Good-time girl with a heart of gold!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2018.

Faith was having a private dinner at a push restaurant with her current sugar-daddy when she spotted her mum's best friend at the reception.  "It was too late for me to avoid her not noticing me", Faith said. "Aunty May as we all called her is my Mum\s very good friend and my `partner' is one of her friends' husband.  I'd actually met him at her place when they had a house-warming party. I could always tell a bored, rich old man from a distant and I made a bee-line for him.
"Mike, as he later introduced himself was a very successful businessman and he was flattered to be chatted up by me. I was a fresh graduate but looking for a salaried job was the furtherest thing on my mind. Even as an undergraduate, I'd built a very impressive client¨le of men who found my type of beauty alluring. I was tall, very light-skinned - not bleached with boobs to die for. And I was a good girl.  Largely because of the solid moral grounding I got from my Muslim father, who sadly passed away five years ago, and my hospital matron mother.

"It was my close friend, Angela at the university who introduced me to this life of leisure I love so much.  She got drunk one night and blurted out something as soon as she came through the door of the room we shared.  `Faith, promise me you won't tell a soul but I've got something to tell you. I've been dying to tell you for months now'.  `What is it?'  I quizzed her. `Have you got a new boyfriend?' `Humph, sort of", she giggled mischievously.  `I've actually got PLENTY of boyfriends and they pay me well for services rendered!' I was gob smacked. `Are you tell me you're a prostitute?'


"It turns out there is this lively house she visits from time to time. It is owned by a glamorous socialite who'd hosted a lot of men since her husband passed away decades ago", even whilst her husband was alive, she'd made little or no efforts to hide her escapades. As she and her `gang' grew older, they encouraged younger single girls to visit so the men would be spoilt for choice.  `I's easy', Angela told me.  `As long as you like sex, it's a breeze. You should give it a go' While the thought first repulsed me, I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Could I actually do it? What would Mum say'  In the end I did take the plunge and the money along with the contacts were so intoxicating I never looked back.

'It was my chance to give him a sex education!'

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 1, 2018.
Written by Bunmi Sofola

WHAT unbridled passion could make a woman seduce a lad? Isn't every gangling boy's fantasy, luring a matured woman to bed for his first and subsequent sexual experiences? Ironically,there are women out there who find unfettered lads attractive. Nora was one of them-until she got her fingers burnt. A divorced mother of two lovely boys, by age 36, she'd been divorced but living in her own house with a couple of cars to complement her life-style. "When I met Veron two years ago, he'd just finished with his OND and was on his year working experience-and he was serving it at a friend's office," said Vera. "He had no job description-he was more of a man-Friday who did odd jobs. When I visited this friend of mine on this fateful day, I was feeling really famished and she quickly sent Veron to get us some food to eat.

"I teased him about being very young with a lot of girl-friends, but he smiled shyly. He said he'd soon be 24- but his body-over 6ft, broad shoulders and slim hips, screamed sexuality. He once let it slip that he was still a virgin and I showed surprise. Was he kidding? Then I felt excited-to this day, I'd never know why. It would be quite a pleasure teaching him a trick or two about sex. It would be a teacher/pupil fantasy. My chance to give him sex education. Afterall, it's a belief that women hit their sexual peak in their 30s, and men 20s…. We'd be in perfect sync. Lust had kicked in.

"My first son was to be 12 a couple of weeks later and I invited him to attend. He hung around till the end of the party. He was a bit tipsy by this time. That might have encouraged his next move-afterall I didn't exactly hide the fact I found him attractive. As soon as we were alone, he pulled me to him and kissed me hard. I was a bit embarrassed, I'd forgotten his inexperience and quickly offered him more drinks before sending him on his way. I told him to come back the next day when the children would be at their grandma's.

"The next day, as soon as I led him to the bedroom he dived into the bed, quickly peeling off his clothes. As I stripped to my silky undies, he was virtually quivering. Was it from passion? Nerves? Quietly, I plotted how to approach this shy, inexperienced man meeting up with a woman who'd promised him sex. Of course, I was nervous because I wanted his first time… to feel special. 'I love you…' he whispered. Of course he didn't, I told myself. Every strapping lad wants sex, lots of it. Well, just like me! And so it started-the education of Veron. By the time I sent him home, he'd gained a life-time experience. My friends found it hilarious when I told them. They warned it wouldn't last. But who cared? This wasn't about love, it was animal passion.

