Guardian Nigeria. Thursday, March 14, 2019
How knowledgeable are you about your urogenital health? Concerning the male genitourinary system, it encompasses organs that are essential for urinary and reproductive genital health such as the kidneys, urinary bladder, prostate, testes, penis, and other structures. When men have problems or concerns involving these organs, there is sometimes a reluctance to mention any urologic concerns to a doctor on account of embarrassment about the issue. There are certain symptoms however, that always require medical attention and delays in seeking out treatment may result in severe lifelong health consequences. Here are four red flags that your urogenital health may be seriously at risk and that you must urgently see an urologist.
You experience a continuous and painful erection lasting several hours -
A painful continuous erection that persists for greater than four hours and arises in the absence of sexual stimulation is known as priapism. When priapism occurs, there is no relief of the symptoms even with ejaculation. The type of priapism that is the most worrisome is ischemic priapism, which results when blood is unable to be drained from a penis that is erect. It's a urological emergency that may lead to penile necrosis (tissue death) that can't be reversed.
There are various reasons why priapism may occur in males. In some cases of priapism, it may happen due to the use of medication for the treatment of erectile dysfunction. Priapism may also be a complication of sickle cell disease. Sometimes the etiology of the condition is simply unknown.
Treatment may include blood aspiration, meaning that a doctor would use a needle to remove blood from the engorged penis. Administration of vasoconstrictive medication is also another treatment modality. Nonetheless, priapism is a serious condition that must never be ignored.
You have rapidly progressing genital skin discoloration/break down plus foul odor
If you ever experience a rapidly progressing genital skin discoloration or break down in conjunction with the symptoms of genital pain, foul odor, and fever, then there may be great concern for Fournier’s gangrene. It is a type necrotizing fasciitis of the external genitalia and perineum. Though the condition is rare, it tends to occur more in men versus women. There is also an increased risk of the condition in those with chronic medical conditions like diabetes or other health problems leading to an immunocompromised state e.g. HIV. Treatment may include administration of intravenous antibiotics and removal of the necrotic tissue via surgical intervention. The condition may ultimately be life threatening and early treatment is crucial.
You feel severe testicular pain
Testicular pain is another major red flag that you must urgently seek evaluation from an urologist.
Afrisonet: Universally African and Socially Responsible. We are on the path to the total discovery of the people in today's Africa. Repositioning, to have a way, a say and to make a difference! Be Part.
Showing posts with label Adult matters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adult matters. Show all posts
Corpers and life of sex, booze, drugs in NYSC camps
By Timileyin Akinkahunsi and Ojoi Ijagah
Punch Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2018.
For Dorcas Ifeji, the best time of her life was in 2016, the year she participated in the one-year mandatory National youth service programme. And all of the excitement was down to the three weeks she spent in the National Youth Service Corps orientation camp in Taraba State.
Ifeji described her experience in camp as the time of her life she would always relish. As a fresh graduate, she had thought that the regimented life in the camp, with soldiers keeping a watchful eye on corps members, would be stressful, but she was wrong. The experience was almost like nothing changed for the party-loving lady.
"We had a place called Club Zero behind the Mammy Market (usually a market in military barracks where food, beverages and other things are sold); it was like a clubhouse," she said with a sheepish smile.
"Club Zero was where everything unimaginable happened in the camp. It was just behind the Mammy Market. You could get to smoke weed, party and indulge in everything irregular; some adventurous people even made out in the open.
"What made Club Zero interesting was because the soldiers in the camp usually let their guards down there, looking for free beer from the guys and willing girls to flirt with. Some soldiers were lucky enough to find drunk and vulnerable girls who would follow them to their quarters for private business.
"It was normal to see corps members in pairs, kissing, groping and doing sexually suggestive things in Club Zero. The place was dimly lit so the atmosphere was conducive for certain actions. A day really stood out for me: people were shouting and I was wondering what could have happened. Then I realised that a guy and a lady had just been found having sex in a corner at Club Zero.
"The act should have attracted serious punishment but people actually hailed them and after the noise went down, all the soldiers present there said was 'una must buy us one crate of beer o' (you must buy us a crate of beer)."
Since the national youth service is compulsory for Nigerian graduates under the age of 30, those seeking employment are required to show proof of participation or formal exemption from taking part in it as a prerequisite for getting jobs in the country.
Punch Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2018.
For Dorcas Ifeji, the best time of her life was in 2016, the year she participated in the one-year mandatory National youth service programme. And all of the excitement was down to the three weeks she spent in the National Youth Service Corps orientation camp in Taraba State.Ifeji described her experience in camp as the time of her life she would always relish. As a fresh graduate, she had thought that the regimented life in the camp, with soldiers keeping a watchful eye on corps members, would be stressful, but she was wrong. The experience was almost like nothing changed for the party-loving lady.
"We had a place called Club Zero behind the Mammy Market (usually a market in military barracks where food, beverages and other things are sold); it was like a clubhouse," she said with a sheepish smile.
"Club Zero was where everything unimaginable happened in the camp. It was just behind the Mammy Market. You could get to smoke weed, party and indulge in everything irregular; some adventurous people even made out in the open.
"What made Club Zero interesting was because the soldiers in the camp usually let their guards down there, looking for free beer from the guys and willing girls to flirt with. Some soldiers were lucky enough to find drunk and vulnerable girls who would follow them to their quarters for private business.
"It was normal to see corps members in pairs, kissing, groping and doing sexually suggestive things in Club Zero. The place was dimly lit so the atmosphere was conducive for certain actions. A day really stood out for me: people were shouting and I was wondering what could have happened. Then I realised that a guy and a lady had just been found having sex in a corner at Club Zero.
"The act should have attracted serious punishment but people actually hailed them and after the noise went down, all the soldiers present there said was 'una must buy us one crate of beer o' (you must buy us a crate of beer)."
Since the national youth service is compulsory for Nigerian graduates under the age of 30, those seeking employment are required to show proof of participation or formal exemption from taking part in it as a prerequisite for getting jobs in the country.
Good-time girl with a heart of gold!
Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2018.
Faith was having a private dinner at a push restaurant with her current sugar-daddy when she spotted her mum's best friend at the reception. "It was too late for me to avoid her not noticing me", Faith said. "Aunty May as we all called her is my Mum\s very good friend and my `partner' is one of her friends' husband. I'd actually met him at her place when they had a house-warming party. I could always tell a bored, rich old man from a distant and I made a bee-line for him.
"Mike, as he later introduced himself was a very successful businessman and he was flattered to be chatted up by me. I was a fresh graduate but looking for a salaried job was the furtherest thing on my mind. Even as an undergraduate, I'd built a very impressive client¨le of men who found my type of beauty alluring. I was tall, very light-skinned - not bleached with boobs to die for. And I was a good girl. Largely because of the solid moral grounding I got from my Muslim father, who sadly passed away five years ago, and my hospital matron mother.
"It was my close friend, Angela at the university who introduced me to this life of leisure I love so much. She got drunk one night and blurted out something as soon as she came through the door of the room we shared. `Faith, promise me you won't tell a soul but I've got something to tell you. I've been dying to tell you for months now'. `What is it?' I quizzed her. `Have you got a new boyfriend?' `Humph, sort of", she giggled mischievously. `I've actually got PLENTY of boyfriends and they pay me well for services rendered!' I was gob smacked. `Are you tell me you're a prostitute?'
"It turns out there is this lively house she visits from time to time. It is owned by a glamorous socialite who'd hosted a lot of men since her husband passed away decades ago", even whilst her husband was alive, she'd made little or no efforts to hide her escapades. As she and her `gang' grew older, they encouraged younger single girls to visit so the men would be spoilt for choice. `I's easy', Angela told me. `As long as you like sex, it's a breeze. You should give it a go' While the thought first repulsed me, I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Could I actually do it? What would Mum say' In the end I did take the plunge and the money along with the contacts were so intoxicating I never looked back.
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2018.
Faith was having a private dinner at a push restaurant with her current sugar-daddy when she spotted her mum's best friend at the reception. "It was too late for me to avoid her not noticing me", Faith said. "Aunty May as we all called her is my Mum\s very good friend and my `partner' is one of her friends' husband. I'd actually met him at her place when they had a house-warming party. I could always tell a bored, rich old man from a distant and I made a bee-line for him."Mike, as he later introduced himself was a very successful businessman and he was flattered to be chatted up by me. I was a fresh graduate but looking for a salaried job was the furtherest thing on my mind. Even as an undergraduate, I'd built a very impressive client¨le of men who found my type of beauty alluring. I was tall, very light-skinned - not bleached with boobs to die for. And I was a good girl. Largely because of the solid moral grounding I got from my Muslim father, who sadly passed away five years ago, and my hospital matron mother.
"It was my close friend, Angela at the university who introduced me to this life of leisure I love so much. She got drunk one night and blurted out something as soon as she came through the door of the room we shared. `Faith, promise me you won't tell a soul but I've got something to tell you. I've been dying to tell you for months now'. `What is it?' I quizzed her. `Have you got a new boyfriend?' `Humph, sort of", she giggled mischievously. `I've actually got PLENTY of boyfriends and they pay me well for services rendered!' I was gob smacked. `Are you tell me you're a prostitute?'
"It turns out there is this lively house she visits from time to time. It is owned by a glamorous socialite who'd hosted a lot of men since her husband passed away decades ago", even whilst her husband was alive, she'd made little or no efforts to hide her escapades. As she and her `gang' grew older, they encouraged younger single girls to visit so the men would be spoilt for choice. `I's easy', Angela told me. `As long as you like sex, it's a breeze. You should give it a go' While the thought first repulsed me, I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Could I actually do it? What would Mum say' In the end I did take the plunge and the money along with the contacts were so intoxicating I never looked back.
She did what she had to do to give her kids a better life!
Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 15, 2018.
WOULD you do anything to make your kids happy – however sordid you believe such things to be? A few years ago, Denike, a teaching assistant at a private primary school resigned and started a sort of petty trading. "We had the front two rooms in the house we moved to after Dele, my husband, was medically discharged from the armed forces and the little money he had ran out", she explained.
"I started with running a small canteen in front of the house but the landlord kicked against it because of the fire hazard it created. Then I started retail trading but the profits weren't much to look after us all – four children in total. I felt guilty every time I had to tell my children we couldn't afford little treats they'd taken for granted. Out of frustration, I confided in a former colleague at the school. She earned the same salary I did but had told me she also had a part-time job that paid fairly well. I wanted her to find out if there was a chance of my being employed.
"She didn't even bat an eyelid before explaining what she did. She worked at a private club that offered massages to members. It was right in the middle of town and was always busy. She could take me there if I was keen. Of course there was a catch. As well as massaging the clients, I would have to provide extras too. After giving it a thought, I said I would do anything but full sex. I would be okay with a bit of touching, but I couldn't go that far. It still didn't stop me from being nervous though. I remember my first time with a man – massaging his back, hardly knowing what to do as he tried to slip his hand up my skirt. He then pleasured himself on me. I felt dirty and violated.
"I was screaming inside. I just wanted to run from that room, go home and never came back. Then I remembered the toys my kids wanted that Christmas. I imagined their eyes lighting up as I handed them their presents on their wish list. When the man had finished, I cleaned up, took the cash from him as he left. I was a bit relieved it was ready cash. Pure profit so to speak. It was an encouraging start.
"Over the next few months, I saw more men. Some just wanted a massage and a fondle, others were after more. I still didn't feel comfortable enough to have sex with a stranger though. But the more I worked the more relaxed I was about the idea. My colleague assured me what 1 was earning were peanuts compared to what 1 would get if I went the whole way. And about three months after starting, I was finally ready to take the plunge. At least, I thought I was. That morning, I was a wreck. I couldn't eat much. Every time I thought about a stranger on top of me, I broke out in a cold sweat.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 15, 2018.
WOULD you do anything to make your kids happy – however sordid you believe such things to be? A few years ago, Denike, a teaching assistant at a private primary school resigned and started a sort of petty trading. "We had the front two rooms in the house we moved to after Dele, my husband, was medically discharged from the armed forces and the little money he had ran out", she explained."I started with running a small canteen in front of the house but the landlord kicked against it because of the fire hazard it created. Then I started retail trading but the profits weren't much to look after us all – four children in total. I felt guilty every time I had to tell my children we couldn't afford little treats they'd taken for granted. Out of frustration, I confided in a former colleague at the school. She earned the same salary I did but had told me she also had a part-time job that paid fairly well. I wanted her to find out if there was a chance of my being employed.
"She didn't even bat an eyelid before explaining what she did. She worked at a private club that offered massages to members. It was right in the middle of town and was always busy. She could take me there if I was keen. Of course there was a catch. As well as massaging the clients, I would have to provide extras too. After giving it a thought, I said I would do anything but full sex. I would be okay with a bit of touching, but I couldn't go that far. It still didn't stop me from being nervous though. I remember my first time with a man – massaging his back, hardly knowing what to do as he tried to slip his hand up my skirt. He then pleasured himself on me. I felt dirty and violated.
"I was screaming inside. I just wanted to run from that room, go home and never came back. Then I remembered the toys my kids wanted that Christmas. I imagined their eyes lighting up as I handed them their presents on their wish list. When the man had finished, I cleaned up, took the cash from him as he left. I was a bit relieved it was ready cash. Pure profit so to speak. It was an encouraging start.
"Over the next few months, I saw more men. Some just wanted a massage and a fondle, others were after more. I still didn't feel comfortable enough to have sex with a stranger though. But the more I worked the more relaxed I was about the idea. My colleague assured me what 1 was earning were peanuts compared to what 1 would get if I went the whole way. And about three months after starting, I was finally ready to take the plunge. At least, I thought I was. That morning, I was a wreck. I couldn't eat much. Every time I thought about a stranger on top of me, I broke out in a cold sweat.
Why desperate women fall for oldest trick all the time!
~Vanguard Nigeria. Tuesday, July 10, 2018.
