22 notable changes that can affect your sex life

By Funmi Akingbade
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, February 11, 2018.

Funmi Akingbade

As the saying goes, the only thing that does not change is God and perhaps change itself; every other thing changes. If something has a beginning, the end is just around the corner. As beautiful as sex is and as important in a marital relationship as it is, there are many notable changes that happen with sex in the marriage union. So today, we are going to examine 22 different changes couples should watch out for while the going is good.

One, it is very obvious that due to lack of adequate information and understanding, many couples find it difficult to comprehend these changes in their sex life. They usually think that something is wrong with them or their spouse. But experts have made it clear that couples' sex taste bud changes from age to age. The changes are also affected by their temperaments, mind-set, psychosocial exposures, diseases and available medical treatment and the earlier a spouse is aware of this, the better it is for the married partner.

Two, this awareness is particularly useful for couples who have obvious age gap, racial differences and blood group compatibility issues around them. The understanding of this will assist each spouse to sexually please his or her spouse, while he or she is having the best of sexual fulfillment and, of course, it helps reduce cases of infidelity to the minimum.

Three, couples' sex drives, libido and taste change with age. For instance, couples within the ages of 20 and 30 years share sexual similarities in taste, preference, flavour, libido and craving while couples within the ages of 32 and 39 have the same sexual favourite, passion, desire and yearning than those within the ages of 45 and above.

Four, experts say the ages between 20 and 30 is the stage where couples have lots and lots of great sexual chemistry at their disposal. It is the stage where both partners fall madly in love and constantly produce high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine. These chemicals not only make young couples feel extremely excited, they drive up testosterone- the hormone that fuels the sex drive of men as well as women-to the highest height. Besides, time is on the side of this category of couples. For young couples who have no children, mornings and evenings are blissfully theirs for romantic romps. What's more, they are at the beginning of their sexual life and they have a long way to go.

Five, this is the stage where more than often you hear the man complain of premature ejaculation or anxiety of performance, because with all the sexual tension between the couple, the man sometimes gets so excited that he ejaculates too quickly. Or since both partners are so young, the man may not yet know how to climax every time. Besides, because either of the spouses is eager to get to the peak of the game, one or both partners are put under undue pressure and unconsciously develop anxiety of performance. Anxiety of performance happens in both men and women, but it is more pronounced in men.



Six, this is the stage they skip foreplay [especially the man] or see it as a delay or torture. Nevertheless, this is the time they could really get to know each other's body and to figure out their likes or dislikes. The couple should see this as an opportunity to create their own sexual template. Actually, for this age group, this is the time to try it all and talk about what both of them are trying out. This is the stage when weird sexual fantasies and the like are put into practice and explored. At this stage, sex is on the menu at every given minute.

Seven, sometimes, couples are clueless about what to say at this point to really heat sex up. You have to tell each other what you want. But for many young couples at this stage, talking about sex may sometimes be embarrassing. This can be especially true of women who may not realise that giving their partner some sexy instructions in bed is likely to turn them on.

Eight, to get comfortable with the kind of talk that drives men into action, a wife can try this slightly ridiculous game. This game lets you reveal where and how you want to be touched (as well as find out his hot spots) without saying a word. Just tell him you want to practise his favourite move but that he has to physically tell you what it is. Sit naked in the middle of the bed, facing each other. Lock eyes with him and fantasise about what you'd like him to do to you while he concentrates on what he wants you to do to him. As if that isn't fun enough, try to read each other's mind. After a few minutes, share your thoughts. By now, you should both be hot enough to say anything and be ready to go 'gaga.'

Nine, you can decide to do a 'leave in message.' It's another way for each of you to communicate what you would like without saying a thing. Either of you may go all out to buy an erotic gift and leave a note on the fridge in the morning saying that you don't mind changing position to a 'kneeling down and taking off style.' This style is so unique and not a regular style but a special one that you engage in when you want to have a time to remember. And while doing that, take note that to get the maximum pleasure, you have to take your time to slowly and passionately rip your clothes off in a wild fashion, so as to really get to know every erotic spot on your mate.

