Marriage: Marriage is not for Everyone

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Marriage is not for Everyone
Five steps to save your marriage
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Marriage is not for Everyone
Written by Ogaga Otaotu

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, September 18, 2016.

The Mature Single Woman(MSW) is an unmarried single lady who is of the age 30 and above. Today's Woman spoke to some beautiful ladies during the week and they shared their day to day experiences in the office, public places, at home and at events. Some said they had to deal with all sorts challenges from: neighbors, male colleagues and relatives. The question is "Is it a crime to be a mature single lady?"

Forty-year-old Abike, a banker, said just recently, there arose the issue of attendance in her office. Her male colleague claimed he arrived the office before her but was trying to tidy up some things in the car before she signed in.

An argument ensued and before you could say hey! the young man blurted "Oh ...you think you can talk to me like that? I don't blame you... that is why you can never be married".

As far as Abike is concerned, you get to hear that line regularly as a mature single lady. It can either be told to your face or behind you. She has however learnt to laugh it off.

Nnena, 36year old business woman, recounted a bitter experience she had some months ago. She got to her business place in high spirit and was busy tending to her goods when her neighbor came in to remind her of the outstanding electricity bill.

She had not paid because she was away the previous week. What started as a mild disagreement led to a heated argument and the neighbor dropped the usual line "that's why you are not married, because of your bad attitude". Nnenna wept sore, locked up her store and went home.

Thirty-two-year-old Ebere reluctantly responded that she has suffered a number of times at work because she is unmarried. That "when are you getting married?" pose always gets her cold. She can be doing extremely well in her office but no one wants to give her credit for her effort and hard work. But they will want to push you forward as a bait to clients.

She requested for a transfer to another location recently. It would not work unless it was on the grounds of marriage. A woman moving to the location of her husband can be considered. Apart from the work place, the society has this negative perception about the unmarried single women no matter how successful she is.

Earlier this year, an On Air Personality in Lagos tweeted about a supposedly private issue. Her assailants came hard on her and took her to the cleaners, with very harsh words. It was so pathetic that the men abused her sexuality, spewed profanities with impunity on social media platform about the lady.

Some other women mentioned that the level of disrespect they suffer from people generally is far worse. In some religious places, some are allowed leadership positions only when they are married their successes in life notwithstanding.

This is just to mention but a few. It is even worse when a Mature Single Lady is successful, some people just believe she probably have slept her way to the top. Her male counterparts would peddle all manner of rumors about her, especially those she spurned their advances.

The fact still remains:

• Some or most of these mature single ladies may eventually marry. The accusations that they are unmarried because of their personality are spurious. People have different plans, time-lines or even destinies in life. Marriage is part of life.


• It is then a case of travelling to the same destination but arriving at different times.As important as marriage is, it is not the ultimate. Some of these Mature Single Ladies are doing very well for themselves and are making impact in the society just the same way we have many mature single men who are not interested in marrying yet.
• Finally, Marriage is not for everyone. Not every lady will be married. As bitter or sad it may be , it is the truth. Some may be by choice while others may just find themselves single for many reasons some of which they cannot fathom. It just happens. Some men are unlucky with women and vice versa.

No matter how it turns out, it is not a crime to be unmarried. People stay unmarried for many reasons, both men and women. Some out of religious obligations, some because the time is not right by their plans, some because of previous heartbreaks and some out of pure preference for the single life. And like I said before, there are some nice persons who simply can’t find the right partners.


History is replete with women who changed the world and impacted lives despite choosing to remain single. What with popular Oprah Winfrey, Queen Elizabeth 1, Condoleezza Rice the former US Secretary of State and Harper Lee who is the author of the widely famous To Kill a Mockingbird? There are many more.
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Five steps to save your marriage
Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Friday, September 16, 2016.

According to Andy, a relationship counsellor, these five steps come in handy when you want to save a troubled marriage:

1.When you're in a hole, stop digging. Under pressure, we tend to try the same failed strategy again and again. Even though we know pushing for an answer; getting angry or going silent doesn't' work, we imagine doing it one more time (but bigger, louder or far longer) will change things. It won't.

2.Stop playing tit-for-tat. He does something horrible and you match him. Soon it tK4Jecome a race to the bottom.

3.Just for a second, put your feelings to one side and step in your partner's shoes.

How does your relationship look now and what would you like to do differently?

4.Make a full apology. This is different from saying sorry. First acknowledge any behaviour that you regret; next, identify how this might have made him feel and then apologise. Please don't explain

why you acted as you did – that's for another day – because it can sound like an excuse and lessen the power of your apology.


Be the big one. If you love your husband – and if not, why are you spending hours talking about him to your girl-friends – do you love him enough to give without any expectation (in the short term) of getting anything back?