and I merely sat together afterwards but had very little to say to each other. We'd both got what we wanted and there was nothing else to say.

"On our way back home, my friend asked me what happened when we went out, and I told her. She wasn't a prude but wanted to know if what I'd just done made me feel guilty. I told her it did, but not in the way she meant. I felt bad for not feeling guilty enough not to want to try it again.

For the first time in my marriage, I'd just cheated on my husband, had a wild romp with a complete stranger in a crummy car, yet I felt great! The only time I felt slightly guilty was when I let myself in and discovered Dare was already in the bedroom. I quickly had a rinse in the guest toilet before going to meet Dare.

"He didn't even bother to ask if I'd had an enjoyable evening. Instead, he was boring me with details of the highlights of the games. I was furious and I've since resolved that the next time I'm invited to a party and I'm propositioned, there will be a good chance I'll say yes, especially if Dare wouldn't be coming.

I'm definitely not over the hill at 40 and I owe it to myself to find my own excitement anywhere and any time I can get it…"As you male readers read this, take a second look at your wife. When was the last time you rang her bell in spite of all the hints she gave you? A word is sufficient for the wise!