WHENEVER the word, ‘mistress' is mentioned, up springs the image of a calculating vamp dressed
in skimpy clothes and expensive hair extensions, ready to lure away husbands without a second thought to the families of such men. But sometimes, the truth is usually more complicated. As a result, many women who find themselves the 'other woman' are caught in situations they never bargained for. Take the case of Mylah for instance. "I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met Jacob,'she told me, a bit sad. 'I'd just split up from my husband of 11 years-and was busy looking after the three children of the marriage.
"Jacob was a friend's elder brother and we met at my friend's 40th birthday party. He told me he's been estranged from his wife for months and was waiting for his divorce to be finalized. According to him, his wife hadn't really adapted to the fact that wives were supposed to behave differently from when they were abroad,'and when they finally relocated to Nigeria. I didn't ask 'him for details and our relationship quickly took up from there. He gave me his mobile number as well as his home's and visited every spare minute he got. Gradually, we became very fond of each other and he sometimes slept over at mine.
"He lived alone and when he suggested I moved in with him, I agreed. The children were in the boarding house-and having them for the holidays wouldn't be a problem. As soon as Jacob's divorce was through, he promised we would get married-I was very happy. The fact that he was technically married didn't bother me and he openly let me know when he was popping over to his old house to see his two children. I was after all, a mother and knew the importance of both parents to children.
"I later discovered that life with Jacob wasn't always smooth-sailing. When we had rows, he would storm off for hours. Then last year, the friend I met him through arranged for us to come with her family to the Benin Republic to see a relative and have a holiday in the process. I jumped at the chance and Jacob was quite willing to go. The morning we were to go, he picked up a quarrel and stormed off again. I was furious when he didn't turn up hours later, fearing he might be in an accident. I called my friend to cancel the trip, telling her why. She calmly told me Jacob was already outside their house in the car with his wife! I was in shock. I'd believed him 100 per cent when he said they'd split. I'd had no reason not to. We were living together for heaven's sake! I asked my friend to take the phone to him, but he refused to talk to me.
WHENEVER the word, ‘mistress' is mentioned, up springs the image of a calculating vamp dressed in skimpy clothes and expensive hair extensions, ready to lure away husbands without a second thought to the families of such men. But sometimes, the truth is usually more complicated. As a result, many women who find themselves the 'other woman' are caught in situations they never bargained for. Take the case of Mylah for instance. "I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met Jacob,'she told me, a bit sad. 'I'd just split up from my husband of 11 years-and was busy looking after the three children of the marriage.
"Jacob was a friend's elder brother and we met at my friend's 40th birthday party. He told me he's been estranged from his wife for months and was waiting for his divorce to be finalized. According to him, his wife hadn't really adapted to the fact that wives were supposed to behave differently from when they were abroad,'and when they finally relocated to Nigeria. I didn't ask 'him for details and our relationship quickly took up from there. He gave me his mobile number as well as his home's and visited every spare minute he got. Gradually, we became very fond of each other and he sometimes slept over at mine.
"He lived alone and when he suggested I moved in with him, I agreed. The children were in the boarding house-and having them for the holidays wouldn't be a problem. As soon as Jacob's divorce was through, he promised we would get married-I was very happy. The fact that he was technically married didn't bother me and he openly let me know when he was popping over to his old house to see his two children. I was after all, a mother and knew the importance of both parents to children.
"I later discovered that life with Jacob wasn't always smooth-sailing. When we had rows, he would storm off for hours. Then last year, the friend I met him through arranged for us to come with her family to the Benin Republic to see a relative and have a holiday in the process. I jumped at the chance and Jacob was quite willing to go. The morning we were to go, he picked up a quarrel and stormed off again. I was furious when he didn't turn up hours later, fearing he might be in an accident. I called my friend to cancel the trip, telling her why. She calmly told me Jacob was already outside their house in the car with his wife! I was in shock. I'd believed him 100 per cent when he said they'd split. I'd had no reason not to. We were living together for heaven's sake! I asked my friend to take the phone to him, but he refused to talk to me.
'It was my chance to give him a sex education!'
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 1, 2018.
Written by Bunmi Sofola
WHAT unbridled passion could make a woman seduce a lad? Isn't every gangling boy's fantasy, luring a matured woman to bed for his first and subsequent sexual experiences? Ironically,there are women out there who find unfettered lads attractive. Nora was one of them-until she got her fingers burnt. A divorced mother of two lovely boys, by age 36, she'd been divorced but living in her own house with a couple of cars to complement her life-style. "When I met Veron two years ago, he'd just finished with his OND and was on his year working experience-and he was serving it at a friend's office," said Vera. "He had no job description-he was more of a man-Friday who did odd jobs. When I visited this friend of mine on this fateful day, I was feeling really famished and she quickly sent Veron to get us some food to eat.
"I teased him about being very young with a lot of girl-friends, but he smiled shyly. He said he'd soon be 24- but his body-over 6ft, broad shoulders and slim hips, screamed sexuality. He once let it slip that he was still a virgin and I showed surprise. Was he kidding? Then I felt excited-to this day, I'd never know why. It would be quite a pleasure teaching him a trick or two about sex. It would be a teacher/pupil fantasy. My chance to give him sex education. Afterall, it's a belief that women hit their sexual peak in their 30s, and men 20s…. We'd be in perfect sync. Lust had kicked in.
"My first son was to be 12 a couple of weeks later and I invited him to attend. He hung around till the end of the party. He was a bit tipsy by this time. That might have encouraged his next move-afterall I didn't exactly hide the fact I found him attractive. As soon as we were alone, he pulled me to him and kissed me hard. I was a bit embarrassed, I'd forgotten his inexperience and quickly offered him more drinks before sending him on his way. I told him to come back the next day when the children would be at their grandma's.
"The next day, as soon as I led him to the bedroom he dived into the bed, quickly peeling off his clothes. As I stripped to my silky undies, he was virtually quivering. Was it from passion? Nerves? Quietly, I plotted how to approach this shy, inexperienced man meeting up with a woman who'd promised him sex. Of course, I was nervous because I wanted his first time… to feel special. 'I love you…' he whispered. Of course he didn't, I told myself. Every strapping lad wants sex, lots of it. Well, just like me! And so it started-the education of Veron. By the time I sent him home, he'd gained a life-time experience. My friends found it hilarious when I told them. They warned it wouldn't last. But who cared? This wasn't about love, it was animal passion.
Written by Bunmi Sofola
WHAT unbridled passion could make a woman seduce a lad? Isn't every gangling boy's fantasy, luring a matured woman to bed for his first and subsequent sexual experiences? Ironically,there are women out there who find unfettered lads attractive. Nora was one of them-until she got her fingers burnt. A divorced mother of two lovely boys, by age 36, she'd been divorced but living in her own house with a couple of cars to complement her life-style. "When I met Veron two years ago, he'd just finished with his OND and was on his year working experience-and he was serving it at a friend's office," said Vera. "He had no job description-he was more of a man-Friday who did odd jobs. When I visited this friend of mine on this fateful day, I was feeling really famished and she quickly sent Veron to get us some food to eat.
"I teased him about being very young with a lot of girl-friends, but he smiled shyly. He said he'd soon be 24- but his body-over 6ft, broad shoulders and slim hips, screamed sexuality. He once let it slip that he was still a virgin and I showed surprise. Was he kidding? Then I felt excited-to this day, I'd never know why. It would be quite a pleasure teaching him a trick or two about sex. It would be a teacher/pupil fantasy. My chance to give him sex education. Afterall, it's a belief that women hit their sexual peak in their 30s, and men 20s…. We'd be in perfect sync. Lust had kicked in.
"My first son was to be 12 a couple of weeks later and I invited him to attend. He hung around till the end of the party. He was a bit tipsy by this time. That might have encouraged his next move-afterall I didn't exactly hide the fact I found him attractive. As soon as we were alone, he pulled me to him and kissed me hard. I was a bit embarrassed, I'd forgotten his inexperience and quickly offered him more drinks before sending him on his way. I told him to come back the next day when the children would be at their grandma's.
"The next day, as soon as I led him to the bedroom he dived into the bed, quickly peeling off his clothes. As I stripped to my silky undies, he was virtually quivering. Was it from passion? Nerves? Quietly, I plotted how to approach this shy, inexperienced man meeting up with a woman who'd promised him sex. Of course, I was nervous because I wanted his first time… to feel special. 'I love you…' he whispered. Of course he didn't, I told myself. Every strapping lad wants sex, lots of it. Well, just like me! And so it started-the education of Veron. By the time I sent him home, he'd gained a life-time experience. My friends found it hilarious when I told them. They warned it wouldn't last. But who cared? This wasn't about love, it was animal passion.
Where exactly are the wife materials?!
Diary of a Divorced City Girl by Emmanuel Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.
HAVE you noticed it's taking men a long time to settle down these days and make an honest woman of one of the 'catches' they always have on the leash? When Joseph hit his 30s, I often counselled him on the advantages of settling down and having all his children whilst he was young. "What's the hurry," he always told me.
A suave gentleman with a good job and a nice to-die-for pad, he believed it wouldn't be an effort to meet a partner when he was good and ready to settle down. He recently hit 40, and a dad to an adorable son whose mother doesn't want to get married! "I couldn't really believe it when she told me", Joseph said, scandalised. "I was too old for her? Too old?
She was in her mid 20s, when we met and already had a child.
"When she became pregnant, I grudgingly decided to ask her to be my wife thinking she would be grateful to have a stepfather for her child. She was also for it at first, but after she had the child, she told me she didn't think I was financially buoyant enough to look after her and two children. That her furniture business was doing well and she would rather be on her own. I was free to visit my son any time I wished and contribute to his upbringing. I was speechless. Not even my mother could talk her round. She's put a big dent in my self-esteem, I tell you! I'm now 40 and don't think I'll ever have a genuine girlfriend to make my wife. I want to settle down and have children by one woman. As things are now, it seems I've mucked up and made a mess of my future. It's true I loved clubbing and each weekend, I'd take home a different girl and we'd have a great time.
"I was young and all I wanted was sex and more sex and I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing – that was until now. To my embarrassment, I've discovered, that no decent girl will come near me. Yes, I do get girls, but they've been around a bit, and I've slept with most of them. Just before the end of the year, I went to an office and met a lot of girls having a natter. It so happened that, out of the seven of them, I'd slept with five.
"They greeted me warmly but I was shaking in my shoes with embarrassment. I was sure that as soon as I left, they'd be having a good gossip at my expense! I don't want that kind of life again. I know its' my fault that I suddenly found myself out of the market. I mean, I never dreamt I would get involved with a single mother, not to think of such a person giving me the elbow!
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.
HAVE you noticed it's taking men a long time to settle down these days and make an honest woman of one of the 'catches' they always have on the leash? When Joseph hit his 30s, I often counselled him on the advantages of settling down and having all his children whilst he was young. "What's the hurry," he always told me.
A suave gentleman with a good job and a nice to-die-for pad, he believed it wouldn't be an effort to meet a partner when he was good and ready to settle down. He recently hit 40, and a dad to an adorable son whose mother doesn't want to get married! "I couldn't really believe it when she told me", Joseph said, scandalised. "I was too old for her? Too old?She was in her mid 20s, when we met and already had a child.
"When she became pregnant, I grudgingly decided to ask her to be my wife thinking she would be grateful to have a stepfather for her child. She was also for it at first, but after she had the child, she told me she didn't think I was financially buoyant enough to look after her and two children. That her furniture business was doing well and she would rather be on her own. I was free to visit my son any time I wished and contribute to his upbringing. I was speechless. Not even my mother could talk her round. She's put a big dent in my self-esteem, I tell you! I'm now 40 and don't think I'll ever have a genuine girlfriend to make my wife. I want to settle down and have children by one woman. As things are now, it seems I've mucked up and made a mess of my future. It's true I loved clubbing and each weekend, I'd take home a different girl and we'd have a great time.
"I was young and all I wanted was sex and more sex and I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing – that was until now. To my embarrassment, I've discovered, that no decent girl will come near me. Yes, I do get girls, but they've been around a bit, and I've slept with most of them. Just before the end of the year, I went to an office and met a lot of girls having a natter. It so happened that, out of the seven of them, I'd slept with five.
"They greeted me warmly but I was shaking in my shoes with embarrassment. I was sure that as soon as I left, they'd be having a good gossip at my expense! I don't want that kind of life again. I know its' my fault that I suddenly found myself out of the market. I mean, I never dreamt I would get involved with a single mother, not to think of such a person giving me the elbow!
GYMS – DANGER TO MARRIAGES
Recent studies across the world by a group of Christian Social Women Group has revealed that patronage of gyms are becoming a high risk option to sustainability of marriages.
The health and physical benefits of gyms not withstanding, the gyms are proving to be fertile grounds for infidelity and promiscuity. Some of the observations made are revealing:
First, the gym instructors prey on vulnerable women. A lot of married women have adopted the gym as a panacea to reducing weight and looking cutely attractive. Presumably because their spouses could be more attracted to their new curvy bodies. This makes them vulnerable to predating gym instructors who take advantage and seduce them. Touching the women at their most weakest areas opened them up for abuses and lasciviousness. Women biologically respond to tickles and fondles depending on which part of the body you touch. Gym instructors cunningly and constantly touch these spots when they observed them to break the emotional stability of those women. These over a period opens up those women for abuse. It was observed that these are prevalent with more affluent women and also lonely spouses.
Socialisation – The study also revealed that most marriages have suffered because the men or women have taken the gyms as their main centres of socialisation. When couples don’t find any reliable source of socialisation, they see the gym and the patrons as their most reliable friends, partners and joy. Most couples who attend the gym together do not face this risk. Couples who attend gyms alone are very prone to these dangers. After a period of socialising with the same opposite sex for a time, bonding becomes almost unavoidable. The more they train, chat, drink and sometimes eat together after the physical exercises, they become used to each other and sometimes share their marriage challenges. Unsuspecting partners are taken advantage of through a show of sympathy and sometimes outright deception and ill advice.
Targeting – Some men and women have intentionally joined gyms and clubs purposely to prey on a targeted victim. Many men and women have ignorantly fallen to wicked and deceitful men and women who have targeted them over a period. The targets may not know that these men and women have intentioned to have them for long and unsuspectingly opened up to them as gym mates and friends.
