Mental health challenges facing modern African male

Written by Adeoye Oyewole
~PUNCH Nigeria. Thursday, February 21, 2019

The term 'man' is usually reserved for an adult male of the human species, while 'manhood' is used to describe the period after he has transitioned from boyhood, having attained secondary male sexual characteristics that symbolise his coming of age and assumes the responsibilities accruable to that status.

Masculinity may vary in different cultures, but it has universal principles across cultures which basically embodies assertiveness, responsibility, selflessness, ethics, sincerity, and respect that has strong associations with physical and moral strength. The biological inputs through hormones induce the process of physical maturity in the males, which redirects the biological processes away from the default female route.

In many cultures, displaying characteristics not typical to one's gender may become a social problem for the individual. However, labelling and conditioning are based on gender assumptions as part of socialisation to match the local cultural template. In the primitive hunter-gatherer societies, men were often, if not exclusively, responsible for all large game killed, the capturing, raising and domesticating of animals, the building of permanent shelters, the defence of villages and sustenance the family in all ramifications.


Each time the universally agreeable traits of manhood are challenged, anxiety and anger may be provoked leading to maladaptive behavioural patterns. With the globalisation of values, there is an increased liberation of the female gender with the attendant financial independence, among other things, which has been the premise of male domination over the centuries.

Although the actual stereotypes may have remained relatively constant, the values attached to masculine stereotypes may have changed over the past few decades, since it is argued that masculinity is an unstable phenomenon and dynamic in conceptualization. However, the old ideals of manhood are getting obsolete just as the new is still not properly defined as we grope in darkness which forms the basis of manhood and masculinity crisis with grave mental health consequences in societies like ours in cultural transition.

The typical modern African man has cognitive dissonance, with respect to his roles as a traditional dominant male in the family as he also attempts to espouse the western ideas that compel him to recognise his wife as a partner in the business of raising the family. The traditional stereotypes of the father as the breadwinner and the mother as a homemaker are almost historical in the light of today's economic realities.

When your teenage girl turns a monster you hardly recognise

Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2018.

Will every parent ever be able to take the trauma of their adolescent girl's climb to puberty in their stride?  One minute she's in braids and school uniform, the next she's dressed and acting like a prospective Nollywood Star!. Amarachi, a typical modern day mum of two teenage girls and a grown up son prided herself on being a well-grounded mum and brooked no nonsense from her kids.  "I might have been born with the so-called proverbial silver-spoon but my mum never hesitated in thumping us whenever we got out of line", she said. "We were all a bit afraid of her and tried as much as possible not to give her the opportunity to put a lump of disapproval on our scalps through her knuckles.

"Thanks to her, I thought I was as stern with our kids until a few weeks ago when I opened my laptop to discover that Joyce my last child had inadvertently left her Fackbook and other social networking sites logged on.  Unbeknown to her, I was able to see right in front of me everything she and her friends had written in recent weeks.  It's happened before whenever she's failed to subscribe to her I-Phone and had to use my laptop - affording me the rare opportunity to have surreptitious check on her increasing private adolescent world.

"Only things were different this time.  In place of the usual banter, peppered with infuriating teenage acronyms, was a stream of comments, crystal clear in their meaning. They were vicious and cruel observations attacking Joyce for what she'd worn on her recent 16th birthday party.


"Some of the girls told her, in no uncertain terms that she'd dressed like a `slut, a `tart with no self-respect' and that her parents must be ashamed to have a daughter who `looked like a prostitute'.  The attacks on my daughter were part of a new trend known as `slut shaming' fuelled by blogging websites which teenagers post vicious criticisms online, targeting peers they deem to be dressing too provocative or wearing too much make-up.

"I was shocked and deeply upset to see my daughter being bullied like this - yet deep down, I couldn't help feeling her accusers had a point. For on the day of her `6th birthday, Joyce had dressed too provocatively. The outfit she'd chosen to wear, without my consent, had utterly floored me. I should have seen this coming though. last year, she'd transformed almost overnight from a little girl into a tall adolescent with impressive boobs and an amazing figure - which she seems hell-bent on exposing as much as possible. As a result, it's practically impossible for her to leave the house whenever she's on holidays without a fierce alteration. I would yell: `You're not going out dressed like that, put more clothes on!' She would stomp upstairs to change, before shoving the offending outfit into her bag - no doubt to put back on the moment I've vanished from sight.

