When you discovered your husband and mum were once lovers!

Vanguard Nigeria. Saturday, November 2, 2019
Written by Bunmi Sofola

It's not unheard of that some women, after sampling the delight and wealth of a toy boy, schemed
such lover into the arms of one of their offsprings. 
Some of these daughters know that the men they're now marching down the altar with used to be their mothers' lovers. Some don't. When Mosun got married to her heartthrob almost ten years ago, it was like a dream come true for her.

"Fred, my husband, was then a budding businessman but doing very well. He'd just retired from paid employment and lived in his own house with the three children that his dead wife bore him," explained Mosun. "I met him in a small restaurant that my mum ran and she was the one who actually introduced us. At first, I wasn't really interested in Fred.

I was in my early 20s and had a boyfriend I was in love with. I was doing my Youth Service and had all the time in the world to settle down to marriage. My mother was dead against my boyfriend right from the day I introduced him. He didn't belong to our tribe, she reasoned, and if I got married to him and his relatives started speaking in their dialect, I wouldn't even know if I were being sold down the river. Now my mother preferred me to hitch up with a man 15 years my senior.

"I'd ignored her criticism of my boyfriend up till then, but with Fred on the scene, she mounted a tougher pressure. Fred was very generous and genuinely cared about me. He used his influence to get me a good job after my Youth Service and even got me a second hand car.


When I got pregnant, which was really accidental since I was on the pill, he quickly told my mother before I even decided whether or not to keep it. Mum was over the moon, planning a society wedding that Fred happily paid for. I had to let my boyfriend go though, he was really heartbroken and felt betrayed.

"I had three children within six years of our marriage and decided six kids were enough for both of us. Mum was a wonderful mother-in-law, always stocking my freezers and helping with the children. Even though she didn't live with us, it was as if she did. Some times, she even slept in the guest room. She's long been parted from our father and my two other siblings lived with him. You couldn't call her lonely because the restaurant she ran gave her a sort of social life. Being with my family sort of balanced out her life's existence and we all carried on as one big family.

Catholic Church does not support IVF - Fr. Nnemeka

By Samson Folarin
PUNCH Nigeria. Tuesday, March 19, 2019

The parish priest of St. Cyprian Catholic Church, Oko-Oba, Agege, Rev. Fr. Augustine Nnemeka, has
said it is wrong for members of the Catholic Church to go for In Vitro Fertilisation in order to have children.

The cleric also noted that impotence was enough ground to dissolve a marriage, as he urged intending couples to carry out adequate medical tests before consummating their union.

He spoke on Saturday during a seminar on marriage and family life, organised by the Catholic Men Organisation, an arm of the church.

The seminar, themed, 'Understanding Catholic Marriage and Upholding the Family,' was held on the church's premises.

Nnemeka, during a question and answer session, said impotence and impediments could make the church annul a marriage, adding that an impotent man was not qualified for marriage.

On IVF, he said, "The church does not support it. It has to be natural. When we defined marriage, we said it is for the good of the spouses and procreation. And I simplified it by calling it love-sharing and life-giving. The outcome of love-sharing is life-giving.

"There are some that have done it (IVF) and paid millions without results, because it is not even automatic. The church, however, does not permit all these genetic engineering. I believe saying this will help members who did not know it is wrong to change their mind in case they are thinking of it."

He appealed to parents not to mount pressure on their children, thereby forcing them into marriages they are unprepared for.

The cleric told our correspondent that there was the need for constant enlightenment of couples to build stable homes and a strong society.

The Chairman of the Catholic Men Organisation, Chidi Ekenedo, said many marriages were collapsing due to impatience.

"We know that marriages are facing a lot of challenges in Nigeria and a lot of factors are responsible, which could be economic, social, financial, spiritual or material. Some marriages are facing pressures and tensions and breaking down.

'We decided to put this together to encourage couples and intending couples to be patient and adhere to the teachings of the church on marriage. We want them to know the importance of commitment and effective verbal communication in marriage," he added.

Know your Rhesus factor

By Dr Rotimi Adesanya
~Punch Nigeria. WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2018.

Dr Rotimi Adesanya

About 95 per cent of Nigerians are Rhesus Disease positive. The remaining five per cent are RhD
negative. There is a need to encourage parents, especially mothers, to know their blood groups and Rhesus factors because it could help to reduce or prevent cases of mortality.

I have on several occasions seen patients request information on their blood groups. Not one person ever mentioned his Rhesus factor as the reason making the request.

A popular Chinese proverb says "The beginning of health is to know the disease". This explains why it is important for everybody to be aware of this condition.

There are several different types of human blood. The four main blood groups are:

blood group A
blood group B
blood group AB
blood group O
Each of these blood groups can either be RhD positive or RhD negative. The RhD is a protein that is either present or absent on the surface of the red blood cells. This is indicated by a plus sign + or a minus sign -. The blood type O+ means that the blood is type O and each blood cell has RhD positive.

A simple blood test can tell if a woman is RhD negative. Every woman should be tested at her first prenatal visit, or before pregnancy, to find out if she is Rh-negative. The RhD negative gene is recessive, while the RhD positive gene is dominant. This means that there is a chance that a woman who is RhD negative will give birth to a RhD positive child.