The health and physical benefits of gyms not withstanding, the gyms are proving to be fertile grounds for infidelity and promiscuity. Some of the observations made are revealing:
First, the gym instructors prey on vulnerable women. A lot of married women have adopted the gym as a panacea to reducing weight and looking cutely attractive. Presumably because their spouses could be more attracted to their new curvy bodies. This makes them vulnerable to predating gym instructors who take advantage and seduce them. Touching the women at their most weakest areas opened them up for abuses and lasciviousness. Women biologically respond to tickles and fondles depending on which part of the body you touch. Gym instructors cunningly and constantly touch these spots when they observed them to break the emotional stability of those women. These over a period opens up those women for abuse. It was observed that these are prevalent with more affluent women and also lonely spouses.
Socialisation – The study also revealed that most marriages have suffered because the men or women have taken the gyms as their main centres of socialisation. When couples don’t find any reliable source of socialisation, they see the gym and the patrons as their most reliable friends, partners and joy. Most couples who attend the gym together do not face this risk. Couples who attend gyms alone are very prone to these dangers. After a period of socialising with the same opposite sex for a time, bonding becomes almost unavoidable. The more they train, chat, drink and sometimes eat together after the physical exercises, they become used to each other and sometimes share their marriage challenges. Unsuspecting partners are taken advantage of through a show of sympathy and sometimes outright deception and ill advice.
Targeting – Some men and women have intentionally joined gyms and clubs purposely to prey on a targeted victim. Many men and women have ignorantly fallen to wicked and deceitful men and women who have targeted them over a period. The targets may not know that these men and women have intentioned to have them for long and unsuspectingly opened up to them as gym mates and friends.
How women change men’s behaviour
Men live in self-denial when they play down the power of women. Sobbing women are known to have made men change hard-line positions or pacify their women.Now researchers have shown that the mere presence of a beautiful woman around men makes them do dumb things. For example, it has been observed that when a beautiful woman walks past a group of men in active conversation, they go dump with some losing their thoughts.
The following are the many scientifically proven ridiculous things men do around women, compiled from various sources.
A woman’s presence makes men go dumb: Men literally become dumb after they interact with women they find attractive. In a study, men scored less on cognitive tests after meeting women. In a version of the test, the men weren’t even looking at females. They were just told that females are going to be looking at them.The 2009 study demonstrated that after a short interaction with an attractive woman, men experienced a decline in mental performance. A more recent study suggests that this cognitive impairment takes hold even when men simply anticipate interacting with a woman who they know very little about. Sanne Nauts and her colleagues at Radboud University Nijmegen in the Netherlands ran two experiments using men and women university students as participants.
In this society, people frequently interact with each other over the phone or online, where the only way to infer somebody’s gender is through their name or voice. Nauts’ research suggests that even with very limited interactions, men may experience cognitive impairment when faced with the opposite sex. The researchers think that the reason may have something to do with men being more strongly attuned to potential mating opportunities. Generally, it all looks like whenever we face situations where we’re particularly concerned about the impression that we’re making, we may literally have difficulty thinking clearly. In the case of men, thinking about interacting with a woman is enough to make their brains go a bit fuzzy
Bizzare things some women do for love
~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, April 29, 2018.
This is the most chilling message I have ever received via email. Someone sent it to me, highlighting how he abused, humiliated and tormented a lady who showed him nothing but love and loyalty.
The message reads: “I met her when she was 24 years old and she fell in love with me. She was gainfully employed. I am four years older than her and I also work.
She never turns down any of my requests, including anal sex even when she can’t stand the pain, neither does she argue with me. She would rather cry or be withdrawn. With that attitude, I saw her as a weak woman who has no mind of her own. Everything I said was right.
She has her own apartment and only visits me when I invite her. She does all my laundry and cleaning, including ironing my clothes on weekends. I am mostly nice when I want her to do my chores or have sex with her, after then, I treat her like garbage.
To her, I was her man, but to me, she was just one of those girls I keep around to help tidy my house and quench my sexual urge for free.
She never asks me for money in whatever guise, though I try to buy her gifts sometimes. Even when I give her money for grocery, I know she spends more of her money in the market and she makes all kinds of soups for me. She is such a fantastic cook and that was the reason I kept her around.
This is the most chilling message I have ever received via email. Someone sent it to me, highlighting how he abused, humiliated and tormented a lady who showed him nothing but love and loyalty.
The message reads: “I met her when she was 24 years old and she fell in love with me. She was gainfully employed. I am four years older than her and I also work.
She never turns down any of my requests, including anal sex even when she can’t stand the pain, neither does she argue with me. She would rather cry or be withdrawn. With that attitude, I saw her as a weak woman who has no mind of her own. Everything I said was right.
She has her own apartment and only visits me when I invite her. She does all my laundry and cleaning, including ironing my clothes on weekends. I am mostly nice when I want her to do my chores or have sex with her, after then, I treat her like garbage.
To her, I was her man, but to me, she was just one of those girls I keep around to help tidy my house and quench my sexual urge for free.
She never asks me for money in whatever guise, though I try to buy her gifts sometimes. Even when I give her money for grocery, I know she spends more of her money in the market and she makes all kinds of soups for me. She is such a fantastic cook and that was the reason I kept her around.
Why some women find it difficult to conceive
Written by Dr Oladapo Ashiru
~Punch Nigeria. Wednesday, November 15, 2017.
 |
| Dr Oladapo Ashiru |
Recently, a consortium of fertility experts from various international organisations both in Europe and Africa met under the auspices of the World Health Organisation and came up with a new definition of "Infertility" which was published in the Fertility and Sterility Journal, September, 2017.
In the new definition, infertility is the failure to establish a clinical pregnancy after 12 months of regular, unprotected sexual intercourse due to impairment of a person's capacity to reproduce either as an individual or with his/ her partner.
Furthermore, they opine that fertility interventions may be less than one- year based on medical, sexual and reproductive history, age, physical findings and diagnostic test.
The most common cause of infertility in female is the inability to produce eggs that are normal. Disorders of egg production accounts for more than 30 per cent of infertility in women. Fortunately, 70 per cent of these cases can be successfully treated with the use of drugs that support ovulation.
Drugs like clomid, gonadotropins; menogon, follitrope, folligraft, gonal F and several other FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) help to stimulate the growth of follicles. Anovulation (inability to ovulate) can be due to four major factors:
Hormonal factors:
These are the most common causes of anovulation. The ovulatory mechanism is controlled by the complex balance of hormones and I liken it to an orchestra in the symphony, any disruption in this process can hinder ovulation. Three main factors causing this are:
Failure to produce mature eggs
In about 50 per cent cases of anovulation, the ovaries do not produce normal follicles in which the eggs can mature. Ovulation is rare if the eggs are immature and the chance of fertilisation becomes almost non-existent. Even when a substantial amount of ovulatory support hormones like FSH are given, and we obtain like 12 eggs, seven of the eggs would be fully matured while five eggs are immature and cannot be fertilised even using "brute force" with Intra cytoplasmic sperm injection.
