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Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2018.
Will every parent ever be able to take the trauma of their adolescent girl's climb to puberty in their stride? One minute she's in braids and school uniform, the next she's dressed and acting like a prospective Nollywood Star!. Amarachi, a typical modern day mum of two teenage girls and a grown up son prided herself on being a well-grounded mum and brooked no nonsense from her kids. "I might have been born with the so-called proverbial silver-spoon but my mum never hesitated in thumping us whenever we got out of line", she said. "We were all a bit afraid of her and tried as much as possible not to give her the opportunity to put a lump of disapproval on our scalps through her knuckles.
"Thanks to her, I thought I was as stern with our kids until a few weeks ago when I opened my laptop to discover that Joyce my last child had inadvertently left her Fackbook and other social networking sites logged on. Unbeknown to her, I was able to see right in front of me everything she and her friends had written in recent weeks. It's happened before whenever she's failed to subscribe to her I-Phone and had to use my laptop - affording me the rare opportunity to have surreptitious check on her increasing private adolescent world.
"Only things were different this time. In place of the usual banter, peppered with infuriating teenage acronyms, was a stream of comments, crystal clear in their meaning. They were vicious and cruel observations attacking Joyce for what she'd worn on her recent 16th birthday party.
"Some of the girls told her, in no uncertain terms that she'd dressed like a `slut, a `tart with no self-respect' and that her parents must be ashamed to have a daughter who `looked like a prostitute'. The attacks on my daughter were part of a new trend known as `slut shaming' fuelled by blogging websites which teenagers post vicious criticisms online, targeting peers they deem to be dressing too provocative or wearing too much make-up.
"I was shocked and deeply upset to see my daughter being bullied like this - yet deep down, I couldn't help feeling her accusers had a point. For on the day of her `6th birthday, Joyce had dressed too provocatively. The outfit she'd chosen to wear, without my consent, had utterly floored me. I should have seen this coming though. last year, she'd transformed almost overnight from a little girl into a tall adolescent with impressive boobs and an amazing figure - which she seems hell-bent on exposing as much as possible. As a result, it's practically impossible for her to leave the house whenever she's on holidays without a fierce alteration. I would yell: `You're not going out dressed like that, put more clothes on!' She would stomp upstairs to change, before shoving the offending outfit into her bag - no doubt to put back on the moment I've vanished from sight.
By Sola Ogundipe
~vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 22, 2018.
The world is breeding a generation of tech-distracted parents. Although fathers and mothers generally agree that technology has radically transformed the way they engage social media around their children; the focus is often on how to get children off their mobile phones to do other things.
But the parents are not particularly setting a good example for the children in this respect, are they?
These days, the average parent spends far too much time on the phone-so hooked to smartphones, Ipads internet tablets and other digital devices, they may be causing tension, conflict and negative interaction with the children.
No doubt technology has transformed the way parents use digital media around their children and so many daddies and mummies are continually having the sensation of doing more than one thing at a time and being in more than one place at a time while parenting. It's all about keeping up socially.
But overuse and misuse of mobile phones by parents is having a negative effect on the children. The excessive phone-checking habit of many parents is worrisome to say the least.
There is now growing knowledge that parents that stay permanently glued to their mobile phone may be damaging their relationships with their children.
A mother can be in the kitchen at home trying to cook dinner while attending to the children, and at the same time be "virtually" at work in the office on WhatsApp or Twitter. This kind of multitasking is usually an internal struggle.
According to a recent survey of secondary school pupils in the UK, the impact that phone-checking parents, is significant. The poll was carried out by Digital Awareness UK and the Headmasters and Headmistresses' Conference (HMC).
Children that did ask their parents to stop checking social media or responding to email during family time reported the pleas fell on deaf ears. Nearly half (46 percent) said their parents just ignored them while 44 percent said they were left feeling upset at having to ask.
Parents themselves seem to be suffering confusion over their usage. Only 10 percent admitted their phone use was an issue for their kids but 43 percent reckoned they spent too much time online.
Onoshe Nwabuikwu
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 8, 2018.
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| Onoshe Nwabuikwu |
The kids are home or will soon be home for the summer holidays or what we used to call 'long vacation. So, it's that time of the year and we get to have this conversation again. On one hand, parents are happy that the kids are home. On the other hand, how best to occupy or entertain them is a real and pressing challenge. Add the fact that some children will end up spending up to seven or more weeks at home and you can picture some parents feeling the 'long' in the long vacation.
My immediate concern of course is what kids watch on television. Do you know what your children are watching on TV? Are they watching programmes/films/shows appropriate for their ages? This would mean that you - the parents - know what's appropriate.
Knowing what's age-appropriate has been made easier by satellite/cable television since most shows have the ratings displayed. I always remind parents that those ratings are not just designs on the screen; they serve as guidance. However, you also have a right to decide what's appropriate for your own kids. Just because a programme is rated a certain age category does not mean you, the parent, shouldn't decide whether it's appropriate for your child/ren.
That's the easier part. What about stations on terrestrial TV, which don't have ratings? Not only that, they are not always sensitive to when kids could be watching TV. Surely, it's not so impossible for TV stations to actually have a holiday programme schedule? After all, summer holidays come every year.
Still making parents' lives more interesting is the fact that TV has fast moved from the good old box in the living room to all kinds of devices at kids' fingertips. The typical Nigerian parent, especially those who want to show they've 'arrived', buys the latest gadgets for their kids. So, in addition to knowing the content of what your kids are watching on TV, think iPads, smartphones and laptops, too.
At the end of the day, parents do have the most important task of ensuring that their kids watch clean TV. It isn't that they have to turn policemen. Even that would not be enough to keep kids from all the sleaze on the airwaves. A good plan is carrying the children along. As clichéic and Nigerianese as that sounds, it simply means letting the kids know the risks involved in watching certain programmes etc.
This should be an ongoing conversation which should also entrust some of the responsibilities of doing the right thing on the children. And it actually helps to begin this conversation/negotiation as early as possible. The idea is that you're not helpless and should not be a hapless receptor of garbage disguised as entertainment.
Will every parent ever be able to take the trauma of their adolescent girl's climb to puberty in their stride? One minute she's in braids and school uniform, the next she's dressed and acting like a prospective Nollywood Star!. Amarachi, a typical modern day mum of two teenage girls and a grown up son prided herself on being a well-grounded mum and brooked no nonsense from her kids. "I might have been born with the so-called proverbial silver-spoon but my mum never hesitated in thumping us whenever we got out of line", she said. "We were all a bit afraid of her and tried as much as possible not to give her the opportunity to put a lump of disapproval on our scalps through her knuckles.
