Why can’t older women flaunt their sex appeal?

By Candida 

VANGUARD Nigeria, Sunday, October 16, 2022

Some few weeks back, I wrote about how a handful of senior girls are often inappropriately dressed at parties, failing to admit glamour for them has passed its sell-by-date. A few readers were outraged by my views whilst some believed women over 50 shouldn’t ‘flash’ their boobs and legs.

“They ought to dress with the appropriate decorum befitting their age”, observed Lesly. “After the age of 50, ladies should wear clothes to the knee or just below. I am much more elegant; of a similar age and would never contemplate being seen in a ridiculously young apparel.

“What has happened to elegance and dignity? What some of these senior girls wear in the quest to hang on to their youth would not even look good on someone half their age – they’re all deluded women living in the past!”

“How sad that bruising commentary should be directed at women who dare to be different, old or young”, observed Lara, a cosmetologist. “This extraordinary flowering of prejudice that blossoms whenever older women show off their legs is notable for two things – how often it happens and the depth of hypocrisy exposed.

“While younger women with terrible legs – and I’ve seen some shocker, including 20-somethings in tiny denim shorts exposing mountainous thighs bearing glaciers of cellulite – can run around baring all without as much as a raised eyebrow, things are very different for ladies like me. Any woman who reaches her 50s, however svelte or begulling, seems to be prejudiced from even so much as flashing a knee.

Disgusting things men do in relationships

By Epiphenia Muolokwo
VANGUARD Nigeria. Saturday, January 25, 2020

Apparently, no woman likes to be cheated on, bad morning breaths, wearing the same underwear for days, farting, over-sized ego, lies, being taken for granted, being taken advantage of etc. These are most of the things we find disgusting in relationships, but we tend to compromise or be quiet about some, just so we don't hurt your feelings.

Relationships they say, come with a lot of sacrifices from two connected individuals, who are willing to make things work. They tend to endure some things just to make the relationship work.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean you're losing yourself.

Of course, you want to stay real and genuine when you're in an intimate relationship with someone. However, you still want to do your part in putting your best foot forward. It's always important that you are presenting your best self towards your partner.

Men do a lot of disgusting things in relationships while being completely oblivious of the fact that their partners may find them quite obnoxious. Some of those disgusting things, I took my time to outline.

Morning bad breath

While some may find it romantic, especially to kiss her in the morning without brushing; many others fare not comfortable with it .

Wearing the same underwear for days

Exactly! 'Eww'! That's what I believe everyone should say too. It's completely disgusting and I strongly believe no woman likes this.

It's wrong! It's gross! We women find it disgusting! Please stop! There's no justification to this. It's only right you change your underwear EVERYDAY. That way, you save your partner the stress of continually inhaling filth and treatment of infection.

Nothing is as sexy and attractive as a clean Man.

Ego

Ego: Every human's sense of self-worth or self-importance. It's present in every human being – no doubt. However, it gets unattractive and even disgusting to women when you possess an enormously unnecessary sense of importance. You think of yourself as the best thing to ever happen to the woman on planet earth.

You rub it in the face of your partner and may even tend to demean her in the process. Some even go as far as abusing their partners over trifle faults because they think they own them. A lot of women may endure this, perhaps for her unending love for you, or for what you guys share together. Or even for any other reason whatsoever. Many women endure to keet relationship on. For whatever it is – it's wrong!

I personally find it disgusting!

Some women shared their thoughts on this topic.

Will you dump him if he loses his libido!?

VANGUARD Nigeria. Sunday, November 3, 2019

If you're not sexually compatible with your partner, it's going to put a huge strain on your relationship. Goes without saying that sexual satisfaction is really important in keeping both people happy. But what happens if your man suddenly loses his libido or has a sharp drop in his performance level? Will you give him the elbow?!

Opinions are really divided on this. It's easier for a woman to fake orgasm - what with different lubricants that make penetration easy when she suddenly become dry. But, apart from the expensive Viagra, no magic pill will make a man rise to the occasion when he doesn't feel like it.

"Why would the woman stay with someone who's not in sync with her sexually?", asked Mfon, 45, who runs a fairly successful catering outfit. "She'd be better off trying to find someone she's better matched with. Life's too short to be unhappy with a partner who isn't giving you what you need in the bedroom.

"People say relationships are about compromise, but if one person feels they're not getting enough nookie, it could lead to disaster. They might cheat, thereby breaking the trust between them. The person who wants more sex might also feel rejected, which could lower their self-esteem and confidence. They may end up beating themselves up over why they're always being turned down. I know I would. Don't get me wrong, cuddles and kisses are great, but women need to feel desired.