Problems you shouldn't have in new relationships?
~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, November 5, 2017.
The beginning of a relationship is supposed to be easy. You both have these hormones surging through you that make everything feel so light, easy, radiant, and exciting.
You are walking on cloud nine. Life somehow feels better than usual and you are always smiling. You brush off little things that would normally bother you in the beginning of a relationship.
You really shouldn't be fighting much in a new relationship. If you are, then you are just in the wrong relationship. If you are fighting in the beginning of a relationship, you should be concerned. How are you going to be when the high of the new relationship wears off?
You shouldn't be having the problems mentioned below in your new relationship.
Making time for each other
If a new relationship is healthy and on the right track, you make time for each other, even if there isn't any. You lose a couple of hours of sleep if those hours are the only time you can be together. Being together a lot, in the beginning, is how you build the foundation of your relationship.
Calling/texting
You can't build a relationship with somebody who takes days to respond to a text, doesn't answer calls, and just generally doesn't communicate with you. If you are bickering in a new relationship about phone etiquette, the thing you have may not stand a chance.
Scheduling
Cancelling at the last minute, failing to schedule things in advance, double booking-things like this should not happen in the beginning of a relationship. If somebody cannot just work you into their calendar or give you a simple yes or no answer about dinner now, then he or she will be a ghost of a partner down the line.
Eight habits that fuel impotence
Tunde Ajaja
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, October 29, 2017.
Based on findings, one of men's worst sexual problems is impotence. It is a type of sexual dysfunction characterised by the inability of the man to develop or maintain an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse.
Beyond the fact that it reduces man's self esteem, it impairs a man's ability to have sexual intercourse and more importantly, it also reduces the likelihood of the man being able to impregnate a woman. But the good news is that it is curable.
However, given the serious impact it has on the sexual wellness of a man, it is important to point out that there are certain habits that fuel this dysfunction, and these include:
Diet: It should first be noted that the turgidity of the penis is dependent on blood flow and so it is only helpful when people eat the food that would aid blood flow in their system. WebMD, a website that provides valuable health information and tools for managing health, pointed out that the kind of diet or eating pattern that could cause heart attack due to restricted blood flow would also obstruct the flow of blood to the penis, especially when blood flow is needed for the penis to be erect. Therefore, to avoid impotence, men are advised to take fruits, vegetables, fish, red wine, whole grains and heart-healthy fats like nuts. "Anything that is bad for a man's heart is also bad for his penis," an associate professor of clinical urology, Andrew McCullough, said.
Obesity: Another factor that can cause impotence is obesity. According to WebMD, overweight is a risk factor for diabetes, which could cause nerve damage in some parts of the body. However, if one of the nerves that have links with the penis is damaged, it could affect the sensitivity of the penis, resulting in erectile dysfunction. Also, diabetes has been found to be one of the endocrine diseases that impede blood flow and that can also affect blood flow to the penis. Also, people that are obese tend to have high level of visceral fat which has been linked to lower testosterone.
Lack of exercise: Exercise has been found to add great benefits to the body, including increased blood circulation in the body. In fact, exercise has been found to boost libido due to the increased blood flow. On the other hand, inactive or deskbound lifestyle has been found to cause erectile dysfunction. However, people are also advised to be cautious of the kind of exercise they engage in and this is because any form of exercise, like cycling, that puts enormous pressure on the area between the scrotum and anus could affect the nerves and vessels that have links with the penis, leading to erectile dysfunction.
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, October 29, 2017.
Based on findings, one of men's worst sexual problems is impotence. It is a type of sexual dysfunction characterised by the inability of the man to develop or maintain an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse.Beyond the fact that it reduces man's self esteem, it impairs a man's ability to have sexual intercourse and more importantly, it also reduces the likelihood of the man being able to impregnate a woman. But the good news is that it is curable.
However, given the serious impact it has on the sexual wellness of a man, it is important to point out that there are certain habits that fuel this dysfunction, and these include:
Diet: It should first be noted that the turgidity of the penis is dependent on blood flow and so it is only helpful when people eat the food that would aid blood flow in their system. WebMD, a website that provides valuable health information and tools for managing health, pointed out that the kind of diet or eating pattern that could cause heart attack due to restricted blood flow would also obstruct the flow of blood to the penis, especially when blood flow is needed for the penis to be erect. Therefore, to avoid impotence, men are advised to take fruits, vegetables, fish, red wine, whole grains and heart-healthy fats like nuts. "Anything that is bad for a man's heart is also bad for his penis," an associate professor of clinical urology, Andrew McCullough, said.
Obesity: Another factor that can cause impotence is obesity. According to WebMD, overweight is a risk factor for diabetes, which could cause nerve damage in some parts of the body. However, if one of the nerves that have links with the penis is damaged, it could affect the sensitivity of the penis, resulting in erectile dysfunction. Also, diabetes has been found to be one of the endocrine diseases that impede blood flow and that can also affect blood flow to the penis. Also, people that are obese tend to have high level of visceral fat which has been linked to lower testosterone.
Lack of exercise: Exercise has been found to add great benefits to the body, including increased blood circulation in the body. In fact, exercise has been found to boost libido due to the increased blood flow. On the other hand, inactive or deskbound lifestyle has been found to cause erectile dysfunction. However, people are also advised to be cautious of the kind of exercise they engage in and this is because any form of exercise, like cycling, that puts enormous pressure on the area between the scrotum and anus could affect the nerves and vessels that have links with the penis, leading to erectile dysfunction.
Men versus Prostate: Prostate cancer - What to avoid eating
On this issue:
- Every man needs to know about prostate cancer
- Prostate cancer: What to avoid eating
- Early symptoms of prostate cancer
- Know the early symptoms of prostate cancer
- How to prevent prostate problems
- Prostate cancer is curable if detected early
- To beat prostate cancer, have more sex
_____________________________________________
Written by Oladapo Ashiru
~PUNCH NIGERIA. Wednesday, October 11, 2017
 |
| Written by Oladapo Ashiru |
It is estimated that by 2030, prostate cancer will be the most common cancer in the world. One in eight men will be afflicted with prostate cancer
In Nigeria, every now and then you hear of someone who just died of prostate cancer. This disease occurs most frequently in elderly men of 72 years and above.
Although we are not keeping statistics for the number of new cases and deaths in Nigeria for this preventable disease, the American example is relevant for us because there are significant racial differences that are negative for the African male.
For example, for the African American male aged between 50 and 54 years, the incidence of prostate cancer is two times as high as the Caucasian American and it is one third higher for the African American of all ages.
For all Asian men, the incidence of this type of cancer is relatively low. It is not known what causes this racial difference, but genetics must surely play a part.
Diet is a major another factor that cannot be ruled out as African American food closely mimics many Nigerian diets of pork, beans and greens cooked with plenty of oil and fat. This is, therefore, a Black man's disease that Nigerian men should be concerned about.
The prostate gland is a walnut-sized organ located under the bladder, surrounding the urinary tract of men. It secretes a fluid that forms part of the seminal fluid, which is part of the semen produced at ejaculation after intercourse.
