Who is a husband?

Written by Lady Helen Noyo Owie

Lady Helen Noyo Owie, LSJI, JP is daughter of Mary USA.

~Vanguard Nigeria. Thursday, October 27, 2016.

I HAVE chosen to speak on the topic "WHO IS A HUSBAND". The scripture tells us in Ephesians 5 vs 28,33 that husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it. A husband is a male in a marital relationship, the rights and obligation of a husband regarding his spouse, others and his status in the community and in-laws vary between cultures and have varied overtime. Husband is the head of a legally married union to a woman, be it in the church, that is holy matrimony, or in the Registry – Court marriage or just the native law and custom.

The man, therefore, should see his wife as a help-mate- Gen. 2 vs 18. And the Lord said it is not good for a man to be alone. God made for man a suitable companion to help him. Gen. 2 vs 21 – man therefore should love his wife just as he loves his body- Malachi 2 vs 14, Gen. 2 vs 24. Husbands should be faithful to their wives. Marriage is an institution ordained by God. Gen. 2 vs 24.

For this reason the man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife and they shall become one. Therefore, husbands should see their wives as help mates, sister and dependable ally, as the bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh- Gen. 2 vs 23-25. Husbands, therefore, should realise that the wife is created by God for him- Gen. 2 vs 21. The husband should therefore be conscious of the fact that his destiny is tied to that of his wife. As a husband you are the head of the home.

You must try to build a good home in the face of the moral and societal ills of our society. And give a good leadership role to your family. You will agree with me that not all husbands are husbands, some are fathers, some big boys, some adults, some men. The real husband the Bible tells us in Gen. 2 vs 24. Ephesian 5 vs 25-28, 33 Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Let me delve briefly into the role of a father. John 10 vs 11

1. a. Father is a shepherd:

A good shepherd is ready at all times to protect, provide, defend, give shelter and care for his family and give good education and moral standards for the children and of course good leadership roles for his family. A father, who is the shepherd, must smell like the sheep. He must make unconditional sacrifices to make his wife and children comfortable. He should be ready to love his wife in an unconditional manner. John 10 vs 11.


Good shepherd
The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He knows his own and his own knows him and lays down his life for his sheep. The husband must be the sheep by name e.g. knowing the birthday of his wife, sizes of shoes, dresses etc. for a woman is like a handset, if you press the right button, you get her cheaply.

1. b. A father carries the staff of office:

Authority to build the home; he must be accommodative, understanding, patience and tolerant. Fathers don't out grow your families; don't leave them behind, sit together in the church, public places etc.;be in-charge, be in dominion of things happening in your home. You are the head, the leader.

c. As fathers you must be a reconciller and not a divider:
For example, the prodigal son. Luke 15 vs 12, 13, 17, 18, 19 "Now his elder son was in the field and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said unto him, thy brother is come, and thy father hath killed the prize calf, because he hath receive him safe and sound. And he was angry and would not go in; therefore came his father out and intreated him. And he answering said to his father, lo these many years do I serve 'you, I have neither transgressed at any time thy commandment; and yet thou never gavest me a kid that I may make merry with my friends.”Luke 15 vs 31-32. The father who is a reconciler said son you are always with me, all I have is yours, get up let's go make merry and be glad for your brother who was dead is alive again, was lost and is found. He pleaded with the Senior son to forgive and forget, he built a bridge of love, reconciliation, peace and forgiveness between the two sons.

Husbands as reconcilers
Never disrespect your wife before your people or your guest or take her matter to your family or take the side of your mother or sisters or siblings or children against your wife. Correct and accept her wrong doings. If she is ugly love her, if she doesn't know how to cook love and correct her and she will learn. Don't be a grown up man always seeking your friends or mother's advice in matters that concerns your wife and family.

Women easily learn from their mistakes. Husbands as reconcilers should try always to defend their wives in good times and in bad times, be their advocate, be ready to put his life on the line in love for her, be a good umbrella for her, make your shoulder a comfortable resting place/pillar for her. Try heard to remove the spots and wrinkles from her face, turn her to a master piece on earth. Make her your box of inestimable jewelry. Husband is the crown on a woman's head. The thick Ugbe-gbe cloth that covers the woman's emptiness. Therefore, the peace, love, unity and harmony of the home should be paramount in his heart. Always do things to commend the royalty, love and respect of your wife. The husband must be a bridge builder.