"A pertinent question when faced with this dilemma is: Would your partner make the same sacrifice? Men in particular have a very short fuse when dealing with frigidity. After a couple of kids, you wouldn't expect your partner to be as hot as when you first met. But you hear of men who look for passion elsewhere instead of helping their wives or partners regain their libido. One of such husband explained his reason for taking a second `wife' was because she has a better `fit' when they make love than his legal wife!

"It makes sense for a person with a low libido to be with someone similar because they won't have to feel guilty about constantly shunning their partners advances. If couples are at opposite ends of the scale sex-drive-wise, I reckon it's time to call it a day".

Joy, a 39-year-old beautician, disagrees with Mfon. According to her, sex is not be-all and end-all of a relationship. Being part of a couple is about supporting one another emotionally, loving each other and just enjoying one another's company. Sex seems important at the start, but once a relationship develops, it usually takes more of a backseat. Things like having shared interests, similar values and even the same sense of humour are more important than having in-sync sex drives.

When you discovered your husband and mum were once lovers!

Vanguard Nigeria. Saturday, November 2, 2019
Written by Bunmi Sofola

It's not unheard of that some women, after sampling the delight and wealth of a toy boy, schemed
such lover into the arms of one of their offsprings. 
Some of these daughters know that the men they're now marching down the altar with used to be their mothers' lovers. Some don't. When Mosun got married to her heartthrob almost ten years ago, it was like a dream come true for her.

"Fred, my husband, was then a budding businessman but doing very well. He'd just retired from paid employment and lived in his own house with the three children that his dead wife bore him," explained Mosun. "I met him in a small restaurant that my mum ran and she was the one who actually introduced us. At first, I wasn't really interested in Fred.

I was in my early 20s and had a boyfriend I was in love with. I was doing my Youth Service and had all the time in the world to settle down to marriage. My mother was dead against my boyfriend right from the day I introduced him. He didn't belong to our tribe, she reasoned, and if I got married to him and his relatives started speaking in their dialect, I wouldn't even know if I were being sold down the river. Now my mother preferred me to hitch up with a man 15 years my senior.

"I'd ignored her criticism of my boyfriend up till then, but with Fred on the scene, she mounted a tougher pressure. Fred was very generous and genuinely cared about me. He used his influence to get me a good job after my Youth Service and even got me a second hand car.


When I got pregnant, which was really accidental since I was on the pill, he quickly told my mother before I even decided whether or not to keep it. Mum was over the moon, planning a society wedding that Fred happily paid for. I had to let my boyfriend go though, he was really heartbroken and felt betrayed.

"I had three children within six years of our marriage and decided six kids were enough for both of us. Mum was a wonderful mother-in-law, always stocking my freezers and helping with the children. Even though she didn't live with us, it was as if she did. Some times, she even slept in the guest room. She's long been parted from our father and my two other siblings lived with him. You couldn't call her lonely because the restaurant she ran gave her a sort of social life. Being with my family sort of balanced out her life's existence and we all carried on as one big family.

Stop complaining I married Nigerian, Singer Becca tells Ghanaians

Punch Nigeria. Thursday, October 31, 2019

Ghanaian singer, Rebecca Akosua Acheampomaa Acheampong, popularly called Becca, who is married to a Nigerian, Oluwatobi Sanni Daniel, has told her countrymen to stop complaining about the fact that she didn’t marry one of them.

Becca and Daniel got marriedon August 18, 2018, and have already welcomed their first child, a baby girl.

The singer, who has a new single featuring Nigeria’s Tiwa Savage said that she was 33 years old when she got married and as of that time, no Ghanaian man had asked her to marry him.

She said this during an interview session with Afia Pokua. The interview was shared on Instagram.

Becca said, “I did. I got married at 33. So, they cannot say that after 33 years of living in this country, nobody saw me or anything.”

Although the interview was mostly done in a Ghanaian language, the part, where she talked about the age at which she married and how no Ghanaian man had asked to take her to the altar was said in English.

See video link below:

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4FxMKlncsN/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading

Dear Bunmi (Relationships, Family, Sex and Life, Romance...) : The humiliating experience of being jilted

Topics:

Dear Bunmi, 

• The humiliating experience of being jilted
• At 28, still a virgin and no girlfriend
• Dumped by a heartless colleague
• Should I go for this junior staff?
• He won't take no for an answer
• Hubby preying on neighbourhood girls
• How do I resume making love?
• Should married men have platonic friendships?
• My life is falling apart!
• Does she think I'm too old for her?
• Dad married late mum's best friend
• Should I tell her husband?
• Hubby got my daughter pregnant
• She's pregnant for man who raped me!
• Is my boss ashamed of me?
• I need to let him know I fancy him!
• Friend tried to snatch my man
• In love with a married mum
• Why is he always texting in the toilet?
• I prefer him as a lover
• I need to break off with this old lover
• Sister finds it difficult to cope with her divorce
• He seems to like large-breasted women
• Could he be cheating?

Who says the maid can't have what 'madam' is having?!

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 24, 2019.

I've known Ado for decades and his insatiable appetite for sex never fails to amaze me. He's been married and has managed to stay married for close to 20years. A few years into his marriage, he rushed into my office, bursting with excitement. "I had the most amazing sex of my life yesterday", he told me as soon as we were alone. His wife was pregnant with their second child and I wondered how the poor woman could have performed the feat for which he was now proud. "Not with my wife of course," he said, looking at me as if I were some sort of a clod, "with a woman I ran into at a party. You should see her; gorgeous and eager to make friends, she'd come to the party with two of her friends but seemed to e really interested n what I had to say. I told her I was married and she said she was too - and a mother of three. So where was her husband? I didn't come with my wife either and I wasn't really interested in what her husband looked like - all I wanted was her. 

"When I told her I would love us to meet up sometime, she said she was an events planner, she was planning a wedding reception that weekend on the grounds of a posh hotel and was saying in one of the rooms to make sure things went according to plan. I could look in if I felt like it. We exchanged phone numbers and I couldn't sleep for the anxiety. Come the Friday she said she would check into the hotel I told my wife I was off to a stag night party; it was the safest excuse I could give her. If I didn't strike gold, I could come home early. If I did I would have this ready story for I was too drunk to drive. My wife's pregnancy was advanced an she couldn't be bothered what I did as long as I left her to rest. This lady's hotel room reeked of seduction.

"I knew I'd really got lucky. She was so relaxed about the whole thing, she made our being alone in a room for the first time feel like the most natural thing in the world. We had a few drinks and some snacks she'd brought from home. Then spent the next few hours having the most fantastic sex. I hadn't had sex with my pregnant wife for a long time that I wasted no time at all, but she was really matured about it as we both pleasured each other until I felt ready again.

"It was better than winning the jackpot as we did it in positions I didn't even know existed. I never knew sex could be so intoxicating. She never took her hands off me throughout the night and when I finally got home in the early hours, I was so knackered that I didn't wake up until mid-day. My poor wife thought I was nursing a hangover. I relieved the sex I just had over and over again and became so randy that I pounced my wife. Poor thing! She must have missed sex too as she fell grateful into my arms. But it was this new woman I thought of while it lasted. I longed to see her body under mine once again.

When your teenage girl turns a monster you hardly recognise

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2018.

Will every parent ever be able to take the trauma of their adolescent girl's climb to puberty in their stride?  One minute she's in braids and school uniform, the next she's dressed and acting like a prospective Nollywood Star!. Amarachi, a typical modern day mum of two teenage girls and a grown up son prided herself on being a well-grounded mum and brooked no nonsense from her kids.  "I might have been born with the so-called proverbial silver-spoon but my mum never hesitated in thumping us whenever we got out of line", she said. "We were all a bit afraid of her and tried as much as possible not to give her the opportunity to put a lump of disapproval on our scalps through her knuckles.

"Thanks to her, I thought I was as stern with our kids until a few weeks ago when I opened my laptop to discover that Joyce my last child had inadvertently left her Fackbook and other social networking sites logged on.  Unbeknown to her, I was able to see right in front of me everything she and her friends had written in recent weeks.  It's happened before whenever she's failed to subscribe to her I-Phone and had to use my laptop - affording me the rare opportunity to have surreptitious check on her increasing private adolescent world.

"Only things were different this time.  In place of the usual banter, peppered with infuriating teenage acronyms, was a stream of comments, crystal clear in their meaning. They were vicious and cruel observations attacking Joyce for what she'd worn on her recent 16th birthday party.


"Some of the girls told her, in no uncertain terms that she'd dressed like a `slut, a `tart with no self-respect' and that her parents must be ashamed to have a daughter who `looked like a prostitute'.  The attacks on my daughter were part of a new trend known as `slut shaming' fuelled by blogging websites which teenagers post vicious criticisms online, targeting peers they deem to be dressing too provocative or wearing too much make-up.

"I was shocked and deeply upset to see my daughter being bullied like this - yet deep down, I couldn't help feeling her accusers had a point. For on the day of her `6th birthday, Joyce had dressed too provocatively. The outfit she'd chosen to wear, without my consent, had utterly floored me. I should have seen this coming though. last year, she'd transformed almost overnight from a little girl into a tall adolescent with impressive boobs and an amazing figure - which she seems hell-bent on exposing as much as possible. As a result, it's practically impossible for her to leave the house whenever she's on holidays without a fierce alteration. I would yell: `You're not going out dressed like that, put more clothes on!' She would stomp upstairs to change, before shoving the offending outfit into her bag - no doubt to put back on the moment I've vanished from sight.

Corpers and life of sex, booze, drugs in NYSC camps

By Timileyin Akinkahunsi and Ojoi Ijagah
Punch Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2018.

For Dorcas Ifeji, the best time of her life was in 2016, the year she participated in the one-year mandatory National youth service programme. And all of the excitement was down to the three weeks she spent in the National Youth Service Corps orientation camp in Taraba State.

Ifeji described her experience in camp as the time of her life she would always relish. As a fresh graduate, she had thought that the regimented life in the camp, with soldiers keeping a watchful eye on corps members, would be stressful, but she was wrong. The experience was almost like nothing changed for the party-loving lady.

"We had a place called Club Zero behind the Mammy Market (usually a market in military barracks where food, beverages and other things are sold); it was like a clubhouse," she said with a sheepish smile.

"Club Zero was where everything unimaginable happened in the camp. It was just behind the Mammy Market. You could get to smoke weed, party and indulge in everything irregular; some adventurous people even made out in the open.

"What made Club Zero interesting was because the soldiers in the camp usually let their guards down there, looking for free beer from the guys and willing girls to flirt with. Some soldiers were lucky enough to find drunk and vulnerable girls who would follow them to their quarters for private business.

"It was normal to see corps members in pairs, kissing, groping and doing sexually suggestive things in Club Zero. The place was dimly lit so the atmosphere was conducive for certain actions. A day really stood out for me: people were shouting and I was wondering what could have happened. Then I realised that a guy and a lady had just been found having sex in a corner at Club Zero.

"The act should have attracted serious punishment but people actually hailed them and after the noise went down, all the soldiers present there said was 'una must buy us one crate of beer o' (you must buy us a crate of beer)."

Since the national youth service is compulsory for Nigerian graduates under the age of 30, those seeking employment are required to show proof of participation or formal exemption from taking part in it as a prerequisite for getting jobs in the country.

What has shame got to do with a raging libido?

Diary of a Divorced City Girl
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, August 19, 2018

Why are today's young women so carried away with having fun and experimenting with sex that they scarcely give a thought to getting married?  Those that are lucky to walk down the aisle do it haphazardly. The slightest marital problems they have, their bags are packed, ready to look for greener pastures by eagerly joining their footloose and fancy free friends. So, once in a while, friends get together looking for ways to drag their unwilling daughters down the aisle – no matter how short-lived such relationship turn out to be.
So when Lillian's daughter, Jessica finally came home after her live in lover of three years jilted her to get married to a white woman, we were really sympathetic.  "According to this creep of a guy,Jessica stole him from one of her good friends", Lillian told us.  "He'd had a free ride with the friend, then latched on to Jessica before realising Nigerian girls are dogs. His safest bet was to get married to a starry-eyed British woman who saw him as a stud to die for!  When I saw how devastated Jessica was, I felt for her and was afraid she might do something foolish. So, I convinced her to relocate so she could find a suitor. The word is now our girls. Jessica is now 28 and must find a suitor, come hook or crook!".

You couldn't just have a man on tap, I told her, reminding her of all her match making capers that hit a brick wall. But a couple of months later, Juwon, one of my good friends came calling, grumbling about a nephew well in his 30s and still single.  "All the wife materials he's met, he'd used them for sex", she moaned.  "He's my sister's only child and she's very broody - she wants grandchildren".

A light suddenly went on in my head. Why not match-make this man with Jessica?  The more we discussed the prospect, the more excited Juwon was. When I later called Lillian, she said she knew Jessica's taste and would want to give Adams the once-over before she linked him up with her daughter. Fair enough.

"That Adams of yours is a real cad", Lillian said, months after. I was at hers, having a relaxed evening but her tone of voice made me sit up.  "I don't think Juwon told him what the set up was. When he came to the house, he was confident and cheeky - not the introverted man Juwon painted him to be. When we finally got to why he was really at my place, his face fell.  `I thought you fancied me, he protested.  `My auntie merely told me you needed a favour, I thought ...' `No, no, no' I told him.  `Nothing of that sort must even cross your mind.  I'll arrange for you to meet my daughter as soon as possible'.  And that was what I did.  He looked a bit older than I thought as we talked.

Men beware – Lack of sex can make your woman angry!

By Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 22, 2018.


IT is a well-known fact that sex has come to be an accepted stress reliever. Some mornings, Felicia
confesses she feels so lethargic she has to force herself out of bed. At work, the lethargy turns to irritability and she finds herself snapping at colleagues for no reason before returning home and picking silly arguments with Dan, her husband about dirty dishes and not helping enough with the children. Sound familiar?

While Felicia's mood swings may bear some resemblance to the symptoms of pre-menstrual tension or mild anxiety, they are completely unrelated to her hormones or mental state. Her crushingly low spirits are caused by something else altogether-when she last made love. Too long without sex, and she becomes miserable and fractions. "I feel so low, it's like I'm almost depressed," confesses Felicia, 33, an executive assistant. "On the weekend, I can't be bothered to look after the house or do any house work and I'm so short-tempered and feel angry at Dan for everything.

"At work too, my colleagues detect my change in mood and ask if I'm Ok, and I'll then say I'm feeling a bit low so they won't take it personally." Felicia, a mother of two children aged five and 16 months, said she made the connection between her mood swings and the state of her love life after her children were born. "Before we had children, we'd have sex whenever we wanted and would hardly go a day or two without," she recalls. "But parenthood drained our energy and we'd often be too exhausted.

As the gaps between our lovemaking becomes wider, I noticed the difference in my attitude to Dan. Even when we hadn't had sex for just a week, I'd start to feel like we were drifting apart and it made me frustrated and angry. I worried about everything and whether our relationship was in trouble. It was very frightening. I can see how couples could break up in these circumstances. A 'sex famine' as it's now popularly referred to, is something many exhausted parents can identify with, not to mention couples who've lapsed into a lazy over-familiarity in long relationships."

Why desperate women fall for oldest trick all the time!

~Vanguard Nigeria. Tuesday, July 10, 2018.

WHENEVER the word, ‘mistress' is mentioned, up springs the image of a calculating vamp dressed
in skimpy clothes and expensive hair extensions, ready to lure away husbands without a second thought to the families of such men. But sometimes, the truth is usually more complicated. As a result, many women who find themselves the 'other woman' are caught in situations they never bargained for. Take the case of Mylah for instance. "I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met Jacob,'she told me, a bit sad. 'I'd just split up from my husband of 11 years-and was busy looking after the three children of the marriage.

"Jacob was a friend's elder brother and we met at my friend's 40th birthday party. He told me he's been estranged from his wife for months and was waiting for his divorce to be finalized. According to him, his wife hadn't really adapted to the fact that wives were supposed to behave differently from when they were abroad,'and when they finally relocated to Nigeria. I didn't ask 'him for details and our relationship quickly took up from there. He gave me his mobile number as well as his home's and visited every spare minute he got. Gradually, we became very fond of each other and he sometimes slept over at mine.

"He lived alone and when he suggested I moved in with him, I agreed. The children were in the boarding house-and having them for the holidays wouldn't be a problem. As soon as Jacob's divorce was through, he promised we would get married-I was very happy. The fact that he was technically married didn't bother me and he openly let me know when he was popping over to his old house to see his two children. I was after all, a mother and knew the importance of both parents to children.

"I later discovered that life with Jacob wasn't always smooth-sailing. When we had rows, he would storm off for hours. Then last year, the friend I met him through arranged for us to come with her family to the Benin Republic to see a relative and have a holiday in the process. I jumped at the chance and Jacob was quite willing to go. The morning we were to go, he picked up a quarrel and stormed off again. I was furious when he didn't turn up hours later, fearing he might be in an accident. I called my friend to cancel the trip, telling her why. She calmly told me Jacob was already outside their house in the car with his wife! I was in shock. I'd believed him 100 per cent when he said they'd split. I'd had no reason not to. We were living together for heaven's sake! I asked my friend to take the phone to him, but he refused to talk to me.

'It was my chance to give him a sex education!'

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 1, 2018.
Written by Bunmi Sofola

WHAT unbridled passion could make a woman seduce a lad? Isn't every gangling boy's fantasy, luring a matured woman to bed for his first and subsequent sexual experiences? Ironically,there are women out there who find unfettered lads attractive. Nora was one of them-until she got her fingers burnt. A divorced mother of two lovely boys, by age 36, she'd been divorced but living in her own house with a couple of cars to complement her life-style. "When I met Veron two years ago, he'd just finished with his OND and was on his year working experience-and he was serving it at a friend's office," said Vera. "He had no job description-he was more of a man-Friday who did odd jobs. When I visited this friend of mine on this fateful day, I was feeling really famished and she quickly sent Veron to get us some food to eat.

"I teased him about being very young with a lot of girl-friends, but he smiled shyly. He said he'd soon be 24- but his body-over 6ft, broad shoulders and slim hips, screamed sexuality. He once let it slip that he was still a virgin and I showed surprise. Was he kidding? Then I felt excited-to this day, I'd never know why. It would be quite a pleasure teaching him a trick or two about sex. It would be a teacher/pupil fantasy. My chance to give him sex education. Afterall, it's a belief that women hit their sexual peak in their 30s, and men 20s…. We'd be in perfect sync. Lust had kicked in.

"My first son was to be 12 a couple of weeks later and I invited him to attend. He hung around till the end of the party. He was a bit tipsy by this time. That might have encouraged his next move-afterall I didn't exactly hide the fact I found him attractive. As soon as we were alone, he pulled me to him and kissed me hard. I was a bit embarrassed, I'd forgotten his inexperience and quickly offered him more drinks before sending him on his way. I told him to come back the next day when the children would be at their grandma's.

"The next day, as soon as I led him to the bedroom he dived into the bed, quickly peeling off his clothes. As I stripped to my silky undies, he was virtually quivering. Was it from passion? Nerves? Quietly, I plotted how to approach this shy, inexperienced man meeting up with a woman who'd promised him sex. Of course, I was nervous because I wanted his first time… to feel special. 'I love you…' he whispered. Of course he didn't, I told myself. Every strapping lad wants sex, lots of it. Well, just like me! And so it started-the education of Veron. By the time I sent him home, he'd gained a life-time experience. My friends found it hilarious when I told them. They warned it wouldn't last. But who cared? This wasn't about love, it was animal passion.

Where exactly are the wife materials?!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl by Emmanuel Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

HAVE you noticed it's taking men a long time to settle down these days and make an honest woman of one of the 'catches' they always have on the leash? When Joseph hit his 30s, I often counselled him on the advantages of settling down and having all his children whilst he was young. "What's the hurry," he always told me.
A suave gentleman with a good job and a nice to-die-for pad, he believed it wouldn't be an effort to meet a partner when he was good and ready to settle down. He recently hit 40, and a dad to an adorable son whose mother doesn't want to get married! "I couldn't really believe it when she told me", Joseph said, scandalised. "I was too old for her? Too old?

She was in her mid 20s, when we met and already had a child.

"When she became pregnant, I grudgingly decided to ask her to be my wife thinking she would be grateful to have a stepfather for her child. She was also for it at first, but after she had the child, she told me she didn't think I was financially buoyant enough to look after her and two children. That her furniture business was doing well and she would rather be on her own. I was free to visit my son any time I wished and contribute to his upbringing. I was speechless. Not even my mother could talk her round. She's put a big dent in my self-esteem, I tell you! I'm now 40 and don't think I'll ever have a genuine girlfriend to make my wife. I want to settle down and have children by one woman. As things are now, it seems I've mucked up and made a mess of my future. It's true I loved clubbing and each weekend, I'd take home a different girl and we'd have a great time.


"I was young and all I wanted was sex and more sex and I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing – that was until now. To my embarrassment, I've discovered, that no decent girl will come near me. Yes, I do get girls, but they've been around a bit, and I've slept with most of them. Just before the end of the year, I went to an office and met a lot of girls having a natter. It so happened that, out of the seven of them, I'd slept with five.

"They greeted me warmly but I was shaking in my shoes with embarrassment. I was sure that as soon as I left, they'd be having a good gossip at my expense! I don't want that kind of life again. I know its' my fault that I suddenly found myself out of the market. I mean, I never dreamt I would get involved with a single mother, not to think of such a person giving me the elbow!

What you expect from your marriage is not what you often get!

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

Couple

WILL the average person experiencing problems in their relationship know the right time to walk away? It goes without saying that divorce now is quick and with little rancour, single parenthood is on the increase and more men opt for the single life despite the fact that eligible women are two a penny (seemingly). Yet, never before has there been that fear of uncertainty in abandoning a relationship that was obviously going nowhere than now. A few months ago, I ran into a friend's daughter and asked after her mother.

Sheepishly, she told me it was a long time she saw her mother last as she was now living with her fiance. That would have been perfectly in order if it was what she wanted too. "I would have preferred for us to get married", she shrugged, "but he doesn't want to commit himself until I'm pregnant".

What happens if she gets pregnant, gets married, and later has a miscarriage? Will the man abandon her some two years later if she can't conceive again? These questions and lots more ran through my mind but I didn't want to make the poor girl more miserable than she already was. She is currently hopping from one gynaecologist to the other and when I asked her if the love of her life had gone for a test too, she said it wasn't necessary as he'd already fathered a child. I wanted to tell her that was no proof. That I knew a few 'surrogate' fathers who'd made a few 'barren' women mothers. The legal fathers are none the wiser and the mothers are now free of criticisms and jibes from their in-laws. Their marriage seems to be on an even keel.

The situation that gives a lot of concern is where the couples know that their marriage is lying on its back with its hooves virtually in the air but sit tight and hope that things will get better.

Unfortunately, they seldom do. Boma, a retired industrial nurse in her 60s now sits alone in her lovely house, wishing she'd had the common sense to kick her wayward husband out of their matrimonial home when she realized he was a bum despite the fact that he was a medical doctor. "I had a very shrewd father who believed in putting a bit by for the rainy day", she said. "When I was working after my training in England, he was always urging me to save and send whatever I could home so he could buy me some property. His letter bothered on an irritation at times but his insistence goaded me into doing temporary jobs – and petty-trading along with my regular job so I could send him money. He always made up for the balance and thanks to him, when we came back, I had a few plots of land here and there.

Sex toy: A handy helpmate

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 10, 2018.

Sex toys are still largely shrouded in certain social taboos in many cultures, especially in this part of the world. This however, does not come as a surprise since many people still find it difficult to discuss sex and sexuality issues even privately, not to think of expressing their sexuality, preferences and pleasures in the open. However, this has not stopped the growing market and demand for sex toys from fast gaining ground in Nigeria. This is because more people, especially the young are now more educated, thus enlightened and are more open minded and free to embrace their sexuality.
Simply put, sex toys are man-made instruments designed to enhance human sexual experiences. There are various arguments against the use of sex toys, many of them sexist, self centred, myopic and perhaps parochial. Of the most ridiculous, being that once a woman gets used to using a vibrator, she will have no need for the real thing.

I compare this with our God given legs and their natural ability of movement, taking us from one point to another and the manufacture of cars or various types of transportation also designed to take us from one place to another by man. Now, you have the option of walking to your destination, anytime, anywhere and under any circumstance or simply making things easy, comfortable and pleasurable by taking an appropriate and affordable mode of transportation to your destination. While the choice to either walk or go by transportation remains yours, opting for this instrument for movement does not render your legs useless but assisting your body to perform better and reach your desired destination faster. Nor does acquiring a mode of transportation mean that you will have no need for your legs again or that they will lose the ability to walk. A joke I once read on one of the social media platforms comes to mind.


The conversation was supposedly between a Jamaican Taxi driver and a Muslim male passenger. The man on boarding demanded that the music be turned off because he does not listen to it. He went on to explain that it was a religious injunction because in the time of the great prophet Muhammad (pboh) there was no music or radio. The taxi driver turned off the radio then parked the car a few meters after. He then opened the car door and asked the passenger to get down. Puzzled, he asked the driver what happened and why he was being ushered out of the car. The driver then replied him that, "in the time of the prophet, there were no taxis, so come out of my taxi and wait for a camel". The simple truth is that times have changed and are still changing. The goal is to get to your desired destination (sexual fulfilment/satisfaction), how you get there is your business, so long you are not hurting anyone.

While everything has its merits and demerits, the truth is that sex toys make our sexual efforts easier, faster, more pleasurable and colourful, no matter how uncreative an individual can be. There are several ways sex toys can enhance people's sexual lives as individuals and couples, just as there are many sex toys designed for various parts of the body. As a couple, using sex toys together or alone can help you attain a high level of communication, openness, trust and love for your partner.

She met her husband's love-child at her son's school!

By Bunmi Sofola ~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, May 27, 2018. As Maureen's six-year-old son Ben, waved a letter from his school at his mum, she eagerly opened it to find out why her son was so excited. Her son came first in arts and his parents were invited to the end-of-year presentation of prizes. "Your child's first recognition of their academic prowess is supposed to be a happy moment, an unforgettable milestone in their life. But I'll certainly never forget my son, Ben's first," recalled Maureen. "Because it was the day I found out the truth about Segun my husband. "It started with such excitement. Ben was so happy getting on his smart uniform. He looked really grown-up and I was really proud of him. The school had organised a few photographers parents could patronise and we had a few shots of our happy moment. Ben was all over the place pointing out a few of his classmates and friends when another little girl, the same age as Ben, came running over from the other side of the assembly hall, grabbed hold of Segun's leg in a hug and said; 'Daddy, daddy!' I laughed and started peeling this little girl off my husband. "Bending slightly, I said to her: 'I'm sorry darling, but I think you've got the wrong daddy!' She looked back at me with confusion in her eyes and said, "No, he's my daddy. But he no longer comes to see me and my mummy.' I looked from her to Segun and back. Why wasn't he putting the little girl straight? And why did he look so guilty? I glanced around to see if I could see the girl's parents anywhere. Instead, I spotted a woman across the hall looking at us with a mixture of concern and anger. I looked back at my husband. 'What's going on?' I asked him angrily." Suddenly, the penny dropped. This poor girl was Segun's daughter. But how? There was no time for an explanation, the presentations were about to start. At the end of it, the parents were allowed to stay a while with the children in their classrooms. I was in a state of bewilderment. I could see the girl and her mother through the window in the classroom next to us. I could barely take my eyes off them. I didn't hear a word of the teacher's address to Ben's class. I could barely speak when it was time to leave.

How women change men’s behaviour

Men live in self-denial when they play down the power of women. Sobbing women are known to have made men change hard-line positions or pacify their women.

Now researchers have shown that the mere presence of a beautiful woman around men makes them do dumb things. For example, it has been observed that when a beautiful woman walks past a group of men in active conversation, they go dump with some losing their thoughts.

The following are the many scientifically proven ridiculous things men do around women, compiled from various sources.

A woman’s presence makes men go dumb: Men literally become dumb after they interact with women they find attractive. In a study, men scored less on cognitive tests after meeting women. In a version of the test, the men weren’t even looking at females. They were just told that females are going to be looking at them.

The 2009 study demonstrated that after a short interaction with an attractive woman, men experienced a decline in mental performance. A more recent study suggests that this cognitive impairment takes hold even when men simply anticipate interacting with a woman who they know very little about. Sanne Nauts and her colleagues at Radboud University Nijmegen in the Netherlands ran two experiments using men and women university students as participants.

In this society, people frequently interact with each other over the phone or online, where the only way to infer somebody’s gender is through their name or voice. Nauts’ research suggests that even with very limited interactions, men may experience cognitive impairment when faced with the opposite sex. The researchers think that the reason may have something to do with men being more strongly attuned to potential mating opportunities. Generally, it all looks like whenever we face situations where we’re particularly concerned about the impression that we’re making, we may literally have difficulty thinking clearly. In the case of men, thinking about interacting with a woman is enough to make their brains go a bit fuzzy

Five ways to cope with a partner who does not apologise

Written by Tunde Ajaja
~ Punch Nigeria. Sunday, April 29, 2018.

At 45 and 40 respectively, Mr. James Koledowo and his wife, Simi, have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly in their near four years of marriage.

Seen by many in their church and neighbourhood as a happily married couple, Simi admitted that truly they had had exciting moments, but that when it comes to resolving their differences, she could count on her five fingers how many times her husband had apologised to her, even when he was evidently the one at fault.

"Not that he had never offended me and not that he didn't know he was wrong at those times, but he just felt a man should not be the one apologising, thinking it was degrading for a man to do that," she said in a recent interaction with Saturday PUNCH.

From the unprintable things he says anytime they had quarrel to doing certain things a reasonable man should not do to his wife and causing her emotional distress, Simi said she still doesn't understand why he finds it difficult to admit that he could be wrong and then "do the needful" - apologise.

"That is one thing that has consistently moved me to tears in this marriage," she said. "I don't know if it is pride, or he feels he's too perfect to be wrong or he feels admitting he's wrong is a sign of weakness. But I've learnt to ignore him, and when I can't stomach it, I just walk away because sometimes, I just feel like screaming and doing something silly."

Notably, in any human relationship, especially marriage, disagreement somewhat seems inevitable, and this underscores why marriage counsellors stress the need for couples to learn to say 'sorry'. They said refusal to say it could make issues degenerate into serious conflict. And according to findings, women apologise more frequently than men.


But why do some people find it difficult to say sorry? A psychologist, Prof. Oni Fagboungbe, said it is an ego problem. He explained that psychologically, such people feel their ego would be deflated when they apologise and that when their ego is deflated, it brings shame. Thus, they don't apologise so as not to look cheap before their spouses.

Speaking on how they come about such habit, he said it could be the personality makeup of the person, as they could have learnt that while growing up and that some inherit the trait that predisposes them to such.