VANGUARD HEADLINE | Posted: Wednesday, January 22, 2020
Oxford English Dictionary
My English-speaking is rooted in a Nigerian experience and not in a British or American or Australian one. I have taken ownership of English.
This is how acclaimed Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie describes her relationship with English, the language which she uses in her writing, and which millions of her fellow Nigerians use in their daily communication. By taking ownership of English and using it as their own medium of expression, Nigerians have made, and are continuing to make, a unique and distinctive contribution to English as a global language. We highlight their contributions in this month's update of the Oxford English Dictionary, as a number of Nigerian English words make it into the dictionary for the first time.
The majority of these new additions are either borrowings from Nigerian languages or unique Nigerian coinages that have only begun to be used in English in the second half of the twentieth century, mostly in the 1970s and 1980s.
One particularly interesting set of such loanwords and coinages has to do with Nigerian street food. The word buka, borrowed from Hausa and Yoruba and first attested in 1972, refers to a roadside restaurant or street stall that sells local fare at low prices. Another term for such eating places first evidenced in 1980 is bukateria, which adds to buka the -teria ending from the word cafeteria. An even more creative synonym is mama put, from 1979, which comes from the way that customers usually order food in a buka: they say 'Mama, put...' to the woman running the stall, and indicate the dish they want. The word later became a generic name for the female food vendors themselves-Nobel Prize-winning Nigerian playwright Wole Soyinka notably includes a Mama Put character in one of his works.
The informal transport systems that emerged in Nigeria's huge, densely populated cities have also necessitated lexical invention. Danfo, a borrowing from Yoruba whose earliest use in written English is dated 1973, denotes those yellow minibuses whizzing paying passengers through the busy streets of Lagos, the country's largest city. Okada, on the other hand, is first attested twenty years later, and is the term for a motorcycle that passengers can use as a taxi service. It is a reference to Okada Air, an airline that operated in Nigeria from 1983 to 1997, and its reputation as a fast yet potentially dangerous form of transport, just like the motorcycle taxi.
A few of the Nigerian words in this update were created by shortening existing English words. One example is the adjective guber (earliest quotation dated 1989), which is short for 'gubernatorial'-so Nigerians, for instance, would call a person running for governor a 'guber candidate'. Another frequently used clipping with a longer history in English is agric. It was originally used in American English around 1812 as a graphic abbreviation for the adjective agricultural, but is now used chiefly in this sense in West Africa. In the early 1990s, agric began to be used in Nigeria to designate improved or genetically modified varieties of crops or breeds of livestock, especially a type of commercially reared chicken that is frequently contrasted with 'native' (i.e. traditionally reared) chicken. Two decades later, Nigerian students also started to use the word as a noun meaning agricultural science as an academic subject or course.
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Showing posts with label Street Gossip. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Street Gossip. Show all posts
Will you dump him if he loses his libido!?
VANGUARD Nigeria. Sunday, November 3, 2019
If you're not sexually compatible with your partner, it's going to put a huge strain on your relationship. Goes without saying that sexual satisfaction is really important in keeping both people happy. But what happens if your man suddenly loses his libido or has a sharp drop in his performance level? Will you give him the elbow?!
Opinions are really divided on this. It's easier for a woman to fake orgasm - what with different lubricants that make penetration easy when she suddenly become dry. But, apart from the expensive Viagra, no magic pill will make a man rise to the occasion when he doesn't feel like it.
"Why would the woman stay with someone who's not in sync with her sexually?", asked Mfon, 45, who runs a fairly successful catering outfit. "She'd be better off trying to find someone she's better matched with. Life's too short to be unhappy with a partner who isn't giving you what you need in the bedroom.
"People say relationships are about compromise, but if one person feels they're not getting enough nookie, it could lead to disaster. They might cheat, thereby breaking the trust between them. The person who wants more sex might also feel rejected, which could lower their self-esteem and confidence. They may end up beating themselves up over why they're always being turned down. I know I would. Don't get me wrong, cuddles and kisses are great, but women need to feel desired.
"A pertinent question when faced with this dilemma is: Would your partner make the same sacrifice? Men in particular have a very short fuse when dealing with frigidity. After a couple of kids, you wouldn't expect your partner to be as hot as when you first met. But you hear of men who look for passion elsewhere instead of helping their wives or partners regain their libido. One of such husband explained his reason for taking a second `wife' was because she has a better `fit' when they make love than his legal wife!
"It makes sense for a person with a low libido to be with someone similar because they won't have to feel guilty about constantly shunning their partners advances. If couples are at opposite ends of the scale sex-drive-wise, I reckon it's time to call it a day".
Joy, a 39-year-old beautician, disagrees with Mfon. According to her, sex is not be-all and end-all of a relationship. Being part of a couple is about supporting one another emotionally, loving each other and just enjoying one another's company. Sex seems important at the start, but once a relationship develops, it usually takes more of a backseat. Things like having shared interests, similar values and even the same sense of humour are more important than having in-sync sex drives.
If you're not sexually compatible with your partner, it's going to put a huge strain on your relationship. Goes without saying that sexual satisfaction is really important in keeping both people happy. But what happens if your man suddenly loses his libido or has a sharp drop in his performance level? Will you give him the elbow?!
Opinions are really divided on this. It's easier for a woman to fake orgasm - what with different lubricants that make penetration easy when she suddenly become dry. But, apart from the expensive Viagra, no magic pill will make a man rise to the occasion when he doesn't feel like it.
"Why would the woman stay with someone who's not in sync with her sexually?", asked Mfon, 45, who runs a fairly successful catering outfit. "She'd be better off trying to find someone she's better matched with. Life's too short to be unhappy with a partner who isn't giving you what you need in the bedroom.
"People say relationships are about compromise, but if one person feels they're not getting enough nookie, it could lead to disaster. They might cheat, thereby breaking the trust between them. The person who wants more sex might also feel rejected, which could lower their self-esteem and confidence. They may end up beating themselves up over why they're always being turned down. I know I would. Don't get me wrong, cuddles and kisses are great, but women need to feel desired.
"A pertinent question when faced with this dilemma is: Would your partner make the same sacrifice? Men in particular have a very short fuse when dealing with frigidity. After a couple of kids, you wouldn't expect your partner to be as hot as when you first met. But you hear of men who look for passion elsewhere instead of helping their wives or partners regain their libido. One of such husband explained his reason for taking a second `wife' was because she has a better `fit' when they make love than his legal wife!
"It makes sense for a person with a low libido to be with someone similar because they won't have to feel guilty about constantly shunning their partners advances. If couples are at opposite ends of the scale sex-drive-wise, I reckon it's time to call it a day".
Joy, a 39-year-old beautician, disagrees with Mfon. According to her, sex is not be-all and end-all of a relationship. Being part of a couple is about supporting one another emotionally, loving each other and just enjoying one another's company. Sex seems important at the start, but once a relationship develops, it usually takes more of a backseat. Things like having shared interests, similar values and even the same sense of humour are more important than having in-sync sex drives.
When you discovered your husband and mum were once lovers!
Vanguard Nigeria. Saturday, November 2, 2019
Written by Bunmi Sofola
It's not unheard of that some women, after sampling the delight and wealth of a toy boy, schemed
such lover into the arms of one of their offsprings.
Some of these daughters know that the men they're now marching down the altar with used to be their mothers' lovers. Some don't. When Mosun got married to her heartthrob almost ten years ago, it was like a dream come true for her.
"Fred, my husband, was then a budding businessman but doing very well. He'd just retired from paid employment and lived in his own house with the three children that his dead wife bore him," explained Mosun. "I met him in a small restaurant that my mum ran and she was the one who actually introduced us. At first, I wasn't really interested in Fred.
I was in my early 20s and had a boyfriend I was in love with. I was doing my Youth Service and had all the time in the world to settle down to marriage. My mother was dead against my boyfriend right from the day I introduced him. He didn't belong to our tribe, she reasoned, and if I got married to him and his relatives started speaking in their dialect, I wouldn't even know if I were being sold down the river. Now my mother preferred me to hitch up with a man 15 years my senior.
"I'd ignored her criticism of my boyfriend up till then, but with Fred on the scene, she mounted a tougher pressure. Fred was very generous and genuinely cared about me. He used his influence to get me a good job after my Youth Service and even got me a second hand car.
When I got pregnant, which was really accidental since I was on the pill, he quickly told my mother before I even decided whether or not to keep it. Mum was over the moon, planning a society wedding that Fred happily paid for. I had to let my boyfriend go though, he was really heartbroken and felt betrayed.
"I had three children within six years of our marriage and decided six kids were enough for both of us. Mum was a wonderful mother-in-law, always stocking my freezers and helping with the children. Even though she didn't live with us, it was as if she did. Some times, she even slept in the guest room. She's long been parted from our father and my two other siblings lived with him. You couldn't call her lonely because the restaurant she ran gave her a sort of social life. Being with my family sort of balanced out her life's existence and we all carried on as one big family.
Written by Bunmi Sofola
It's not unheard of that some women, after sampling the delight and wealth of a toy boy, schemed
such lover into the arms of one of their offsprings.
Some of these daughters know that the men they're now marching down the altar with used to be their mothers' lovers. Some don't. When Mosun got married to her heartthrob almost ten years ago, it was like a dream come true for her.
"Fred, my husband, was then a budding businessman but doing very well. He'd just retired from paid employment and lived in his own house with the three children that his dead wife bore him," explained Mosun. "I met him in a small restaurant that my mum ran and she was the one who actually introduced us. At first, I wasn't really interested in Fred.
I was in my early 20s and had a boyfriend I was in love with. I was doing my Youth Service and had all the time in the world to settle down to marriage. My mother was dead against my boyfriend right from the day I introduced him. He didn't belong to our tribe, she reasoned, and if I got married to him and his relatives started speaking in their dialect, I wouldn't even know if I were being sold down the river. Now my mother preferred me to hitch up with a man 15 years my senior.
"I'd ignored her criticism of my boyfriend up till then, but with Fred on the scene, she mounted a tougher pressure. Fred was very generous and genuinely cared about me. He used his influence to get me a good job after my Youth Service and even got me a second hand car.
When I got pregnant, which was really accidental since I was on the pill, he quickly told my mother before I even decided whether or not to keep it. Mum was over the moon, planning a society wedding that Fred happily paid for. I had to let my boyfriend go though, he was really heartbroken and felt betrayed.
"I had three children within six years of our marriage and decided six kids were enough for both of us. Mum was a wonderful mother-in-law, always stocking my freezers and helping with the children. Even though she didn't live with us, it was as if she did. Some times, she even slept in the guest room. She's long been parted from our father and my two other siblings lived with him. You couldn't call her lonely because the restaurant she ran gave her a sort of social life. Being with my family sort of balanced out her life's existence and we all carried on as one big family.
Stop complaining I married Nigerian, Singer Becca tells Ghanaians
Punch Nigeria. Thursday, October 31, 2019
Ghanaian singer, Rebecca Akosua Acheampomaa Acheampong, popularly called Becca, who is married to a Nigerian, Oluwatobi Sanni Daniel, has told her countrymen to stop complaining about the fact that she didn’t marry one of them.
Becca and Daniel got marriedon August 18, 2018, and have already welcomed their first child, a baby girl.
The singer, who has a new single featuring Nigeria’s Tiwa Savage said that she was 33 years old when she got married and as of that time, no Ghanaian man had asked her to marry him.
She said this during an interview session with Afia Pokua. The interview was shared on Instagram.
Becca said, “I did. I got married at 33. So, they cannot say that after 33 years of living in this country, nobody saw me or anything.”
https://www.instagram.com/p/B4FxMKlncsN/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading
Ghanaian singer, Rebecca Akosua Acheampomaa Acheampong, popularly called Becca, who is married to a Nigerian, Oluwatobi Sanni Daniel, has told her countrymen to stop complaining about the fact that she didn’t marry one of them.
Becca and Daniel got marriedon August 18, 2018, and have already welcomed their first child, a baby girl.
The singer, who has a new single featuring Nigeria’s Tiwa Savage said that she was 33 years old when she got married and as of that time, no Ghanaian man had asked her to marry him.
She said this during an interview session with Afia Pokua. The interview was shared on Instagram.
Becca said, “I did. I got married at 33. So, they cannot say that after 33 years of living in this country, nobody saw me or anything.”
Although the interview was mostly done in a Ghanaian language, the part, where she talked about the age at which she married and how no Ghanaian man had asked to take her to the altar was said in English.
See video link below:
https://www.instagram.com/p/B4FxMKlncsN/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading
Trapped between cultures: Nigerian parents in the US, UK, devise ways to save kids
Source: Punch Newspapers Nigeria. Saturday, November 17, 2018
Jesus na you be Oga, Jesus na you be Oga, all other gods na so so yeye, every other god na yeye dem be," gushed out of 12-year-old Amaka's mouth in disjointed Pidgin English as she made for the door. It was a dry afternoon with wind blowing at top speed across most parts of California, yet the excitement on the little girl's face was as moist as a sweaty palm.
Born and nurtured in the United States, young Amaka only got to visit her parents' country - Nigeria - for the first time last December. She had heard so much about the place - many of those tales were gory presentations of what Africa's most populous country looked like. The little girl was only Nigerian in nomenclature but American in spirit and soul. When she jetted out of the LAX International Airport in California together with her father - Mr. Isaiah Uchendu - and mother, Ijeoma - on December 13 last year, she was unsure of what to expect upon arrival in Orlu, Imo State - the home town of her parents. Tales of blood-sucking demons running riot and huge man-eating apes jumping from trees to rooftops had created a dreadful picture of Nigeria in the days preceding the long voyage. It was the beginning of the end as far as she was concerned. But 11 months after that historic trip, Amaka has a different idea of her fatherland and the amazing culture of its many peoples.
Experiencing Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt, Calabar, Owerri and her native Orlu in the five weeks she
stayed in the country, the little girl not only realised how wrong her earlier ideas were but also what she had been missing all along. She wished she could turn back the hands of time.
"I thought we were heading to a jungle in Africa but I was surprised when the airplane landed in a place called Lagos, a big city with cars and houses," the 12-year-old recalled as our correspondent played guest to the family at their modest three-bedroomed apartment in San Bernardino, Los Angeles, California, during a recent visit to the United States.
Born and raised in lands thousands of kilometres away from their ancestral homes, many Nigerian parents in the Diaspora are finding new ways of reinforcing indigenous cultures in their children, writes ERIC DUMO
Jesus na you be Oga, Jesus na you be Oga, all other gods na so so yeye, every other god na yeye dem be," gushed out of 12-year-old Amaka's mouth in disjointed Pidgin English as she made for the door. It was a dry afternoon with wind blowing at top speed across most parts of California, yet the excitement on the little girl's face was as moist as a sweaty palm.
Born and nurtured in the United States, young Amaka only got to visit her parents' country - Nigeria - for the first time last December. She had heard so much about the place - many of those tales were gory presentations of what Africa's most populous country looked like. The little girl was only Nigerian in nomenclature but American in spirit and soul. When she jetted out of the LAX International Airport in California together with her father - Mr. Isaiah Uchendu - and mother, Ijeoma - on December 13 last year, she was unsure of what to expect upon arrival in Orlu, Imo State - the home town of her parents. Tales of blood-sucking demons running riot and huge man-eating apes jumping from trees to rooftops had created a dreadful picture of Nigeria in the days preceding the long voyage. It was the beginning of the end as far as she was concerned. But 11 months after that historic trip, Amaka has a different idea of her fatherland and the amazing culture of its many peoples.
Experiencing Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt, Calabar, Owerri and her native Orlu in the five weeks she
stayed in the country, the little girl not only realised how wrong her earlier ideas were but also what she had been missing all along. She wished she could turn back the hands of time.
"I thought we were heading to a jungle in Africa but I was surprised when the airplane landed in a place called Lagos, a big city with cars and houses," the 12-year-old recalled as our correspondent played guest to the family at their modest three-bedroomed apartment in San Bernardino, Los Angeles, California, during a recent visit to the United States.
There are about 23,302 Nigerians in the state of California alone, according to a 2016 American Community Survey. While many have lived there for decades, acquiring citizenship status in the process, the pursuit of a new life amidst crushing poverty and widening economic inequality in Nigeria has driven dozens more there.
The Uchendus moved to this bustling city a little over 12 years ago - shortly before Amaka's delivery - their first and only child. The couple, despite now fully entrenched in the American way of life, has not forgotten their roots. Each year, one of them makes the long trip home at least once to see and meet with family members, relatives and friends. The tradition has not only helped them to keep in touch with happenings in their home community but also helped them put to good use their hard-earned savings in the United States. Isaiah works as a driver at a delivery company, while Ijeoma is a senior sales executive at a popular chain store. But while they have plenty of 'Nigeria' in them even in America, Amaka only knows little about home - a situation the couple are desperate to change.
"My daughter used to have weird thoughts about Nigeria and Africa in general and that bothered me and my wife a lot," the 42-year-old said, clutching tightly to the little girl on the three-seater sofa they sat. "Initially, we didn't pay much attention to this but as she began to grow older, we became more concerned. We wanted her to know more about home - about our hometown, Orlu, and our culture in general.
"We saw how other Nigerian parents were beginning to seriously introduce and instil their indigenous culture in their children, so we became more interested in doing the same.
"We began to take her to more Nigerian events in California and started making her take active part in the activities just like the other children.
"As time wore on, she started to show more interest and in fact wanted to know more about Nigeria and her many cultures. My wife and I, at that point, thought that it would be nice to finally take her home to witness things for herself.
Dear Bunmi (Relationships, Family, Sex and Life, Romance...) : The humiliating experience of being jilted
Topics:
Dear Bunmi,
- The humiliating experience of being jilted
- At 28, still a virgin and no girlfriend
- Dumped by a heartless colleague
- Should I go for this junior staff?
- He won't take no for an answer
- Hubby preying on neighbourhood girls
- How do I resume making love?
- Should married men have platonic friendships?
- My life is falling apart!
- Does she think I'm too old for her?
- Dad married late mum's best friend
- Should I tell her husband?
- Hubby got my daughter pregnant
- She's pregnant for man who raped me!
- Is my boss ashamed of me?
- I need to let him know I fancy him!
- Friend tried to snatch my man
- In love with a married mum
- Why is he always texting in the toilet?
- I prefer him as a lover
- I need to break off with this old lover
- Sister finds it difficult to cope with her divorce
- He seems to like large-breasted women
- Could he be cheating?
GYMS – DANGER TO MARRIAGES
Recent studies across the world by a group of Christian Social Women Group has revealed that patronage of gyms are becoming a high risk option to sustainability of marriages.
The health and physical benefits of gyms not withstanding, the gyms are proving to be fertile grounds for infidelity and promiscuity. Some of the observations made are revealing:
First, the gym instructors prey on vulnerable women. A lot of married women have adopted the gym as a panacea to reducing weight and looking cutely attractive. Presumably because their spouses could be more attracted to their new curvy bodies. This makes them vulnerable to predating gym instructors who take advantage and seduce them. Touching the women at their most weakest areas opened them up for abuses and lasciviousness. Women biologically respond to tickles and fondles depending on which part of the body you touch. Gym instructors cunningly and constantly touch these spots when they observed them to break the emotional stability of those women. These over a period opens up those women for abuse. It was observed that these are prevalent with more affluent women and also lonely spouses.
Socialisation – The study also revealed that most marriages have suffered because the men or women have taken the gyms as their main centres of socialisation. When couples don’t find any reliable source of socialisation, they see the gym and the patrons as their most reliable friends, partners and joy. Most couples who attend the gym together do not face this risk. Couples who attend gyms alone are very prone to these dangers. After a period of socialising with the same opposite sex for a time, bonding becomes almost unavoidable. The more they train, chat, drink and sometimes eat together after the physical exercises, they become used to each other and sometimes share their marriage challenges. Unsuspecting partners are taken advantage of through a show of sympathy and sometimes outright deception and ill advice.
Targeting – Some men and women have intentionally joined gyms and clubs purposely to prey on a targeted victim. Many men and women have ignorantly fallen to wicked and deceitful men and women who have targeted them over a period. The targets may not know that these men and women have intentioned to have them for long and unsuspectingly opened up to them as gym mates and friends.
The health and physical benefits of gyms not withstanding, the gyms are proving to be fertile grounds for infidelity and promiscuity. Some of the observations made are revealing:
First, the gym instructors prey on vulnerable women. A lot of married women have adopted the gym as a panacea to reducing weight and looking cutely attractive. Presumably because their spouses could be more attracted to their new curvy bodies. This makes them vulnerable to predating gym instructors who take advantage and seduce them. Touching the women at their most weakest areas opened them up for abuses and lasciviousness. Women biologically respond to tickles and fondles depending on which part of the body you touch. Gym instructors cunningly and constantly touch these spots when they observed them to break the emotional stability of those women. These over a period opens up those women for abuse. It was observed that these are prevalent with more affluent women and also lonely spouses.
Socialisation – The study also revealed that most marriages have suffered because the men or women have taken the gyms as their main centres of socialisation. When couples don’t find any reliable source of socialisation, they see the gym and the patrons as their most reliable friends, partners and joy. Most couples who attend the gym together do not face this risk. Couples who attend gyms alone are very prone to these dangers. After a period of socialising with the same opposite sex for a time, bonding becomes almost unavoidable. The more they train, chat, drink and sometimes eat together after the physical exercises, they become used to each other and sometimes share their marriage challenges. Unsuspecting partners are taken advantage of through a show of sympathy and sometimes outright deception and ill advice.
Targeting – Some men and women have intentionally joined gyms and clubs purposely to prey on a targeted victim. Many men and women have ignorantly fallen to wicked and deceitful men and women who have targeted them over a period. The targets may not know that these men and women have intentioned to have them for long and unsuspectingly opened up to them as gym mates and friends.
Women who get turned on by hairy men!
Written by Bunmi Sofola
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 11, 2018.
WOULD you compare your lover to a gorilla? I don't mean gorilla the brute – I mean gorilla of the male species! There are tonnes of things about a man that can turn a woman on. I've heard of some women who go weak at the knee when they clamp eyes on men in uniforms. For others, it's men's height or muscles or that inconsequential thing like the size of his wallet! As for Jane, not only does she like burly men, she likes them with a lot of hair on! She was in my office for a natter when Raymond sauntered in. He services the office computers from time to time and had just finished when he called in for a chat. Jane's eyes were on stalks when she saw him. So he was tall and all that, but he wasn't really Adonis! The minute I introduced them, she was on like a rocket – chatting a minute to the dozen as if she'd known him all her life. What was the matter with her? A fairly cool single mother of two, here she was carrying on like a teenager in heat!
Within minutes, they'd swapped phone numbers and Raymond left with a smirk! "What was all that about?" I asked Jane, a bit put out by her obvious play for Raymond. "Oh, aunty C, did you get a glimpse of his chest?" Chest? It was a man we were discussing here for goodness sake! "Yes, his chest," she continued excitedly, "his shirt was partially opened and what I saw of his chest was extremely hairy!" So? "I've always been a sucker for hair. I can't think of anything else that excites me more than a hunk who's covered in a thick layer of body hair. It all started when I was at the university and had sex for the first time. My boyfriend then was so hairy that I became transfixed at all that black hair covering his body – it made him look so masculine, powerful and virile!
"Since then, I've always regarded even the hunkiest men as un-sexy. they don't have hairy chests. Their smooth chests simply turn me off! I used to love cuddling up and resting my head on my ex's chest, feeling the wiry hair tickling my cheeks. Let's face it, when you think of it, even when you're madly in love, sex is a really primal, animal act – and being with such a gorilla of a man only made it feel more exciting and erotic. I was madly in love but it all ended two years later when he finished at the university. The long distance between us killed the love as he couldn't afford to travel to see me. I was heart broken for a while but quickly resumed my hunt for a replacement after my heart break eased. I found it a major turn-off if I discovered a guy only had a few measly stray hairs on his chest. It made him seem like a mere boy, not a grown man.
"Over the next few years, I had some wonderful encounters with hairy men until my lust for them had virtually transformed into a fetish. I was a bit worried in case I met Mr. right and he had no hair. Would it work? Would I really find him sexy? But I was in luck and my ex met all my wild expectations. Pity it didn't work out but we were married for close to ten years and I have two lovely kids to show for it. We still remain friends and for a while after the divorce, I still bonked him because of his hair appeal.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 11, 2018.
WOULD you compare your lover to a gorilla? I don't mean gorilla the brute – I mean gorilla of the male species! There are tonnes of things about a man that can turn a woman on. I've heard of some women who go weak at the knee when they clamp eyes on men in uniforms. For others, it's men's height or muscles or that inconsequential thing like the size of his wallet! As for Jane, not only does she like burly men, she likes them with a lot of hair on! She was in my office for a natter when Raymond sauntered in. He services the office computers from time to time and had just finished when he called in for a chat. Jane's eyes were on stalks when she saw him. So he was tall and all that, but he wasn't really Adonis! The minute I introduced them, she was on like a rocket – chatting a minute to the dozen as if she'd known him all her life. What was the matter with her? A fairly cool single mother of two, here she was carrying on like a teenager in heat!
Within minutes, they'd swapped phone numbers and Raymond left with a smirk! "What was all that about?" I asked Jane, a bit put out by her obvious play for Raymond. "Oh, aunty C, did you get a glimpse of his chest?" Chest? It was a man we were discussing here for goodness sake! "Yes, his chest," she continued excitedly, "his shirt was partially opened and what I saw of his chest was extremely hairy!" So? "I've always been a sucker for hair. I can't think of anything else that excites me more than a hunk who's covered in a thick layer of body hair. It all started when I was at the university and had sex for the first time. My boyfriend then was so hairy that I became transfixed at all that black hair covering his body – it made him look so masculine, powerful and virile!
"Since then, I've always regarded even the hunkiest men as un-sexy. they don't have hairy chests. Their smooth chests simply turn me off! I used to love cuddling up and resting my head on my ex's chest, feeling the wiry hair tickling my cheeks. Let's face it, when you think of it, even when you're madly in love, sex is a really primal, animal act – and being with such a gorilla of a man only made it feel more exciting and erotic. I was madly in love but it all ended two years later when he finished at the university. The long distance between us killed the love as he couldn't afford to travel to see me. I was heart broken for a while but quickly resumed my hunt for a replacement after my heart break eased. I found it a major turn-off if I discovered a guy only had a few measly stray hairs on his chest. It made him seem like a mere boy, not a grown man.
"Over the next few years, I had some wonderful encounters with hairy men until my lust for them had virtually transformed into a fetish. I was a bit worried in case I met Mr. right and he had no hair. Would it work? Would I really find him sexy? But I was in luck and my ex met all my wild expectations. Pity it didn't work out but we were married for close to ten years and I have two lovely kids to show for it. We still remain friends and for a while after the divorce, I still bonked him because of his hair appeal.
Deep inside the red-light district: happenings in Lagos strip clubs
Written by Ademola Olonilua
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, February 11, 2018.
Catching fun, especially at night, has become a habit for many fun seekers in Lagos. For such people, the prominent places where they choose to catch their fun at night include bars and strip clubs. The go-to place for those who love to turn their X-rated fantasies into realities is usually the strip club. But strip clubs are not easy places to spot in Lagos, except if the fun seeker knows how to look beyond the surface. So, it could be difficult to locate one as there are no eligible signs to advertise their locations, so it is normally a case of, 'if you know, you know.'
Although there are choice strip clubs, both on the Island and the mainland; for the mainland, the clubs' colonies seem to be Allen Avenue and the Government Reservation Area, Ikeja. To spot one, fun seekers only look out for a neon sign or an electronic advertising sign with flickering lights, usually coloured blue and red with what appears to be the drawing of a naked woman.
Funnily enough, Ikeja is the commercial hub of Lagos during the day and also at night. With banks and other business firms situated in the district, human and vehicular traffic in the area during the day is usually heavy and at night, it still comes alive courtesy of the bright lights which seem to focus on the pubs, clubs and even commercial sex workers that conduct their business on the streets.
To a large extent, Ikeja is the red-light district of Lagos State.
Around one of the popular streets in GRA, Ikeja is a popular strip club. While most businesses have locked their doors and closed for the day by 9 pm, that is the time this establishment is resuming for the business of the night, and it takes it right until the following morning.
When Saturday PUNCH visited the establishment at about 9:30 pm on Wednesday, it was obvious that the 'shop' had just opened. Within minutes, the vast compound, which has a large space as its car park, was quickly filled with exotic cars; a testament to the class of people the joint caters for.
It is therefore not surprising that to get into the club as a man on Saturdays; their peak period, a fee of N5,000 is required and on Sundays, the price drops to N3,000. While the ladies pay N3,000 on Saturday and N2,000 on Sundays. Other days are free but the hefty men at the gate never forget to politely ask: 'Sir, anything for your boy even if na one bottle of beer?' Invariably, visitors are sometimes forced to part with money and since it is a high-end club, the bouncers at the door normally smile home.
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, February 11, 2018.
Catching fun, especially at night, has become a habit for many fun seekers in Lagos. For such people, the prominent places where they choose to catch their fun at night include bars and strip clubs. The go-to place for those who love to turn their X-rated fantasies into realities is usually the strip club. But strip clubs are not easy places to spot in Lagos, except if the fun seeker knows how to look beyond the surface. So, it could be difficult to locate one as there are no eligible signs to advertise their locations, so it is normally a case of, 'if you know, you know.'
Although there are choice strip clubs, both on the Island and the mainland; for the mainland, the clubs' colonies seem to be Allen Avenue and the Government Reservation Area, Ikeja. To spot one, fun seekers only look out for a neon sign or an electronic advertising sign with flickering lights, usually coloured blue and red with what appears to be the drawing of a naked woman.
Funnily enough, Ikeja is the commercial hub of Lagos during the day and also at night. With banks and other business firms situated in the district, human and vehicular traffic in the area during the day is usually heavy and at night, it still comes alive courtesy of the bright lights which seem to focus on the pubs, clubs and even commercial sex workers that conduct their business on the streets.
To a large extent, Ikeja is the red-light district of Lagos State.
Around one of the popular streets in GRA, Ikeja is a popular strip club. While most businesses have locked their doors and closed for the day by 9 pm, that is the time this establishment is resuming for the business of the night, and it takes it right until the following morning.
When Saturday PUNCH visited the establishment at about 9:30 pm on Wednesday, it was obvious that the 'shop' had just opened. Within minutes, the vast compound, which has a large space as its car park, was quickly filled with exotic cars; a testament to the class of people the joint caters for.
It is therefore not surprising that to get into the club as a man on Saturdays; their peak period, a fee of N5,000 is required and on Sundays, the price drops to N3,000. While the ladies pay N3,000 on Saturday and N2,000 on Sundays. Other days are free but the hefty men at the gate never forget to politely ask: 'Sir, anything for your boy even if na one bottle of beer?' Invariably, visitors are sometimes forced to part with money and since it is a high-end club, the bouncers at the door normally smile home.
Jokes and Humour: Say Your Phone Number - in 9ja!
2016/2017 Jokes:
Say Your Phone Number - in 9ja!
~Anonymous
Ask a Yoruba person for his/ her Number and you will hear:
"Sero Hate Sero, Sis Hate Sis, Tlri Hate Hlri, Sefun Sis"
(0806863876)
"Na my Heartel number be that"
AN Hausa man nko? You will hear:
Tzero Seben Tzero, Pipe Pipe Seben, Por Pipe Por Eleben.
(07055745411)
Then ask an Anambra lgboman , you get this:
Not Ate Not, Tliple Tili, Dozen Dozen Tili
( 0803312123.....)"
"O Number mu"
--------------------------------------
WhatsApp Group
~Tobe Obi.
Beggar at the traffic signal:
"What sir, only N10...
Why the discrimination sir? You gave my friend N100 at the last traffic light".
Man in the car:
"How did u know?"
Beggar:
"He just sent me a whatsapp message with your car no. We are all members of the same whatsapp group".
----------------------------------------------
Doctor tells a story
By OK Chuk-Wu Dibor
March 4, 2017
Guy: Doctor, My girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carries a Gun wherever he goes. One day he took his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun,and shot the Lion,then it died!
Guy: Nonsense!! Someone else must've shot the Lion...
Doctor: Good!! You understood the Story.
Next patient please...
--------------------------------------------------
Akpors Versus Teacher: Can I ask u a few questions?
~Tobe Obi.
9th February, 2017.
- Say Your Phone Number - in 9ja!
- WhatsApp Group
- Doctor tells a story
- Akpors Versus Teacher: Can I ask u a few questions?
- Don't try to control your spouse. You will always lose!
- Wise Man Vs Pin-Head
- Drunk Driver's Offence
- Don't make A Woman Cry
- Beware of the Price Lure
- Auto-maniac joke, 2016
- BET9ja
- WATCHING FOOTBALL with your wife can be very frustrating and stressful!
Say Your Phone Number - in 9ja!
~Anonymous
Ask a Yoruba person for his/ her Number and you will hear:
"Sero Hate Sero, Sis Hate Sis, Tlri Hate Hlri, Sefun Sis"
(0806863876)
"Na my Heartel number be that"
AN Hausa man nko? You will hear:
Tzero Seben Tzero, Pipe Pipe Seben, Por Pipe Por Eleben.
(07055745411)
Then ask an Anambra lgboman , you get this:
Not Ate Not, Tliple Tili, Dozen Dozen Tili
( 0803312123.....)"
"O Number mu"
--------------------------------------
WhatsApp Group
~Tobe Obi.
Beggar at the traffic signal:
"What sir, only N10...
Why the discrimination sir? You gave my friend N100 at the last traffic light".
Man in the car:
"How did u know?"
Beggar:
"He just sent me a whatsapp message with your car no. We are all members of the same whatsapp group".
----------------------------------------------
Doctor tells a story
By OK Chuk-Wu Dibor
March 4, 2017
Guy: Doctor, My girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carries a Gun wherever he goes. One day he took his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun,and shot the Lion,then it died!
Guy: Nonsense!! Someone else must've shot the Lion...
Doctor: Good!! You understood the Story.
Next patient please...
--------------------------------------------------
Akpors Versus Teacher: Can I ask u a few questions?
~Tobe Obi.
9th February, 2017.
Lagos: 'Pastor's been sleeping with me since I was 10; this's the fourth abortion'
Written by Evelyn Usman & Onozure Dania
~Vanguard Nigeria. Thursday, May 25, 2017.
LAGOS-Scriptural assertions of wolves in sheep clothing resurfaced yesterday, following a startling revelation by a 16-year-old Senior Secondary School, SSS, I student, on how she has been subjected to sexual violations since she was 10 years by a pastor at the Egbe branch of a popular new generation pentecostal church.
The victim, who spoke from the hospital bed around Ikotun area of the state, alleged that the suspect, with the connivance of a medical doctor, had carried out four abortions on her without her consent.
Trouble, as gathered, started for the teenager after the demise of her parents six years ago. An uncle she identified simply as George, took her to Delta State from where the suspect, who had just been separated from his wife, took her to Lagos to look after his child, with a promise to train her in school.
That was when he allegedly started a sexual relationship with her in his three-bedroom flat at 6, Dolamo Street, Agodo-Egbe.
The victim alleged that whenever he wanted to have sexual intercourse with her, he would invite her to his bedroom and offer her some drugs after which she would lose her memory.
According to her, "he usually invited me to bring water to his room at night. Thereafter, he would give me some drugs. But when I summoned courage to ask him one day, he said that the drugs was to make me sexually active.
'No one believed me'
"I have waited for this day when I would be free from his claws. The first time I opened up to our branch's Senior Pastor and his wife, I was hushed. They even said I wanted to tarnish my guardian's image, despite all he had done to keep me in school.
"Again, I reported the sexual molestation to some of my school teachers, but they said they did not know how to go about it and how to prove my claim. They were even afraid that I could be driven away from the house and that it would mean the end of my education.
~Vanguard Nigeria. Thursday, May 25, 2017.
LAGOS-Scriptural assertions of wolves in sheep clothing resurfaced yesterday, following a startling revelation by a 16-year-old Senior Secondary School, SSS, I student, on how she has been subjected to sexual violations since she was 10 years by a pastor at the Egbe branch of a popular new generation pentecostal church.
The victim, who spoke from the hospital bed around Ikotun area of the state, alleged that the suspect, with the connivance of a medical doctor, had carried out four abortions on her without her consent.
Trouble, as gathered, started for the teenager after the demise of her parents six years ago. An uncle she identified simply as George, took her to Delta State from where the suspect, who had just been separated from his wife, took her to Lagos to look after his child, with a promise to train her in school.
That was when he allegedly started a sexual relationship with her in his three-bedroom flat at 6, Dolamo Street, Agodo-Egbe.
The victim alleged that whenever he wanted to have sexual intercourse with her, he would invite her to his bedroom and offer her some drugs after which she would lose her memory.
According to her, "he usually invited me to bring water to his room at night. Thereafter, he would give me some drugs. But when I summoned courage to ask him one day, he said that the drugs was to make me sexually active.
'No one believed me'
"I have waited for this day when I would be free from his claws. The first time I opened up to our branch's Senior Pastor and his wife, I was hushed. They even said I wanted to tarnish my guardian's image, despite all he had done to keep me in school.
"Again, I reported the sexual molestation to some of my school teachers, but they said they did not know how to go about it and how to prove my claim. They were even afraid that I could be driven away from the house and that it would mean the end of my education.
Lecturer impregnated me, rejects pregnancy, says nursing student • It wasn't me, I used condom - Lecturer
Written by Samson Folarin
~Punch Nigeria. Monday, May 22, 2017.
A lecturer at the Ogun State College of Health Technology, Ilese Ijebu, Dr Oluseyi Adu, and a Dental Nursing student, Mosunmola, are embroiled in a row over who is responsible for the pregnancy that the nursing student is carrying.
Mosunmola, who is nine months pregnant, alleged that Adu was responsible for the child in her womb, adding that they had sex in a hotel sometime in August, 2016.
READ:
45-year-old man impregnates pupil, insists they are lovers
She said the lecturer beat her up last month when she confronted him at the college for avoiding her, adding that the case was already at the Ilese Police Station.
However, while Adu admitted to having sex with the 28-year-old, he insisted that he used contraceptive, saying the lady seduced him and he gave in to the temptation.
Mosunmola told our correspondent that she underwent a three-year course at the college, adding that several lecturers had asked her out before Adu, but she refused.
She said, "Dr Adu is the Oral Health Coordinator for the college. During my three years study, he taught me two courses each semester. I have never failed his course.
"When I got to second semester, 300 level, he awarded me 38 in one of his courses. I went to his office in August 2016 to know why I failed the course. I needed to pass all my courses to be able to go for my board exam.
"He asked me if I thought I could just come to the school and go like that. He said if I dated him, he would waive the course. He said he didn't approach me in 100 level because another lecturer was interested in dating me.
"The lecturer he mentioned told me in 100 level that it was either I paid him money or used my body to pass his course. Because I didn't agree, I failed his course. I didn't pass it until I got to 300 level.
"I told Adu that I would date him, but I didn't want to have any problem, and he assured me that there would be no regret."
The victim said the lecturer took her to the office of the Head of Department and after some discussions, it was agreed that she could sit for the board exam.
After the board exam at POGIL College of Health Technology, Oke-Eri, Ijebu Ode, on August 21, Adu, who was among those on the panel, was said to have given Mosunmola some of his practical instruments and a laptop for safekeeping.
However, Mosunmola said when the school bus arrived to take the students back to the school, she forgot to give the practical instruments back to the lecturer.
She said Adu later called and asked her to bring the instruments to a hotel where he lodged.
"I was preparing to leave when he called me back that I would be sleeping over with him.
"I met him with another lecturer in my department. I observed that the lecturer also had a female student with him. From the hotel, we went to different places before we finally lodged in another hotel along Ilese Road. While I was with Adu in a room, my other classmate passed the night with the second lecturer in another room.
~Punch Nigeria. Monday, May 22, 2017.
A lecturer at the Ogun State College of Health Technology, Ilese Ijebu, Dr Oluseyi Adu, and a Dental Nursing student, Mosunmola, are embroiled in a row over who is responsible for the pregnancy that the nursing student is carrying.
Mosunmola, who is nine months pregnant, alleged that Adu was responsible for the child in her womb, adding that they had sex in a hotel sometime in August, 2016.
READ:
45-year-old man impregnates pupil, insists they are lovers
She said the lecturer beat her up last month when she confronted him at the college for avoiding her, adding that the case was already at the Ilese Police Station.
However, while Adu admitted to having sex with the 28-year-old, he insisted that he used contraceptive, saying the lady seduced him and he gave in to the temptation.
Mosunmola told our correspondent that she underwent a three-year course at the college, adding that several lecturers had asked her out before Adu, but she refused.
She said, "Dr Adu is the Oral Health Coordinator for the college. During my three years study, he taught me two courses each semester. I have never failed his course.
"When I got to second semester, 300 level, he awarded me 38 in one of his courses. I went to his office in August 2016 to know why I failed the course. I needed to pass all my courses to be able to go for my board exam.
"He asked me if I thought I could just come to the school and go like that. He said if I dated him, he would waive the course. He said he didn't approach me in 100 level because another lecturer was interested in dating me.
"The lecturer he mentioned told me in 100 level that it was either I paid him money or used my body to pass his course. Because I didn't agree, I failed his course. I didn't pass it until I got to 300 level.
"I told Adu that I would date him, but I didn't want to have any problem, and he assured me that there would be no regret."
The victim said the lecturer took her to the office of the Head of Department and after some discussions, it was agreed that she could sit for the board exam.
After the board exam at POGIL College of Health Technology, Oke-Eri, Ijebu Ode, on August 21, Adu, who was among those on the panel, was said to have given Mosunmola some of his practical instruments and a laptop for safekeeping.
However, Mosunmola said when the school bus arrived to take the students back to the school, she forgot to give the practical instruments back to the lecturer.
She said Adu later called and asked her to bring the instruments to a hotel where he lodged.
"I was preparing to leave when he called me back that I would be sleeping over with him.
"I met him with another lecturer in my department. I observed that the lecturer also had a female student with him. From the hotel, we went to different places before we finally lodged in another hotel along Ilese Road. While I was with Adu in a room, my other classmate passed the night with the second lecturer in another room.
How to handle a cheating spouse
Written by MOTUNRAYO JOEL
~Punch Nigeria. Monday, April 10, 2017.
On June 4, 2015, Mrs. Bukola Yusuf (not real name), a mother of three stormed out of her house in shorts, "I was prepared to engage in a fight with the woman who 'stole' my husband's heart," she told our correspondent.
She said she was fed up with the woman who constantly called and sent messages to her husband's phone.
Yusuf said, "At midnight, my husband's phone would ring; whenever I confronted him about it, he would say, 'It is a useless woman disturbing my phone.' I believed him because I trusted him."
When she discovered that the lady disturbing her peace lived two streets away from hers, she became furious.
"That day-June 4, I was ready to fight; to put an end to everything. But my neighbours stopped me from storming the lady's house," she said.
Little did Yusuf know that her husband was having an affair with the lady. She didn't suspect because he promised her he would never cheat on her. He constantly reassured her of his undying love for her, and like every 'good' wife, she believed him.
"My husband does not have only one girlfriend, I heard he has several girlfriends. I almost lost my mind the period I discovered about his cheating lifestyle. I would cry for days; I felt worthless. He couldn't hold his emotions one night; he blatantly told me that he loves the woman that had been calling his phone. He confessed and said that they met some months ago and that he had been hiding it from me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings," she said.
Yusuf told SUNDAY PUNCH that her husband shares his time between her and his girlfriends.
Yusuf isn't the only one battling with a cheating spouse; Mrs. Toyin Oyebanjo (not real name) is paddling the same boat.
Oyebanjo believes her husband's 'womanising' nature started before they got married. She said she thought he would change.
"I have been married to him for 15 years; we separated for two years. It breaks my heart to say that I've not been happy in my marriage since I got married. People may say I was stupid for marrying him, knowing quite well that he can't remain with one woman. But I thought he would change; I thought his love for me would change him,'' she said.
~Punch Nigeria. Monday, April 10, 2017.
On June 4, 2015, Mrs. Bukola Yusuf (not real name), a mother of three stormed out of her house in shorts, "I was prepared to engage in a fight with the woman who 'stole' my husband's heart," she told our correspondent.
She said she was fed up with the woman who constantly called and sent messages to her husband's phone.
Yusuf said, "At midnight, my husband's phone would ring; whenever I confronted him about it, he would say, 'It is a useless woman disturbing my phone.' I believed him because I trusted him."
When she discovered that the lady disturbing her peace lived two streets away from hers, she became furious.
"That day-June 4, I was ready to fight; to put an end to everything. But my neighbours stopped me from storming the lady's house," she said.
Little did Yusuf know that her husband was having an affair with the lady. She didn't suspect because he promised her he would never cheat on her. He constantly reassured her of his undying love for her, and like every 'good' wife, she believed him.
"My husband does not have only one girlfriend, I heard he has several girlfriends. I almost lost my mind the period I discovered about his cheating lifestyle. I would cry for days; I felt worthless. He couldn't hold his emotions one night; he blatantly told me that he loves the woman that had been calling his phone. He confessed and said that they met some months ago and that he had been hiding it from me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings," she said.
Yusuf told SUNDAY PUNCH that her husband shares his time between her and his girlfriends.
Yusuf isn't the only one battling with a cheating spouse; Mrs. Toyin Oyebanjo (not real name) is paddling the same boat.
Oyebanjo believes her husband's 'womanising' nature started before they got married. She said she thought he would change.
"I have been married to him for 15 years; we separated for two years. It breaks my heart to say that I've not been happy in my marriage since I got married. People may say I was stupid for marrying him, knowing quite well that he can't remain with one woman. But I thought he would change; I thought his love for me would change him,'' she said.
Reasons why Nigerians eat meat last
You must have observed at the restaurant that many Nigerians eat their meat last. It raises the question, why do they eat the meat at the end of their meal?
The type of meat you will most likely to get in a restaurant include round about,ponmo,shaki, chicken, and cow/goat meat. Interestingly, this practice knows no gender as both boys and girls do it.Jumia Travel, the leading online travel agency shares some hilarious reasons why some Nigerians eat meat last.
You save the best for last
You order 3 wraps of Eba and sizzling vegetable and meat. The meat is like a trophy you are rewarded with after you have successfully dealt with the wraps ofeba,Congratulations, this is your meat trophy, you can now eat it. You clasp your fingers, pick your meat in a slow motion, drop in your mouth, close your eyes to savour the taste and chew. Wow!
It is embarrassing when eating and there is no meat
Yes now. You are eating a plate of rice and you eat your meat at the middle or beginning of your meal, you yourself will be embarrassed. If unfortunately at that very moment you ate your meat before finishing your meal a pretty lady sits beside or in front of you, you will regret ever eating your meat. In fact, shame will not allow you finish the meal.
It motivates you to complete the meal
Quite a number of people cannot eat a meal if there is no meat let alone complete it. So, the meat inspires and motivates you to empty your food in your stomach. You will even salivate as you look forward to devouring the meat.
It is the way 'I' was brought up
For some Nigerians, the reason why they eat meat last is the way they were brought. The watchful eyes of mummy will not allow them to eat the meat until they finish the food. Hence, you dare not try to eat your meat immediately you start eating if you don't want to receive ahot slap. So, it is already part of them.
You don't have enough money to buy meat
If you buy like 5 types of meat buy your plate of write, there will be enough meat to run the full length of the meal. This will enable to eat meat at the beginning, middle, and end. But, you can't try this if you bought only one meat. You have to reserve it until the end.
It is bad habit
Some people consider eating your meat immediately as bad habit.
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