Be a good parent, put down your phone

By Sola Ogundipe
~vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, July 22, 2018.

The world is breeding a generation of tech-distracted parents. Although fathers and mothers generally agree that technology has radically transformed the way they engage social media around their children; the focus is often on how to get children off their mobile phones to do other things.

But the parents are not particularly setting a good example for the children in this respect, are they?

These days, the average parent spends far too much time on the phone-so hooked to smartphones, Ipads internet tablets and other digital devices, they may be causing tension, conflict and negative interaction with the children.

No doubt technology has transformed the way parents use digital media around their children and so many daddies and mummies are continually having the sensation of doing more than one thing at a time and being in more than one place at a time while parenting. It's all about keeping up socially.

But overuse and misuse of mobile phones by parents is having a negative effect on the children. The excessive phone-checking habit of many parents is worrisome to say the least.

There is now growing knowledge that parents that stay permanently glued to their mobile phone may be damaging their relationships with their children.

A mother can be in the kitchen at home trying to cook dinner while attending to the children, and at the same time be "virtually" at work in the office on WhatsApp or Twitter. This kind of multitasking is usually an internal struggle.


According to a recent survey of secondary school pupils in the UK, the impact that phone-checking parents, is significant. The poll was carried out by Digital Awareness UK and the Headmasters and Headmistresses' Conference (HMC).

Children that did ask their parents to stop checking social media or responding to email during family time reported the pleas fell on deaf ears. Nearly half (46 percent) said their parents just ignored them while 44 percent said they were left feeling upset at having to ask.

Parents themselves seem to be suffering confusion over their usage. Only 10 percent admitted their phone use was an issue for their kids but 43 percent reckoned they spent too much time online.

GYMS – DANGER TO MARRIAGES

Recent studies across the world by a group of Christian Social Women Group has revealed that patronage of gyms are becoming a high risk option to sustainability of marriages.

The health and physical benefits of gyms not withstanding, the gyms are proving to be fertile grounds for infidelity and promiscuity. Some of the observations made are revealing:

First, the gym instructors prey on vulnerable women. A lot of married women have adopted the gym as a panacea to reducing weight and looking cutely attractive. Presumably because their spouses could be more attracted to their new curvy bodies. This makes them vulnerable to predating gym instructors who take advantage and seduce them. Touching the women at their most weakest areas opened them up for abuses and lasciviousness. Women biologically respond to tickles and fondles depending on which part of the body you touch. Gym instructors cunningly and constantly touch these spots when they observed them to break the emotional stability of those women. These over a period opens up those women for abuse. It was observed that these are prevalent with more affluent women and also lonely spouses.

Socialisation – The study also revealed that most marriages have suffered because the men or women have taken the gyms as their main centres of socialisation. When couples don’t find any reliable source of socialisation, they see the gym and the patrons as their most reliable friends, partners and joy. Most couples who attend the gym together do not face this risk. Couples who attend gyms alone are very prone to these dangers. After a period of socialising with the same opposite sex for a time, bonding becomes almost unavoidable. The more they train, chat, drink and sometimes eat together after the physical exercises, they become used to each other and sometimes share their marriage challenges. Unsuspecting partners are taken advantage of through a show of sympathy and sometimes outright deception and ill advice.

Targeting – Some men and women have intentionally joined gyms and clubs purposely to prey on a targeted victim. Many men and women have ignorantly fallen to wicked and deceitful men and women who have targeted them over a period. The targets may not know that these men and women have intentioned to have them for long and unsuspectingly opened up to them as gym mates and friends.

Facebook's first hub space in Africa to train 50,000 Nigerian youths

Written by Juliet Ebirim
~Vanguard Nigeria. Wednesday, May 30, 2018.

No fewer than 50,000 Nigerian youths would turn geeks by the time they go through the numerous training modules laid out by popular social media platform and technology company, Facebook.

The trainings would happen at the ultra modern hub space, first in the whole of Africa which it sited in Nigeria recently.

Facebook unveiled the space tagged NG_Hub in Lagos, announcing immediately that it was the first community hub space in Africa. The hub was established in partnership with Nigeria's talent curators, Co-creation Hub,CcHUB.

The hub, according to Facebook, highlights its ongoing commitment to supporting local talent in Nigeria even as it has planned a week-long celebration which will bring together developers, start-ups, and the wider tech community across Nigeria.

