Marrying down...

Written by Chukwuneta Oby
~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, May 29, 2016.

Chukwuneta Oby

I have actually come across the 'married down' claims (from some people) a lot of times and I am wondering if there is indeed such a thing as 'marrying down ' or is that another excuse that some people use to defend the bad choices they made in marriage?

I mean, to a large extent-anybody going into a marital relationship made his/her choices and must have been 'ok' with whom he or she was going down the aisle with at a time…so, what's now this attitude of a supposed adult(that is capable of making his/her choices) turning back to claim that he/she married down?

One has also come across claims of another 'marrying up'. In the case of 'marrying up'...does it mean that the object of another's 'marital consideration is being done a favour? Certain claims just do not exist in my books and the latest of such claims is the 'marrying down/marrying up' of a thing.

As far as I am concerned... both words mean being in a union with someone who is less deserving of you and that to me does not make sense. It simply is a poor excuse for certain 'bad choices.'


Let whoever that's experiencing issues in his/her marital life find another excuse and not this claim that he/she married down. Are you so super (human) that another is undeserving of?

I can understand compatibility issues (economic, education, etc) but the 'marrying down' claim is a poor excuse. It smacks of 'arrogance of reasoning' on the part of whoever throws such words around.

I was at a friend's office when this light skinned, provocatively dressed lady walked in, he excused himself ,led her to his conference room for some talks and came back some minutes later-after she had left. He went into some narratives about how she used to be a 'happening girl' back in their university days but now struggling to find her feet-thanks to the fact that she married a man 'beneath' her...in other words-she 'married down'!


I simply quipped that she is yet to tell him what she was looking for-dressed that way!

There's nothing bad in currying assistance/favour from an old friend but this claim of marrying a man beneath her (i.e. marrying down) is some 'hooey' to Oby. As far as I am concerned-she married a man (probably a rich trader at a time) she felt was the bomb then.

Another case is that of a British trained friend, that works with one of the multi nationals here, who had a wife back in London. The wife is your typical urbane girl, who knows her left from her right-equally educated and career minded. Their marriage packed up when she made it clear that she would not abandon her own career (over there) to follow him back home. His family promptly 'packaged' a young bride (almost half his age) and who wasted no time in bearing him children. Same human being that I expected to be 'happily married' (to one who is at his beck and call and who lives to please him) is now a shadow of himself-claiming that he married a 'bush girl' (i.e. he 'married down' and his young bride 'married up') .He even claimed to be missing the life he had with his urbane 'ex'.

What I read in all these (claims) is the typical 'human instability' at work and we just had to find a right term for it and that's how (I think) the word 'marrying down' came about. Otherwise, I really am trying so hard to understand the justification of the claim that another (who made his/her decisions with eyes wide open) 'married down'.