Prostate cancer is primarily a disease of the aged. So as men age, they should take note of the following symptoms and if they have them, they should definitely pay a visit to a doctor.
Slow urination: Men should take this symptom seriously, especially when the last few drops do not expel easily. You should also let the doctor check you out if you notice any change in urination as described below:
Frequent urination is another symptom of prostate cancer. Other symptoms include:
Nocturia, which is passing urine in the night.
Difficulty in passing urine, termed Hesitancy.
Reduced force of urination.
Reduced projectile pressure of urine (ejaculatory pressure).
Blood in the urine.
What causes the prostate to enlarge
Aging, stress, chemical toxins that may be from the use of chemical products like dye, polluted water, and contaminated food, especially with heavy metals; genetics and infection have been identified as some of the factors that can lead to the enlargement of the prostate gland. With aging, there are hormonal changes associated with getting older, such as decreased production of the male testosterone, prolactin ad stress- related hormone will increase with age.
Lagos: 'Pastor's been sleeping with me since I was 10; this's the fourth abortion'
Written by Evelyn Usman & Onozure Dania
~Vanguard Nigeria. Thursday, May 25, 2017.
LAGOS-Scriptural assertions of wolves in sheep clothing resurfaced yesterday, following a startling revelation by a 16-year-old Senior Secondary School, SSS, I student, on how she has been subjected to sexual violations since she was 10 years by a pastor at the Egbe branch of a popular new generation pentecostal church.
The victim, who spoke from the hospital bed around Ikotun area of the state, alleged that the suspect, with the connivance of a medical doctor, had carried out four abortions on her without her consent.
Trouble, as gathered, started for the teenager after the demise of her parents six years ago. An uncle she identified simply as George, took her to Delta State from where the suspect, who had just been separated from his wife, took her to Lagos to look after his child, with a promise to train her in school.
That was when he allegedly started a sexual relationship with her in his three-bedroom flat at 6, Dolamo Street, Agodo-Egbe.
The victim alleged that whenever he wanted to have sexual intercourse with her, he would invite her to his bedroom and offer her some drugs after which she would lose her memory.
According to her, "he usually invited me to bring water to his room at night. Thereafter, he would give me some drugs. But when I summoned courage to ask him one day, he said that the drugs was to make me sexually active.
'No one believed me'
"I have waited for this day when I would be free from his claws. The first time I opened up to our branch's Senior Pastor and his wife, I was hushed. They even said I wanted to tarnish my guardian's image, despite all he had done to keep me in school.
"Again, I reported the sexual molestation to some of my school teachers, but they said they did not know how to go about it and how to prove my claim. They were even afraid that I could be driven away from the house and that it would mean the end of my education.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Thursday, May 25, 2017.
LAGOS-Scriptural assertions of wolves in sheep clothing resurfaced yesterday, following a startling revelation by a 16-year-old Senior Secondary School, SSS, I student, on how she has been subjected to sexual violations since she was 10 years by a pastor at the Egbe branch of a popular new generation pentecostal church.
The victim, who spoke from the hospital bed around Ikotun area of the state, alleged that the suspect, with the connivance of a medical doctor, had carried out four abortions on her without her consent.
Trouble, as gathered, started for the teenager after the demise of her parents six years ago. An uncle she identified simply as George, took her to Delta State from where the suspect, who had just been separated from his wife, took her to Lagos to look after his child, with a promise to train her in school.
That was when he allegedly started a sexual relationship with her in his three-bedroom flat at 6, Dolamo Street, Agodo-Egbe.
The victim alleged that whenever he wanted to have sexual intercourse with her, he would invite her to his bedroom and offer her some drugs after which she would lose her memory.
According to her, "he usually invited me to bring water to his room at night. Thereafter, he would give me some drugs. But when I summoned courage to ask him one day, he said that the drugs was to make me sexually active.
'No one believed me'
"I have waited for this day when I would be free from his claws. The first time I opened up to our branch's Senior Pastor and his wife, I was hushed. They even said I wanted to tarnish my guardian's image, despite all he had done to keep me in school.
"Again, I reported the sexual molestation to some of my school teachers, but they said they did not know how to go about it and how to prove my claim. They were even afraid that I could be driven away from the house and that it would mean the end of my education.
It's none of his business the number of partners you've 'had'!
Candida by Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 12, 2017.
A young friend of mine recently met the man of her dreams. In the whirlwind courtship that followed, they quickly got round to the conversational games that lovers play. And so it was that Mr. Right asked Miss Right; "How many men have you slept with? The sensible girl immediately reversed the question, to which 'he answered '13'. She then replied with a circumspect '10'.
"How many is it really?" I asked excitedly. `Somewhere between a hundred and a hundred and ten', she said, not batting.an eye lid. "So why did she say 10?" ` I just thought that whatever he said, mine should be less'. How brutally honest can you get? 100 to 110 guys in how many years?!
This little story got me thinking what most latter day emotional, Shylock Holmes, think they are letting themselves in for when they seem bent on digging into past histories of their new lovers! It is a really funny question when you are faced with that kind of a quandary.
"As a regular rule," continued our woman-of-the world, "a woman would do well to gauge her answer from a man's. But what happens if he says 400? Would a response of 308 show a charmingly coy sexual reticence or elicit an indignant 'you're not the mother of my future children" from her shocked partner?
"One thing you should avoid saying is that you can't remember because that could reflect badly on you. I can't remember? That many, is it? She continues: "As a rule, men, automatically double the real figure and women automatically half it. Factual information backs up the theory. There are lies, damn lies and statistics and then there are sexual statistics which must be special kind of double lie. 'Whatever lies you tell, you need to get your head above the proverbial troubled waters!
"How many people you sleep with is a private matter. How many people you admit to having slept with is a social matter and, therefore, a question of manners. What you tell your friend is different from what you tell your lovers. People want to feel special, not as though they are part of a sprawling number game. A white lie isn't necessarily a wicked deceit, but could be simple courtesy. Why tread on someone's dreams when you can just as easily not?"
Good common sense, that is, if you ask me. Only it is amazing, how many good relationships are put in jeopardy in the male partners' quest to find out how promiscuous their female partners are. Are they as promiscuous as 'friends' say they are? At one of our 'old-students' renewals recently, we reverted to nostalgia, asking about old boyfriends. One of us looked particularly – sad and it expired that after her studies, she became pregnant and planned excitedly for a wedding with the love of her life. She was more than bewildered when the boy practically disappeared from the face of the earth.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 12, 2017.
A young friend of mine recently met the man of her dreams. In the whirlwind courtship that followed, they quickly got round to the conversational games that lovers play. And so it was that Mr. Right asked Miss Right; "How many men have you slept with? The sensible girl immediately reversed the question, to which 'he answered '13'. She then replied with a circumspect '10'.
"How many is it really?" I asked excitedly. `Somewhere between a hundred and a hundred and ten', she said, not batting.an eye lid. "So why did she say 10?" ` I just thought that whatever he said, mine should be less'. How brutally honest can you get? 100 to 110 guys in how many years?!
This little story got me thinking what most latter day emotional, Shylock Holmes, think they are letting themselves in for when they seem bent on digging into past histories of their new lovers! It is a really funny question when you are faced with that kind of a quandary.
"As a regular rule," continued our woman-of-the world, "a woman would do well to gauge her answer from a man's. But what happens if he says 400? Would a response of 308 show a charmingly coy sexual reticence or elicit an indignant 'you're not the mother of my future children" from her shocked partner?
"One thing you should avoid saying is that you can't remember because that could reflect badly on you. I can't remember? That many, is it? She continues: "As a rule, men, automatically double the real figure and women automatically half it. Factual information backs up the theory. There are lies, damn lies and statistics and then there are sexual statistics which must be special kind of double lie. 'Whatever lies you tell, you need to get your head above the proverbial troubled waters!
"How many people you sleep with is a private matter. How many people you admit to having slept with is a social matter and, therefore, a question of manners. What you tell your friend is different from what you tell your lovers. People want to feel special, not as though they are part of a sprawling number game. A white lie isn't necessarily a wicked deceit, but could be simple courtesy. Why tread on someone's dreams when you can just as easily not?"
Good common sense, that is, if you ask me. Only it is amazing, how many good relationships are put in jeopardy in the male partners' quest to find out how promiscuous their female partners are. Are they as promiscuous as 'friends' say they are? At one of our 'old-students' renewals recently, we reverted to nostalgia, asking about old boyfriends. One of us looked particularly – sad and it expired that after her studies, she became pregnant and planned excitedly for a wedding with the love of her life. She was more than bewildered when the boy practically disappeared from the face of the earth.
8 signs your relationship is heading for the rocks
Written by Tunde Ajaja
Punch Nigeria. Friday, February 10, 2017.
Being in a loving relationship can be exciting, and for people having such an experience, life is just good and worth living. But in some cases, that ecstatic or pleasant feeling does not last forever, in which case couples could start having issues with themselves.
Punch Nigeria. Friday, February 10, 2017.
Being in a loving relationship can be exciting, and for people having such an experience, life is just good and worth living. But in some cases, that ecstatic or pleasant feeling does not last forever, in which case couples could start having issues with themselves.
Sometimes, couples could resolve those issues and move on, but at other times, such issues could be the beginning of the end of that relationship, without one of the parties knowing the relationship was already on the line.
And as it has been said several times, most relationships that eventually crash once had their own good times, thus it could sometimes be difficult knowing a relationship is in troubled waters. But, according to a psychologist, Honey Langcaster-James, in her chat with Mail Online, people who are getting unsettled about their marriage could do an appraisal on what used to be and what it is at the moment, to determine if all is well in the relationship.
This implies that there are signs that could show if one's partner is tired of a relationship or if the relationship is headed for the rocks, and these include:
If your partner frequently compares you to an ex: It is not abnormal to have certain expectations from one's partner, and in an ideal situation, experts say people should be able to constructively convey their thoughts and expectations to such a partner without injuring their self esteem. According to Langcaster-James, one of the good ways to know your partner is tired of the relationship is if he or she frequently compares you with their 'wonderful' ex or any other close person, especially when the partner says you should behave or think like them. She however pointed out that in a good relationship, people should make their partners feel special, wonderful and should focus on the partner's strength rather than weakness.
Dear Aunty Julie (Relationship, Romance, Healthe and Fitness) -|- My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
Topics:
- My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
- I feel guilty about cheating on him
- Help! I had anal s3x and started bleeding
- I'm in love with my husband's best friend
- How do I forgive his sexting
- My husband's friend is destroying our marriage
- My friends want me to sleep with an older woman
- He doesn't like sex during my period
- Sex with my husband is painful
- I love sex but I don't want anything serious
- My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
- I feel uncomfortable around my father-in-law
- Aunty Julie, I have a crush on my best friend's brother
- I'm sexually attracted to a man at work, I'm married
- Wetness from my vagina dries into tiny crumbs, smells funny
- Dear Aunty Julie, Help! I am developing feelings for my teacher
- He's scared about sex during my period
- We had sex and I'm itching
- I was raped
- Her parents think we're too young
- My mom is too protective
- Is my lover’s passion strange?
Dear Julie, My husband’s friend is destroying our marriage
Written by Aunty Julie~Vanguard, Nigeria. November 11, 2016.
Aunty Julie,
My husband of two years is very sociable and has many close friends that we meet up with for dinner. But he also has clingy friend who comes to our home every Friday and stays until Sunday afternoon. I am often lying around in very little or feeding our baby. One morning he bumped into me naked in the bathroom.I feel as though my privacy is being invaded. My husband just expects me to chat to him but I am getting angry and we end up having huge fights. If I blame my husband, his friend jumps in and ticks me off. When we went to his house he put on a pornographic film and both he and my husband started grinning at me.
Even on our first anniversary supper this man turned up at the restaurant and joined us for coffee. My husband promises to talk to him but nothing has changed. He texts and telephones my husband every day. This man is nice and he loves our daughter, but I feel as if I am in competition with him for my husband’s attention. How can I stop him coming around all the time.
Anonymous, Lagos.
Dear Anonymous,
Neither your husband nor his friend are being fair to you. To use Princess Diana’s much quoted phrase, there are three of us in this marriage. No wife would want another man there all weekend, leaving her little time to be with her husband. It is difficult enough to find time to just be a couple when there is a new baby, let alone when there is someone else there all the time.
So talk to your husband once more and ask him to tell his friend that you want more time as a couple. It would be fine if he stayed over once a month or came for supper sometimes, but not nearly so frequently. If your husband does nothing then you should talk to his friend yourself. Explain that you like him but you want more time as a couple.
You could offer to find him a girlfriend to keep him occupied . He should definitely not be joining you on your next wedding anniversary. I assume your husband and this man are not in a relationship.
---------------------------------------------------
Dear Julie, I feel guilty about cheating on him
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Friday, September 2, 2016.
Aunty Julie,
My guy and I have been together for the past 10 years. We have been living together but we are not married and my family is kicking. I have always felt like we had a pretty good relationship and although I am away for work quite often, I have never felt tempted to stray.
But last year, I met another guy at a conference and we clicked well and ended up talking for hours. However, one thing led to another and things happened that I never intended to happen. I's not really a big deal but I'm actually dying inside over the guilt I have now.
I haven't seen the guy again but I am struggling because on one hand, I want to tell my partner but on the other, I feel like it will hurt him so much.
I don't know if it's the right thing to do. At the same time, I also wonder to myself why this happened and if I'm happy in my relationship, what made this so available and easy? Is there something more, is there a reason this happened?
Laila, Kogi
Dear Laila,
You are feeling guilty and confused. You seem to care but wonder how you could do this at the same time. The truth is, when our feelings, thoughts and behaviours don't match, we enter the state of cognitive dissonance, which is usually difficult until we get aligned by either reassessing our values or changing our behaviours, so that things line up again.
You are struggling because you are evolving and growing from the situation inside you. But I'm curious if you are more troubled by telling your partner the truth or feeling the judgments. The biggest judge is the person in the mirror. Just like you can love someone but not everything they do, you can love yourself but not everything you've done. That might be a starting point.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