Unveiling the new multi-faceted space, Facebook's Vice President Partnerships, Mr Ime Archibong, said the centre is targeted towards bringing communities together to collaborate, learn and exchange ideas.

He said: "Technology provides expansive opportunities to engage young, creative and resourceful Nigerians, especially in delivering solutions to challenges across communities here in Nigeria. Our mission is to build community and bring the world closer together. "NG_Hub provides that physical space that will serve as a centre of learning and skills development in Lagos, and I'm excited about the possibilities that this will create."

Also, the Manager, Developer Programmes Facebook, Mr Emeka Afigbo, said the hub will help Facebook train 50,000 people in digital skills even as it is aimed to drive innovation in Nigeria's tech ecosystem.

Afigbo said the hub was also a deliberate design to equip Nigerian SMEs, tech entrepreneurs and the next generation of leaders to better understand and utilise the power of digital tools for economic growth.

On his part, Bosun Tijani, Founder/CEO of CcHub, said: "Our aim has always been to provide a viable platform for creators and innovators to express their talent and create solutions to the myriad of social and economic challenges faced by countries across the continent. Partnering with Facebook on NG_Hub enables us to achieve our objectives at scale and make the desired impact in the tech ecosystem here in Lagos."

I would love to marry a man who likes sex -Linda Ikeji

Written by Rotimi Agbana
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, November 6, 2016. 

Linda Ikeji

Famous Nigerian blogger, Linda Ikeji, needs no introduction because she has already made a name for herself in her chosen choice of trade. The ace blogger who has diligently put in a decade of her lifetime into the now proliferated trade of blogging, recently decided to discuss the things she requires in a man she would love to marry.

According to Linda, any man who would finally claim her heart and eventually take her to the altar must be dexterous and highly skillful at the things of the inner room. When asked if she has been getting proposals from suitors as well as what she requires in a man she would love to marry, she dropped some interesting points. "I'm getting quite a lot of proposals.

You know people say when a woman is successful, men run away, it's a lie, that is when they chase you the more. But unfortunately, I haven't seen what I'm looking for. To be honest, I keep telling people, it's not like men are scarce, it's the type of man some of us are looking for that is scarce, if I want to marry next year I can, but he would not be the kind of man I want.

I want a man that I can look up to, someone that inspires me, someone that would push me, someone that would motivate me, somebody that has had some success in his own career path, then I can look up to him and be like "wow", a man that teaches me and I can learn from. I'm inspired by successful people, someone like Tyler Perry, I can't wait to meet him. I can't marry a poor guy, I'm being honest about it, no I can't, he doesn't have to be very rich but let him be successful in his own way. You may come across some successful men but there is something wrong there, so the whole package is what I'm looking for.

When I was like 30-years old, my standards were very high, extremely high, but I wasn't looking at marrying, I was just focused on work because I've always been so ambitious that I wasn't focusing on marriage or kids. I felt like I should just do what I wanted to do. It was just recently that I began to think about marriage, and to be honest, my requirements are only three now. He must be successful, he must be a good man, in the sense that he must be supportive of me, if he tries to stifle me then I'm out. Lastly, he has to be a man that likes sex and must be very good at it", she stated.

Five things to avoid when chatting up someone

AfriMobile
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 31, 2016
Communication between two strangers can be hard. Make them both of different genders and you have the world's oldest mystery on your hands. Contrary to what our parents said, it's not one of those things you get better at by being a good boy and reading your books. In fact, it seems to get worse the smarter you are.

Have you missed out on an opportunity to get to know someone because you were tongue tied? Well hopefully this will happen never again. The next time you want to walk up to someone, here are five things that you should avoid.

PS: Ladies, don't leave the challenge to the men, you can use them too.

1) Having Nothing To Say :

Impulse is not always bad and sometimes there's no time. But the last thing you want to do is hold her up and not be able to string together a coherent sentence. You might still get her number out of pity but is that really a first impression you'd like to leave? Whether it's a compliment or a joke, have at least one sentence ready.

2) Using Clichés:



'I think I've seen you somewhere before' or 'You must have fallen from heaven'. Unless you are absolutely sure this is true, no one wants to hear these clichés that have been around since 1000B.C. It immediately makes people distrust you and raise their walls even higher. Your best bet is honesty. Simple sentences that say exactly what you mean, devoid of Shakespearean phrases will always go down well.

3) Being Dishonest: