Corpers and life of sex, booze, drugs in NYSC camps

By Timileyin Akinkahunsi and Ojoi Ijagah
Punch Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2018.

For Dorcas Ifeji, the best time of her life was in 2016, the year she participated in the one-year mandatory National youth service programme. And all of the excitement was down to the three weeks she spent in the National Youth Service Corps orientation camp in Taraba State.

Ifeji described her experience in camp as the time of her life she would always relish. As a fresh graduate, she had thought that the regimented life in the camp, with soldiers keeping a watchful eye on corps members, would be stressful, but she was wrong. The experience was almost like nothing changed for the party-loving lady.

"We had a place called Club Zero behind the Mammy Market (usually a market in military barracks where food, beverages and other things are sold); it was like a clubhouse," she said with a sheepish smile.

"Club Zero was where everything unimaginable happened in the camp. It was just behind the Mammy Market. You could get to smoke weed, party and indulge in everything irregular; some adventurous people even made out in the open.

"What made Club Zero interesting was because the soldiers in the camp usually let their guards down there, looking for free beer from the guys and willing girls to flirt with. Some soldiers were lucky enough to find drunk and vulnerable girls who would follow them to their quarters for private business.

"It was normal to see corps members in pairs, kissing, groping and doing sexually suggestive things in Club Zero. The place was dimly lit so the atmosphere was conducive for certain actions. A day really stood out for me: people were shouting and I was wondering what could have happened. Then I realised that a guy and a lady had just been found having sex in a corner at Club Zero.

"The act should have attracted serious punishment but people actually hailed them and after the noise went down, all the soldiers present there said was 'una must buy us one crate of beer o' (you must buy us a crate of beer)."

Since the national youth service is compulsory for Nigerian graduates under the age of 30, those seeking employment are required to show proof of participation or formal exemption from taking part in it as a prerequisite for getting jobs in the country.

Ethiopia, Eritrea sign statement that war ‘has come to an end’

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 8, 2018.

Leaders of Ethiopia and Eritrea

Ethiopia and Eritrea are no longer at war, the neighbours said in a joint statement Monday, a day after their leaders held a historic meeting in Asmara.
Quoting from a “Joint Declaration of Peace and Friendship,” Eritrean Information Minister Yemane Gebremeskel said on Twitter the “state of war that existed between the two countries has come to an end. A new era of peace and friendship has been ushered (in).”

“Both countries will work to promote close cooperation in political, economic, social, cultural and security areas,” Yemane added.

He said the agreement was signed by Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed and Eritrean President Isaias Afwerki on Monday morning at state house in Asmara.

Images of the ceremony showed the two men sharing a wooden desk, backed by their nations’ flags, as they simultaneously signed the document.

The declaration echoed comments made by Abiy at a dinner hosted by Isaias late Sunday, where he said diplomatic, trade, transport and communications ties would be re-established and borders re-opened.

“We agreed that the airlines will start operating, the ports will be accessible, people can move between the two countries and the embassies will be opened,” Abiy said.

“We will demolish the wall and, with love, build a bridge between the two countries,” he said.

Abiy left Asmara after signing the joint agreement on Monday.

What you expect from your marriage is not what you often get!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

Couple

WILL the average person experiencing problems in their relationship know the right time to walk away? It goes without saying that divorce now is quick and with little rancour, single parenthood is on the increase and more men opt for the single life despite the fact that eligible women are two a penny (seemingly). Yet, never before has there been that fear of uncertainty in abandoning a relationship that was obviously going nowhere than now. A few months ago, I ran into a friend's daughter and asked after her mother.

Sheepishly, she told me it was a long time she saw her mother last as she was now living with her fiance. That would have been perfectly in order if it was what she wanted too. "I would have preferred for us to get married", she shrugged, "but he doesn't want to commit himself until I'm pregnant".

What happens if she gets pregnant, gets married, and later has a miscarriage? Will the man abandon her some two years later if she can't conceive again? These questions and lots more ran through my mind but I didn't want to make the poor girl more miserable than she already was. She is currently hopping from one gynaecologist to the other and when I asked her if the love of her life had gone for a test too, she said it wasn't necessary as he'd already fathered a child. I wanted to tell her that was no proof. That I knew a few 'surrogate' fathers who'd made a few 'barren' women mothers. The legal fathers are none the wiser and the mothers are now free of criticisms and jibes from their in-laws. Their marriage seems to be on an even keel.