GYMS – DANGER TO MARRIAGES

Recent studies across the world by a group of Christian Social Women Group has revealed that patronage of gyms are becoming a high risk option to sustainability of marriages.

The health and physical benefits of gyms not withstanding, the gyms are proving to be fertile grounds for infidelity and promiscuity. Some of the observations made are revealing:

First, the gym instructors prey on vulnerable women. A lot of married women have adopted the gym as a panacea to reducing weight and looking cutely attractive. Presumably because their spouses could be more attracted to their new curvy bodies. This makes them vulnerable to predating gym instructors who take advantage and seduce them. Touching the women at their most weakest areas opened them up for abuses and lasciviousness. Women biologically respond to tickles and fondles depending on which part of the body you touch. Gym instructors cunningly and constantly touch these spots when they observed them to break the emotional stability of those women. These over a period opens up those women for abuse. It was observed that these are prevalent with more affluent women and also lonely spouses.

Socialisation – The study also revealed that most marriages have suffered because the men or women have taken the gyms as their main centres of socialisation. When couples don’t find any reliable source of socialisation, they see the gym and the patrons as their most reliable friends, partners and joy. Most couples who attend the gym together do not face this risk. Couples who attend gyms alone are very prone to these dangers. After a period of socialising with the same opposite sex for a time, bonding becomes almost unavoidable. The more they train, chat, drink and sometimes eat together after the physical exercises, they become used to each other and sometimes share their marriage challenges. Unsuspecting partners are taken advantage of through a show of sympathy and sometimes outright deception and ill advice.

Targeting – Some men and women have intentionally joined gyms and clubs purposely to prey on a targeted victim. Many men and women have ignorantly fallen to wicked and deceitful men and women who have targeted them over a period. The targets may not know that these men and women have intentioned to have them for long and unsuspectingly opened up to them as gym mates and friends.

Glaring signs your partner is toxic for you

~The SUN Nigeria. Monday, July 17, 2017.

To fall in love is to have your heart beating for someone, with no explanations and no predicting signs. It happens in a heartbeat and could last a lifetime. You looked at that certain someone and knew that he or she was the one. That is all it takes actually. Love flows naturally. But it can be heartbreaking to find out that your fairytale might turn into hell.

Do any of these seemingly innocent scenarios remind you of your current relationship? It means your boo is toxic and you need to distance yourself from them immediately.

They don't respect you

When your partner respects you, then they respect what you do and who you are. They know your worth and appreciate how valuable you are. It's not okay to cheat on you. It is wrong for them to insult you whether in front of people or just between you two. It's not acceptable. That's respect being lost right there.

They don't trust you

If your partner's actions are suspicious and they claim it's because they are just jealous or care too much about you, you need to draw a line between jealousy and lack of trust. Lovers should trust each other. If you try to fix their lack of trust and it continues, then that is probably something you can't help them with.

They make you doubt yourself

If they make you think that you are not good enough all the time, that you should be happy they are with you, then you must put an end to that relationship. The truth is you are good enough and sometimes it just takes the right person to see it. Loving them was good enough and if they can't see that they might as well not deserve it.

It's a huge mistake going to your lover's Matrimonial Home

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, May 28, 2017.

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine whose profession had to do with the 'bench' was forced to bring her' irresponsible' husband to order. According to her, he was a chronic womanizer who'd humiliated her especially with his lack of choice when lusting after sex. "When you're tanked to the eyebrow;" he often bragged, "who cares what a dame looks like?"

His behaviour got a little reckless when he invited his latest girlfriend and her friends to the naming ceremony of the latest arrival to the family. A good 'friend' of the husband pointed out the culprit and her friends to the wife. They stuck out like a sore thumb anyway, since they were seated in the living room far from the prying eyes of guests and relations. To get to the toilet you had to go through the bedroom and my friend stationed one of her sisters in the room. If she caught any of the 'rebels' passing through to get to the toilet, she should let her know.

When that eventually happened, my friend made sure the girl was back on her seat before she raised an alarm that some pieces of jewellery were missing from her room. She looked frantically around until her eyes rested on the girls, seemingly for the first time.

"I don't know you lot", she said innocently, then turning to relations in the room she asked "did any of you come with these guests?" Nobody claimed the "contraband goods" and the husband, bottles of beer in hand, quickly disappeared into the crowd.

