Are you adventurous enough to handle a one-night stand?

VANGUARD Nigeria. Saturday, November 2, 2019

One night stands are seldom planned - you find yourself in the company of the opposite sex, the chemistry is so charged that nothing matters but that electrifying moment - not your reputation and certainly not common-sense.

A few months back, Afusat found herself in a very lavish bachelor's eve party. "The couple were in their mid-thirties", explains Afusat, "and most of the guests were successful corporate players who came to the party to unwind.

I was 32, engaged to be married soon and laughed indulgently at some of my friends who were out on manhunt. As I made my way to the bar to get a refill for my gin and tonic, a deep voice boomed behind me, What a party!

Are you a friend of the groom-to-be? Turning round, I saw a real hunk, with a clean shaven head and mischievous look. Falteringly, I told him I was the bride's good friend.

"Then we were chatting and laughing. How had he managed to escape the clutches of my man-hungry friends? I don't know how long we chatted for, but my head started swimming mischievously at this deliciously dangerous stranger. When he latched on to my hand, I didn't pull out. He told me he came for the bachelor eve's do from out of town and had a room in the hotel where the eve was being held. "I'm only here for the night', he whispered into my ear. `Why don't we go upstairs for a proper drink?"

"He put his arm around me and stirred me towards the exit. I stumbled along and didn't resist. I was very tipsy. I tripped as we c limbed the stairs and he helped me into his very impressive hotel room. As soon as the door slid shut, his lips found mine.


I snogged him back, feeling drunk, lustful and gorgeous. We made mad passionate love and I must have blacked out. The next thing I realised was waking up the next morning, surveying my surrounds. For a while, I couldn't work out where I was. Then I noticed a scribbled note on the table. `You were sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to wake you up, it said, `You need to check out by noon...

"I felt so ashamed as everything started coming back. I shuddered at what I'd done - sleeping with a total stranger! My head was in my palms when my mobile shrilled. `Afusat', Rolly, my best friend shrieked down the phone.

Will you dump him if he loses his libido!?

VANGUARD Nigeria. Sunday, November 3, 2019

If you're not sexually compatible with your partner, it's going to put a huge strain on your relationship. Goes without saying that sexual satisfaction is really important in keeping both people happy. But what happens if your man suddenly loses his libido or has a sharp drop in his performance level? Will you give him the elbow?!

Opinions are really divided on this. It's easier for a woman to fake orgasm - what with different lubricants that make penetration easy when she suddenly become dry. But, apart from the expensive Viagra, no magic pill will make a man rise to the occasion when he doesn't feel like it.

"Why would the woman stay with someone who's not in sync with her sexually?", asked Mfon, 45, who runs a fairly successful catering outfit. "She'd be better off trying to find someone she's better matched with. Life's too short to be unhappy with a partner who isn't giving you what you need in the bedroom.

"People say relationships are about compromise, but if one person feels they're not getting enough nookie, it could lead to disaster. They might cheat, thereby breaking the trust between them. The person who wants more sex might also feel rejected, which could lower their self-esteem and confidence. They may end up beating themselves up over why they're always being turned down. I know I would. Don't get me wrong, cuddles and kisses are great, but women need to feel desired.

"A pertinent question when faced with this dilemma is: Would your partner make the same sacrifice? Men in particular have a very short fuse when dealing with frigidity. After a couple of kids, you wouldn't expect your partner to be as hot as when you first met. But you hear of men who look for passion elsewhere instead of helping their wives or partners regain their libido. One of such husband explained his reason for taking a second `wife' was because she has a better `fit' when they make love than his legal wife!

"It makes sense for a person with a low libido to be with someone similar because they won't have to feel guilty about constantly shunning their partners advances. If couples are at opposite ends of the scale sex-drive-wise, I reckon it's time to call it a day".

Joy, a 39-year-old beautician, disagrees with Mfon. According to her, sex is not be-all and end-all of a relationship. Being part of a couple is about supporting one another emotionally, loving each other and just enjoying one another's company. Sex seems important at the start, but once a relationship develops, it usually takes more of a backseat. Things like having shared interests, similar values and even the same sense of humour are more important than having in-sync sex drives.

Dear Bunmi (Relationships, Family, Sex and Life, Romance...) : The humiliating experience of being jilted

Topics:

Dear Bunmi, 

• The humiliating experience of being jilted
• At 28, still a virgin and no girlfriend
• Dumped by a heartless colleague
• Should I go for this junior staff?
• He won't take no for an answer
• Hubby preying on neighbourhood girls
• How do I resume making love?
• Should married men have platonic friendships?
• My life is falling apart!
• Does she think I'm too old for her?
• Dad married late mum's best friend
• Should I tell her husband?
• Hubby got my daughter pregnant
• She's pregnant for man who raped me!
• Is my boss ashamed of me?
• I need to let him know I fancy him!
• Friend tried to snatch my man
• In love with a married mum
• Why is he always texting in the toilet?
• I prefer him as a lover
• I need to break off with this old lover
• Sister finds it difficult to cope with her divorce
• He seems to like large-breasted women
• Could he be cheating?

Who says the maid can't have what 'madam' is having?!

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 24, 2019.

I've known Ado for decades and his insatiable appetite for sex never fails to amaze me. He's been married and has managed to stay married for close to 20years. A few years into his marriage, he rushed into my office, bursting with excitement. "I had the most amazing sex of my life yesterday", he told me as soon as we were alone. His wife was pregnant with their second child and I wondered how the poor woman could have performed the feat for which he was now proud. "Not with my wife of course," he said, looking at me as if I were some sort of a clod, "with a woman I ran into at a party. You should see her; gorgeous and eager to make friends, she'd come to the party with two of her friends but seemed to e really interested n what I had to say. I told her I was married and she said she was too - and a mother of three. So where was her husband? I didn't come with my wife either and I wasn't really interested in what her husband looked like - all I wanted was her. 

"When I told her I would love us to meet up sometime, she said she was an events planner, she was planning a wedding reception that weekend on the grounds of a posh hotel and was saying in one of the rooms to make sure things went according to plan. I could look in if I felt like it. We exchanged phone numbers and I couldn't sleep for the anxiety. Come the Friday she said she would check into the hotel I told my wife I was off to a stag night party; it was the safest excuse I could give her. If I didn't strike gold, I could come home early. If I did I would have this ready story for I was too drunk to drive. My wife's pregnancy was advanced an she couldn't be bothered what I did as long as I left her to rest. This lady's hotel room reeked of seduction.

"I knew I'd really got lucky. She was so relaxed about the whole thing, she made our being alone in a room for the first time feel like the most natural thing in the world. We had a few drinks and some snacks she'd brought from home. Then spent the next few hours having the most fantastic sex. I hadn't had sex with my pregnant wife for a long time that I wasted no time at all, but she was really matured about it as we both pleasured each other until I felt ready again.

"It was better than winning the jackpot as we did it in positions I didn't even know existed. I never knew sex could be so intoxicating. She never took her hands off me throughout the night and when I finally got home in the early hours, I was so knackered that I didn't wake up until mid-day. My poor wife thought I was nursing a hangover. I relieved the sex I just had over and over again and became so randy that I pounced my wife. Poor thing! She must have missed sex too as she fell grateful into my arms. But it was this new woman I thought of while it lasted. I longed to see her body under mine once again.

Does your foreplay turn your wife off?

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2018.


Ike was feeling damned pleased with himself. As he parked the car, he whistled a cheerful tune,
gathered the 'treat' he'd brought for his family and trotted to his flat.

Amidst squeals of welcome from his kids, he dolled out his presents; meat pies and doughnuts for the kids, a peppered quarter chicken for his wife, Remi and of course, the same piece of chicken for himself too. Remi sighed. She knew what would follow.

She would be expected to fry chips to go along with the 'treats" so that she would spend less time on the family dinner. Her husband would then wash his chicken and chips down with a big bottle of stout and she would be expected to do the same with a small stout of her own.

The next stage would be the bedroom. Naturally, Ike would have had a shower and as soon as Remi got into bed he would pounce on her. "It is nice to feel wanted by your husband but sex should not be a routine", Remi sighed. "Ike would deftly put out the light, reach for my nipples and kneed them in turn and expect me to be instantly aroused. But it is always irritating. I hate my nipples to be twiddled and if my husband wants sex, I want to be flattered by being asked.

"On days when I'm not in the mood and I tell him so, he looks so wounded that I feel guilty. Unfortunately, I seldom initiate sex. When I do, it is the same hasty preamble before he goes into the real thing. After doing it the predictable way all these years, sex with my husband has become a necessary evil. I have to grimace and bear it".

Unfortunately, a lot of men believe that as long as you can make a go of love-making for say 10 to 15 minutes non-stop, you are a super stud. Recounting a recent experience where he met a married legal practitioner, at a seminar, Bernard, another lawyer who delivered a paper said: "Don't let me bore you with details. The chemistry when we met, was right and we both found ourselves in bed in her hotel room on her own turf so to speak. She was the most liberated woman I'd ever seen. I switched off the bed side light so that only the TV light was on and we made what I thought was beautiful love".

"You make love beautifully," she said and I glowed only for her to crash my ego by adding "for yourself. Now make love for me". I looked at her a bit puzzled. "You did not say a word about how beautiful you thought my body was or how tantalizing you found parts of my body. Do you read the Bible often? You've read the Songs of Solomon and the bit about `How beautiful are thy breasts, like twin doves?. If a man could be as romantic as that all those centuries back, then why are you making love mechanically? Is that how you make love to your wife?"

Without regular sex women risk mental disorder – Psychiatrist

By Lydia Ngwakwe, Saturday, November 17, 2018
News Agency of Nigeria (NAN)

Mental disorder in women who do not have regular sex - Kadiri

A psychiatrist, Dr Maymunah Kadiri. on Saturday. advised married women to have regular sex with
their spouses in order to prevent depression and gain happiness.

Depression is a common mental disorder that causes people to experience depressed mood, loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep or appetite, low energy, and poor concentration.

Kadiri, the Medical Director of Pinnacle Medical Services gave the advice in an interview with the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in Lagos.

Pinnacle is a health and wellness centre for psychological, behavioral, and mental health related issues.

According to her, sex is not just to nourish a woman's body, but it is also beneficial to her mental health.

"As women, there is need for us to make our spouses our best friends if we want to be mentally healthy.

"Studies have shown that women who have more active sex and in long term relationships were less likely to be depressed than women who went without sex.

"So, more sex is important and essential. It is a remedy to curing women from having persistent headache.

"Low sexual drive, which leads to depression, should be looked into. A woman can be depressed when that sexual drive that she used to have is no more there.

"Frequent active sex can play good roles toward women's sense of well being and quality of life,'' Kadiri said.

She explained that sex was not just for procreation and to have children, adding that it could create bonding, good companionship and sound sleep.

Kadiri, popularly called 'celebrity shrink', urged women dealing with depression to frequently indulge in sex, while boosting their self-esteem.

She also advised women who are over-weight to also involve in active sex, saying doing so will boost endorphins which are happy hormones.

"The happy hormones will make them lose some calories as well as sleep better.

"Orgasms trigger the release of endorphins which are happy hormones secreted by the brain that act as effective painkillers,'' she said.

She added that sex was not only beneficial to the men, but especially to women because it was capable of freeing them from stress.

~NAN

Good-time girl with a heart of gold!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2018.

Faith was having a private dinner at a push restaurant with her current sugar-daddy when she spotted her mum's best friend at the reception.  "It was too late for me to avoid her not noticing me", Faith said. "Aunty May as we all called her is my Mum\s very good friend and my `partner' is one of her friends' husband.  I'd actually met him at her place when they had a house-warming party. I could always tell a bored, rich old man from a distant and I made a bee-line for him.
"Mike, as he later introduced himself was a very successful businessman and he was flattered to be chatted up by me. I was a fresh graduate but looking for a salaried job was the furtherest thing on my mind. Even as an undergraduate, I'd built a very impressive client¨le of men who found my type of beauty alluring. I was tall, very light-skinned - not bleached with boobs to die for. And I was a good girl.  Largely because of the solid moral grounding I got from my Muslim father, who sadly passed away five years ago, and my hospital matron mother.

"It was my close friend, Angela at the university who introduced me to this life of leisure I love so much.  She got drunk one night and blurted out something as soon as she came through the door of the room we shared.  `Faith, promise me you won't tell a soul but I've got something to tell you. I've been dying to tell you for months now'.  `What is it?'  I quizzed her. `Have you got a new boyfriend?' `Humph, sort of", she giggled mischievously.  `I've actually got PLENTY of boyfriends and they pay me well for services rendered!' I was gob smacked. `Are you tell me you're a prostitute?'


"It turns out there is this lively house she visits from time to time. It is owned by a glamorous socialite who'd hosted a lot of men since her husband passed away decades ago", even whilst her husband was alive, she'd made little or no efforts to hide her escapades. As she and her `gang' grew older, they encouraged younger single girls to visit so the men would be spoilt for choice.  `I's easy', Angela told me.  `As long as you like sex, it's a breeze. You should give it a go' While the thought first repulsed me, I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Could I actually do it? What would Mum say'  In the end I did take the plunge and the money along with the contacts were so intoxicating I never looked back.

Take a second look at your husband while thinking of having an affair

By Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Saturday, July 21, 2018

"MOST times, lying with my husband watching him sleep on his back, beer belly rising and falling with each snore, he doesn't look appetizing in the least especially with his treble chin and bald head. I am starting to find him repulsive…." Melisa looked so forlorn as she told me about the state of her marriage that I had to laugh.

She wasn't amused. I reminded her they'd just been married 12 years and it was a bit early for her to start being resentful, especially when she has two adorable kids and a well heeled husband who gave her and the children virtually everything they wanted. "But what about meaningful sex? Seun was fit and energetic when we got married with a body to die for.

Now he's flabby and unattractive. His weight had more than doubled; the only thing that hasn't changed is his personality. He's still kind and loving with a good sense of humour. Trouble is, I just don't fancy him any more. I want rippling muscles-not rippling fat!"

I warned her to be extremely careful. After escaping the seven year-itch, maybe, 12 years is when her marriage should have started showing signs of being in a rut-she should strive for both of them to get out of it. "I don't know about Seun," she said simply, "but I'm trying my best to do just that. As a matter of fact, I've just met someone at work. He is a technician we briefly used. Though he is single, he knows he's nothing but a bit-on-the side. And he's so sexy.


Instead of the usual boxers, he wears clinging lycra cycling shorts which makes him look deeply sexy. It is easy to get a way to meet him as Seun works really late now he's been promoted to management level. Don't get me wrong, I love Seun, but sex with Ephraim is like an icing on a cake." I told her she was treading on dangerous grounds but she just laughed in my face.

Months later, she came running back to me, "It is Seun" she said, a bit frightened, "it is as if he suspects I'm having an affair. Last night, he came outright to ask why we never seem to make love any more. That 1 couldn't get away quickly enough whenever he touched me.

She did what she had to do to give her kids a better life!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 15, 2018.

WOULD you do anything to make your kids happy – however sordid you believe such things to be? A few years ago, Denike, a teaching assistant at a private primary school resigned and started a sort of petty trading. "We had the front two rooms in the house we moved to after Dele, my husband, was medically discharged from the armed forces and the little money he had ran out", she explained.
"I started with running a small canteen in front of the house but the landlord kicked against it because of the fire hazard it created. Then I started retail trading but the profits weren't much to look after us all – four children in total. I felt guilty every time I had to tell my children we couldn't afford little treats they'd taken for granted. Out of frustration, I confided in a former colleague at the school. She earned the same salary I did but had told me she also had a part-time job that paid fairly well. I wanted her to find out if there was a chance of my being employed.

"She didn't even bat an eyelid before explaining what she did. She worked at a private club that offered massages to members. It was right in the middle of town and was always busy. She could take me there if I was keen. Of course there was a catch. As well as massaging the clients, I would have to provide extras too. After giving it a thought, I said I would do anything but full sex. I would be okay with a bit of touching, but I couldn't go that far. It still didn't stop me from being nervous though. I remember my first time with a man – massaging his back, hardly knowing what to do as he tried to slip his hand up my skirt. He then pleasured himself on me. I felt dirty and violated.


"I was screaming inside. I just wanted to run from that room, go home and never came back. Then I remembered the toys my kids wanted that Christmas. I imagined their eyes lighting up as I handed them their presents on their wish list. When the man had finished, I cleaned up, took the cash from him as he left. I was a bit relieved it was ready cash. Pure profit so to speak. It was an encouraging start.

"Over the next few months, I saw more men. Some just wanted a massage and a fondle, others were after more. I still didn't feel comfortable enough to have sex with a stranger though. But the more I worked the more relaxed I was about the idea. My colleague assured me what 1 was earning were peanuts compared to what 1 would get if I went the whole way. And about three months after starting, I was finally ready to take the plunge. At least, I thought I was. That morning, I was a wreck. I couldn't eat much. Every time I thought about a stranger on top of me, I broke out in a cold sweat.

Toxic effect of pornography on relationships

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

In my early teens, I vividly remember sneaking into our father's bedroom from time to time, my heart always in my throat for fear of being caught. I was drawn to a stack of Playboy magazines my dad had surreptitiously hidden amongst flies he always brought from the office," said Ephraim. He's now 28, has a fantastic job and a string of girlfriends-but is not thinking of marriage yet. He is now a member of millions of online pornographic junkies. "As I salivated over the 'full frontal' centrefold, with those glamorous models spread-eagled across pages with come-to-bed eyes and staples through their midriffs-I rushed to my room and masturbated.
"Only, as I grow older, my experience of porn has been very different from my dad's. I'm part of the new generation of men to grow up with internet pornography as part and parcel of everyday life. I've never had to pay for it nor faced the embarrassment of asking for it. When I get tired of one image, there's always another… and another… and another. All I need do is type the words: 'free porn' into an internet search engine and there'd be thousands of hits, with most sites containing hundreds of pornographic images.

"Internet porn was part of my life throughout my early 20s and now at 28; I'm increasingly aware that I have a problem. I'm not yet ready to admit I'm an addict, but there's no denying that internet porn has become a deeply ingrained daily habit. As it is now, I struggle to get through a day without at least one visit to one of my favourite sites.

I'm sure a lot of your readers will be mouthing a silent: 'Yuk' as they read this and I entirely understand their reaction. But what they need to know is that I'm certainly not alone-I'm convinced that virtually every man of my age with access to the internet will log on to internet porn sites on a reasonably regular basis. You see, men, by and large, like porn and enjoy using it-it is getting caught using it that they don't like.

"Today, soft-core porn barely exists. Internet porn is now almost entirely 'hard-core'- which involves female and male models graphically engaged in an extraordinary variety of real sex acts. For years, I thought my internet porn habit was having no effect on my relationships in real life. I was confident I could keep internet sex and real sex separate.

Sex toy: A handy helpmate

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 10, 2018.

Sex toys are still largely shrouded in certain social taboos in many cultures, especially in this part of the world. This however, does not come as a surprise since many people still find it difficult to discuss sex and sexuality issues even privately, not to think of expressing their sexuality, preferences and pleasures in the open. However, this has not stopped the growing market and demand for sex toys from fast gaining ground in Nigeria. This is because more people, especially the young are now more educated, thus enlightened and are more open minded and free to embrace their sexuality.
Simply put, sex toys are man-made instruments designed to enhance human sexual experiences. There are various arguments against the use of sex toys, many of them sexist, self centred, myopic and perhaps parochial. Of the most ridiculous, being that once a woman gets used to using a vibrator, she will have no need for the real thing.

I compare this with our God given legs and their natural ability of movement, taking us from one point to another and the manufacture of cars or various types of transportation also designed to take us from one place to another by man. Now, you have the option of walking to your destination, anytime, anywhere and under any circumstance or simply making things easy, comfortable and pleasurable by taking an appropriate and affordable mode of transportation to your destination. While the choice to either walk or go by transportation remains yours, opting for this instrument for movement does not render your legs useless but assisting your body to perform better and reach your desired destination faster. Nor does acquiring a mode of transportation mean that you will have no need for your legs again or that they will lose the ability to walk. A joke I once read on one of the social media platforms comes to mind.


The conversation was supposedly between a Jamaican Taxi driver and a Muslim male passenger. The man on boarding demanded that the music be turned off because he does not listen to it. He went on to explain that it was a religious injunction because in the time of the great prophet Muhammad (pboh) there was no music or radio. The taxi driver turned off the radio then parked the car a few meters after. He then opened the car door and asked the passenger to get down. Puzzled, he asked the driver what happened and why he was being ushered out of the car. The driver then replied him that, "in the time of the prophet, there were no taxis, so come out of my taxi and wait for a camel". The simple truth is that times have changed and are still changing. The goal is to get to your desired destination (sexual fulfilment/satisfaction), how you get there is your business, so long you are not hurting anyone.

While everything has its merits and demerits, the truth is that sex toys make our sexual efforts easier, faster, more pleasurable and colourful, no matter how uncreative an individual can be. There are several ways sex toys can enhance people's sexual lives as individuals and couples, just as there are many sex toys designed for various parts of the body. As a couple, using sex toys together or alone can help you attain a high level of communication, openness, trust and love for your partner.

Side effects of an orgasm

Written by Sylvester Ikhisemojie
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, June 10, 2018.

Dr Sylvester Ikhisemojie

In several essays in the past, both on this page and by other writers, the unique nature of sexual release has been studied greatly and explained more. The conclusion has been that sex, particularly when it is satisfactory, is said to do many positive things in the body. Importantly, it is said to be responsible for a sensation of love, of satisfaction and release. Some people are able to sleep better while others are known to feel good both within and without. They seem oblivious to certain physical challenges, namely pain and headache, and therefore maintain a certain spring in their step. However, every coin has two sides just like every story; sometimes, there are even more than two sides. What this means here is that there are certain experiences during and after sex that are very different from any of the facts mentioned above and they are not only surprising but are noteworthy.