The situation that gives a lot of concern is where the couples know that their marriage is lying on its back with its hooves virtually in the air but sit tight and hope that things will get better.

Unfortunately, they seldom do. Boma, a retired industrial nurse in her 60s now sits alone in her lovely house, wishing she'd had the common sense to kick her wayward husband out of their matrimonial home when she realized he was a bum despite the fact that he was a medical doctor. "I had a very shrewd father who believed in putting a bit by for the rainy day", she said. "When I was working after my training in England, he was always urging me to save and send whatever I could home so he could buy me some property. His letter bothered on an irritation at times but his insistence goaded me into doing temporary jobs – and petty-trading along with my regular job so I could send him money. He always made up for the balance and thanks to him, when we came back, I had a few plots of land here and there.

Wife of Swazi king commits suicide

~Vanguard Nigeria. Tuesday, April 10, 2018.

Senteni Masango

The eighth wife of Swaziland King Mswati III, Ms Senteni Masango, has committed suicide, local media confirmed.

"The king's wife is believed to have overdosed on about 40 amitriptyline capsules - widely used to block the long-term (chronic) pain of some rheumatic conditions and treat depression and related disorders," online publication News24 reported.

Ms Masango - known as Inkhosikati LaMasango -was found dead early on Friday morning and she was buried on Sunday morning.

King Mswati III chose Ms Masango as his eighth bride in September 1999, when she was only 18.

It soon emerged she had a record for truancy, poor grades and she was a high-school dropout and a rebel.

Last year, King Mswati III, married his latest bride, Ms Siphelele Mashwama, who was aged 19 years.

It is a tradition for the Swazi King to choose a wife every year.

The Sherburne-educated king choses a new bride during the famous Reed Dance ceremony, also known as Umhlanga.

The Reed Dance ceremony is an annual Swazi and Zulu tradition held in August or September.

In Swaziland, tens of thousands of unmarried and childless girls and women travel from the various chiefdoms to participate in the eight-day event, and would-be brides are publicly checked to ascertain their virginity.

The Kingdom of Swaziland is one of the world's last remaining absolute monarchies.

King Mswati III was crowned in 1986 at the age of 18, succeeding his long-serving father King Sobhuza II, who died at the age of 82.

The king, now aged 50, who is known as Ngweyama - the lion - has many wives and often appears in public in traditional dress.

The crackdown on Southern Cameroonians

~ Tribune Nigeria. Thursday, October 12, 2017.

THE axiom that freedom is never willingly given by the oppressor but must be demanded by the oppressed cannot be more apt in dissecting the current crackdown on “dissident” elements in Southern Cameroon. Just like the unsavoury events that followed the independence votes in Kurdistan and Catalonia, Southern Cameroon was a theatre of anguish penultimate week. On October 1, the day some separatist elements in the region sought to symbolically regain their independence from the Republic of Cameroon, the Paul Biya-led government unveiled the state apparatus to crush any dissent. The symbolic declaration of independence was made on social media by one Sisiku Ayuk, the “president” of Ambazonia.

Early this year, the Biya government cut off internet access in the region for three months. It did not even bother to adopt the option of counter narratives to whatever the “separatists” were saying. It announced a temporary restriction on travel and public meetings across the South-West Region. This was after imposing a curfew in the neighbouring North-West Region. Only a fifth of Cameroon’s 22 million people are English-speaking, and the government has always sought to suppress this minority. In 1961, the former British entity, Southern Cameroons, united with Cameroon after its independence from France in 1960. At the inception of the union, the federalist system was adopted, but things were to change in 1974 when a patently fraudulent referendum stage-managed by the centralist government in Yaounde imposed the establishment of the Republic of Cameroon.

The assimilation process, a feature of colonial rule, was adopted by the Yaounde government, along with disparities in many parts of the country’s national life: the distribution and control of oil wealth, education and the judicial system. Believing that the federal arrangement, which would allow them considerable power over their own destiny is the way forward for a united and prosperous Cameroon, the Southern Cameroonians have always staged protests, with a much more hard-line section embracing violent rhetoric and calling for outright secession from the country and the formation of a dream country, Ambazonia. But the central government has never pretended to be enamoured of the federalist proposal, let alone secession. On September 22, as thousands of “Ambazonians” took to the streets in the two English-speaking regions of Cameroon, soldiers reportedly shot at least eight people dead in the restive Anglophone belt, notably Buea in the South-West and Bamenda, the main town in the North-West. Thereafter, teachers and lawyers hit the streets in protest over the use of French in Anglophone schools and courts. This soon mutated into an outright demand for Ambazonia.

Xenophobia: South African xenophobia vs Nigerian internal xenophobia

Topics:
- South African xenophobia vs Nigerian internal xenophobia
- Xenophobic attacks on Nigerians: FG warns S-Africa of dire consequences
____________________________

South African xenophobia vs Nigerian internal xenophobia
Written by Azuka Onwuka
Twitter: @BrandAzuka
~Punch Nigeria. Tuesday, March 7, 2017.

Azuka Onwuka

It has become an annual ritual – just like an annual epidemic – for South Africans to engage in xenophobic attacks against their fellow Black Africans resident in South Africa. There are some trends in these attacks. The South Africans do not attack the Indians who have lived in South Africa for a couple of centuries. They do not attack the Pakistanis or the Chinese. They do not attack the North Africans. They do not attack the Whites who have settled in South Africa for centuries and are in control of the economy and the lands. The reason is simple. The colour of the skin of the above-mentioned people is different from that of the Black South Africans. The Black South Africans still see those with a different colour as superior but prefer to vent their anger and frustration on their fellow Blacks who reside in South Africa to eke out a living.

Coincidentally, the xenophobic attacks have been occurring in the tenure of President Jacob Zuma. They did not occur when Dr Nelson Mandela or Mr Thabo Mbeki were in office. One can infer that the body language of Zuma has been encouraging the attacks. Maybe, if he had shown some righteous anger against the attacks or ensured that the perpetrators are severely punished, they would not have recurred.

Ironically, Nigerians have been expressing their anger over the xenophobic attacks. Many commentators remind South Africans the sacrifices Nigeria and other African nations made to end apartheid in South Africa, including hosting many leaders of the African National Congress as well university students from South Africa.


However, the reason the action of the South Africans is shocking to many Nigerians is that we have a track record of not attacking foreigners within Nigeria. Nigerians even treat foreigners better than they treat fellow Nigerians. For example, in spite of the number of times Nigerian football clubs and national teams have been attacked while in other countries, Nigerians usually don't attack foreign teams. On the contrary, on many occasions, during some international matches, Nigerian football fans are known to have swapped support from the national team to the visiting teams if they are not impressed with the performance of the national team. Even if a visiting team beats the Nigerian team or prevents Nigeria from qualifying for an international competition, such a team can even take a victory lap round the stadium without even a bottle of water thrown at them.

YOUR EX IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

Written by Utchay Lugar 
~Panyan, Upper West, GhanaGhana.

Are you a friend to your Ex? do you talk often? Are you always chatting, Meeting up, etc? If the answer is yes to any of these questions then the man or woman you call Ex is not.

You can't be friends with your Ex, and this particular topic is causing a lot of mayhem in many relationships; one spouse is comfortable talking to the ex, while the other wonders ‘what at all do they talk about’? Why did they let that relationship go? Their response is, ‘I can't hate my Ex, he or she is just a friend’.

Love usually starts from being strangers, to friends, then lovers. Anytime the love is over, you get back to your default status which is strangers who are familiar; not enemies and it doesn’t mean you hate your Ex.

Familiar in the sense of what we once had or shared, but the relationship, feelings and what we once shared is dead. What is left in the archives is history. Because we are no longer together, there is nothing to talk about or celebrate for we have learnt our lessons and moved on.

No matter how good a medicine or drug is it can only work best before death, but after death nothing can be cured. It is same with relationships. Love is possible after friendship but friendship is not possible after love.
The only time friendship is possible after love is when love is still present and not gone at all. The only time medicine can cure is when death has not occurred; if the medicine still works then one is not dead yet or just pretending to be dead.

Sex surrogates: Your man's impotence has a solution!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Friday, February 17, 2017.

AS I bent over Ken, a truncheon in my hand, he looked up at me with a strange sort of longing in his eyes. I kissed him hard on the lips and moved my mouth over his neck and chest. I let him get a good look at me in my American cop uniform before I took off my top and threw it on the floor. I stepped out of my knickers and straddled

him on the bed, kissing him again and stroking his body. And then it happened. I saw him get aroused as I watched. 'Bingo,' I thought, and slipping on protection, he maintained his erection as we had sex. You see George has an intimacy problem. He's in a long-term relationship and madly in love with his girlfriend but he struggles to get an erection during sex. My job is to help him-and other men like him-find their confidence sexually…."

Ashley Grayson is one of a growing number of sexual surrogates all over the world. She is married and what she does is far from prostitution. She continues:"I'm not a prostitute, although I have been called one by people ignorant of my profession. I'm a sex surrogate. I help men with sexual or intimacy problems. I step in for their partner when there's a problem and I coach them through it. I also work with single men who

have sexual anxieties and need help to overcome them. I'm in partnership with a qualified sexual psychologist who holds therapy sessions with clients. There, she will talk to them about their most intimate thoughts, experiences and issues and draw out their insecurities and anxieties. We then work together to devise a 'sexual programme' to help the client overcome his problems.

"And that's where I come in. I work one-on-one with the men over several sessions, sometimes as many as a dozen. We start off very slowly and I usually start by working on eye contact and holding hands. My job is to help the man overcome his problems with intimacy. So he can go back to his partner a confident sexual being. Or, if he's single, he can initiate a sexual relationship and follow through with it, without crippling fear or insecurities stopping him. Sexual therapy of this kind enables the client to discover intimacy as a healing experience, free from the pressures, potential rejection and judgemental attitudes they have experienced in their sexual conditioning.

Do you honestly believe your wife could do without sex?!

Written by Candida
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 29, 2017.

REASONS people give for committing adultery gets more and more atrocious by the day. Gbemi had been married to Yori for four years after a courtship that lasted almost six years. Only, in the last few years, their relationship had disintegrated and when their son was born two years ago, the love-making stopped. According to Gbemi: "Sometimes I felt more like the nanny for his son than a wife. I did most of the chores helped by an inexperienced house- help, on top of which I had a full-time job. But I got no appreciation or affection in return.

"I'd tried everything I could think of to try to fix things. I'd dressed in sexy lingerie to try and seduce him. I'd even tried blatantly asking to have sex. But Yori was having none of it, always brushing me off with excuses. After which he started coming to bed hours after me. It had been two years since we last made love and I was at my wits' end. Our sex life had always been important to me. In my view it really helps a couple bond. Without it, you're just two people living together. In the end, I sat him down and demanded we talk about it. I told him: 'We need to deal with this because no matter what you think, this is destroying our relationship.'

"He looked uncomfortable and embarrassed. 'I just don't feel like having sex any more. I'm sorry, but the desire has gone.' He said, a bit sad. It was a blow – but what he said next shocked me to the core. 'If you want it so badly, why don't you try someone else?" I told him I wanted to save our marriage, not leave it. 'That's not what I mean,' he said, 'you could have an affair. I wouldn't mind. People do it all the time.' This was not the way I expected the conversation to go. I wanted him to agree to try harder, not suggest I try with someone else. 'I want you,' I shouted at him. 'I want to have sex with you, not with anyone else. I want my marriage to work! But he's come up with 'his' solution and wasn't budging.


"He repeated the offer over a few months. I guess he knew I wouldn't do it. He was just saying it to shut me up. We were at this impasse, stuck in a sexless marriage when I ran into Francis, an old flame. We had gone out while we were at the university and he told me he was recently divorced. He was still handsome, still his jovial self. Even though I hadn't seen him for over 15 years we got on well and I was still attracted to him. He jokingly said he wouldn't mind taking me to bed for old time's sake and I said 'why not'.

Elusive female orgasm: who is to blame?

Written by Yetunde Arebi
~Vanguard Nigeria.  Friday, December 16, 2016. 

Female orgasm remains a contemporary issue in female sexual experience because of its complexity both scientifically and naturally. Many factors such as culture and tradition, religion, education. exposure, communication and personality also contribute to the difficulties faced by couples to make this happen with every sexual experience. In my quest to make this near magical experience more accessible to more women, I asked a couple of friends to share their views on the subject with me. It’s quite hilarious:

Bimbo Mate is a 46 year old Civil Servant and Relationship Counsellor. She thinks it is a now social problem:

This is a big problem between many couples. Some years ago, this was not a very important issue in many relationships. Not because it was not there, but because couples hardly talked about it nor did they actually make it a subject of discussion among their friends. But today, things have changed. Nigerians are more enlightened, we are not only more conscious of our surroundings, but of ourselves too.

Women who were hitherto, subservient to their men are now gaining more grounds by the day. There is educational freedom, economic freedom, and a conscious pursuit of good health and general well being on the part of individuals as a whole. So, many women are no longer interested in handouts and leftovers from the men. Even where the women still lack economic power, they have the advantage of education and social awareness to help them get their goals.

So, it’s only natural that things can no longer remain as they were some 30, 20, or even 10 years ago. Women now want to live a more pleasurable and fulfilled life. Back then, women who were bold enough to demand and take what they knew was good for them in relationships were often castigated and labelled. In extreme cases, their men may even seek divorce because of these women’s perceived overbearing attitude. But now, the reverse is more or less the case.

I can't stay away from my husband's brother

Gloria Ogunbadejo

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 31, 2016.

Gloria Ogunbadejo

I have always wondered what it is in human nature that makes certain attractions almost impossible to resist for some people. Maybe it's the forbidden fruit aspect or the potential risk that makes it so appealing. One thing is for sure, men and women have been engaged in immoral, liaisons with their in-laws, with spouses of their friends, and other complicated relationships from time immemorial. Whatever the gratification derived from it, almost always goes awry, in the long run and there are always casualties. There are many stories of these clandestine forays ending in fatalities.

Over the years of practicing as a therapist/counsellor, one of the most consistent themes with my clients is related to infidelities with both sexes. Similarly, of all the letters I receive from readers, infidelity rates quite high. What is even more interesting with the letters is the particular type of infidelity that is reported, and informs the topic today. I receive a wide range of variable permutations of unholy alliances with married couples. The majority and the most complex are involved with familial relationships, and bosses at work having affairs with the spouses of their colleagues or friends' wives. It's a total mystery to me. I received a remarkable letter from a reader which I will share with you today. Please, read it below:

Dear Gloria,

I am writing you a letter that I implore you to keep confidential because the information can ruin many lives. I give you the permission to share it with your readers but please take note of the thing I need you to keep private. I feel assured and confident that you will honour my request because I have been following your column for a few years and I know you treat people with respect.

I am in my forties. I have been married for over 15 years and have two children. I hold a very high position in society and so does my husband. Before I met my husband, K, I first met my brother in-law J when I went on a trip abroad with some friends. We had a brief but very passionate relationship which lasted a few months and that was the end of it. I was quite young and I already had a boyfriend I was planning to marry, but after four years with my boyfriend A, I decided to end it after I had the encounter with J.

I just thought that what I had felt with J was so powerful that I could not marry someone else if I did not feel the same thing with him. My family were very angry with me but I knew if I married my boyfriend, I would be unfaithful to him.

Why most women are not sexually satisfied

Written by Tunde Ajaja
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 31, 2016.


Sex has been described as one of the activities that boost closeness in marriage, but the lack of it, or its inadequacy, can equally be detrimental to the success of union.

This all-important activity is so vital that marriage counsellors and psychologists often advise couples not to joke with it, for the sake of keeping their homes together, even if they have to prepare a timetable for it, so that the needs of both parties can be well taken care of.

Meanwhile, sex is only good when the two persons enjoyed the act and reached climax (ejaculation for men and orgasm for women), but findings have shown that in most cases, men reach orgasm in about 95 per cent of their sexual activities while about 25 per cent of women reach orgasm in their sexual encounters.

Mrs. Motun (surname withheld) is one of such women who could count how many times she has reached orgasm on her fingers; even with that, she won't go far on the first five fingers.


"And you know the irony there, my husband and I have sex at least thrice a week, but he's the only one who enjoys it," she told our correspondent.

She continued, "Perhaps there is something wrong somewhere. It has almost become a norm and it is an issue you can't talk to anyone about, so as not to be labelled as being wild. After two to three minutes, my husband ejaculates and that is the end. And the most annoying part is that he sleeps off shortly after. It can be so annoying.

"Initially, I thought it was normal, but while interacting with people, I found that a woman can also reach orgasm. Maybe because I didn't have experience about sex before I married, so I didn't know much about it. The situation has made me to lose interest in sex because he puts me in the mood and leaves shortly after."

SEX IS GOD'S IDEA: SEXUALITY IN GOD'S KINGDOM ON EARTH

Written by Rev. Dr. Adenike Yesufu

Email: ayesufu@yahoo.ca

World Health Organization says that sex occurs more than 100 million times everyday around the world. For all its frequency, sex remains a private, personal, intensely individual and complex matter in people's lives and in many cultures. God in the Garden of Eden inaugurated heterosexual relationship when He gave Eve to Adam. The Bible introduces sex. 

The Bible celebrates sex. Forget the apple narrative; sex is given for procreation and for pleasure. All societies control sexuality. All societies have social norms that grant approval to certain sexual behavior and disapproval of others. No society grants unrestricted sexual liberties. Even as sexuality is God's gift to human beings, God places limitations on sexual practices, not to cause discomfort for His creatures but to ensure that physical relations are the most special and unique expression of love and trust a human being can bestow on one another. God's limitations on sex are positive. Without limitations, sex becomes mere performance and everything is devalued.

However, in the fast-paced world of today, sex seems to be on everybody's mind and lips. Malcolm Muggeridge says Society has sex on its brain; it is a very uncomfortable place to have it. I remember The Thorn Birds, the movie based on the novel by Colleen McCullough. I also remember Richard Chamberlain's excellent performance as Father Ralph. Many people see the Thorn Birds as a love story. However, I see a priest's intense struggle with his Spirituality (his love for God) and his Sexuality (his human passion). There is no doubt that Father Ralph loves his God more than he loves the woman of focus as he claims in the movie. In spite of his unflinching commitment to God and his vocation, Father Ralph succumbed to the lure of the flesh. For me this story represents the sexual struggles of many Christians in today's world. This led me to reflect on Sexuality in God's Kingdom on earth.

Society continues to experience a sexual revolution that has led to changes in many areas of human sexuality. Attitudes towards sexual permissiveness have changed with people having a more tolerant view of it. The Media generally permissive with sexual content continues to portray non-marital sex as exciting, spontaneous sex as romantic, extra marital sex as normal and inevitable. Sexual issues have become so overt with the incessant bombardment and assault by the media that it is definitely always in everybody's face and thereby almost on everybody's mind, even on Christian minds. Who can resist the temptation of thoughtful engagement? Society has become permissive. It is now judgmental within the Church to discuss human sexuality from moral perspectives.

Love or respect

~The SUN, Nigeria. Sunday, July 10, 2016

SHOW me a woman who does not believe in love and I will show you a liar. Every woman wants to be loved. We all long for that indescribable feeling that keeps our heads in the cloud. That feeling that makes you feel that you and your man are the only ones on the surface of the earth and when he touches you, you feel this tingling sensation running down your spine. His voice does things to your system, etcetera etcetera.

It is a feeling that makes a woman see life through rose-tinted glasses. It is a delicious feeling. It leads you into temptation. It makes you do things that you may later in life wonder how you ever contemplated at all. Sometimes it puts a smile on your face in a crowd of serious people doing serious business when your mind wanders to those loving moments. They all look at you like you are losing it but you are glorying in something you hold or once held so dear.

Sometimes a love experience does not end in marriage and till death do you part but it does not take away from the solid fact that for the rest of your life, you will never forget it. Remember that song:


Everybody, think back

To your very first time

Oh, not when you lost your virginity this time. That could be memorable too but we will talk about that sometime soon.

Love. It makes you defy reason, logic, sound advice. Anything that wants to come between you and your Romeo would simply have to step aside or go to blazes, whichever they prefer.

Did you ever defy your parents for the lover boy? Did you steal your mother's jewelry to sell so your Romeo could buy a ticket to Britain? The things we have all done for love... the things women are still doing for love, in the name of love...Ah. They scare me but what is life without love? It is a feeling every man, every woman must experience. And because the cupid's arrow does not strike often, for some people it is a once in a lifetime thing, it must be savoured.

The nanny was a better option than his wife!

Written by Bunmi Sofola

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, July 10, 2016

YOU must have.lost count of stories you've been regaled with about the shenanigans of some husbands and the family's nanny.

Only, it is a heartbreaking reality for some wives. What does it feel like to be betrayed by the man you married with a woman living under your own roof? And what kind of man behaves in such a despicable way? Here, in a startling and brave account Roger, a lawyer in his mid-forties shares his reason for not only going after the maid, but getting married to her …

"Muji is not your run-of-the-mill maid," he says. "I know people will assume that I've had some sort of mid-life crisis in my mid-forties. But my feelings for Muji are anything but frivolous – and I didn't do it lightly. My marriage to Rita, my wife of 18 years was breaking down, and falling in love with Muji just speeded things up. We got married in England and had three young children when Muji was sent to us as a possible help. She already had her OND and the plan was that she would make enough money within say three years to help her further her studies.

"I don't feel guilty about what happened because I didn't go out looking for love. And it certainly hasn't been easy. I've constantly worried about everything and the impact it will have – not just on the children, but also Fikayo my wife, and Muji. The person I was least worried about was me. Everyone tells my wife and me that they are amazed at how calmly we are dealing with the situation. She has been extraordinarily generous in her understanding and I know she could have reacted so I could be punished for what I'd done.

Domestic violence: Why abused men don't talk

Written by Josfyn Uba, Christine Onwuachumba And Bianca Iboma
~The SUN, Nigeria. Thursday, July 7, 2016

There was news about a man whose wife allegedly hacked to death in Ikotun, a suburb of Lagos, for speaking up against her affairs with a younger lover. Mr. Efua Omoghoti, 63, was said to have lost his first wife after 23 years of marriage. She had three boys and a girl for him. He re-married to Maggie, a younger lady. Unfortunately, their union had been saddled with issues of domestic violence and abuse. Residents confirmed that he had been enduring an abusive marriage where he was serially assaulted and emotionally battered by his younger wife until the last quarrel where Maggie hacked him to death in the night. She would insult him publicly at his shop, calling him names and telling him that she only did him a favour by marrying him at an old age. Many times, she had starved him of food and seized his mobile phones, especially when she couldn't get enough money from him. When matters came to a boiling point, the man threatened to divorce her but she vowed not to leave the house. The long arm of the law caught up with Maggie, the embattled mother of two, as the Lagos State Police Command apprehended her.

In another breath, Uwie, a sleepy community in Delta State, once woke up to the shocking news of the death of a 51-year-old lecturer, Mr. Henry Ebenuwa. He was said to have committed suicide because he could not face the public disgrace of his wife's confession to infidelity with his close friends and relatives. The deceased, a father of four, was said to have been subjected to emotional trauma, physical abuse and harassments from his wife, Omiyowa, for the better part of their marriage of a decade and a half years. Fighting and verbal assault were said to have been a trademark of the troubled marriage in their early days. Things got worse when the husband was hit by stroke, which left him incapacitated. From then, he was said to complain about his wife's disloyalty and infidelity. The community was awash with stories of his wife's constant nagging and even starving him of food. When he could not face the shame and humiliation of her public escapades any more, he allegedly ended it all.


These incidents are just some of the many cases of domestic violence that has gradually become regular occurrence in the country. Every week, at least, a domestic abuse case hits the print and electronic media. It is either a husband butchers or chops off his wife's head or wife stabs husband to death, or a 68-year-old man rapes a 12-year-old pupil. It is an endless tale of horrifying news stories and it doesn't seem as if there is an end in sight to some of these bizarre headlines.

Common tenants' complaints against landlords

Written by Abiodun Doherty
~Punch, Nigeria. Tuesday, June 14, 2016.

Abiodun Doherty

Landlord and tenant problems are among the most contentious after issues of land ownership and the reasons are obvious. The interests and concerns of both categories are usually divergent or opposed to one another. One tends to wonder why this is often so and what can be done to reduce or eliminate it. In my opinion, the journey to solution in this instance should start with a careful understanding of the key issues that generate these conflicts. A discussion with most tenants reveals the following issues are the common areas of complaints against their landlords.

Most landlord and tenant relationships usually start on a semi-formal level and it is only as these issues build up and are not addressed amicably that they degenerate into a level where the landlord is more comfortable with ejecting the tenant or the tenant is more interested in renting another property than renewing his or her tenancy. When issues arise, it is better to discuss them and find amicable solutions to them where possible.

The primary complaint of tenants is that many landlords do not mind their own business. They tend to interfere in the personal space of their tenants and seek to control everything happening in the property. The obvious reason for this is the fact that many landlords have personal attachment to their properties. They are concerned with the look and feel of the properties. They cannot stand to see anyone inhabiting the property without taking care of it as his or her personal property.

Poverty is a choice

~The Pinch, Nigeria. Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Author of 'Practical steps to financial independence and personal finance coach', Usiere Uko, writes on raising children to be financially independent

This statement seems harsh and cruel but sadly it is the truth. We are a product of our dominant thoughts. The common saying 'As a man thinks in his heart, so is he' is from the book of Proverbs 23: 7 (NKJV)'. Our decisions create our circumstances. Our financial decisions create our financial circumstances, as in other areas of life – social, professional, heath, spiritual, etc. If you want to know who is to blame for where you are now, look for the closest mirror.

George Bernard Shaw drives the point home succinctly with his famous quote: "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."

It takes a level of maturity and willingness to learn to accept this fact. We are so used to blaming others that we hardly take time to really look at what we are doing wrong.

