Mental health challenges facing modern African male

Written by Adeoye Oyewole
~PUNCH Nigeria. Thursday, February 21, 2019

The term 'man' is usually reserved for an adult male of the human species, while 'manhood' is used to describe the period after he has transitioned from boyhood, having attained secondary male sexual characteristics that symbolise his coming of age and assumes the responsibilities accruable to that status.

Masculinity may vary in different cultures, but it has universal principles across cultures which basically embodies assertiveness, responsibility, selflessness, ethics, sincerity, and respect that has strong associations with physical and moral strength. The biological inputs through hormones induce the process of physical maturity in the males, which redirects the biological processes away from the default female route.

In many cultures, displaying characteristics not typical to one's gender may become a social problem for the individual. However, labelling and conditioning are based on gender assumptions as part of socialisation to match the local cultural template. In the primitive hunter-gatherer societies, men were often, if not exclusively, responsible for all large game killed, the capturing, raising and domesticating of animals, the building of permanent shelters, the defence of villages and sustenance the family in all ramifications.


Each time the universally agreeable traits of manhood are challenged, anxiety and anger may be provoked leading to maladaptive behavioural patterns. With the globalisation of values, there is an increased liberation of the female gender with the attendant financial independence, among other things, which has been the premise of male domination over the centuries.

Although the actual stereotypes may have remained relatively constant, the values attached to masculine stereotypes may have changed over the past few decades, since it is argued that masculinity is an unstable phenomenon and dynamic in conceptualization. However, the old ideals of manhood are getting obsolete just as the new is still not properly defined as we grope in darkness which forms the basis of manhood and masculinity crisis with grave mental health consequences in societies like ours in cultural transition.

The typical modern African man has cognitive dissonance, with respect to his roles as a traditional dominant male in the family as he also attempts to espouse the western ideas that compel him to recognise his wife as a partner in the business of raising the family. The traditional stereotypes of the father as the breadwinner and the mother as a homemaker are almost historical in the light of today's economic realities.

When another baby fails to come

By Dr. Abayomi Ajayi 
Phone: 01-4667360, 07026277855 
Email: info@nordicalagos.org
~Punch Nigeria. SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2018

 Dr. Abayomi Ajayi 

There is always a feeling of joy when years of struggle with pregnancy are followed by conception, pregnancy and birth of a baby with ease. A woman that has never conceived and has difficulty conceiving has primary infertility. However, there are several women that have trouble conceiving again after their first or subsequent pregnancy. This is known as secondary infertility. Many people think primary infertility is more common than secondary infertility.

Whether or not they are right is debatable. However, one thing that is certain is that primary and secondary infertility, though common, can be adequately diagnosed and treated.

Primary infertility is when a woman has never been pregnant and is having difficulty to conceive. Secondary infertility, on the other hand, is the inability of a woman that has had at least one pregnancy, but is unable to become pregnant or carry another baby to term after at least one year of trying. Both primary and secondary infertility share a number of similar causes.

Why am I unable to conceive this time round? This is one of the biggest questions in the minds of men and women that experience secondary infertility. People may wonder why these women are trying so hard and why they cannot just relax. This, again, is not easy to answer.

I have interacted with several women diagnosed with secondary infertility and one thing I can confirm is that secondary infertility is as big a problem as primary infertility. Secondary infertility can be unexpected and stressful as much as it can be confusing and shocking. It is logical to ask why a couple that had no trouble getting pregnant the first time is now struggling.

About one in 10 couples that already have a child experiences secondary infertility. Worse still, for one reason or the other, couples experiencing secondary infertility may be more likely to delay seeking help. They may also find that friends, family, and even doctors downplay their fertility struggles. But whether you're struggling for child number one, or number two, or a higher number, there is often anxiety and grief to confront at every point.

When your teenage girl turns a monster you hardly recognise

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2018.

Will every parent ever be able to take the trauma of their adolescent girl's climb to puberty in their stride?  One minute she's in braids and school uniform, the next she's dressed and acting like a prospective Nollywood Star!. Amarachi, a typical modern day mum of two teenage girls and a grown up son prided herself on being a well-grounded mum and brooked no nonsense from her kids.  "I might have been born with the so-called proverbial silver-spoon but my mum never hesitated in thumping us whenever we got out of line", she said. "We were all a bit afraid of her and tried as much as possible not to give her the opportunity to put a lump of disapproval on our scalps through her knuckles.

"Thanks to her, I thought I was as stern with our kids until a few weeks ago when I opened my laptop to discover that Joyce my last child had inadvertently left her Fackbook and other social networking sites logged on.  Unbeknown to her, I was able to see right in front of me everything she and her friends had written in recent weeks.  It's happened before whenever she's failed to subscribe to her I-Phone and had to use my laptop - affording me the rare opportunity to have surreptitious check on her increasing private adolescent world.

"Only things were different this time.  In place of the usual banter, peppered with infuriating teenage acronyms, was a stream of comments, crystal clear in their meaning. They were vicious and cruel observations attacking Joyce for what she'd worn on her recent 16th birthday party.


"Some of the girls told her, in no uncertain terms that she'd dressed like a `slut, a `tart with no self-respect' and that her parents must be ashamed to have a daughter who `looked like a prostitute'.  The attacks on my daughter were part of a new trend known as `slut shaming' fuelled by blogging websites which teenagers post vicious criticisms online, targeting peers they deem to be dressing too provocative or wearing too much make-up.

"I was shocked and deeply upset to see my daughter being bullied like this - yet deep down, I couldn't help feeling her accusers had a point. For on the day of her `6th birthday, Joyce had dressed too provocatively. The outfit she'd chosen to wear, without my consent, had utterly floored me. I should have seen this coming though. last year, she'd transformed almost overnight from a little girl into a tall adolescent with impressive boobs and an amazing figure - which she seems hell-bent on exposing as much as possible. As a result, it's practically impossible for her to leave the house whenever she's on holidays without a fierce alteration. I would yell: `You're not going out dressed like that, put more clothes on!' She would stomp upstairs to change, before shoving the offending outfit into her bag - no doubt to put back on the moment I've vanished from sight.

Why desperate women fall for oldest trick all the time!

~Vanguard Nigeria. Tuesday, July 10, 2018.

WHENEVER the word, ‘mistress' is mentioned, up springs the image of a calculating vamp dressed
in skimpy clothes and expensive hair extensions, ready to lure away husbands without a second thought to the families of such men. But sometimes, the truth is usually more complicated. As a result, many women who find themselves the 'other woman' are caught in situations they never bargained for. Take the case of Mylah for instance. "I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met Jacob,'she told me, a bit sad. 'I'd just split up from my husband of 11 years-and was busy looking after the three children of the marriage.

"Jacob was a friend's elder brother and we met at my friend's 40th birthday party. He told me he's been estranged from his wife for months and was waiting for his divorce to be finalized. According to him, his wife hadn't really adapted to the fact that wives were supposed to behave differently from when they were abroad,'and when they finally relocated to Nigeria. I didn't ask 'him for details and our relationship quickly took up from there. He gave me his mobile number as well as his home's and visited every spare minute he got. Gradually, we became very fond of each other and he sometimes slept over at mine.

"He lived alone and when he suggested I moved in with him, I agreed. The children were in the boarding house-and having them for the holidays wouldn't be a problem. As soon as Jacob's divorce was through, he promised we would get married-I was very happy. The fact that he was technically married didn't bother me and he openly let me know when he was popping over to his old house to see his two children. I was after all, a mother and knew the importance of both parents to children.

"I later discovered that life with Jacob wasn't always smooth-sailing. When we had rows, he would storm off for hours. Then last year, the friend I met him through arranged for us to come with her family to the Benin Republic to see a relative and have a holiday in the process. I jumped at the chance and Jacob was quite willing to go. The morning we were to go, he picked up a quarrel and stormed off again. I was furious when he didn't turn up hours later, fearing he might be in an accident. I called my friend to cancel the trip, telling her why. She calmly told me Jacob was already outside their house in the car with his wife! I was in shock. I'd believed him 100 per cent when he said they'd split. I'd had no reason not to. We were living together for heaven's sake! I asked my friend to take the phone to him, but he refused to talk to me.

'It was my chance to give him a sex education!'

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 1, 2018.
Written by Bunmi Sofola

WHAT unbridled passion could make a woman seduce a lad? Isn't every gangling boy's fantasy, luring a matured woman to bed for his first and subsequent sexual experiences? Ironically,there are women out there who find unfettered lads attractive. Nora was one of them-until she got her fingers burnt. A divorced mother of two lovely boys, by age 36, she'd been divorced but living in her own house with a couple of cars to complement her life-style. "When I met Veron two years ago, he'd just finished with his OND and was on his year working experience-and he was serving it at a friend's office," said Vera. "He had no job description-he was more of a man-Friday who did odd jobs. When I visited this friend of mine on this fateful day, I was feeling really famished and she quickly sent Veron to get us some food to eat.

"I teased him about being very young with a lot of girl-friends, but he smiled shyly. He said he'd soon be 24- but his body-over 6ft, broad shoulders and slim hips, screamed sexuality. He once let it slip that he was still a virgin and I showed surprise. Was he kidding? Then I felt excited-to this day, I'd never know why. It would be quite a pleasure teaching him a trick or two about sex. It would be a teacher/pupil fantasy. My chance to give him sex education. Afterall, it's a belief that women hit their sexual peak in their 30s, and men 20s…. We'd be in perfect sync. Lust had kicked in.

"My first son was to be 12 a couple of weeks later and I invited him to attend. He hung around till the end of the party. He was a bit tipsy by this time. That might have encouraged his next move-afterall I didn't exactly hide the fact I found him attractive. As soon as we were alone, he pulled me to him and kissed me hard. I was a bit embarrassed, I'd forgotten his inexperience and quickly offered him more drinks before sending him on his way. I told him to come back the next day when the children would be at their grandma's.

"The next day, as soon as I led him to the bedroom he dived into the bed, quickly peeling off his clothes. As I stripped to my silky undies, he was virtually quivering. Was it from passion? Nerves? Quietly, I plotted how to approach this shy, inexperienced man meeting up with a woman who'd promised him sex. Of course, I was nervous because I wanted his first time… to feel special. 'I love you…' he whispered. Of course he didn't, I told myself. Every strapping lad wants sex, lots of it. Well, just like me! And so it started-the education of Veron. By the time I sent him home, he'd gained a life-time experience. My friends found it hilarious when I told them. They warned it wouldn't last. But who cared? This wasn't about love, it was animal passion.

GYMS – DANGER TO MARRIAGES

Recent studies across the world by a group of Christian Social Women Group has revealed that patronage of gyms are becoming a high risk option to sustainability of marriages.

The health and physical benefits of gyms not withstanding, the gyms are proving to be fertile grounds for infidelity and promiscuity. Some of the observations made are revealing:

First, the gym instructors prey on vulnerable women. A lot of married women have adopted the gym as a panacea to reducing weight and looking cutely attractive. Presumably because their spouses could be more attracted to their new curvy bodies. This makes them vulnerable to predating gym instructors who take advantage and seduce them. Touching the women at their most weakest areas opened them up for abuses and lasciviousness. Women biologically respond to tickles and fondles depending on which part of the body you touch. Gym instructors cunningly and constantly touch these spots when they observed them to break the emotional stability of those women. These over a period opens up those women for abuse. It was observed that these are prevalent with more affluent women and also lonely spouses.

Socialisation – The study also revealed that most marriages have suffered because the men or women have taken the gyms as their main centres of socialisation. When couples don’t find any reliable source of socialisation, they see the gym and the patrons as their most reliable friends, partners and joy. Most couples who attend the gym together do not face this risk. Couples who attend gyms alone are very prone to these dangers. After a period of socialising with the same opposite sex for a time, bonding becomes almost unavoidable. The more they train, chat, drink and sometimes eat together after the physical exercises, they become used to each other and sometimes share their marriage challenges. Unsuspecting partners are taken advantage of through a show of sympathy and sometimes outright deception and ill advice.

Targeting – Some men and women have intentionally joined gyms and clubs purposely to prey on a targeted victim. Many men and women have ignorantly fallen to wicked and deceitful men and women who have targeted them over a period. The targets may not know that these men and women have intentioned to have them for long and unsuspectingly opened up to them as gym mates and friends.

Why I asked to be killed at Swiss suicide clinic –104-year-old scientist

~Yahoo News UK. Thursday, May 10, 2018.

Dr David Goodall

British-born academic Dr David Goodall has explained why he has chosen to end his own life at the age of 104.

Dr. Goodall, who was born in Britain but lived for much of his life in Australia, travelled to Switzerland to visit a euthanasia clinic.

Wearing a sweatshirt with the slogan 'Ageing Disgracefully', he addressed a press conference today (Wednesday) on the eve of his death to explain his decision.

“I am rather surprised at the wide internet in my case. I am very appreciative of the hospitality of the Swiss federation and the ability which one has here to come to an end gracefully,” he told reporters.

“I am happy to have this chance, though I would have preferred to have had it in Australia, and I greatly regret that Australia is behind Switzerland in this move, and that most countries are in fact behind Switzerland.

“One wants at my age, and even rather less than my age, one wants to be free to chose their death at an appropriate time.

“My abilities have been declining over the past year or two - well, my eyesight has, for the past five or six years.

“I no longer want to continue life. I am happy to have the chance tomorrow (Thursday) to end it and I appreciate the help of the medical profession here in making that possible.”

He assured the gathered press that he had no regrets about the decision he had made.

He also said that his family supported his decision and that none of them had tried to change his mind.

“There are many things I would like to do, I suppose; but its too late. I am content,” he said.

Dr. Goodall received a round of applause from those gathered after bursting into song during the press conference.

When one reporter asked him if he had chosen a piece of music to listen to during his last moments, he replied that he had not, but that he would chose the final movement of Beethoven's ninth symphony.

Dr. Goodall then sang a section of the piece of music to the delight of those present.

Dr. Goodall will die on Thursday with a number of family members present.

After over 20 years in US, Wisconsin man deported to West Africa for lack of right papers

~Punch Nigeria. Friday, March 9, 2018.
(Culled from USA Today)

After more than 20 years in the United States, a Wisconsin man was deported to West Africa earlier this week, a federal agency confirmed.

The process for his deportation was set in motion eight years ago when a judge ruled that he had overstayed his visa.

Buba Jabbi, 41, of Wisconsin Rapids was deported Tuesday and back in The Gambia by Wednesday afternoon, according to a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement statement issued Wednesday.

Jabbi had entered the U.S. in 1995 and overstayed his visa. He was detained February 15 after checking in with federal authorities as he had been directed and was set for deportation based on a judge’s order from 2010.

A stay of removal had been filed on his behalf, but was denied February 27, according to Nicole Alberico, a public affairs officer with ICE.

Jabbi, the father of two daughters ages five and one, was being held at a detention centre in Sierra Blanca, Texas.

If necessary, Jabbi’s wife, Katrina Jabbi, a native of Wisconsin Rapids, said she would move her family almost 5,000 miles to The Gambia, a nation of about two million people that is almost twice the size of Delaware, to be with her husband.

“We have spent many years trying to rectify this situation,” Katrina Jabbi previously said. “I will continue to fight and file waivers if he is deported.

Hypocrisy of press freedom in Africa

~The SUN Nigeria. Tuesday, April 4, 2017.

More than five decades since many African countries gained political independence, the values attached to press freedom remain high. Historically, press freedom was enshrined in the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights (United Nations, 1948). Article 19 of the Declaration states that everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression, including the right to hold opinions without interference and to strive for, obtain and communicate information and ideas through any media without constraints. Although many African countries are signatories to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the rights of citizens to enjoy free speech have been violated more than respected.

In the final days of the struggle for political independence in Africa, the media were expected to play the role of the lapdog of the newly installed governments in different countries. It was fashionable to hear political leaders talk about the obligations of the media to support the government in power so the government could achieve its socioeconomic development objectives. The media were expected to collaborate with the government rather than scrutinise state officials. A critical press was seen as unhelpful and confrontational because criticisms, the leaders argued, tended to create instability rather than cultivate a harmonious society. African leaders often wonder why the media should be consumed by the fight for press freedom while the basic needs of the people remain unachievable.

Within the new independent nations, the campaign for press freedom was an anathema. Whatever would not advance the interests of a nation was deemed unworthy of press attention. Press freedom remains, in the eyes of many African leaders and leaders of other developing countries, an abstract concept that cannot place food on citizens' dining tables. Given a choice between the fight for freedom and the struggle for three square meals, our leaders encourage us to aim for achievement of our basic needs that will guarantee longer life for everyone. After all, politically crafty African leaders tell us, 'You cannot eat freedom'.

Within the continent, authoritarian political and military leaders argued the press was not obligated to scrutinise authority or hold national leaders to account. Rather than see a free press as the hallmark of a free society, state officials say a free press in any developing country should be seen as a hindrance to progress. This is why, in various parts of the continent, press freedom, as a concept, remains as problematic as democracy.

Press freedom means different things to different people and their leaders. Politicians tend to support a free press when they are in opposition. When they get into government, press freedom becomes a bad concept that should be quarantined.

Once he survives the night, he is a MAN

By Utchay Lugar - Ghana
12th March, 2017

*Horrific Story*

A father takes his son into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone. He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN. He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come into manhood on his own. The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him .

Perhaps even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and trees and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man! Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm. We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, God is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.

Moral of the story:
Just because you can't see God, doesn't mean He is not there."For we walk by faith, not just by sight".

Have a great walk with God today and always. Smiling face with smiling eyes.

Xenophobia: South African xenophobia vs Nigerian internal xenophobia

Topics:
- South African xenophobia vs Nigerian internal xenophobia
- Xenophobic attacks on Nigerians: FG warns S-Africa of dire consequences
____________________________

South African xenophobia vs Nigerian internal xenophobia
Written by Azuka Onwuka
Twitter: @BrandAzuka
~Punch Nigeria. Tuesday, March 7, 2017.

Azuka Onwuka

It has become an annual ritual – just like an annual epidemic – for South Africans to engage in xenophobic attacks against their fellow Black Africans resident in South Africa. There are some trends in these attacks. The South Africans do not attack the Indians who have lived in South Africa for a couple of centuries. They do not attack the Pakistanis or the Chinese. They do not attack the North Africans. They do not attack the Whites who have settled in South Africa for centuries and are in control of the economy and the lands. The reason is simple. The colour of the skin of the above-mentioned people is different from that of the Black South Africans. The Black South Africans still see those with a different colour as superior but prefer to vent their anger and frustration on their fellow Blacks who reside in South Africa to eke out a living.

Coincidentally, the xenophobic attacks have been occurring in the tenure of President Jacob Zuma. They did not occur when Dr Nelson Mandela or Mr Thabo Mbeki were in office. One can infer that the body language of Zuma has been encouraging the attacks. Maybe, if he had shown some righteous anger against the attacks or ensured that the perpetrators are severely punished, they would not have recurred.

Ironically, Nigerians have been expressing their anger over the xenophobic attacks. Many commentators remind South Africans the sacrifices Nigeria and other African nations made to end apartheid in South Africa, including hosting many leaders of the African National Congress as well university students from South Africa.


However, the reason the action of the South Africans is shocking to many Nigerians is that we have a track record of not attacking foreigners within Nigeria. Nigerians even treat foreigners better than they treat fellow Nigerians. For example, in spite of the number of times Nigerian football clubs and national teams have been attacked while in other countries, Nigerians usually don't attack foreign teams. On the contrary, on many occasions, during some international matches, Nigerian football fans are known to have swapped support from the national team to the visiting teams if they are not impressed with the performance of the national team. Even if a visiting team beats the Nigerian team or prevents Nigeria from qualifying for an international competition, such a team can even take a victory lap round the stadium without even a bottle of water thrown at them.

She blames her mum's alcoholism for their dad's death!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.

ALCOHOLICS have always been accused of making the lives of their loved ones miserable whenever the dreaded alcohol takes over their personality. And this happens as often as they get drunk. When Tomi's father died a couple of years ago, she was heartbroken and bitter that their mother's hostility towards him, especially when he was ill, coupled with her unreasonable grumpiness to the children hastened their father's departure to the grave.

"Our dad was diagnosed with cancer over three years ago. He needed extra care at home and I rescheduled my work at the school I ran so, I could be with him more often. Dad welcomed the change, but mum didn't," Tomi, a 42-year -old mother of three said. "Even before our dad became ill, I had a difficult relationship with our mum. In our teens, my sisters and I would cringe as we listened to her pick fights with dad. She was clingy, jealous and self-absorbed. I had to endure hours of her complaining about him when I got home from school – details too intimate for a daughter to hear about her parents' relationship. My sisters used to disappear but as the eldest, I had to endure it. At some point, I felt brave enough to tell her she wasn't being fair, that he was my dad and I loved him. Her focus has always been inwards, which means she barely asks about my life. Dad, on the other hand, was immensely proud of me and we could talk for hours – this made her more resentful.

"When I spent those last few months with him, I tried hard to talk about anything but his illness. Meanwhile, mum became a martyr to his care, complaining how exhausted she was, while pushing away offers of help. I tried to anticipate what I could do to relieve her burden, yet knew this irritated her. It came to a head one evening when she asked me directly if I got homesick. I replied that my husband was fully in charge of the kids and understood why I had to be with my father in his dying moments. She kept on at me until dad asked her to shut up. Next morning, she told me point blank she wanted time alone with him and that I was welcome to visit at the weekends.

"After dad's death, my sisters and I (and dad's siblings and friends) were relegated to small parts in a play that put our mum's grief at centre stage. This all with the embarrassment of her drinking to excess. She has no sense of self-awareness, so never thinks to curtail her drinking to save her children from public embarrassment. My recent birthday was dominated by keeping her from harm and putting her to bed, stark drunk. I tend not to hold grudges, but with mum I can't slake off something close to hate – since I spent more time crying over the way she treated me than I did for my dying father.


"She offers comments that our (me and my sisters') loss isn't as crippling as hers and this makes me angry. How do I get to be a good daughter when I have to brace myself to call her and don't want to visit her on my own? Our dad's death has proved he was the glue between mum and the children, and now there's nothing."

How to successfully tame your hostile mother-in-law!

By Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.

DUNNI has been a sort of little brother for years now, and he freely comes to me any time he wants any advice. Not that much was happening in his life, not for a long time at least. An only child, he schooled in Britain and only came home when his mum had a mild stroke and could no longer run the family furniture business. His dad had passed on long before then and he confessed he couldn’t cope. “I’m not the businessman type”, he moaned "the first time he discussed the family business with me. ”I’ve noticed how firmly mum deals with the workers but I don’t really have the bottle. For a start, I know little or nothing about the staff, and for another I can’t really shout when things go wrong. I’m not the aggressive type".

I told him to keep his ears to the ground, look for one or two allies amongst the staff and tap their brain. It seemed to work for a while until one of the ‘allies’ started giving him the eye. Handsome is hardly a word to described Dunni, but he is intelligent and kind. In his early thirties, he could count the number of girlfriends he’s had on the finger. His idea of a wild night was having a good meal at a decent restaurant and topping that up with choice wine. So when he started going out with Fareedah, his mum’s personal assistant, I was happy for him.

When he brought her to the house however, my enthusiasm dipped. The girl was very pretty and extremely extroverted. She was considerably younger. What would she want with drab Dunni when she could have her pick of men? But then, I chided myself, she could have had her heart broken by a few Casanovas and wanted to give Mr. Nice Man a chance.

Dunni admitted he was a bit wary of falling in love with her when we next met. “But she is very "caring, Auntie,” he said. “You know I didn’t have that much experience with dating women, but she’d since taken care of that. The shyness I usually felt when I was near women disappeared when I went out with her the first time and she kissed me, I could hardly contain myself. As a result, our first experience at lovemaking was almost disastrous; I had no confidence because it had been such a long time I was with a woman that it was over almost before it started. But she was patient with me and the next time was better. Now we have the sort of sex I’d only ever dreamt of … ”

When I asked if he’d met any of her friends and family he told me her parents were dead. “I’ve met her friends and they are really nice,” he assured me. “If they thought it was odd her going out with me when she was so pretty and younger, they didn’t show it. Anyway, I’ve changed so much since I met her. She’s overhauled my wardrobe and made me buy a sexier car.

8 signs your relationship is heading for the rocks

Written by Tunde Ajaja
Punch Nigeria. Friday, February 10, 2017.

Being in a loving relationship can be exciting, and for people having such an experience, life is just good and worth living. But in some cases, that ecstatic or pleasant feeling does not last forever, in which case couples could start having issues with themselves.

Sometimes, couples could resolve those issues and move on, but at other times, such issues could be the beginning of the end of that relationship, without one of the parties knowing the relationship was already on the line.

And as it has been said several times, most relationships that eventually crash once had their own good times, thus it could sometimes be difficult knowing a relationship is in troubled waters. But, according to a psychologist, Honey Langcaster-James, in her chat with Mail Online, people who are getting unsettled about their marriage could do an appraisal on what used to be and what it is at the moment, to determine if all is well in the relationship.

This implies that there are signs that could show if one's partner is tired of a relationship or if the relationship is headed for the rocks, and these include:

If your partner frequently compares you to an ex: It is not abnormal to have certain expectations from one's partner, and in an ideal situation, experts say people should be able to constructively convey their thoughts and expectations to such a partner without injuring their self esteem. According to Langcaster-James, one of the good ways to know your partner is tired of the relationship is if he or she frequently compares you with their 'wonderful' ex or any other close person, especially when the partner says you should behave or think like them. She however pointed out that in a good relationship, people should make their partners feel special, wonderful and should focus on the partner's strength rather than weakness.

When a man cheats on his wife!

Written by Yetunde Arebi
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, January 15, 2017.

Please, close your eyes for a minute. Now, imagine that something terrible just happened to you, such as an accident or illness, rendering you incapable of being in charge of your life. You have become so incapacitated, you can no longer run your own show. You can no longer bark out orders at your family and loved ones.

You are no longer that fire spitting boss at the office that everyone dreaded to cross path with. No longer are you that loud laughing, back pumping buddy to your friends and colleagues. Your beer guzzling and cigarette puffing addiction which you loved to call enjoyment can no longer be fed. Yes, imagine that you are now totally dependent on some other persons to help you get by.

You need someone to take care of your personal private needs, particularly toilet needs. Simple tasks such as bathing, brushing your teeth, eating, sitting, getting into your own bed, talking, laughing, and even taking your own medication have become the duty of some others. All you can do now is stare at the ceiling and into space as you lay in your bed like a zombie. What do you think would happen to you should you suddenly become a vegetable? Who do you think ought to be responsible for your care?

This was exactly what happened to Steve, a 59 year old business man when he suddenly suffered a severe stroke two years ago. According to Angelica, his wife of about 25 years, it all happened so suddenly late one night." Because we did not share a room, I did not realise that anything had happened to him until I woke up at about 5.30am to use the bathroom and heard a muffled sound coming from his room.

It was a strange sound, so I decided to check on him. Then, I saw him, lay out straight and staring at the ceiling, foaming from his mouth. I rushed out of our apartment and alerted the neighbours to help us get him to the hospital and called his siblings and some close family members too. Informing them of the development.

This was very important so no one would accuse me of keeping his condition a secret from them until something irreversible happened. As you are aware, a woman is usually held responsible for any condition or death of her husband in this part of the world, even if the cause of his death is public knowledge.

At the hospital, we were informed that he had suffered a full stroke which had affected his brain severely. He lost virtually all his senses, movement, coordination, speech, feeling (touch), he just lay there, with his eyes open without seeing anything or acknowledging anything. The family coughed out a fortune to save his life and God granted him favour. He survived but became a vegetable. The man I once knew is gone and may never return to that body".

”FOR THE MARRIED WOMEN AND THOSE INTENDING TO GET MARRIED, LISTEN AND TAKE HEED!!

Excerpts from Pastor Chris’ Teaching! 
~Christ Embassy.Org Online Missions

Pastor Chris Oyakhilome

Husband does not mean the male partner in a marriage, husband means master. The reason for most problems in Christian marriages is the fact that women refute God’s definition of marriage and form theirs. 

They believe they are equal partners. If most women had their fathers bold enough to talk to them, they will be very successful in their marriage and they will be very happy people. Most women have never been taught by their parents, their fathers particularly and that’s their biggest problem because they don’t know who a man is, they think he is another woman. 

In marriage, you have the man who is the head of that union and because he’s the head of that union, its important to understand him. You think he’s the one that needs to understand his wife and that is where you are wrong. 
He will eventually but you have to know the type of man you are married to and his needs.When you say you are marrying a man, you are coming under his authority. 
The Bible says, the man is the head of the woman (1 Corinthians 11:3) so when you marry him you come under his authority, you are not authority sharers even though you are both heirs to the kingdom of God.When you decide not to subject yourself to that authority, you are a rebel and God is not going to accept what you are doing because you are not functioning correctly. 

Why did God make the woman? Making woman was not God’s original plan because after God created Adam and before He made Eve, He said in Genesis 1:31 “Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good”. 
God made woman because of man so woman was not His original idea. This is reality.Genesis 2:18a “And the Lord God said “for it is not good for a man to be alone..” The Bible didn’t say “lonely” but “alone”. 


There is a big difference. Man wasn’t lonely but alone. Genesis 2:18b “…I will make him an help meet”. He didn’t say a partner or a supervisor or a special advisor or someone to tell him what to do.
I will make him someone to help him. God gave man a responsibility so woman was made to help man achieve that responsibility. If this is understood in every home then you won’t have problems.

Crying is good for health, says expert

~Vanguard Nigeria. Tuesday, September 20, 2016.

Dr Uthman Mubashir, Public Health Physician of the University of Ilorin Teaching Hospital, has said that emotional tears have special health benefits for people.

Mubashir revealed in an interview in Ilorin on Tuesday that crying had "therapeutic emotional freedom".

"Tears are protective and they lubricate your eyes, remove irritants, reduce stress hormones, and they contain antibodies that fight pathogenic microbes," he said.

He explained that tears might decrease arousal of distress and make people feel better.

According to him, reflex tears are 98 per cent water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying.

Mubashir said that emotional tears shed these hormones and other toxins which accumulate during stress.

The public health physician, who teaches at the College of Health Sciences of the University of Ilorin, noted that crying stimulates the production of endorphins, "our body's natural pain killer and feel-good hormones".

"Crying makes us feel better, even when a problem persists. In addition to physical detoxification, emotional tears heal the heart," he said.

Mubashir warned against dissuading people from holding back tears, saying that holding back tears was a form of bottling up emotions that could trigger stress and other problems.

"We are in a society that tells us we're weak for crying, in particular that powerful men don't cry.

"The new enlightened paradigm of what constitutes a powerful man and woman is someone who has the strength and self-awareness to cry," he said.

He reiterate that "it is good to cry, it is healthy to cry. This helps to emotionally clear sadness and stress."

Crying, he pointed out, was also essential to resolve grief when some someone lost a dear one.

"Tears help us process the loss so we can keep living with open hearts. Otherwise, we will be depressed if we suppress these potent feelings.

11 things you didn’t know kissing does to you

~Vanguard Nigeria. Friday, September 2, 2016. 

We all enjoy a really good kiss, but did you know that locking lips with someone makes you live longer, helps prevent tooth decay and burns calories?

Apart from the obvious bacteria swapping and reducing stress levels, it turns out there is plenty more to know about a good snog with your partner, lover, or whoever else you happen to be swapping saliva with.

Author David Wolfe has produced a video on the 11 thinks you never knew about kissing, and these are the surprising facts, captured UK’s The Sun.

1. It increases life expectancy

Men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than men who don't.

2. It prevents tooth decay

Kissing increases the mouth's production of saliva, which helps to clean the mouth and prevent tooth decay.

3. We swap more than just germs

We swap an average of 9ml of water, 0.7mg of protein, 0.18mg of organic compounds, 0.71mg of different fats and 0.45mg of sodium chloride when we lock lips.

4. But there are still A LOT of germs involved

One millilitre of saliva contains about 100,000,000 bacteria.

5. It actually burns calories - get kissing, ladies

Couples can burn anywhere between 2 and 26 calories per minute while kissing and can use up to 30 muscles.

6. We do a lot of it

Not all things should be Googled

Written by 'Sola Fagorusi
~PUNCH Nigeria. Tuesday, July 19, 2016

'Sola Fagorusi

Fatima dislocated her left shoulder while getting dressed. She was in excruciating pain, but not enough pain to make her forget her state of undress, which would be extremely embarrassing if she were to raise the alarm. She glimpsed her phone, which was lying on her bed and quickly used her right hand to quickly type "how to fix a dislocated shoulder" on her Google search bar, and followed the instructions.

She was able to solve her problem without any embarrassment. She went for a check-up after getting dressed to ensure that every part of her body was in good position.

Google has become a part of our lives, and has seen us through minute-to-minute aspects of our daily living. People solve many of their problems with Google. People have improved their cooking, housekeeping, grooming skills and a million other skills with Google. It defines words as well as explains things. It gives detailed examples, numerous views and puts things in contexts. Many arguments these days end as soon as they begin because people automatically turn to Google. "Let's Google it" is one of the most popular statements all over the world.

Google maps are in use not only to find locations, but also to find distances and decide whether certain trips are worth it or not. Not just location or every aspect, we can use Google to research an entire trip.

Google translate has saved a lot of businesses and relationships. It has contributed in making the world even smaller. Language is no longer a barrier; we have Google translate.

Medicine: Confession – I am an agent of darkness

~Nigerian Tribune. Thursday, July 7, 2016

My name is Glaucoma. I am a child of the universe. I don’t really know my birthday, but every second Thursday of March, I am celebrated all over the world. I am told this is to make everybody aware of my presence and the devastation I could cause.

People really need to be aware of me because I am very dangerous. It isn’t my fault and I cannot do anything to stop it. I wish I could because I know what grief I have caused a lot of people.

People seldom give their secrets away. Even doctors, as much as they have tried, know very little about me. They’re working hard at it and soon they will find my innermost secrets. But I feel for you and I am sorry for the numerous cases of blindness and visual impairment that I have caused. I would like to help you, if you would allow me, by letting you into some of my secrets because I don’t want you to go blind.

I am an agent of darkness; a silent thief of vision. If I enter into anyone’s eyes, I gradually replace light with perpetual darkness. I cause no pain or discomfort so my landlord is completely unaware of my presence in his eyes until I have done a great deal of damage. I steal your vision even before you know you have provided me a place of abode in your eyes!

Take the case of Ojuri, a 35-year-old man. He was slapped by his neighbour. His lawyer asked him to bring a medical report so that he could sue for assault. He went to see his ophthalmologist who revealed my presence. It was found, to his dismay that I had become entrenched inside his eyes.