Some of these changes in the body are now classified as side effects. Some people especially women; say they experience some intense reactions after having an orgasm. These side effects are described as hallucinations in which many of the women captured in relevant data describe a flying experience which they found quite unnerving. Some others describe a sensation of hurtling through space or of passing through walls into endless corridors resembling underground tunnels. In other situations, some women have described a sensation of experiencing intense headache and even dizziness following an orgasm. Turkey is one country in which some of these responses in women have been most widely studied. Sensationally, men also have described headache and dizziness as two of the most unpleasant side effects they suffer from after an orgasm.

Another side effect first described nearly a century ago, in 1928, is known as orgasmolepsy. It is described in a situation in which there is a sudden loss of muscle power, causing such profound weakness that sleep ensues. This is also found in association with certain sleep disorders like narcolepsy, an uncontrollable desire to fall asleep. The symptoms last for about 30 seconds or less during which there is a complete loss of muscle control following an orgasm. It is a state resembling anaesthesia and the persons are completely helpless in that position.

Crying is another unusual side effect of having an orgasm. It is a constellation of effects after sex in which the persons involved could cry or become tearful, sad or display signs of anxiety. The persons may also become agitated and desperate and some researchers have said that the reality of physical separation so soon after a lot of intimacy may be the trigger because the female partner becomes suddenly lonely. In one study, one in three female university students has reported experiencing some of the above features. These feelings can happen as long as one entire hour after having sex and it often occurs even in stable relationships. It is an alarming experience to see a partner who bursts into tears after intercourse and it is initially difficult to relate it to a side effect as such. This is because there is another group of women who might burst into tears as a result of rape or because they immediately get to regret their sexual experience right after the act. In the former group, an orgasm cannot be possible. In the latter group, while an orgasm might have resulted, the crying results from a feeling of guilt. These are different from a spontaneous cry occurring as a result of the fear of separation after an orgasm has been experienced.

22 notable changes that can affect your sex life

By Funmi Akingbade
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, February 11, 2018.

Funmi Akingbade

As the saying goes, the only thing that does not change is God and perhaps change itself; every other thing changes. If something has a beginning, the end is just around the corner. As beautiful as sex is and as important in a marital relationship as it is, there are many notable changes that happen with sex in the marriage union. So today, we are going to examine 22 different changes couples should watch out for while the going is good.

One, it is very obvious that due to lack of adequate information and understanding, many couples find it difficult to comprehend these changes in their sex life. They usually think that something is wrong with them or their spouse. But experts have made it clear that couples' sex taste bud changes from age to age. The changes are also affected by their temperaments, mind-set, psychosocial exposures, diseases and available medical treatment and the earlier a spouse is aware of this, the better it is for the married partner.

Two, this awareness is particularly useful for couples who have obvious age gap, racial differences and blood group compatibility issues around them. The understanding of this will assist each spouse to sexually please his or her spouse, while he or she is having the best of sexual fulfillment and, of course, it helps reduce cases of infidelity to the minimum.

Three, couples' sex drives, libido and taste change with age. For instance, couples within the ages of 20 and 30 years share sexual similarities in taste, preference, flavour, libido and craving while couples within the ages of 32 and 39 have the same sexual favourite, passion, desire and yearning than those within the ages of 45 and above.

Four, experts say the ages between 20 and 30 is the stage where couples have lots and lots of great sexual chemistry at their disposal. It is the stage where both partners fall madly in love and constantly produce high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine. These chemicals not only make young couples feel extremely excited, they drive up testosterone- the hormone that fuels the sex drive of men as well as women-to the highest height. Besides, time is on the side of this category of couples. For young couples who have no children, mornings and evenings are blissfully theirs for romantic romps. What's more, they are at the beginning of their sexual life and they have a long way to go.

Five, this is the stage where more than often you hear the man complain of premature ejaculation or anxiety of performance, because with all the sexual tension between the couple, the man sometimes gets so excited that he ejaculates too quickly. Or since both partners are so young, the man may not yet know how to climax every time. Besides, because either of the spouses is eager to get to the peak of the game, one or both partners are put under undue pressure and unconsciously develop anxiety of performance. Anxiety of performance happens in both men and women, but it is more pronounced in men.

Why one-night-stands aren't such a big deal these days

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, December 17, 2017.

JIBE waited in her flat with bated breath. She hadn't done a reckless thing like this in her life before. A divorced mother of a nine-year old daughter, she'd run into Tony at a party and they'd got on like a house on fire. Their teasing got to a dare – would Jibe have- a no-strings-attached sex with him that night?

Tony was married of course, so his house was out of bounds. Jibe hadn't had sex for a while and was gaging for it. Her daughter was spending the night at her sister's. Could she let this opportunity slip from her fingers? So she said yes to Tony's proposition.

In spite of the excitement of having sex again, she was scared? She said: "When I heard the bell, I felt a bit panicky. This was suddenly a crazy idea. What if he had dubious intentions? But when I opened the door and saw the lecherous smile on his face, my anxiety was replaced by over-powering lust. Tony pulled me into his arms and started kissing me passionately. My legs actually buckled, but he pressed my body hard against his and I was lost. We started taking each other's clothes off and for a while I felt exposed – and sexy! He gently lowered me onto the sofa, and without saying a word, started making love to me. I'd never experienced anything like it before – so urgent, so uninhibited.

"Almost an hour after, I was exhausted. Tony told me it was one of the best sex he'd had and I felt flattered. It made me feel so desirable and powerful. As he made to leave, he asked for my mobile number but I told him I didn't want to take it any further. He looked really disappointed, but we'd both told ourselves at the party it was to be a one-night stand … "

Men versus Prostate: Prostate cancer - What to avoid eating

On this issue:

• Every man needs to know about prostate cancer
• Prostate cancer: What to avoid eating
• Early symptoms of prostate cancer
• Know the early symptoms of prostate cancer
• How to prevent prostate problems
• Prostate cancer is curable if detected early
• To beat prostate cancer, have more sex

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Every man needs to know about prostate cancer
Written by Oladapo Ashiru
~PUNCH NIGERIA. Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Written by Oladapo Ashiru

Did you know that one man dies from prostate cancer every hour? I bet you were not aware of the fact that over 40,000 men are diagnosed with prostate cancer every year. It means that more than 100 men are diagnosed every day.
It is estimated that by 2030, prostate cancer will be the most common cancer in the world. One in eight men will be afflicted with prostate cancer
In Nigeria, every now and then you hear of someone who just died of prostate cancer. This disease occurs most frequently in elderly men of 72 years and above.

Although we are not keeping statistics for the number of new cases and deaths in Nigeria for this preventable disease, the American example is relevant for us because there are significant racial differences that are negative for the African male.
For example, for the African American male aged between 50 and 54 years, the incidence of prostate cancer is two times as high as the Caucasian American and it is one third higher for the African American of all ages.

For all Asian men, the incidence of this type of cancer is relatively low. It is not known what causes this racial difference, but genetics must surely play a part.
Diet is a major another factor that cannot be ruled out as African American food closely mimics many Nigerian diets of pork, beans and greens cooked with plenty of oil and fat. This is, therefore, a Black man's disease that Nigerian men should be concerned about.
The prostate gland is a walnut-sized organ located under the bladder, surrounding the urinary tract of men. It secretes a fluid that forms part of the seminal fluid, which is part of the semen produced at ejaculation after intercourse.

Prostate cancer is primarily a disease of the aged. So as men age, they should take note of the following symptoms and if they have them, they should definitely pay a visit to a doctor.
Slow urination: Men should take this symptom seriously, especially when the last few drops do not expel easily. You should also let the doctor check you out if you notice any change in urination as described below:
Frequent urination is another symptom of prostate cancer. Other symptoms include:
Nocturia, which is passing urine in the night.
Difficulty in passing urine, termed Hesitancy.
Reduced force of urination.
Reduced projectile pressure of urine (ejaculatory pressure).
Blood in the urine.

What causes the prostate to enlarge
Aging, stress, chemical toxins that may be from the use of chemical products like dye, polluted water, and contaminated food, especially with heavy metals; genetics and infection have been identified as some of the factors that can lead to the enlargement of the prostate gland. With aging, there are hormonal changes associated with getting older, such as decreased production of the male testosterone, prolactin ad stress- related hormone will increase with age.

Seven types of libidos

Written by Funmi Akingbade

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, August 13, 2017.

Funmi Akingbade

Why do you lay so much emphasis on sex and sexuality? From my opinion, I think sex is a basic thing; why give so much attention to it?' This was a question I was asked while I was in South Africa giving a talk on sex and sexual health matters.

The first big misconception many people have is thinking that sex is basic and natural and should not be learnt. It is as a result of this discourse that sex education has long been obstructed as if it is not necessary to understand the mechanisms at which it works. Then again, this has caused a lot of damages to many homes.

In reality, sex is cultural; it is the fruit of a learning process and it is something we all have to learn. Until we start learning, we might not be able to unravel the mechanism behind the female's sexuality or the way the erection functions.

As such, today, we want to see seven ways couples can enjoy instant raging passion by being able to differentiate various types of libidos. I would advise you read this together with your spouse, so that both of you can find out which area you fall into.

So, let us look into the arousal types of libidos.

Number one is the sensual libido spouse. This is a spouse who wants sex to be emotional, connecting and superficially physical. The spouse cherishes love play more than the actual sexual acts. This category of spouses is more of introvert lovers than extroverts. Bu the erotic libido spouses are spouses who want sex to be intense and passionate, at least some of the times. They want to explore all the wondrous varieties of sexual activities that are available. Though they can cope with periods of ordinary sex, there are regular opportunities for adventurous and sizzling sex. If you have a strong erotic libido, you get little or no pleasure from low key sex and this might cause problems in the relationship, because your partner might start feeling the pressure to perform at great heights all the time, which is never good.

The second category is the dependent libido spouses and they are spouses who need sex to cope with problems. 

Sex soothes them and makes them feel better. They are more sexually active when they have to deal with bad feelings such as stress, boredom or anxiety, pressure, loss of loved one, when they are sick or troubled. When such spouse does not have an understanding partner, the relationship is always under undue pressure because in such cases, if your partner doesn't want to do it when you want because you are in an emotional state, you might tend to interpret it as lack of love and care. It would look like she or he is refusing to give you the medicine you need to... feel better. 

The reactive libido spouses are spouses who care more about the sexual needs of their partner. 

They sometimes even end up ignoring their own desires if they feel they are not what their partner usually enjoys. These spouses put a lot of effort into foreplay and can only orgasm once they are sure their wives have.

The third category is the entitled libido spouses and these are spouses who assume that it's their God's given right to get whatever they want in their sexual relationship, regardless of the feeling of the other partner. Their mindset is, 'If I want hot steamy sex, I should be given the opportunity to have hot steamy sex and if on the contrary, I want cuddling, my partner should provide me with just that.' This category of spouses is very influenced by the ideas of sex in movies and books and they think they are entitled to have the same great sex as they watch on the screen.

Three women in Zimbabwe rape pastor who tried to collect debt they owed

~Punch Nigeria. Wednesday, July 26, 2017.


Three women have appeared in court after a pastor said they raped him.

Two of the women are alleged to have pinned the man down on a bed, while the third carried out the sex attack.

A magistrates' court in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe, was told that the victim was owed money by the attackers and he went to their home to collect it.

They invited him into the house, but once he was inside, he said, he was grabbed around the waist and his trousers were pulled down by a second who then groped him.

The women Sandra Ncube, 21, Riamuhetsi Mlauzi, 23, and Mongiwe Mpofu, 25, denied rape, but pleaded guilty to indecent assault.

One of them said they were 'just playing around.’

Prosecutor, Mr. Petros Shoko, said: “On July 14 at 7pm, the complainant went to the accused persons’ residence to collect money which Mlauzi owed.

“They forced him to lie on the bed and undressed him. Ncube sat on his chest and he tried to push her away. However, Mlauzi held his legs together and sat on his top, pressing him against the bed.

“Mpofu was in another room and brought condoms and placed them on the complainant’s manhood and helped to hold him down.

“Ncube had sexual intercourse with the complainant once without his consent,” Shoko said.

The three denied raping the pastor but admitted indecent assault.

Ncube said: “We were just playing around, Your Worship. I did not think that he would take it seriously.”

Mpofu denied taking part, but admitted bringing the condoms saying: “We keep them around the house and I just brought them.”

Mlauzi said she wanted to 'fix' the pastor who she claimed had a habit of walking in on the women when they were bathing.

She said: “He always walks in on me bathing and claims to be unmoved as a man of God. I just wanted to see if he was going to be aroused or not.

“I did not plan to execute the whole rape thing Your Worship.”

Magistrate Lungile Ncube was told by Mlauzi that she just wanted to prove to the pastor that he had 'feelings like everybody else.'

She said: “I wanted him to see that he was not special and was not immune to sexual arousal.

“When I touched him, he immediately got aroused; and that is all we wanted to see,” she said.

The complainant was taken to Mpilo Central Hospital for a medical examination and the report will be prepared for the magistrates.

All three were remanded in custody until August 7 for a full trial.

Earlier this month, a 39-year-old teacher was hospitalised in Zimbabwe after claiming a gang of three women kidnapped, drugged and raped him for two days.

The man from Makoni in Chitungwiza was left with severely bruised genitals and doctors at Waza Hospital found other signs of sexual abuse after he was dumped by the roadside.

Police are still trying to find the three women who are allegedly part of a 'sperm bandit' gang preying on hitchhikers and travellers and steal and sell their semen for 'good luck.'

There is no suggestion the two alleged crimes are related.