Corpers and life of sex, booze, drugs in NYSC camps

By Timileyin Akinkahunsi and Ojoi Ijagah
Punch Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2018.

For Dorcas Ifeji, the best time of her life was in 2016, the year she participated in the one-year mandatory National youth service programme. And all of the excitement was down to the three weeks she spent in the National Youth Service Corps orientation camp in Taraba State.

Ifeji described her experience in camp as the time of her life she would always relish. As a fresh graduate, she had thought that the regimented life in the camp, with soldiers keeping a watchful eye on corps members, would be stressful, but she was wrong. The experience was almost like nothing changed for the party-loving lady.

"We had a place called Club Zero behind the Mammy Market (usually a market in military barracks where food, beverages and other things are sold); it was like a clubhouse," she said with a sheepish smile.

"Club Zero was where everything unimaginable happened in the camp. It was just behind the Mammy Market. You could get to smoke weed, party and indulge in everything irregular; some adventurous people even made out in the open.

"What made Club Zero interesting was because the soldiers in the camp usually let their guards down there, looking for free beer from the guys and willing girls to flirt with. Some soldiers were lucky enough to find drunk and vulnerable girls who would follow them to their quarters for private business.

"It was normal to see corps members in pairs, kissing, groping and doing sexually suggestive things in Club Zero. The place was dimly lit so the atmosphere was conducive for certain actions. A day really stood out for me: people were shouting and I was wondering what could have happened. Then I realised that a guy and a lady had just been found having sex in a corner at Club Zero.

"The act should have attracted serious punishment but people actually hailed them and after the noise went down, all the soldiers present there said was 'una must buy us one crate of beer o' (you must buy us a crate of beer)."

Since the national youth service is compulsory for Nigerian graduates under the age of 30, those seeking employment are required to show proof of participation or formal exemption from taking part in it as a prerequisite for getting jobs in the country.

Ethiopia, Eritrea sign statement that war ‘has come to an end’

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 8, 2018.

Leaders of Ethiopia and Eritrea

Ethiopia and Eritrea are no longer at war, the neighbours said in a joint statement Monday, a day after their leaders held a historic meeting in Asmara.
Quoting from a “Joint Declaration of Peace and Friendship,” Eritrean Information Minister Yemane Gebremeskel said on Twitter the “state of war that existed between the two countries has come to an end. A new era of peace and friendship has been ushered (in).”

“Both countries will work to promote close cooperation in political, economic, social, cultural and security areas,” Yemane added.

He said the agreement was signed by Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed and Eritrean President Isaias Afwerki on Monday morning at state house in Asmara.

Images of the ceremony showed the two men sharing a wooden desk, backed by their nations’ flags, as they simultaneously signed the document.

The declaration echoed comments made by Abiy at a dinner hosted by Isaias late Sunday, where he said diplomatic, trade, transport and communications ties would be re-established and borders re-opened.

“We agreed that the airlines will start operating, the ports will be accessible, people can move between the two countries and the embassies will be opened,” Abiy said.

“We will demolish the wall and, with love, build a bridge between the two countries,” he said.

Abiy left Asmara after signing the joint agreement on Monday.

What you expect from your marriage is not what you often get!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

Couple

WILL the average person experiencing problems in their relationship know the right time to walk away? It goes without saying that divorce now is quick and with little rancour, single parenthood is on the increase and more men opt for the single life despite the fact that eligible women are two a penny (seemingly). Yet, never before has there been that fear of uncertainty in abandoning a relationship that was obviously going nowhere than now. A few months ago, I ran into a friend's daughter and asked after her mother.

Sheepishly, she told me it was a long time she saw her mother last as she was now living with her fiance. That would have been perfectly in order if it was what she wanted too. "I would have preferred for us to get married", she shrugged, "but he doesn't want to commit himself until I'm pregnant".