Ten, you can even time yourselves to know how far both of you can endure heavy foreplay before the actual sex. For a start, set a timer for 20 minutes one day, 30 the next and 40 the day after (every other day could be a good idea). This will force you to figure out each other's pleasure threshold. Or try this technique: put four little bells on four silky strings and tie one around both your spouse's wrist and ankle. Then tell him or her not to jingle while you check out the body geography. Partners can learn a lot about what turns a partner on just by watching their facial expressions as they struggle to stay still.

Eleven, next to this stage is the age between 32 and 39 or thereabout. Hormonally speaking, this is a great time for a couple. The man's testosterone level is still high enough to keep him hot. But he's not as frivolous as he was in his 20s, when a sideway glance at his wife could spark a raw fire within him and turn him on and keep him hard all-day long. Those slightly lower levels of excitement may mean that he may have put any premature ejaculation problem behind him. And while the wife may have dry spells when she is pregnant or breastfeeding (both of which can decrease her sex drive), it is common for breastfeeding women to have inadequate vaginal lubrication. But experts agree that this is the age when most women hit their sexual stride.

Twelve, in their 30s, majority of spouses are more confident with their bodies, their mates and their sexuality. They are less afraid to speak up about what they like, so they are more likely to have orgasms. Although the two of them may have come off that initial wild passionate sex, they may likely settle into what experts call the attachment stage: a period of closeness and contentment when both share a general sense of union and peace of mind.

Thirteen, the kind of connection a couple in love shares at this stage drives up levels of oxytocin and vasopressin (the two chemicals that flood the brain with feelings of well-being). Here, they think of sex in the brain before the body.

Fourteen, having passionate sex truly happens when they find ways to put it on their schedule, whether that means more quickies or making foreplay a part of everyday life. But whatever the case may be, the passions must not go off. You both can flood your sexual senses by carving out a day when you're so tired that you can't imagine wanting to get busy in bed. You can refocus with this relaxing but racy ritual, which will wake you and your husband's senses. Innocently invite him to "talk" over a favourite dish and your favourite music while you change out of your work clothes. Once you've stripped down to your underwear, lean over and lick his neck while unbuttoning his shirt. Next, work your way down to his nipples, where that tingling sensation will fill his head with sexy thoughts.

Fifteen, stimulating your senses is the best way to shut out distractions and ease your way into the bedroom. Even when you've got in the mood, you may still have to fit what you used to do in three hours into just a few minutes. This makes you both feel so connected to each other, and sex becomes even more intimate and soulful, no matter how swiftly you both do it.

Sixteen, 'nothing spoil' if both of you have an all-day foreplay in one of the weekends. It also helps if you're ready to get it on before you hit the sheets. Find little ways to play around during the day. Creativity can help compensate for minimal mattress time.

Seventeen, one woman I know writes sexy messages on her husband's arm (they're hidden under his sleeve during the day) and forbids him to read them until he gets to work. A man who I particularly admire puts rose petals on the overhead fan in the bedroom. When his wife turns it on, the room is showered with flowers. You both can savour those sleepless nights by just doing it, because a man's testosterone level starts going up around 2 a.m. and keeps rising. It's actually even better than morning sex because you are in a sort of an altered state. And after you have made love, you can just roll over for a few more delicious hours of sleep. Think sex whenever you find yourselves up at an odd time; it is very pleasurable.

Eighteen, now let's look into the next stage which is the age of 45 and above. This isn't the most hormonally charged stage of marriage. The onset of peri menopause may mean that sex hormones are waning. Less estrogen means that the woman may not lubricate as quickly or easily as she used to. And the man's lower testosterone level means that it'll take more to get him turned on. He is also not thinking about sex as often as he used to. Never mind. At this age, there's plenty that is going on between the two of you to keep sex steamy. In fact, experts say many couples in their 40s say they enjoy making love now more than ever. At this point, you and your partner know exactly how to excite each other.