1. d. Fathers are royal people:

1 Peter 2 vs 9. They are noble people, a people called and set aside by God. Therefore the spirit of a man must be a spirit of love and peace. Ephesians 5 vs 25. The aroma of Royalty comes from within the kingly power God has given to fathers. The aura of royalty comes from the way and manner he carries himself and composes himself.

1. e. Fathers are care-givers and not care-takers:

Give your time, talent and treasure to your wife-and family ego. When a woman is sick, some men will say father hmmm .. madam is sick ooo … just like that or she delivered through CS, he will say doctor, when are you discharging her or can't she come and be taking treatment from the house or doctor how much is the bill. And when she gets home the husband will expect her to pound, cook or do the normal house chores, etc. But when a man falls sick, the woman's world is completely shut down. She will say Father, please, please pray for my husband, she will say Novena and go before the blessed sacrament and attend masses, etc. Husbands should know that after God in their lives, the next person is their wives.

Husband's first priority
If the spirit of God is upon the husband he can do anything for the wife and give her unconditional love just has Christ did to us and the church. Ephesians 2, John 10 vs 11. Inconvenience yourself in so many ways to make her happy. Every husband who loves his wife will make her comfortable and not a sex mate or partner or baby factory. The husband's first priority is the comfort of his wife, he should see the wife as an integral part of him that should be cherished and loved.

1. f. Leadership role:

Do not suffocate your wife, don't make 360 degree on every situation. Let your importance touch your family positively. Don't build a wall between you and your wife. Lead by example, show good leadership roles.

g.Unity in the home:
Not money but love, communication is the key that unifies marriage. Try to do things in common, e.g. eating together, etc.; love and influence your wife, don't force; up light not down grade, don't disgrace. The crown of the husband is the integrity of the family. The wisdom of the man to know what to do the right time and how to carry the woman along makes the home happy.

Song: 
When Jesus is in the family
Happy, happy home 2x

Know your priority, e.g. building a house instead of buying flashy cars, etc.; living a flamboyant life.

1. A father must possess the ability to maintain a good cordial relationship with his wife and know that he is a product of god's mercy:

Ps. 118 vs 6, 10, 13-14, 17, 22 and 29. Knowing that everything he has, he should owe it to God. Jesus Christ is our sin-eater; for God so love the world that He sent His only begotten son- John 3 vs 16. Ps 118 vs 1 tells us to give thanks to the Lord for He is good, because His mercies endureth forever.

1. Fathers are sanctifiers not defilers:

Know that every sexual intercourse is a covenant. Therefore don't defile your marital home; be faithful;fidelity should be the key to a man's progress and prosperity. As brother Owie normally says: "no good wife no long life". Ese Oruru's case is fresh in the minds of all Nigerians.
Some men go after girls that are under-age, small enough to be their daughter or having relationships with memebrs etc, fornication leads to sin, and sin denies him from receiving God's favours and blessings.

1. Fathers are prophets: God made husbands in this unique way by the fact of his anointing through, baptism, anointing during marriage and through anointing with the oil of Creson.

Husband should know that marriage is one union most abused, most persecuted. Therefore, husbands should carry themselves with integrity, pride and decorum and make his house a place of prayers not a den of robbers or cultist or kidnappers. Minister the word of God to your family. Let your wife and -family see God's love in your way of life. Let them see God's words, wisdom in your actions. Where we can now always sing.

Song:
God, give us a Christian homes! 2x
Homes where the Bible loved and taught
Homes where the Master's will is sought;
Homes crowned with beauty Thy love hath wrought;
God, give us Christian homes,
God, give us Christian homes.

1. God, give us Christian homes! 2x

Homes where the father is true and strong
Homes that are free from the blight of wrong, ,
Homes that are joyous with love and song';
God, give us Christian homes,
God, give us Christian homes.

1. Fathers are the first teacher/catechist: A family whose fatheris not prayerful that family is in trouble. Fathers must pray to generate power. If he is not prayerful, he cannot function well. There is a disonnection. A prayerful man is a powerful man. Fathers should always lead prayers in the family.