A person who is RhD negative may have an immune reaction if RhD positive blood cells enter his bloodstream. A pregnant woman's body considers the RhD positive cells a threat and it mounts an immune system response. Her immune system makes antibodies, also known as anti-RhD antibodies, against the cells. If the woman conceives another RhD-positive baby, her anti-D antibodies will attack her unborn baby's red blood cells. Such complication is also known as the Haemolytic disease of the newborn.

The Rhesus disease destroys foetal red blood cells. It was once considered to be a leading cause of foetal and newborn deaths. Without treatment, severely affected foetuses are often stillborn.

In the newborn, Rh disease can result in jaundice (yellowing of the skin and eyes), anaemia, brain damage, heart failure and death. It can also affect the mother's mental state. Most mothers are always depressed after such a loss.

Infertility in women caused by endocrine systems

Written by Oladapo Ashiru
~PUNCH Nigeria. WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2018.

Dr  Oladapo Ashiru

The most common cause of infertility in women is their inability to produce eggs that are normal. Egg production disorders are among the most common reasons why women are unable to conceive. They also account for more than 30 per cent of cases involving female infertility.

Fortunately, approximately 70 per cent of these cases can be successfully treated by using drugs that support ovulation. Many pharmaceutical industries continue to produce or import many of such drugs regularly. The drugs include clomid, gonadotropins, such as menogon, follitrope, folligraft and gonal F, as well as several other FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) containing hormone injections. Anovulation (inability to ovulate) can be due to four major factors categorised as follows:

Hormonal factors

These are the most common causes of anovulation. As explained in my doctoral dissertation, the ovulatory mechanism is controlled by a complex balance of hormones and like an orchestra in a symphony, any disruption in this process can hinder ovulation. The hormones are released by the endocrine glands in the body, starting from the brain, hypothalamus, pituitary, thyroid, pancreatic islets cells, adrenal glands and the gonads. There are three main sources causing this problem:

a) Failure to produce mature eggs
In approximately 50 per cent of the cases of anovulation, the ovaries do not produce normal follicles in which the eggs can mature. Ovulation is rare if the eggs are immature and the chance of fertilisation becomes almost non-existent. Even when we give a substantial amount of ovulatory support to hormones like FSH, we may obtain as many as 12 eggs, for instance, and only seven will be fully mature, while five of them will be immature eggs that cannot be fertilised by using "brute force" with Intra cytoplasmic sperm injection.


Polycystic ovary syndrome is the most common disorder responsible for this problem. It includes symptoms, such as amenorrhoea, hirsutism, anovulation and infertility.

This syndrome is characterised by a reduced production of FSH and normal or increased levels of LH, estrogen and testosterone. The current hypothesis is that the suppression of FSH associated with this condition causes only partial development of the ovarian follicles and follicular cysts, which can be detected in an ultrasound scan.

The affected ovary often becomes surrounded with a smooth white capsule and it is double its normal size. The increased level of oestrogen raises the risk of breast cancer. This condition has also been linked with inadequate carbohydrate metabolism, especially with resistance to Insulin. Insulin is the hormone produced in the body to help us to manage our sugar intake. This has been successfully managed by the dietary regulation, detoxification and the use of anti-diabetic drugs like metformin. The thyroid gland and the adrenal gland also play a significant role in the manifestations of some of the infertility problems at the level.

Who says the maid can't have what 'madam' is having?!

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 24, 2019.

I've known Ado for decades and his insatiable appetite for sex never fails to amaze me. He's been married and has managed to stay married for close to 20years. A few years into his marriage, he rushed into my office, bursting with excitement. "I had the most amazing sex of my life yesterday", he told me as soon as we were alone. His wife was pregnant with their second child and I wondered how the poor woman could have performed the feat for which he was now proud. "Not with my wife of course," he said, looking at me as if I were some sort of a clod, "with a woman I ran into at a party. You should see her; gorgeous and eager to make friends, she'd come to the party with two of her friends but seemed to e really interested n what I had to say. I told her I was married and she said she was too - and a mother of three. So where was her husband? I didn't come with my wife either and I wasn't really interested in what her husband looked like - all I wanted was her. 

"When I told her I would love us to meet up sometime, she said she was an events planner, she was planning a wedding reception that weekend on the grounds of a posh hotel and was saying in one of the rooms to make sure things went according to plan. I could look in if I felt like it. We exchanged phone numbers and I couldn't sleep for the anxiety. Come the Friday she said she would check into the hotel I told my wife I was off to a stag night party; it was the safest excuse I could give her. If I didn't strike gold, I could come home early. If I did I would have this ready story for I was too drunk to drive. My wife's pregnancy was advanced an she couldn't be bothered what I did as long as I left her to rest. This lady's hotel room reeked of seduction.

"I knew I'd really got lucky. She was so relaxed about the whole thing, she made our being alone in a room for the first time feel like the most natural thing in the world. We had a few drinks and some snacks she'd brought from home. Then spent the next few hours having the most fantastic sex. I hadn't had sex with my pregnant wife for a long time that I wasted no time at all, but she was really matured about it as we both pleasured each other until I felt ready again.

