Stop complaining I married Nigerian, Singer Becca tells Ghanaians

Punch Nigeria. Thursday, October 31, 2019

Ghanaian singer, Rebecca Akosua Acheampomaa Acheampong, popularly called Becca, who is married to a Nigerian, Oluwatobi Sanni Daniel, has told her countrymen to stop complaining about the fact that she didn’t marry one of them.

Becca and Daniel got marriedon August 18, 2018, and have already welcomed their first child, a baby girl.

The singer, who has a new single featuring Nigeria’s Tiwa Savage said that she was 33 years old when she got married and as of that time, no Ghanaian man had asked her to marry him.

She said this during an interview session with Afia Pokua. The interview was shared on Instagram.

Becca said, “I did. I got married at 33. So, they cannot say that after 33 years of living in this country, nobody saw me or anything.”

Although the interview was mostly done in a Ghanaian language, the part, where she talked about the age at which she married and how no Ghanaian man had asked to take her to the altar was said in English.

See video link below:

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4FxMKlncsN/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading

Mental health challenges facing modern African male

Written by Adeoye Oyewole
~PUNCH Nigeria. Thursday, February 21, 2019

The term 'man' is usually reserved for an adult male of the human species, while 'manhood' is used to describe the period after he has transitioned from boyhood, having attained secondary male sexual characteristics that symbolise his coming of age and assumes the responsibilities accruable to that status.

Masculinity may vary in different cultures, but it has universal principles across cultures which basically embodies assertiveness, responsibility, selflessness, ethics, sincerity, and respect that has strong associations with physical and moral strength. The biological inputs through hormones induce the process of physical maturity in the males, which redirects the biological processes away from the default female route.

In many cultures, displaying characteristics not typical to one's gender may become a social problem for the individual. However, labelling and conditioning are based on gender assumptions as part of socialisation to match the local cultural template. In the primitive hunter-gatherer societies, men were often, if not exclusively, responsible for all large game killed, the capturing, raising and domesticating of animals, the building of permanent shelters, the defence of villages and sustenance the family in all ramifications.


Each time the universally agreeable traits of manhood are challenged, anxiety and anger may be provoked leading to maladaptive behavioural patterns. With the globalisation of values, there is an increased liberation of the female gender with the attendant financial independence, among other things, which has been the premise of male domination over the centuries.

Although the actual stereotypes may have remained relatively constant, the values attached to masculine stereotypes may have changed over the past few decades, since it is argued that masculinity is an unstable phenomenon and dynamic in conceptualization. However, the old ideals of manhood are getting obsolete just as the new is still not properly defined as we grope in darkness which forms the basis of manhood and masculinity crisis with grave mental health consequences in societies like ours in cultural transition.

The typical modern African man has cognitive dissonance, with respect to his roles as a traditional dominant male in the family as he also attempts to espouse the western ideas that compel him to recognise his wife as a partner in the business of raising the family. The traditional stereotypes of the father as the breadwinner and the mother as a homemaker are almost historical in the light of today's economic realities.

Adieu, Winifred Mandela

Written by Oshisada - a veteran journalist, wrote from Ikorodu, Lagos Nigeria.
~The Guardian Nigeria. Friday, April 13, 2018>

Before I eventually decided to write on Mrs. Winifred Madikizela Madela who recently translated, to the Great Beyond, one question repeatedly exercised my mind: "Is it necessary to write a tribute about her?"

Two principles decided my conclusion: "It is better to err on the side of forgiveness", and also: "To err is human, to forgive is Divine".

Therefore, I chose to forget whatever misdeeds that she might have committed towards the end of her turbulent matrimony with her legendary husband, Nelson Mandela Besides, only the Almighty can forgive us our trespasses.

On April 2, 2018, at the Netcare Milpark Hospital, Johannesburg, South Africa, Mrs. Winifred Mandela breathed her last, as a result of a long term illness, Life is journey.

And the couple's martial life was a dramatic irony because neither of them ever envisaged their separation at the time that it occurred. How did the martial relationship begin? According to Nelson, in his life time, they met one afternoon.

"As I drove a friend of mine from Orlando to medical school at the University of the Witwatersrand, passing a bus stop, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a lovely young woman waiting at a bus stop.