What happens if she gets pregnant, gets married, and later has a miscarriage? Will the man abandon her some two years later if she can't conceive again? These questions and lots more ran through my mind but I didn't want to make the poor girl more miserable than she already was. She is currently hopping from one gynaecologist to the other and when I asked her if the love of her life had gone for a test too, she said it wasn't necessary as he'd already fathered a child. I wanted to tell her that was no proof. That I knew a few 'surrogate' fathers who'd made a few 'barren' women mothers. The legal fathers are none the wiser and the mothers are now free of criticisms and jibes from their in-laws. Their marriage seems to be on an even keel.

The situation that gives a lot of concern is where the couples know that their marriage is lying on its back with its hooves virtually in the air but sit tight and hope that things will get better.

Unfortunately, they seldom do. Boma, a retired industrial nurse in her 60s now sits alone in her lovely house, wishing she'd had the common sense to kick her wayward husband out of their matrimonial home when she realized he was a bum despite the fact that he was a medical doctor. "I had a very shrewd father who believed in putting a bit by for the rainy day", she said. "When I was working after my training in England, he was always urging me to save and send whatever I could home so he could buy me some property. His letter bothered on an irritation at times but his insistence goaded me into doing temporary jobs – and petty-trading along with my regular job so I could send him money. He always made up for the balance and thanks to him, when we came back, I had a few plots of land here and there.

Wife of Swazi king commits suicide

~Vanguard Nigeria. Tuesday, April 10, 2018.

Senteni Masango

The eighth wife of Swaziland King Mswati III, Ms Senteni Masango, has committed suicide, local media confirmed.

"The king's wife is believed to have overdosed on about 40 amitriptyline capsules - widely used to block the long-term (chronic) pain of some rheumatic conditions and treat depression and related disorders," online publication News24 reported.

Ms Masango - known as Inkhosikati LaMasango -was found dead early on Friday morning and she was buried on Sunday morning.

King Mswati III chose Ms Masango as his eighth bride in September 1999, when she was only 18.

It soon emerged she had a record for truancy, poor grades and she was a high-school dropout and a rebel.

Last year, King Mswati III, married his latest bride, Ms Siphelele Mashwama, who was aged 19 years.

It is a tradition for the Swazi King to choose a wife every year.

The Sherburne-educated king choses a new bride during the famous Reed Dance ceremony, also known as Umhlanga.

The Reed Dance ceremony is an annual Swazi and Zulu tradition held in August or September.

In Swaziland, tens of thousands of unmarried and childless girls and women travel from the various chiefdoms to participate in the eight-day event, and would-be brides are publicly checked to ascertain their virginity.

The Kingdom of Swaziland is one of the world's last remaining absolute monarchies.

King Mswati III was crowned in 1986 at the age of 18, succeeding his long-serving father King Sobhuza II, who died at the age of 82.

The king, now aged 50, who is known as Ngweyama - the lion - has many wives and often appears in public in traditional dress.

The crackdown on Southern Cameroonians

~ Tribune Nigeria. Thursday, October 12, 2017.

THE axiom that freedom is never willingly given by the oppressor but must be demanded by the oppressed cannot be more apt in dissecting the current crackdown on “dissident” elements in Southern Cameroon. Just like the unsavoury events that followed the independence votes in Kurdistan and Catalonia, Southern Cameroon was a theatre of anguish penultimate week. On October 1, the day some separatist elements in the region sought to symbolically regain their independence from the Republic of Cameroon, the Paul Biya-led government unveiled the state apparatus to crush any dissent. The symbolic declaration of independence was made on social media by one Sisiku Ayuk, the “president” of Ambazonia.

Early this year, the Biya government cut off internet access in the region for three months. It did not even bother to adopt the option of counter narratives to whatever the “separatists” were saying. It announced a temporary restriction on travel and public meetings across the South-West Region. This was after imposing a curfew in the neighbouring North-West Region. Only a fifth of Cameroon’s 22 million people are English-speaking, and the government has always sought to suppress this minority. In 1961, the former British entity, Southern Cameroons, united with Cameroon after its independence from France in 1960. At the inception of the union, the federalist system was adopted, but things were to change in 1974 when a patently fraudulent referendum stage-managed by the centralist government in Yaounde imposed the establishment of the Republic of Cameroon.