"It was better than winning the jackpot as we did it in positions I didn't even know existed. I never knew sex could be so intoxicating. She never took her hands off me throughout the night and when I finally got home in the early hours, I was so knackered that I didn't wake up until mid-day. My poor wife thought I was nursing a hangover. I relieved the sex I just had over and over again and became so randy that I pounced my wife. Poor thing! She must have missed sex too as she fell grateful into my arms. But it was this new woman I thought of while it lasted. I longed to see her body under mine once again.

When another baby fails to come

By Dr. Abayomi Ajayi 
Phone: 01-4667360, 07026277855 
Email: info@nordicalagos.org
~Punch Nigeria. SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2018

 Dr. Abayomi Ajayi 

There is always a feeling of joy when years of struggle with pregnancy are followed by conception, pregnancy and birth of a baby with ease. A woman that has never conceived and has difficulty conceiving has primary infertility. However, there are several women that have trouble conceiving again after their first or subsequent pregnancy. This is known as secondary infertility. Many people think primary infertility is more common than secondary infertility.

Whether or not they are right is debatable. However, one thing that is certain is that primary and secondary infertility, though common, can be adequately diagnosed and treated.

Primary infertility is when a woman has never been pregnant and is having difficulty to conceive. Secondary infertility, on the other hand, is the inability of a woman that has had at least one pregnancy, but is unable to become pregnant or carry another baby to term after at least one year of trying. Both primary and secondary infertility share a number of similar causes.

Why am I unable to conceive this time round? This is one of the biggest questions in the minds of men and women that experience secondary infertility. People may wonder why these women are trying so hard and why they cannot just relax. This, again, is not easy to answer.

I have interacted with several women diagnosed with secondary infertility and one thing I can confirm is that secondary infertility is as big a problem as primary infertility. Secondary infertility can be unexpected and stressful as much as it can be confusing and shocking. It is logical to ask why a couple that had no trouble getting pregnant the first time is now struggling.

About one in 10 couples that already have a child experiences secondary infertility. Worse still, for one reason or the other, couples experiencing secondary infertility may be more likely to delay seeking help. They may also find that friends, family, and even doctors downplay their fertility struggles. But whether you're struggling for child number one, or number two, or a higher number, there is often anxiety and grief to confront at every point.

When your teenage girl turns a monster you hardly recognise

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2018.

Will every parent ever be able to take the trauma of their adolescent girl's climb to puberty in their stride?  One minute she's in braids and school uniform, the next she's dressed and acting like a prospective Nollywood Star!. Amarachi, a typical modern day mum of two teenage girls and a grown up son prided herself on being a well-grounded mum and brooked no nonsense from her kids.  "I might have been born with the so-called proverbial silver-spoon but my mum never hesitated in thumping us whenever we got out of line", she said. "We were all a bit afraid of her and tried as much as possible not to give her the opportunity to put a lump of disapproval on our scalps through her knuckles.

"Thanks to her, I thought I was as stern with our kids until a few weeks ago when I opened my laptop to discover that Joyce my last child had inadvertently left her Fackbook and other social networking sites logged on.  Unbeknown to her, I was able to see right in front of me everything she and her friends had written in recent weeks.  It's happened before whenever she's failed to subscribe to her I-Phone and had to use my laptop - affording me the rare opportunity to have surreptitious check on her increasing private adolescent world.

"Only things were different this time.  In place of the usual banter, peppered with infuriating teenage acronyms, was a stream of comments, crystal clear in their meaning. They were vicious and cruel observations attacking Joyce for what she'd worn on her recent 16th birthday party.


"Some of the girls told her, in no uncertain terms that she'd dressed like a `slut, a `tart with no self-respect' and that her parents must be ashamed to have a daughter who `looked like a prostitute'.  The attacks on my daughter were part of a new trend known as `slut shaming' fuelled by blogging websites which teenagers post vicious criticisms online, targeting peers they deem to be dressing too provocative or wearing too much make-up.

"I was shocked and deeply upset to see my daughter being bullied like this - yet deep down, I couldn't help feeling her accusers had a point. For on the day of her `6th birthday, Joyce had dressed too provocatively. The outfit she'd chosen to wear, without my consent, had utterly floored me. I should have seen this coming though. last year, she'd transformed almost overnight from a little girl into a tall adolescent with impressive boobs and an amazing figure - which she seems hell-bent on exposing as much as possible. As a result, it's practically impossible for her to leave the house whenever she's on holidays without a fierce alteration. I would yell: `You're not going out dressed like that, put more clothes on!' She would stomp upstairs to change, before shoving the offending outfit into her bag - no doubt to put back on the moment I've vanished from sight.

She did what she had to do to give her kids a better life!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 15, 2018.

WOULD you do anything to make your kids happy – however sordid you believe such things to be? A few years ago, Denike, a teaching assistant at a private primary school resigned and started a sort of petty trading. "We had the front two rooms in the house we moved to after Dele, my husband, was medically discharged from the armed forces and the little money he had ran out", she explained.
"I started with running a small canteen in front of the house but the landlord kicked against it because of the fire hazard it created. Then I started retail trading but the profits weren't much to look after us all – four children in total. I felt guilty every time I had to tell my children we couldn't afford little treats they'd taken for granted. Out of frustration, I confided in a former colleague at the school. She earned the same salary I did but had told me she also had a part-time job that paid fairly well. I wanted her to find out if there was a chance of my being employed.

"She didn't even bat an eyelid before explaining what she did. She worked at a private club that offered massages to members. It was right in the middle of town and was always busy. She could take me there if I was keen. Of course there was a catch. As well as massaging the clients, I would have to provide extras too. After giving it a thought, I said I would do anything but full sex. I would be okay with a bit of touching, but I couldn't go that far. It still didn't stop me from being nervous though. I remember my first time with a man – massaging his back, hardly knowing what to do as he tried to slip his hand up my skirt. He then pleasured himself on me. I felt dirty and violated.


"I was screaming inside. I just wanted to run from that room, go home and never came back. Then I remembered the toys my kids wanted that Christmas. I imagined their eyes lighting up as I handed them their presents on their wish list. When the man had finished, I cleaned up, took the cash from him as he left. I was a bit relieved it was ready cash. Pure profit so to speak. It was an encouraging start.

"Over the next few months, I saw more men. Some just wanted a massage and a fondle, others were after more. I still didn't feel comfortable enough to have sex with a stranger though. But the more I worked the more relaxed I was about the idea. My colleague assured me what 1 was earning were peanuts compared to what 1 would get if I went the whole way. And about three months after starting, I was finally ready to take the plunge. At least, I thought I was. That morning, I was a wreck. I couldn't eat much. Every time I thought about a stranger on top of me, I broke out in a cold sweat.

What are your kids watching?

Onoshe Nwabuikwu
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 8, 2018.

Onoshe Nwabuikwu

The kids are home or will soon be home for the summer holidays or what we used to call 'long vacation. So, it's that time of the year and we get to have this conversation again. On one hand, parents are happy that the kids are home. On the other hand, how best to occupy or entertain them is a real and pressing challenge. Add the fact that some children will end up spending up to seven or more weeks at home and you can picture some parents feeling the 'long' in the long vacation.

My immediate concern of course is what kids watch on television. Do you know what your children are watching on TV? Are they watching programmes/films/shows appropriate for their ages? This would mean that you - the parents - know what's appropriate.

Knowing what's age-appropriate has been made easier by satellite/cable television since most shows have the ratings displayed. I always remind parents that those ratings are not just designs on the screen; they serve as guidance. However, you also have a right to decide what's appropriate for your own kids. Just because a programme is rated a certain age category does not mean you, the parent, shouldn't decide whether it's appropriate for your child/ren.

That's the easier part. What about stations on terrestrial TV, which don't have ratings? Not only that, they are not always sensitive to when kids could be watching TV. Surely, it's not so impossible for TV stations to actually have a holiday programme schedule? After all, summer holidays come every year.

Still making parents' lives more interesting is the fact that TV has fast moved from the good old box in the living room to all kinds of devices at kids' fingertips. The typical Nigerian parent, especially those who want to show they've 'arrived', buys the latest gadgets for their kids. So, in addition to knowing the content of what your kids are watching on TV, think iPads, smartphones and laptops, too.

At the end of the day, parents do have the most important task of ensuring that their kids watch clean TV. It isn't that they have to turn policemen. Even that would not be enough to keep kids from all the sleaze on the airwaves. A good plan is carrying the children along. As clichéic and Nigerianese as that sounds, it simply means letting the kids know the risks involved in watching certain programmes etc.

This should be an ongoing conversation which should also entrust some of the responsibilities of doing the right thing on the children. And it actually helps to begin this conversation/negotiation as early as possible. The idea is that you're not helpless and should not be a hapless receptor of garbage disguised as entertainment.

Where exactly are the wife materials?!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl by Emmanuel Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

HAVE you noticed it's taking men a long time to settle down these days and make an honest woman of one of the 'catches' they always have on the leash? When Joseph hit his 30s, I often counselled him on the advantages of settling down and having all his children whilst he was young. "What's the hurry," he always told me.
A suave gentleman with a good job and a nice to-die-for pad, he believed it wouldn't be an effort to meet a partner when he was good and ready to settle down. He recently hit 40, and a dad to an adorable son whose mother doesn't want to get married! "I couldn't really believe it when she told me", Joseph said, scandalised. "I was too old for her? Too old?

She was in her mid 20s, when we met and already had a child.

"When she became pregnant, I grudgingly decided to ask her to be my wife thinking she would be grateful to have a stepfather for her child. She was also for it at first, but after she had the child, she told me she didn't think I was financially buoyant enough to look after her and two children. That her furniture business was doing well and she would rather be on her own. I was free to visit my son any time I wished and contribute to his upbringing. I was speechless. Not even my mother could talk her round. She's put a big dent in my self-esteem, I tell you! I'm now 40 and don't think I'll ever have a genuine girlfriend to make my wife. I want to settle down and have children by one woman. As things are now, it seems I've mucked up and made a mess of my future. It's true I loved clubbing and each weekend, I'd take home a different girl and we'd have a great time.


"I was young and all I wanted was sex and more sex and I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing – that was until now. To my embarrassment, I've discovered, that no decent girl will come near me. Yes, I do get girls, but they've been around a bit, and I've slept with most of them. Just before the end of the year, I went to an office and met a lot of girls having a natter. It so happened that, out of the seven of them, I'd slept with five.

"They greeted me warmly but I was shaking in my shoes with embarrassment. I was sure that as soon as I left, they'd be having a good gossip at my expense! I don't want that kind of life again. I know its' my fault that I suddenly found myself out of the market. I mean, I never dreamt I would get involved with a single mother, not to think of such a person giving me the elbow!

What you expect from your marriage is not what you often get!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

Couple

WILL the average person experiencing problems in their relationship know the right time to walk away? It goes without saying that divorce now is quick and with little rancour, single parenthood is on the increase and more men opt for the single life despite the fact that eligible women are two a penny (seemingly). Yet, never before has there been that fear of uncertainty in abandoning a relationship that was obviously going nowhere than now. A few months ago, I ran into a friend's daughter and asked after her mother.

Sheepishly, she told me it was a long time she saw her mother last as she was now living with her fiance. That would have been perfectly in order if it was what she wanted too. "I would have preferred for us to get married", she shrugged, "but he doesn't want to commit himself until I'm pregnant".

What happens if she gets pregnant, gets married, and later has a miscarriage? Will the man abandon her some two years later if she can't conceive again? These questions and lots more ran through my mind but I didn't want to make the poor girl more miserable than she already was. She is currently hopping from one gynaecologist to the other and when I asked her if the love of her life had gone for a test too, she said it wasn't necessary as he'd already fathered a child. I wanted to tell her that was no proof. That I knew a few 'surrogate' fathers who'd made a few 'barren' women mothers. The legal fathers are none the wiser and the mothers are now free of criticisms and jibes from their in-laws. Their marriage seems to be on an even keel.

The situation that gives a lot of concern is where the couples know that their marriage is lying on its back with its hooves virtually in the air but sit tight and hope that things will get better.

Unfortunately, they seldom do. Boma, a retired industrial nurse in her 60s now sits alone in her lovely house, wishing she'd had the common sense to kick her wayward husband out of their matrimonial home when she realized he was a bum despite the fact that he was a medical doctor. "I had a very shrewd father who believed in putting a bit by for the rainy day", she said. "When I was working after my training in England, he was always urging me to save and send whatever I could home so he could buy me some property. His letter bothered on an irritation at times but his insistence goaded me into doing temporary jobs – and petty-trading along with my regular job so I could send him money. He always made up for the balance and thanks to him, when we came back, I had a few plots of land here and there.

GYMS – DANGER TO MARRIAGES

Recent studies across the world by a group of Christian Social Women Group has revealed that patronage of gyms are becoming a high risk option to sustainability of marriages.

The health and physical benefits of gyms not withstanding, the gyms are proving to be fertile grounds for infidelity and promiscuity. Some of the observations made are revealing:

First, the gym instructors prey on vulnerable women. A lot of married women have adopted the gym as a panacea to reducing weight and looking cutely attractive. Presumably because their spouses could be more attracted to their new curvy bodies. This makes them vulnerable to predating gym instructors who take advantage and seduce them. Touching the women at their most weakest areas opened them up for abuses and lasciviousness. Women biologically respond to tickles and fondles depending on which part of the body you touch. Gym instructors cunningly and constantly touch these spots when they observed them to break the emotional stability of those women. These over a period opens up those women for abuse. It was observed that these are prevalent with more affluent women and also lonely spouses.

Socialisation – The study also revealed that most marriages have suffered because the men or women have taken the gyms as their main centres of socialisation. When couples don’t find any reliable source of socialisation, they see the gym and the patrons as their most reliable friends, partners and joy. Most couples who attend the gym together do not face this risk. Couples who attend gyms alone are very prone to these dangers. After a period of socialising with the same opposite sex for a time, bonding becomes almost unavoidable. The more they train, chat, drink and sometimes eat together after the physical exercises, they become used to each other and sometimes share their marriage challenges. Unsuspecting partners are taken advantage of through a show of sympathy and sometimes outright deception and ill advice.

Targeting – Some men and women have intentionally joined gyms and clubs purposely to prey on a targeted victim. Many men and women have ignorantly fallen to wicked and deceitful men and women who have targeted them over a period. The targets may not know that these men and women have intentioned to have them for long and unsuspectingly opened up to them as gym mates and friends.

Tribal considerations in choosing a spouse

DOLAPO AKITOYE writes about the roles tribal factors play in choosing a spouse
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, April 22, 2018.

Culture has always been an important part of the Nigerian society. It governs the way people live their lives. Culture encompasses many aspects of life such as language, food, religion and ways of life. Nigeria is known as the most populous African country with over 300 tribes. It is little wonder that it is referred to as the Giant of Africa.

Every Nigerian citizen belongs to a tribe and members of that tribe incorporate parts of their tribal aspects in their lives including marriage. Marriage is one of the oldest institutions in the world and it involves the coming together of a man and a woman to become one. This means that the two people come together to merge not only themselves but everything relating to them plus their cultures.

It is not uncommon in Nigeria to see families insisting that their children marry from their tribes.

A psychologist at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, Dr. Val Eze, said in the past, especially during the pre-colonial era, ethnic affiliation rooted in traditional, cultural and religious ethos, directed how people selected their partners.

He explained that such was important at the time because the fact that somebody came from a certain tribe had some socio-cultural implications.

Eze stated, "The way a certain group of people behave is determined by their culture, traditions and their social ways of living. If that is the case, it means that an ethnic group is known for certain deviant or anti-social behaviour. It was believed in those times that if a person was chosen from that tribe, he or she might have those traits.''

He added that these cultural tenets were no longer as they used to be due to globalisation and modernity.

"These days, people can meet each other and decide to get married, regardless of tribe, even if their parents refuse," he said.

An Igbo lady, Ada Okoli, who is set to marry a Yoruba man this year, told SUNDAY PUNCH that tribe or ethnicity could not be a factor for her in selecting a partner.

"I've never really cared about that. I'm more interested in who my partner is as opposed to where he comes from," she stated.

About Time You Knew Dad Too Had Something To Do With That Adorable New Baby!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~vanguard nigeria. Sunday, April 15, 2018.

FINDINGS have shown that becoming a father is a major life event which changes family relationships, brings new responsibilities and has a major economic impact on the new parents.

Men have their own needs as new fathers, yet can also lack information about how they can support their partners. Michael 26, was totally unprepared for fatherhood when Sammy, his 23- year-old undergraduate wife suddenly discovered she was pregnant.

"Sammy and I had been together for two years when she got pregnant. She was studying to become a teacher and I'd just got a fairly good job after my youth service," explained Michael.

"Sammy told her parents and they informed mine. All of a sudden, wedding plans were being made – and it had to happen before the baby arrived. It didn't seem real. Marriage was the furtherest thought on my mind. I would have preferred we were both working but here was Sammy starting to look pregnant. Would our lives change much? Even though we both have caring families, my main worry was supporting the three of us on my new salary that was scarcely enough for my needs. Once in a while, I asked myself: 'What have I done?'

"The wedding was a blur – it was something I had to get over with. My worry now was the baby and how I'd cope with the birth. Would I let my new wife down by being too squeamish? In the end, our son's birth was the most powerful, moving event of my entire life. Like most new fathers, I was present at the birth and I'm not ashamed to admit I cried.

"When we brought the baby to our new flat, I felt a bit sidelined. The whole focus of both families was on the baby – and then my wife. No one seemed interested in me.

"It may sound selfish but my life had changed over-night too, and I had no idea what my new role was. I was a bit lost. Since then however, I've realised being a dad means getting on with it. And it's hard work, believe me. I had to learn to change nappies, prepare his food when he was weaned off breast milk and give him his bath when I could. We are lucky that our son is not one of the screamy type, still both of us are exhausted – no thanks to househelps who seem to up and go whenever they feel like it.

"But my wife and I are finding our feet, but I feel the pressure being the only wage earner. My mum and my wife's mum take turns looking after the baby when Sammy returned to schooL Her main worry is her post-baby stomach but I assure her always she looks good to me. Her body makes me love her even more – a proof she brought our child into the word. To be honest, I found the news I was going to be a dad scary and bewildering – but it is a wonderful experience. When my son, who now crawls all over the place, gives me his toothy smile, everything suddenly seems worth it. I know I have to do my best for him for the rst of my life. And that's something that comes naturally - eventually"!

She came to the rescue of a sister who was off sex!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 28, 2018.

FAMILY comes in handy when you have problems you think are insurmountable. During the last general strike, a few of the staff made it to the office – out of boredom, I'm sure. What's more, their houses are a few `minutes' walk to the office. There was nothing to do really, so we just sat down and nattered, discussing everything under the sun with particular emphasis on relationships. "How many marriages do you think can survive without sex?" asked Augusta, one of the participants on a sandwich course from her banking job. "Dunno," I told her. "Quite a few do, but for short periods only. You can not really be happy in a sexless marriage can you, what would be the point?"

The following day, I was really surprised to see her. None of the others showed up and it would have been a good opportunity for me to catch up on the backlog of files I had to go through. Seeing I wasmore interested in encouraging her to leave than settle to another gossip session, she told me she urgently needed my advise. "It's my brother-in-law" she said when I arched my brow. "My sister is six years older than me and although we were very close when we were young, I was a bit jealous of her as she got to do everything way before I did – like going to discos, having boyfriend' and wearing grown-up clothes. By the time I was old enough to do all those things, Leila, my sister, was already married to John, her childhood sweetheart. With time they had two boys. I was at her place on a Saturday when she opened up to me. As she talked, she kept her eyes fixed on my face .. Was she expecting a reaction? She then told me:

"Would you believe I no longer find sex interesting?" My sister confided in me as we shared a bottle of wine. `I love John, of course, but I hate it when he touches me.' I didn't know what to say. I was a bit embarrassed. I mumbled something about a low sex drive being common for a while after having a baby. But her youngest was four and I urged her to give it time. That the desire would come back. But it didn't. It was then I realised they had a serious problem. Wasn't John frustrated?

"Leila shrugged. 'He must be," she admitted. 'I wouldn't really blame him if he started having an affair.' 'He'd never do that!' I replied, horrified. John was handsome, trustworthy and easy-going. Most of all, he really loved my sister. As time passed and they stayed together, I assumed they'd sorted out their differences. Until one night at one of our friend's 30th birthday party. Leila had come alone leaving the children with John and their new maid. We had a bit to drink and I began moaning about being permanently single and how 1 missed not having regular sex.

"That doesn't' bother me at all,' Leila shrugged. 'You and I are different that way – you love sex, I don't.' What?' I gasped, my mouth dropping open, 'you mean you're still celibate?' 'I haven't had sex for three years,' she told me, 'and I don't miss it.' I couldn't

get my head round it. This was no phase. Leila had obviously settled for a sexless marriage. I wondered how John could cope with that. Men need sex. Had he gone elsewhere?

"Yet every time I visited their cosy flat, Leila and John seemed so happy and relaxed together, so in love. Then one day, a few months on, 1 called round to see my sister and John answered the door. He was wearing just a towel round his waist as he was in a hurry to get the door. 'Is Leila in?' I stuttered, looking at his rippling muscles.

Could you be better friends after your divorce?

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 14, 2018.

THE major reason married couples divorce is that they couldn't stand each other when they were married. Most marriages could be acrimonious, but there are some couples who got along better now they don't have the responsibilities that committed relationships bring. Mandy, 42 and Frank 39 swore they've forged a close friendship, even though Frank walked out on her when their second daughter was only four.

"I was distraught when Frank left me four years ago," confessed Mandy. "I had recently suffered a miscarriage and was really depressed. On top of which the doctors had really advised 1 shouldn't try for another baby at my age"'. That made me feel really old and emphasised that at 35, Frank would think his child-bearing age was over. We already had two adorable daughters, would he want a son like most men?

"Frank assured me he'd got all the family he ever wanted and 1 relaxed. A couple of years later however, 1 got the news that shattered everything. A friend called she was just from a naming ceremony where the new dad was Frank. And you guessed it, the new tot was a boy! Frank didn't know her, so she was able to give a blow-by-blow account of the ceremony. 1 literally died inside.

How could he? After he'd assured me he was fine the way things were? 1 didn't even suspect he was having a serious affair. This was a man who, even in my darkest moments was there, assuring me 1 could count on him.

"When he eventually showed up and I addressed him by the name of his new son, he was taken aback. Then he became defiant. He told me he didn't ask for what happened, but when one of his mistresses became pregnant and refused an abortion, he resigned himself to his lot. But when he realised he'd had a son, he was really happy. The only problem was how to tell me, but this 'well-meaning' friend had made things easier for him. And he meant to be a responsible father to this son who was born due to no fault of his.

Why one-night-stands aren't such a big deal these days

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, December 17, 2017.

JIBE waited in her flat with bated breath. She hadn't done a reckless thing like this in her life before. A divorced mother of a nine-year old daughter, she'd run into Tony at a party and they'd got on like a house on fire. Their teasing got to a dare – would Jibe have- a no-strings-attached sex with him that night?

Tony was married of course, so his house was out of bounds. Jibe hadn't had sex for a while and was gaging for it. Her daughter was spending the night at her sister's. Could she let this opportunity slip from her fingers? So she said yes to Tony's proposition.

In spite of the excitement of having sex again, she was scared? She said: "When I heard the bell, I felt a bit panicky. This was suddenly a crazy idea. What if he had dubious intentions? But when I opened the door and saw the lecherous smile on his face, my anxiety was replaced by over-powering lust. Tony pulled me into his arms and started kissing me passionately. My legs actually buckled, but he pressed my body hard against his and I was lost. We started taking each other's clothes off and for a while I felt exposed – and sexy! He gently lowered me onto the sofa, and without saying a word, started making love to me. I'd never experienced anything like it before – so urgent, so uninhibited.

"Almost an hour after, I was exhausted. Tony told me it was one of the best sex he'd had and I felt flattered. It made me feel so desirable and powerful. As he made to leave, he asked for my mobile number but I told him I didn't want to take it any further. He looked really disappointed, but we'd both told ourselves at the party it was to be a one-night stand … "

How to have fun when all the kids have left home – Bunmi Sofola

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, November 5, 2017.

Do you feel lost and lonely now that your children have flown the nest? Are you strangely missing the piles of dirty washing and the blaring of music or are you too busy turning a grotty bedroom into a cozy study, where you can relax in the afternoon with refreshments and a magazine? Or, are you thinking of letting part of the house for some easy cash?

New research has revealed that in order to cope with empty-nest syndrome, many parents are giving their homes a make over soon after their youngsters move out. Almost 30 per cent start renovating within two months of their children leaving, according to a survey carried out by Zurich Insurance, a third redecorate their child's old room, while the same number go further and transform it into a study or holiday room. Some even revamp the whole house.