Nobody can change you

As I counsel people, I often come against a brick wall of excuses. One of the toughest cases I have had to deal with is my gateman. Counselling him is like to talking to a brick wall. He always has a readymade excuse why what I am saying will not work. He has approached me severally for a salary advance for expenditure that will not improve his finances. At each instance, I sit him down to try to talk some sense into him rather than refuse him. When he wanted to buy a motorcycle because he was tired of trekking to work, I warned him that he was acquiring a liability and increasing his overhead. My suggestion that if he must buy the motorcycle, he can use it as 'okada' when he is off duty in the evenings fell on deaf ears.

I enjoy sex with my husband’s brother

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016.

Blood is thicker than water, right? This belief was put to the test when Judith met her husband's elder brother for the first time. She'd been married to Bernard for seven years when Kingsley returned to the country after years of studying and working abroad. "Kingsley is a couple of years older than Ben and it was obvious they were very close when he finally called at the house," explained Judith. "They spent time together watching football or going to the clubs – making up for lost time.

"The brothers, in spite of their closeness, were very different. Ben, my husband is the aggressive type whilst Kingsley was what you would call a real man – strong and able to handle himself with no aggression whatsoever – no hint of the bully his brother was. It was Ben who helped him clinch a deal on an empty flat in our neighbourhood and as soon as he moved in, he visited more . frequently. It was thanks to him that I started taking more interest in how I looked as he was always liberal with his compliments. He made an effort to look well too, splashing on exotic after-shaves and wearing sexy clothes. The admiring look in his eyes whenever I let him in made my efforts worthwhile. It was obvious that a sexual tension was simmering between us even though I tried to smother the feelings.


"One evening, I was relaxing at home when Kingsley called unexpectedly. "Ben is not here," I told him as I let him in. "He's at his office's send-off do for a member of staff." "I know," he replied quietly, "he told me when I called him." I felt this crazy excitement as I looked up at him. 'It's you I've come to see,' he continued, 'I need to know if you've realised what you're doing to me ...' I didn't know what to say. But he took me in his arms and all the pent-up emotions of the past month erupted. As we made furious love on the sofa, he confessed he was in love with me. I couldn't help telling him there was no future for us as Ben would kill us both if he found out. My kids would be heartbroken, devastated and confused if we were to end up with their uncle.

"Unfortunately, no amount of sensible thoughts could erase the love (lust more like) that had grown between us. In the months that follows, we contrived any excuse to be together. Ben couldn't care less that Kingsley and I went shopping together or picked up the takeaway for our weekend treats. And because I worked shifts, it was easy to slip round to Kingsley's flat, enjoy a couple of blissful hours in his flat.

"Ben was so complacent it would never have occurred to him that his brother and his wife were both betraying him in the worst possible way. The fact that I took more interest in my clothes and make-up didn't bother him.

Marriage is not for everybody…

Written by Chukwuneta Oby
~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016

Chukwuneta Oby

Considering the rate at which marriages are falling like a pack of badly stacked cards…would it not be appropriate for us to ditch our 'holier than thou' slogan of 'divorce is a sin' and pick up a more realistic one like 'marriage is not for everybody?'

The nature of marital issues that I have come across(over the years) has further convinced me that some people are naturally not cut out for marriage or any form of co-habitation that will task everything (patience, tolerance, understanding, sharing, moderation, consideration, etc) in them…this set of people seem to waltz into marriages without an iota of what's involved…in fact, they start feeling stifled or miserable the moment certain 'marital demands'(less time out there- more time at home, being answerable to someone-in a way, realising that you just can't wake up and do as you like-without checking(first) with your partner, often inconveniencing yourself to bring a smile to another's face , etc)-are brought on them.

The wise ones (who seem to understand themselves) have long realised this and followed their path, some others seem to have realised that but would rather pander to the dictates of a society that shoves it in everyone's face to 'get married' or risk being seen as a 'social reject'…is it such a difficult task to understand that some people are simply not cut out for certain life paths? I mean, it is not in their DNA-and frankly-it does not make them bad-in any way…it simply means that anything contrary to their personality will end up making them miserable -that includes marriage, especially when they can't pretend to be enjoying what's actually choking them!


Now, how can anybody expect to be made happy by one who hasn't even found happiness-in his/her own life? It is on this line of reasoning that I stand to implore whoever that is going through certain challenges in his/her marriage to view that partner in the light of the issues I raised above…they may not have really set out to hurt you deliberately-especially when what you are experiencing in the marriage is far from your expectations. Perhaps, it will help-if you understand that 'that person' you are saddled with is on the wrong path (marriage)…as far as his/her personality goes.