The assimilation process, a feature of colonial rule, was adopted by the Yaounde government, along with disparities in many parts of the country’s national life: the distribution and control of oil wealth, education and the judicial system. Believing that the federal arrangement, which would allow them considerable power over their own destiny is the way forward for a united and prosperous Cameroon, the Southern Cameroonians have always staged protests, with a much more hard-line section embracing violent rhetoric and calling for outright secession from the country and the formation of a dream country, Ambazonia. But the central government has never pretended to be enamoured of the federalist proposal, let alone secession. On September 22, as thousands of “Ambazonians” took to the streets in the two English-speaking regions of Cameroon, soldiers reportedly shot at least eight people dead in the restive Anglophone belt, notably Buea in the South-West and Bamenda, the main town in the North-West. Thereafter, teachers and lawyers hit the streets in protest over the use of French in Anglophone schools and courts. This soon mutated into an outright demand for Ambazonia.

Xenophobia: South African xenophobia vs Nigerian internal xenophobia

Topics:
- South African xenophobia vs Nigerian internal xenophobia
- Xenophobic attacks on Nigerians: FG warns S-Africa of dire consequences
____________________________

South African xenophobia vs Nigerian internal xenophobia
Written by Azuka Onwuka
Twitter: @BrandAzuka
~Punch Nigeria. Tuesday, March 7, 2017.

Azuka Onwuka

It has become an annual ritual – just like an annual epidemic – for South Africans to engage in xenophobic attacks against their fellow Black Africans resident in South Africa. There are some trends in these attacks. The South Africans do not attack the Indians who have lived in South Africa for a couple of centuries. They do not attack the Pakistanis or the Chinese. They do not attack the North Africans. They do not attack the Whites who have settled in South Africa for centuries and are in control of the economy and the lands. The reason is simple. The colour of the skin of the above-mentioned people is different from that of the Black South Africans. The Black South Africans still see those with a different colour as superior but prefer to vent their anger and frustration on their fellow Blacks who reside in South Africa to eke out a living.

Coincidentally, the xenophobic attacks have been occurring in the tenure of President Jacob Zuma. They did not occur when Dr Nelson Mandela or Mr Thabo Mbeki were in office. One can infer that the body language of Zuma has been encouraging the attacks. Maybe, if he had shown some righteous anger against the attacks or ensured that the perpetrators are severely punished, they would not have recurred.

Ironically, Nigerians have been expressing their anger over the xenophobic attacks. Many commentators remind South Africans the sacrifices Nigeria and other African nations made to end apartheid in South Africa, including hosting many leaders of the African National Congress as well university students from South Africa.


However, the reason the action of the South Africans is shocking to many Nigerians is that we have a track record of not attacking foreigners within Nigeria. Nigerians even treat foreigners better than they treat fellow Nigerians. For example, in spite of the number of times Nigerian football clubs and national teams have been attacked while in other countries, Nigerians usually don't attack foreign teams. On the contrary, on many occasions, during some international matches, Nigerian football fans are known to have swapped support from the national team to the visiting teams if they are not impressed with the performance of the national team. Even if a visiting team beats the Nigerian team or prevents Nigeria from qualifying for an international competition, such a team can even take a victory lap round the stadium without even a bottle of water thrown at them.

YOUR EX IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

Written by Utchay Lugar 
~Panyan, Upper West, GhanaGhana.

Are you a friend to your Ex? do you talk often? Are you always chatting, Meeting up, etc? If the answer is yes to any of these questions then the man or woman you call Ex is not.

You can't be friends with your Ex, and this particular topic is causing a lot of mayhem in many relationships; one spouse is comfortable talking to the ex, while the other wonders ‘what at all do they talk about’? Why did they let that relationship go? Their response is, ‘I can't hate my Ex, he or she is just a friend’.

Love usually starts from being strangers, to friends, then lovers. Anytime the love is over, you get back to your default status which is strangers who are familiar; not enemies and it doesn’t mean you hate your Ex.

Familiar in the sense of what we once had or shared, but the relationship, feelings and what we once shared is dead. What is left in the archives is history. Because we are no longer together, there is nothing to talk about or celebrate for we have learnt our lessons and moved on.

No matter how good a medicine or drug is it can only work best before death, but after death nothing can be cured. It is same with relationships. Love is possible after friendship but friendship is not possible after love.
The only time friendship is possible after love is when love is still present and not gone at all. The only time medicine can cure is when death has not occurred; if the medicine still works then one is not dead yet or just pretending to be dead.

Love or respect

~The SUN, Nigeria. Sunday, July 10, 2016

SHOW me a woman who does not believe in love and I will show you a liar. Every woman wants to be loved. We all long for that indescribable feeling that keeps our heads in the cloud. That feeling that makes you feel that you and your man are the only ones on the surface of the earth and when he touches you, you feel this tingling sensation running down your spine. His voice does things to your system, etcetera etcetera.

It is a feeling that makes a woman see life through rose-tinted glasses. It is a delicious feeling. It leads you into temptation. It makes you do things that you may later in life wonder how you ever contemplated at all. Sometimes it puts a smile on your face in a crowd of serious people doing serious business when your mind wanders to those loving moments. They all look at you like you are losing it but you are glorying in something you hold or once held so dear.

Sometimes a love experience does not end in marriage and till death do you part but it does not take away from the solid fact that for the rest of your life, you will never forget it. Remember that song:


Everybody, think back

To your very first time

Oh, not when you lost your virginity this time. That could be memorable too but we will talk about that sometime soon.

Love. It makes you defy reason, logic, sound advice. Anything that wants to come between you and your Romeo would simply have to step aside or go to blazes, whichever they prefer.

Did you ever defy your parents for the lover boy? Did you steal your mother's jewelry to sell so your Romeo could buy a ticket to Britain? The things we have all done for love... the things women are still doing for love, in the name of love...Ah. They scare me but what is life without love? It is a feeling every man, every woman must experience. And because the cupid's arrow does not strike often, for some people it is a once in a lifetime thing, it must be savoured.

Domestic violence: Why abused men don't talk

Written by Josfyn Uba, Christine Onwuachumba And Bianca Iboma
~The SUN, Nigeria. Thursday, July 7, 2016

There was news about a man whose wife allegedly hacked to death in Ikotun, a suburb of Lagos, for speaking up against her affairs with a younger lover. Mr. Efua Omoghoti, 63, was said to have lost his first wife after 23 years of marriage. She had three boys and a girl for him. He re-married to Maggie, a younger lady. Unfortunately, their union had been saddled with issues of domestic violence and abuse. Residents confirmed that he had been enduring an abusive marriage where he was serially assaulted and emotionally battered by his younger wife until the last quarrel where Maggie hacked him to death in the night. She would insult him publicly at his shop, calling him names and telling him that she only did him a favour by marrying him at an old age. Many times, she had starved him of food and seized his mobile phones, especially when she couldn't get enough money from him. When matters came to a boiling point, the man threatened to divorce her but she vowed not to leave the house. The long arm of the law caught up with Maggie, the embattled mother of two, as the Lagos State Police Command apprehended her.

In another breath, Uwie, a sleepy community in Delta State, once woke up to the shocking news of the death of a 51-year-old lecturer, Mr. Henry Ebenuwa. He was said to have committed suicide because he could not face the public disgrace of his wife's confession to infidelity with his close friends and relatives. The deceased, a father of four, was said to have been subjected to emotional trauma, physical abuse and harassments from his wife, Omiyowa, for the better part of their marriage of a decade and a half years. Fighting and verbal assault were said to have been a trademark of the troubled marriage in their early days. Things got worse when the husband was hit by stroke, which left him incapacitated. From then, he was said to complain about his wife's disloyalty and infidelity. The community was awash with stories of his wife's constant nagging and even starving him of food. When he could not face the shame and humiliation of her public escapades any more, he allegedly ended it all.


These incidents are just some of the many cases of domestic violence that has gradually become regular occurrence in the country. Every week, at least, a domestic abuse case hits the print and electronic media. It is either a husband butchers or chops off his wife's head or wife stabs husband to death, or a 68-year-old man rapes a 12-year-old pupil. It is an endless tale of horrifying news stories and it doesn't seem as if there is an end in sight to some of these bizarre headlines.

Common tenants' complaints against landlords

Written by Abiodun Doherty
~Punch, Nigeria. Tuesday, June 14, 2016.

Abiodun Doherty

Landlord and tenant problems are among the most contentious after issues of land ownership and the reasons are obvious. The interests and concerns of both categories are usually divergent or opposed to one another. One tends to wonder why this is often so and what can be done to reduce or eliminate it. In my opinion, the journey to solution in this instance should start with a careful understanding of the key issues that generate these conflicts. A discussion with most tenants reveals the following issues are the common areas of complaints against their landlords.

Most landlord and tenant relationships usually start on a semi-formal level and it is only as these issues build up and are not addressed amicably that they degenerate into a level where the landlord is more comfortable with ejecting the tenant or the tenant is more interested in renting another property than renewing his or her tenancy. When issues arise, it is better to discuss them and find amicable solutions to them where possible.

The primary complaint of tenants is that many landlords do not mind their own business. They tend to interfere in the personal space of their tenants and seek to control everything happening in the property. The obvious reason for this is the fact that many landlords have personal attachment to their properties. They are concerned with the look and feel of the properties. They cannot stand to see anyone inhabiting the property without taking care of it as his or her personal property.

Poverty is a choice

~The Pinch, Nigeria. Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Author of 'Practical steps to financial independence and personal finance coach', Usiere Uko, writes on raising children to be financially independent

This statement seems harsh and cruel but sadly it is the truth. We are a product of our dominant thoughts. The common saying 'As a man thinks in his heart, so is he' is from the book of Proverbs 23: 7 (NKJV)'. Our decisions create our circumstances. Our financial decisions create our financial circumstances, as in other areas of life – social, professional, heath, spiritual, etc. If you want to know who is to blame for where you are now, look for the closest mirror.

George Bernard Shaw drives the point home succinctly with his famous quote: "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."

It takes a level of maturity and willingness to learn to accept this fact. We are so used to blaming others that we hardly take time to really look at what we are doing wrong.

Nobody can change you

As I counsel people, I often come against a brick wall of excuses. One of the toughest cases I have had to deal with is my gateman. Counselling him is like to talking to a brick wall. He always has a readymade excuse why what I am saying will not work. He has approached me severally for a salary advance for expenditure that will not improve his finances. At each instance, I sit him down to try to talk some sense into him rather than refuse him. When he wanted to buy a motorcycle because he was tired of trekking to work, I warned him that he was acquiring a liability and increasing his overhead. My suggestion that if he must buy the motorcycle, he can use it as 'okada' when he is off duty in the evenings fell on deaf ears.

Marriage is not for everybody…

Written by Chukwuneta Oby
~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016

Chukwuneta Oby

Considering the rate at which marriages are falling like a pack of badly stacked cards…would it not be appropriate for us to ditch our 'holier than thou' slogan of 'divorce is a sin' and pick up a more realistic one like 'marriage is not for everybody?'

The nature of marital issues that I have come across(over the years) has further convinced me that some people are naturally not cut out for marriage or any form of co-habitation that will task everything (patience, tolerance, understanding, sharing, moderation, consideration, etc) in them…this set of people seem to waltz into marriages without an iota of what's involved…in fact, they start feeling stifled or miserable the moment certain 'marital demands'(less time out there- more time at home, being answerable to someone-in a way, realising that you just can't wake up and do as you like-without checking(first) with your partner, often inconveniencing yourself to bring a smile to another's face , etc)-are brought on them.

The wise ones (who seem to understand themselves) have long realised this and followed their path, some others seem to have realised that but would rather pander to the dictates of a society that shoves it in everyone's face to 'get married' or risk being seen as a 'social reject'…is it such a difficult task to understand that some people are simply not cut out for certain life paths? I mean, it is not in their DNA-and frankly-it does not make them bad-in any way…it simply means that anything contrary to their personality will end up making them miserable -that includes marriage, especially when they can't pretend to be enjoying what's actually choking them!


Now, how can anybody expect to be made happy by one who hasn't even found happiness-in his/her own life? It is on this line of reasoning that I stand to implore whoever that is going through certain challenges in his/her marriage to view that partner in the light of the issues I raised above…they may not have really set out to hurt you deliberately-especially when what you are experiencing in the marriage is far from your expectations. Perhaps, it will help-if you understand that 'that person' you are saddled with is on the wrong path (marriage)…as far as his/her personality goes.

When a 'husband-snatcher'got her comeuppance

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016

CHANCES of remarrying after a divorce might be slim; but some women are so lucky they even have third chances! A few weeks ago, Debbie, a once distraught wife, who has now got the hang of living with the intricacies of her husband's shenanigans came to the house looking radiant. "Would you come to a wedding party with me tomorrow?" she asked. Wedding?

As eagerly as families look forward to their offsprings getting married, the long-drawn ceremonies usually leave me climbing the walls. Engagement ceremonies I give a miss if I could get away with it. With the weddings proper, I usually ask the driver to be at the ready to get away anytime I get bored. Debbie knows of my aversion to weddings and assured me this one would be different.

"The couple had already got married abroad; they only came home for the wedding party," said Debbie. "Actually, the groom is Uncle Tony's wife's son." The plot thickens, I muttered. Debbie's Uncle Tony had been abroad for years and was married with four children, when his wife got tired of his philandering ways and kicked him out. By the time his divorce went through and the courts slapped a generous maintenance allowance on wife to be paid each month for the kids' upkeep, Uncle Tony came to Nigeria on holidays and never went back. He was determined his wife and kids wouldn't take him to the cleaners without a fight.

Instead, he used the nest-egg he'd brought back with him to complete a bungalow his ex-wife had no inkling he was building. His friends rallied round him by helping him set up a blockmaking business, and he was comfortable enough to take a new wife.The new wife, Bisi, was also married with five children before the husband exchanged her for a new model. They were both lucky to find each other, and Bisi relished her second-chance marriage.

I made N3,000 hawking water in 20 minutes - White Naija Girl

~PUNCH, Nigeria. Sunday, May 15, 2016

Popularly known as White Naija Girl, Ibukun Afolabi, from Hungary tells ARUKAINO UMUKORO why she decided to hawk sachet water on the streets of Lagos

Can you give a brief background of yourself?


My husband gave me a Nigerian (Yoruba) name, 'Ibukun,' which means 'blessing.' I am originally from Hungary. I live in the United Kingdom at the moment. In 2008, I came to the UK, where I met my husband, Gbenga Afolabi of MagnumN3. I studied Business and Management. I also hold degrees in German and French languages. When I first came to the UK, I could not speak English, so I had to start learning it from the beginning.

In 2012, I decided to start ­a blog, the whitenaijagirl.com, soon after I got married. Initially, I wanted to write a book, but my husband advised me to start a blog instead so I could reach more people. I started to write about my experiences as a 'Nigerian' wife. Soon, many people - men and women – in relationships with Nigerians started to contact me, asking different questions. The blog became quite successful. Finally, I visited Nigeria in the middle of October last year. I stayed for a month. It was during that period that the video of me selling sachet water was shot.

Was your visit to Nigeria in October your first trip to the country?

Yes it was. But here in the UK, I have had contacts with a lot of Nigerians. The church I attend in the UK is predominantly a Nigerian church. I have always been inspired by Nigerians and their way of living. I love the culture, food and their attitude to life. I also love it that Nigerians take education seriously. My husband is a film-maker and I produce most of his films. When we came to Nigeria; that was when I noticed how hard people in Nigeria are working and how much they needed to struggle on a daily basis to earn a living.


What was the inspiration behind the video of you selling pure water and drinks on the streets of Lagos?

It is because I saw these people doing this every day for a living. And I wondered why they had to live like that in a rich country like Nigeria. That 'pure' water video was done because I wanted to experience what Nigerians are going through, to empathise with them and to go through what they are going through. I realised that it is really hard. And I wanted people to know about this. In the UK, when you have a child, you get child benefits. In Nigeria, there is nothing like that. It is difficult for the women hawking 'pure' water. It is really a difficult job. I wanted to raise awareness about their plight. These people need help from the government. They don't have to risk their lives on the road doing such a job. That was purely my inspiration. It was a great experience, I felt their struggle, because it was hot, you could see me sweating. The load was very heavy. At the beginning, I could not take off the bowl from my head. It was hurting my head even though I had the scarf on. I am planning other projects to raise more awareness about the difficulties every day people face. For me, what I did (selling pure water) was not so extraordinary. What is extraordinary is that people are doing this job daily for a living.

That thing (bowl of sachet, bottled water and drinks) on my head felt so heavy and I only carried it for less than an hour. But those people who do it for a living actually do that for about eight to 10 hours a day. They are the real heroes, not me. I did it for less than an hour because we attracted a little too much attention so we could not carry on. And that was at the time the police were really after people selling on the streets. So, we were a little cautious so as not to get into trouble.

Were you scared at any point?

The humiliation of dating a much younger man

~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 15, 2016

COPING with the death of a beloved spouse, especially after years of marriage could be a nightmare. When Lola's husband of over 25 years died suddenly, she was almost suicidal. He had a stomach ache and was dead three days later. Nobody suspected he had a tumour on his liver. "Grief hit me like a boxer's fist," she'd said when a group of friends tried to console her. "He was only 58 and I'd thought we had years left together. I thank God for our three lovely children – but they're all grown now and can hardly be expected to stay at home and hold my hands .. ."

Thanks to the determination of friends, she started picking up the pieces of her life. They dragged her to parties and outings. It was at her late husband's club she ran into David. He'd been a younger friend with whom he played table tennis. "He was a quiet man, just like my husband," said Lala, "and he listened sympathetically as I poured out my heart to him. After all, he too had lost a friend. A few weeks later, I was at the club again when I met David amongst friends, celebrating his 40th birthday. We all joined in and I had a wonderful time. When he learnt I'd come in a friend's car, he insisted on taking me home. 'Your life need not be over now your husband's dead,' he told me

solemnly. 'If you like, I could look after you.'

"My jaw dropped. I was 14 years older. What sort of relationship would we have? But he urged me to think about it. I should have been more cautions and told him off.

"My husband had just died and I was lonely – and flattered I could still be attractive to a man. I loved my husband but he was gone. He was never coming back. I was still here and I had to keep on living. So, when next he invited himself in for a drink, I didn't discourage him. He came with a bottle of wine and some chicken and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed his company. In no time at all, we became lovers.

Avoid quarrels in your relationship

~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, March 13, 2016

Every couple desires a happy relationship. Don't let misunderstandings ruin your bond.Follow these steps and let your relationship thrive

Identify the source

If you always quarrel in your relationship, you need to figure out where it is coming from. If the source is outside the relationship, don't treat it like a relationship problem. Money issues account for more relationship problems than any other source. But in reality, money is a financial problem. It only becomes a relationship problem if you let it.

Don't assign blame

The goal of a relationship is to draw a couple closer, not to alienate your best friend and life partner. Blaming your partner could be very destructive to a relationship and it never contributes to unity. The same goes for being critical of one another, all that will do is divide the relationship.

Acknowledge your partner's concerns

If something goes wrong and you feel responsible, it is easy to turn defensive when your partner expresses their concerns. Rather than turning it into a confrontation by defending yourself, put your ego aside and acknowledge his or her concerns with an understanding heart. You are in the relationship together and that means you probably have similar concerns that you need to work on.

Don't make wrong assumptions

If something happens that you are not sure of, don't make things worse by assuming. Instead of focusing on the negativities, sit down with your mate and discuss possible solutions. If you work together in a creative way you may be able to turn any brewing quarrel around.

When you realise that long-distance relationship isn't going to work!

Written by Bunmi Sofola

~Vanguard, Nigeria: Tony Chinonso

When Joanne left the comfort of her parents' home to study pharmacy at the university, she wasn't in the least apprehensive. A bubbly girl just turning 20, she looked forward to making friends. Inside a few months, she'd not only made friends, she found Alfred, a boyfriend she fell madly in love with! "He lived off campus," explained Joanne,' and I moved in with him in my second year. The rest of my stay at Ibadan just flew by, and in no time at all, I had a degree under my belt ready to go back to Lagos for another stage of my life.

"Alfred, who was studying architecture carried on studying, and it was a massive shock to go from living together to hardly seeing each other. Nevertheless, we decided to give the now long-distance romance a go. We rang each other most days, but it wasn't the same. Travelling to see each other every other weekend was stressful. The car I had wasn't top-notch and the roads were a nightmare.

Apart from the highly unpredictable traffic, pot­holes often ruined my car and I had to rely a few times on public transport. We were often under pressure to make the little time we were together brilliant, but it was such an effort. I began to realise the relationship might not work long-term. I was never going to go back to Ibadan, and I couldn't expect Alfred to move to Lagos.

"In the end, I had to make the awful decision to say goodbye but I had no choice, I told him how I felt one weekend just after Christmas, after I'd spent hours on the Ibadan-Lagos expressway trying to get to his digs. It was very late when I eventually made it and I was really grumpy. He was very upset but I think he also realised it wasn't working. I drove away from his place the next morning in tears and felt really sick. I couldn't bear the thought of never speaking to him again.

"We did carry on talking for a while, but about a year later, I got a boyfriend I was serious with and felt I had to be honest with him. We've managed to stay friends and he will always be a part of my life. I was genuinely happy for him when he told me about his new girlfriend when he eventually found one and how happy he is now. He'll definitely be one of the first people I'll invite if I ever get married, and I hope I get an invite if he does too…"

Alfred was really sorry distance had to permanently separate him from his first love. "From the moment I met Joanne, I found her very easy to get along with," he said. "We got on so well, I thought it was the real thing and that our relationship would last forever. I always knew she would eventually move back to Lagos when her course finished and I supported her decision to go back. I didn't realise a long-distance relationship would be that hard.

Why Hot Women Are Single

~TheGuardian, Nigeria

One of this world's most interesting phenomenons is when hot women are single. If you're reading this, chances are you are you are hot and constantly wondering why you're single. Or you know someone who is.

There are countless women in the world who are gorgeous, smart, witty, and down to earth. But in as much as these women are thriving in their careers, extremely loyal to friends and family, and have glorious senses of self-worth, they still find themselves being asked one question over and again - How are you single?

Why are women who meet even the most standard definition of beauty, and seem to be perfect, struggling so much to find dates today? Like, no one is calling up these women to hang out, or sending them drinks or food. And they definitely don't have anyone to call up to come spend time with them on lonely nights.

HERE ARE A COUPLE OF REASONS WHY HOT WOMEN ARE SINGLE:

1. She's no longer interested in dating just for the sake of it

As fun as casual dates can be, there are some people who no longer get any satisfaction from them. Maybe she would rather have one solid date than go on a thousand mediocre ones. It may not make a lot of sense to some people, but most women who feel this way just don't want to go out with a person they can't see themselves with in a long-term situation. While it may come across as being unnecessarily picky, but it's really just that she wouldn't want to waste her time or that of anyone else's.

2. She's done with her "hoe phase"

No, I don't think having casual, meaningless, no-strings-attached sex makes you a hoe. The "hoe phase" is simply a phase of liberated sexual exploration, as far as I'm concerned.