So what makes people quick to reach for their paintbrushes once their kids go off to university or set up home with friends or a partner? More than half of those who took part in the survey said they wanted to reflect the change in family life. Experts agree that after years of children drawing on the walls and leaving dirty plates under beds, many parents are happy to have the chance to make their homes their own again.

"Children may well bully their parents into letting them redecorate their own rooms and even other parts of the house," says Philliop Hodson, a counselling psychotherapist. Some parents lose part of their identities. They have to wait a long time to get their house back. Then they can make it smarter. Renovating can help parents rediscover their identities.

Once a child's bedroom is yours again, it's natural to want to mark your territory. There's an itch to get in there and sort it all out. It's like moving into a new house. Even if it's been beautifully decorated, you still want to change things to make it yours. However, in some cases, there may be another reason why parents get the urge to decorate. You may be trying to fill time because you're missing the children. But what if your son or daughter wants to move back in? Will they be happy to sleep in the couch because their room is now for worship?

"Children are likely to feel disappointed when the house is not their childhood home any more." Says Hodson: "They might feel a bit hurt and pushed out and think that you couldn't wait to be rid of them. Does that mean you should restrain yourself from covering the black walls in your son's bedroom with brighter paint? Not really. As parents, you have to get on with your own lives, so you shouldn't be sentimental. When your child moves out, explain that there will always be a room for them-but it will be the guest room."

Jokes and Humour: Say Your Phone Number - in 9ja!

2016/2017 Jokes:

• Say Your Phone Number - in 9ja!
• WhatsApp Group
• Doctor tells a story
• Akpors Versus Teacher: Can I ask u a few questions?
• Don't try to control your spouse. You will always lose!
• Wise Man Vs Pin-Head
• Drunk Driver's Offence
• Don't make A Woman Cry
• Beware of the Price Lure
• Auto-maniac joke, 2016
• BET9ja
• WATCHING FOOTBALL with your wife can be very frustrating and stressful!

_____________________________________


Say Your Phone Number - in 9ja!
~Anonymous

Ask a Yoruba person for his/ her Number and you will hear:
"Sero Hate Sero, Sis Hate Sis, Tlri Hate Hlri, Sefun Sis"
(0806863876)
"Na my Heartel number be that"

AN Hausa man nko? You will hear:
Tzero Seben Tzero, Pipe Pipe Seben, Por Pipe Por Eleben. 
(07055745411)

Then ask an Anambra lgboman , you get this: 
Not Ate Not, Tliple Tili, Dozen Dozen Tili 
( 0803312123.....)" 
"O Number mu"
--------------------------------------

WhatsApp Group
~Tobe Obi.

Beggar at the traffic signal:
"What sir, only N10... 
Why the discrimination sir? You gave my friend N100 at the last traffic light".

Man in the car: 
"How did u know?"

Beggar: 
"He just sent me a whatsapp message with your car no. We are all members of the same whatsapp group".
----------------------------------------------
Doctor tells a story
By OK Chuk-Wu Dibor
March 4, 2017

Guy: Doctor, My girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carries a Gun wherever he goes. One day he took his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun,and shot the Lion,then it died!

Guy: Nonsense!! Someone else must've shot the Lion...

Doctor: Good!! You understood the Story.

Next patient please...
--------------------------------------------------

Akpors Versus Teacher: Can I ask u a few questions?
~Tobe Obi.
9th February, 2017.

Mr & Mrs: My husband not father of my son, divorce-seeking wife tells Lagos court

Topics:
- My husband not father of my son, divorce-seeking wife tells Lagos court
- 'My sister flirts with my boyfriend'
- I caught my wife, best man having adulterous meeting – Husband tells court
- 'My husband makes money only for himself'
- I caught my wife with two lovers in our bedroom – Husband

________________________________________

My husband not father of my son, divorce-seeking wife tells Lagos court
~Vanguard Nigeria. Thursday, May 25, 2017.

Lagos – A divorce-seeking housewife, Mojisola Ajiboye, on Thursday told an Agege Customary Court that her husband is not the biological father of her son.

She gave the testimony in the divorce suit she filed against her estranged husband at the court.

The petitioner, a 30-year-old nurse, who resides at No. 46, Shiaba St., Agege , a Lagos suburb, said she regretted her seven-year marriage to Samson Nkanang, 33.

She claims that the husband usually abandons her at home and travels on official trips without any form of care.

"My husband is irresponsible and has turned me into a punching bag, I am no longer interested in the union; I want the loveless marriage dissolved,'' she pleaded with the court.

The petitioner told the court that the petitioner whom she has been married to for over seven years is not the biological father of her son.

"I was impregnated by another man during the period my husband travelled on an official trip,' she said.

The estranged wife urged the court to dissolve the marriage so that they can go their separate ways

"Although l registered the child's birth in the respondent's name, he is not the father of my son,''she said.

Mojisola alleged that her husband is temperamental and constantly beats her over minor issues.

Samson , who admitted subjecting his wife to frequent beatings, however, denied the allegations of being an irresponsible husband and father.

He told the court that he was on an official trip for two months in Akwa-Ibom when his wife told him she was pregnant.

"On my return, I even had sexual intercourse with her severally in order for her private part to be opened according to the doctor's report.

"So I am amazed now that she claims I am not the biological father of my child."