My friend's brother then started roughening up the girls, accusing them of stealing money and jewellery when one of them passed through the bedroom. A few slaps here, some caustic words there, the girls were threatened with police action. They were eventually 'released' with the girlfriend's clothes in shreds.

When a few days later, my friend's husband meal wasn't ready, that was the cue for him to retaliate.

He puffed and huffed and threatened and when his wife lost her patience, twak.!

After giving her a beating she would remember for a long time, he left the house in anger. The wife quickly locked up. Afterall, she was the one allocated the house. When the husband came back in the wee hours of the morning and realized he was locked out, he saw red.

He put his angry fist through a window and there was blood all over the place.


My friend quickly went out the back door, got into her car and raced to the nearest police station. She flashed her ID and informed the sleepy officers that someone in her house was destroying government property. The men in uniform quickly came with her and matched the protesting husband to the cell. late in the evening, after she'd given me an emotional account of what she went through, I finally persuaded her to go and bail her husband out since she was the complainant. She insisted I come with her, so I did. You wouldn't believe the rapport that had quickly existed between the husband and his fellow 'prisoners'! Stripped to the waist, bare-footed and looking unkempt, he was sharing cigarettes with other inmates when we came in.

8 signs your relationship is heading for the rocks

Written by Tunde Ajaja
Punch Nigeria. Friday, February 10, 2017.

Being in a loving relationship can be exciting, and for people having such an experience, life is just good and worth living. But in some cases, that ecstatic or pleasant feeling does not last forever, in which case couples could start having issues with themselves.

Sometimes, couples could resolve those issues and move on, but at other times, such issues could be the beginning of the end of that relationship, without one of the parties knowing the relationship was already on the line.

And as it has been said several times, most relationships that eventually crash once had their own good times, thus it could sometimes be difficult knowing a relationship is in troubled waters. But, according to a psychologist, Honey Langcaster-James, in her chat with Mail Online, people who are getting unsettled about their marriage could do an appraisal on what used to be and what it is at the moment, to determine if all is well in the relationship.

This implies that there are signs that could show if one's partner is tired of a relationship or if the relationship is headed for the rocks, and these include:

If your partner frequently compares you to an ex: It is not abnormal to have certain expectations from one's partner, and in an ideal situation, experts say people should be able to constructively convey their thoughts and expectations to such a partner without injuring their self esteem. According to Langcaster-James, one of the good ways to know your partner is tired of the relationship is if he or she frequently compares you with their 'wonderful' ex or any other close person, especially when the partner says you should behave or think like them. She however pointed out that in a good relationship, people should make their partners feel special, wonderful and should focus on the partner's strength rather than weakness.

The unforgivable sin: Dating a broke man

~The SUN Nigeria. Sunday, January 29, 2017.

"It is really sad that Yomi will pay me evil for good after all I did for him. I loved Yomi with my whole life and I was faithful to him all through our four years of courtship. I met him when he was a broke ass and literarily had nothing to his name. But I didn't care, because I saw he had all the potentials.

Everyone warned me, but I never listened. I split my salary to two every month end for 3 years. I paid his rent, fed and clothed him. He even used my car freely while I jumped on buses to work. My friends all thought I was crazy doing this, and then I got him a job and our world began to fall apart.

Yomi became a stranger; he started complaining that I was too fat, that I looked older than him and that our sex life was boring.

Believe me, I did all I could; I started dieting, I joined a gym club, I dressed to please him and I read all I could about sex.

But he didn't change and it was obvious he was out to frustrate me.

Three months ago, I saw the shocker on Instagram. He had proposed to another girl. She was younger, slimmer and was everything I wanted to be for Yomi." Nike, an accountant lamented.

I am very certain that in our circle of friends, we all have a Nike. We all have a relative like Nike, who refuses to see what all others are seeing and chooses to ignore all the screaming red flags in her relationship.


Many women like to focus on irrelevancies when it comes to going into a relationship. They prefer to focus more on the fun and sexy parts. They ignore the practical issues because things are exciting and passionate at the moment.

Wait a second please! I am not talking to teenagers here; I am talking to people who fall into "are you the one?" fabulous age bracket. I believe you guys don't have to fall in love based on how cute a guy is or what he promises to do. I am sure you are past the age where you will be fantasizing about his potentials or how cute your kids might look in the future.

Marriage: Marriage is not for Everyone

Topics:
Marriage is not for Everyone
Five steps to save your marriage
__________________________________

Marriage is not for Everyone
Written by Ogaga Otaotu

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, September 18, 2016.

The Mature Single Woman(MSW) is an unmarried single lady who is of the age 30 and above. Today's Woman spoke to some beautiful ladies during the week and they shared their day to day experiences in the office, public places, at home and at events. Some said they had to deal with all sorts challenges from: neighbors, male colleagues and relatives. The question is "Is it a crime to be a mature single lady?"

Forty-year-old Abike, a banker, said just recently, there arose the issue of attendance in her office. Her male colleague claimed he arrived the office before her but was trying to tidy up some things in the car before she signed in.

An argument ensued and before you could say hey! the young man blurted "Oh ...you think you can talk to me like that? I don't blame you... that is why you can never be married".

As far as Abike is concerned, you get to hear that line regularly as a mature single lady. It can either be told to your face or behind you. She has however learnt to laugh it off.

Nnena, 36year old business woman, recounted a bitter experience she had some months ago. She got to her business place in high spirit and was busy tending to her goods when her neighbor came in to remind her of the outstanding electricity bill.

She had not paid because she was away the previous week. What started as a mild disagreement led to a heated argument and the neighbor dropped the usual line "that's why you are not married, because of your bad attitude". Nnenna wept sore, locked up her store and went home.

When your man needs 'outside' help'!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, September 11, 2016.

With many of our men complaining of different types of 'accidents' in the bedroom, it is no surprise that the help of what is now termed a 'sexual surrogate' could come in handy. The average 'sexual surrogate' is not a prostitute but a trained psychotherapist who acts as a surrogate for men suffering from a variety of sexual problems which are hampering their ability to have a normal physical relationship.

Padma Deva is currently a highly successful surrogate based in the UK. She said she's never had a negative experience with a client, and far from feeling in any way degraded by her work, she finds it emotionally fulfilling.

According to her: "It is wonderful to witness the transformation my clients undergo, and knowing I have played a part in that is rewarding. During an initial consultation with a new client, I recommend a client sees their doctor to rule out physical causes for their sexual problems such as diabetes or high blood pressure."

If surrogacy is deemed appropriate, she asks her client to take a sexually transmitted disease test before hand. Only then can the surrogacy work begin. To start with, both client' and surrogate may remain fully clothed, focusing on exercises such as touching each other's hands, arms, shoulders and face. As the therapy advances, the client and the surrogate may build up to removing their clothes, engaging in genital contact and, if necessary and appropriate, full sexual intercourse.

Affairs with married women are not as 'safe' as men think – Reader

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, August 28, 2016.

FROM time to time, I get letters from you readers that are so interesting that I feel I ought to share them with the rest of you. A few days back, a letter simply signed "Iyabode" popped up on my e-mail and I couldn't help chuckling to myself as I read it. She wrote: "Dear Bunmi, I am one of the regular readers of your articles in The Vanguard every Sunday, and I do not even know how fully I can express my feelings about your articles. If I may tell you, they have really improved my lifestyle and I always make copies available to friends whenever the need arises.

Bunmi, I shall be grateful if you can please help write something one of these days on: Why men of today prefer married women as girlfriends. Honestly speaking, it is a vogue in town these days. Please help emphasize on the following points:

Class: This set of married women are known for their own class. Most of them are wives of rich and notorious men. These men also go out at all times with extremely younger girls, leaving their wives and kids at home, thinking that money can fix everything, forgetting about love and happiness.

Sex: This category of ladies are preferred by men because they do have wide sexual experiences and they are very safe as they don't pester the men for marriage.

Fashion: These ladies are very fashion conscious. They are seen in designer dresses and at beauty parlours. They do not mind how much they spend on manicures, pedicures and professionally

Why men don’t forgive their cheating partners

Written by Tunde Ajaja
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 17, 2016

In her lone moments, Kolawole Busola, 38, (not real name) would certainly wish she could undo the string of events that led her into the waiting arms of Daniels, a colleague at work.

Married to a businessman, Babatope, 43, who never spent a full week in the house without travelling, and one who never bothered to create the romantic atmosphere for their love and intimacy to grow, Busola still has herself to blame for what she has got herself into.

Her undoing was sharing her worries about her home with a male colleague who offered his advice, counsel and even gave her a shoulder to lean on. They became close and started going out together. She did it so well that her husband never suspected anything.

Not long after, their friendship became platonic (intimate and affectionate but not sexual) and few months after, they ended up in bed, having sexual relationship. They did that more than once, and being something she had missed from her husband, it became a routine to the extent that her husband suspected and started monitoring her, discreetly.

Eventually, Babatope found out that his wife had been cheating on him the day he picked his wife's phone to read her text messages. According to him, that was the end. Not even pleas and admonitions by family members and friends could convince him to shelve his plan to file for divorce.

When a 'husband-snatcher'got her comeuppance

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard, Nigeria. Sunday, May 22, 2016

CHANCES of remarrying after a divorce might be slim; but some women are so lucky they even have third chances! A few weeks ago, Debbie, a once distraught wife, who has now got the hang of living with the intricacies of her husband's shenanigans came to the house looking radiant. "Would you come to a wedding party with me tomorrow?" she asked. Wedding?

As eagerly as families look forward to their offsprings getting married, the long-drawn ceremonies usually leave me climbing the walls. Engagement ceremonies I give a miss if I could get away with it. With the weddings proper, I usually ask the driver to be at the ready to get away anytime I get bored. Debbie knows of my aversion to weddings and assured me this one would be different.

"The couple had already got married abroad; they only came home for the wedding party," said Debbie. "Actually, the groom is Uncle Tony's wife's son." The plot thickens, I muttered. Debbie's Uncle Tony had been abroad for years and was married with four children, when his wife got tired of his philandering ways and kicked him out. By the time his divorce went through and the courts slapped a generous maintenance allowance on wife to be paid each month for the kids' upkeep, Uncle Tony came to Nigeria on holidays and never went back. He was determined his wife and kids wouldn't take him to the cleaners without a fight.

Instead, he used the nest-egg he'd brought back with him to complete a bungalow his ex-wife had no inkling he was building. His friends rallied round him by helping him set up a blockmaking business, and he was comfortable enough to take a new wife.The new wife, Bisi, was also married with five children before the husband exchanged her for a new model. They were both lucky to find each other, and Bisi relished her second-chance marriage.

I made N3,000 hawking water in 20 minutes - White Naija Girl

~PUNCH, Nigeria. Sunday, May 15, 2016

Popularly known as White Naija Girl, Ibukun Afolabi, from Hungary tells ARUKAINO UMUKORO why she decided to hawk sachet water on the streets of Lagos

Can you give a brief background of yourself?


My husband gave me a Nigerian (Yoruba) name, 'Ibukun,' which means 'blessing.' I am originally from Hungary. I live in the United Kingdom at the moment. In 2008, I came to the UK, where I met my husband, Gbenga Afolabi of MagnumN3. I studied Business and Management. I also hold degrees in German and French languages. When I first came to the UK, I could not speak English, so I had to start learning it from the beginning.

In 2012, I decided to start ­a blog, the whitenaijagirl.com, soon after I got married. Initially, I wanted to write a book, but my husband advised me to start a blog instead so I could reach more people. I started to write about my experiences as a 'Nigerian' wife. Soon, many people - men and women – in relationships with Nigerians started to contact me, asking different questions. The blog became quite successful. Finally, I visited Nigeria in the middle of October last year. I stayed for a month. It was during that period that the video of me selling sachet water was shot.

Was your visit to Nigeria in October your first trip to the country?

Yes it was. But here in the UK, I have had contacts with a lot of Nigerians. The church I attend in the UK is predominantly a Nigerian church. I have always been inspired by Nigerians and their way of living. I love the culture, food and their attitude to life. I also love it that Nigerians take education seriously. My husband is a film-maker and I produce most of his films. When we came to Nigeria; that was when I noticed how hard people in Nigeria are working and how much they needed to struggle on a daily basis to earn a living.


What was the inspiration behind the video of you selling pure water and drinks on the streets of Lagos?

It is because I saw these people doing this every day for a living. And I wondered why they had to live like that in a rich country like Nigeria. That 'pure' water video was done because I wanted to experience what Nigerians are going through, to empathise with them and to go through what they are going through. I realised that it is really hard. And I wanted people to know about this. In the UK, when you have a child, you get child benefits. In Nigeria, there is nothing like that. It is difficult for the women hawking 'pure' water. It is really a difficult job. I wanted to raise awareness about their plight. These people need help from the government. They don't have to risk their lives on the road doing such a job. That was purely my inspiration. It was a great experience, I felt their struggle, because it was hot, you could see me sweating. The load was very heavy. At the beginning, I could not take off the bowl from my head. It was hurting my head even though I had the scarf on. I am planning other projects to raise more awareness about the difficulties every day people face. For me, what I did (selling pure water) was not so extraordinary. What is extraordinary is that people are doing this job daily for a living.

That thing (bowl of sachet, bottled water and drinks) on my head felt so heavy and I only carried it for less than an hour. But those people who do it for a living actually do that for about eight to 10 hours a day. They are the real heroes, not me. I did it for less than an hour because we attracted a little too much attention so we could not carry on. And that was at the time the police were really after people selling on the streets. So, we were a little cautious so as not to get into trouble.

Were you scared at any point?

Avoid quarrels in your relationship

~Punch, Nigeria. Sunday, March 13, 2016

Every couple desires a happy relationship. Don't let misunderstandings ruin your bond.Follow these steps and let your relationship thrive

Identify the source

If you always quarrel in your relationship, you need to figure out where it is coming from. If the source is outside the relationship, don't treat it like a relationship problem. Money issues account for more relationship problems than any other source. But in reality, money is a financial problem. It only becomes a relationship problem if you let it.

Don't assign blame

The goal of a relationship is to draw a couple closer, not to alienate your best friend and life partner. Blaming your partner could be very destructive to a relationship and it never contributes to unity. The same goes for being critical of one another, all that will do is divide the relationship.

Acknowledge your partner's concerns

If something goes wrong and you feel responsible, it is easy to turn defensive when your partner expresses their concerns. Rather than turning it into a confrontation by defending yourself, put your ego aside and acknowledge his or her concerns with an understanding heart. You are in the relationship together and that means you probably have similar concerns that you need to work on.

Don't make wrong assumptions

If something happens that you are not sure of, don't make things worse by assuming. Instead of focusing on the negativities, sit down with your mate and discuss possible solutions. If you work together in a creative way you may be able to turn any brewing quarrel around.

When you realise that long-distance relationship isn't going to work!

Written by Bunmi Sofola

~Vanguard, Nigeria: Tony Chinonso

When Joanne left the comfort of her parents' home to study pharmacy at the university, she wasn't in the least apprehensive. A bubbly girl just turning 20, she looked forward to making friends. Inside a few months, she'd not only made friends, she found Alfred, a boyfriend she fell madly in love with! "He lived off campus," explained Joanne,' and I moved in with him in my second year. The rest of my stay at Ibadan just flew by, and in no time at all, I had a degree under my belt ready to go back to Lagos for another stage of my life.

"Alfred, who was studying architecture carried on studying, and it was a massive shock to go from living together to hardly seeing each other. Nevertheless, we decided to give the now long-distance romance a go. We rang each other most days, but it wasn't the same. Travelling to see each other every other weekend was stressful. The car I had wasn't top-notch and the roads were a nightmare.

Apart from the highly unpredictable traffic, pot­holes often ruined my car and I had to rely a few times on public transport. We were often under pressure to make the little time we were together brilliant, but it was such an effort. I began to realise the relationship might not work long-term. I was never going to go back to Ibadan, and I couldn't expect Alfred to move to Lagos.

"In the end, I had to make the awful decision to say goodbye but I had no choice, I told him how I felt one weekend just after Christmas, after I'd spent hours on the Ibadan-Lagos expressway trying to get to his digs. It was very late when I eventually made it and I was really grumpy. He was very upset but I think he also realised it wasn't working. I drove away from his place the next morning in tears and felt really sick. I couldn't bear the thought of never speaking to him again.

"We did carry on talking for a while, but about a year later, I got a boyfriend I was serious with and felt I had to be honest with him. We've managed to stay friends and he will always be a part of my life. I was genuinely happy for him when he told me about his new girlfriend when he eventually found one and how happy he is now. He'll definitely be one of the first people I'll invite if I ever get married, and I hope I get an invite if he does too…"

Alfred was really sorry distance had to permanently separate him from his first love. "From the moment I met Joanne, I found her very easy to get along with," he said. "We got on so well, I thought it was the real thing and that our relationship would last forever. I always knew she would eventually move back to Lagos when her course finished and I supported her decision to go back. I didn't realise a long-distance relationship would be that hard.

Valentine's Day Celebration - The real thing about Valentine's Day

Topics:

• The real thing about Valentine's Day
• 6 weird things men do before Valentine
• 7 Ways To Make Your Woman Feel Special On Valentine's Day
• Why condoms are 'bad' for you on Valentine's Day

______________________________________________
The real thing about Valentine's Day
Written by Niran Adedokun - Punch, Nigeria.
Twitter:@niranadedokun.

Niran Adedokun

Next Sunday is February 14. That day in which the world celebrates the memory of St Valentine, that day in which Nigerians show the world their bent to accept foreign ideas without reservation and surpass the initiator of such ideas in the execution of same. You have to take your hat off to Nigerians when commemoration allows for frolicking.

That is why on every Valentine's Day, something happens that makes the previous year's celebration insignificant. Things seem a bit drab this year though, apparently because of the downturn in the economy. Corporate entities, hurting from the sting of a near prostrate economy have bigger fish to fry this season than feed the indulgences of youths and delinquent adults who have twisted the import of an otherwise sombre event in the celebration of true affection for humanity.

So, this is an unusual year. At least from what I have witnessed of St Valentines days in the past one decade. By now, the air would have been filled with promotions of programmes targeted at ensuring that men and women have their fill of revelries and are modestly safe at savouring their indulgences.

For instance, a couple of years back, a federal university collaborated with one of the biggest banks in the country to "reduce" the incidence of HIV infections during that year's St Valentine's Day celebration. They planned an event and made condoms available to students of the institution in abundance such that they could sow their wild oats without the fear of any negative harvests.

That was a totally new one. I could not resist taking a quick reverie back to my days in the university; I came back with no memory of any elaborate celebration of St Valentine's Day. But things changed progressively. Youths began to get more daring and adventurous towards St Valentine's Day, they organised activities and gained sponsorships from corporates. To catch the attention of the youth, more and more brands struggle to key in to the Valentine opportunity year in, year out. This is a season that you cannot but notice.

How to build a stronger relationship: 10 tips to deepen trust

Written by Rita Okonoboh - Nigerian Tribune

Web: www.catherine-morris.com

Trust is the bedrock for building a strong relationship. However, lack of trust is one of the most common themes to surface in most relationships. If you are struggling with the issue of trust in your relationships sbelow are some tips to help you develop greater trust with your partner.

Trust means that you have placed your confidence and faith in your partner, and that you expect honesty, integrity, loyalty, and respect to be at the centre of your relationship. You also expect your partner to keep promises and confidences, and to stay with you when the going gets tough.

Your trust should always be earned; you should not give it to another lightly. When you first met your partner, you probably shared information that helped you to figure out whether or not he or she was "worthy" of your trust and of your heart. As you got to know your partner better, you most likely shared more vulnerable information about yourself, expecting that he or she would hold this most precious part of you in a place of safety and love. At some point, however, your wonderful partner may have either said or done something that triggered you and your trust was broken.

We are all inherently complex beings who bring our past experiences, hurts, fears and expectations into every new relationship we enter. Sometimes our woundedness spills over into our relationship and we lose our ability to feel safe in our relationship - regardless of whether or not our partner actually "deserved" our lack of trust.

If you would like to deepen the trust between you and your partner, please try these 10 tips:

• Keep what your partner tells you within the confines of your relationship. Telling others what your partner has shared with you in confidence destroys trust.

Why Hot Women Are Single

~TheGuardian, Nigeria

One of this world's most interesting phenomenons is when hot women are single. If you're reading this, chances are you are you are hot and constantly wondering why you're single. Or you know someone who is.

There are countless women in the world who are gorgeous, smart, witty, and down to earth. But in as much as these women are thriving in their careers, extremely loyal to friends and family, and have glorious senses of self-worth, they still find themselves being asked one question over and again - How are you single?

Why are women who meet even the most standard definition of beauty, and seem to be perfect, struggling so much to find dates today? Like, no one is calling up these women to hang out, or sending them drinks or food. And they definitely don't have anyone to call up to come spend time with them on lonely nights.

HERE ARE A COUPLE OF REASONS WHY HOT WOMEN ARE SINGLE:

1. She's no longer interested in dating just for the sake of it

As fun as casual dates can be, there are some people who no longer get any satisfaction from them. Maybe she would rather have one solid date than go on a thousand mediocre ones. It may not make a lot of sense to some people, but most women who feel this way just don't want to go out with a person they can't see themselves with in a long-term situation. While it may come across as being unnecessarily picky, but it's really just that she wouldn't want to waste her time or that of anyone else's.

2. She's done with her "hoe phase"

No, I don't think having casual, meaningless, no-strings-attached sex makes you a hoe. The "hoe phase" is simply a phase of liberated sexual exploration, as far as I'm concerned.

When men think they are playing games

Written by Biodun Ogungbo - Punch, Nigeria. 

Easy prey

As many women know, men are easy and can be led by their penises in most instances. Men just want to get their rocks off without any emotional baggage. For example, a man took his wife to the hospital. After the consultation, the doctor said, ‘Sir, you will not be able to have sex with your wife for about two weeks while everything heals’. He looked at the doctor incredulously, laughed in derision and said, ‘No problem, I have three wives!’ In effect, it is her loss if her ‘you know what’ is out of commission. Nothing to do with him! With free sex on tap, most men will say, ‘Yes, I love you’, to the devil herself!

So, let us have some fun with men.

First, a joke

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. I think it was one of those quick Mike Tyson fights. The husband sighs and complains, ‘This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!’ ‘Good,’ replied his wife. ‘Now you know how I feel.’ Wham, bang, thank you, Madam!

A conference for love

Heard about the man who told his wife he was off for a three-day church conference. ‘Okay’, said the wife but first, let us pray. She said, ‘Lord, grant my husband great journey.’ ‘Amen’, he shouted. ‘Weaken his manhood, if he tries to commit adultery’. The husband was silent. ‘Kill him if he commits….’ At this point, the husband shouted, ‘Shut up, shut up.’ ‘I am no longer going on the trip’. ‘The Holy Spirit has just told me the conference has been cancelled’.

The devil in mobiles

You must not equate excessive jealousy with love!

~Vanguard, Nigeria. 

AT a recent funeral reception this male face tried catching my eye and when he did he would smile. I gave a tentative smile after a while and he sauntered over to my table. "Sunkanmi?", I asked, the penny finally dropping! I'd known him for ages. I got to know him through a very dear friend and we were often going out in a group. His girlfriend, Dora, worked with an airline and was always travelling.

In spite of having a thriving business, Sunkanmi seemed to have all the time for Dora. He was virtually her shadow – you seldom saw one without the other. His attention was so stifling that Dora was getting fed up with his unfounded jealousy.

"His kind of love is turning into something sinister," Dora confessed a few years into their being a couple. We were out to lunch, her treat, as she wanted my opinion

on how to handle this dark side of her man. "I know he loves me", she continued, "and treats me like a princess. The only problem is his jealousy. I daren't keep in touch with male friends and colleagues as it is just not worth the interrogation.

Even in our group, being too friendly with our male friends was a total no-no. As you are well aware I hardly go out without him, yet I'd never cheat on him because I love him. I've tried everything I could to prove that I love him and I'm at the end of my tether. Maybe you have some ideas on how I could handle this?"

Was she asking me how she could prove her trustworthiness as if she were the one at fault here? Well she was! I assured her she wasn't to blame for her man's insecurity and that she was bending over backwards so as not to rock the boat. Her man might be her soul mate, but he was excessively jealous when he had no reason to be. It might have been acceptable for him to be a bit anxious at the start of the relationship, but after two years together, he ought to be feeling secure.

He might love her, but it was the possessive type of love. Because of him, she's cut off most of her friends and given him far too much control over her life, all in an effort to make him happy. I reminded her that I'd walked down that path before and the fact we were sitting down to lunch and discussing it showed she knew her relationship wasn't healthy.

The answer wasn't to carry on tip-toeing round him. It's to make him realize the reasons he gets so edgy were nothing to do with her or her actions. Perhaps in the past, other people had let him down; maybe family friends or previous partners had betrayed him – so he was extra wary in relationships. Or perhaps he didn't feel he was good enough for her, was scared she'll find someone better, so he was overtly anxious all the time.