Struck by her beauty and I turned my head to get a better look at her, but I had gone by too fast. Her face stayed with me and considered turning around to drive by her in other direction, but I went on."

Weeks after, by a miraculous coincidence, Nelson Mandela met the young woman again at the law chambers of Oliver Tambo who introduced him to her and her brother, with the explanation that they were on a legal matter. That was the beginning of the relationship between Nelson and Namizamo Winifred Madikizula.

She attended Jan Hofmeyr School of Social Work in Johannesburg and was working as the First Black female social worker at Baragwanah Hospital.

Nollywood is demonizing the Nigerian culture

Azuka Onwuka
Twitter: @BrandAzuka

Azuka Onwuka

~Punch Nigeria. Tuesday, October 31, 2017

The Nigerian film industry, popularly called Nollywood, has been a big source of pride since it officially took off in 1992 with the production of Living in Bondage. It has provided wealth, fame and prestige to Nigeria and thousands of Nigerians.

Ironically, right from Living in Bondage, producers of Nigerian movies have tended to cast the Nigerian traditional life as evil, as well as portraying Nigerians as people who make their money through the power of the occult and human sacrifice.

The reason Chinua Achebe wrote Things Fall Apart and Arrow of God was to present a balanced view of the African life before the advent of the European colonialists, thereby puncturing the negative portrayal of Africa by Europe as barbarians. Achebe did not seek to glorify Africa; rather, he chose to present a society that was not irrational or lawless, even though it had its flaws.

Sadly, many Nollywood writers and producers have adopted the neo-colonial mindset in their films which focus on Nigerian traditional ways of life. For the sake of specificity, I will focus on Igbo culture in this discourse.

Anytime a Nigerian film focuses on an Igbo village as well as the city, there are some constant narratives: 1. The village is the home of poverty, while the city is the place of wealth and good life. 2. The village is the home of witches and wizards while the city is the home of good men and women. 3. The traditional religion in the village is evil but the Christian religion in the city is the good that always overcomes the darkness in the village. 4. The village is a lawless society where one man can seize the property of anybody, especially widows, with nobody stopping him except by divine intervention, while the city is the land of order.

It has become a joke passed around that once you see an actor like Pete Edochie or Chinwetalu Agu in a film set in a traditional Igbo community, a widow will be dealt with mercilessly. Her goats and chickens will be confiscated in broad daylight. She will be barred from farming on her husband’s lands. Sometimes, the terror is a king in an Igbo community that acts as he wishes, confiscating people’s property as well as daughters and wives, arresting people and even killing some.


One is forced to ask: In which fairy Igbo village do these things happen? If they were old events, in which fairy Igbo society did these things happen?

In the distant Igbo past, a girl could be pushed into a marriage with threats by her parents, but no girl could be forced into a marriage if she chose not to marry a particular man. During the marriage introduction, a girl was expected to visit the bridegroom’s home and spend at least four market days with the mother of the bridegroom, without any sexual relations with the bridegroom. This was the opportunity for her to be studied by the prospective groom’s family and for her to study the man’s family. If she returned and said she did not like the family or the man, the marriage would not proceed.

Reasons why Nigerians eat meat last

~Vanguard Nigeria. Friday, March 24, 2017.

You must have observed at the restaurant that many Nigerians eat their meat last. It raises the question, why do they eat the meat at the end of their meal?

The type of meat you will most likely to get in a restaurant include round about,ponmo,shaki, chicken, and cow/goat meat. Interestingly, this practice knows no gender as both boys and girls do it.Jumia Travel, the leading online travel agency shares some hilarious reasons why some Nigerians eat meat last.

You save the best for last

You order 3 wraps of Eba and sizzling vegetable and meat. The meat is like a trophy you are rewarded with after you have successfully dealt with the wraps ofeba,Congratulations, this is your meat trophy, you can now eat it. You clasp your fingers, pick your meat in a slow motion, drop in your mouth, close your eyes to savour the taste and chew. Wow!

It is embarrassing when eating and there is no meat

Yes now. You are eating a plate of rice and you eat your meat at the middle or beginning of your meal, you yourself will be embarrassed. If unfortunately at that very moment you ate your meat before finishing your meal a pretty lady sits beside or in front of you, you will regret ever eating your meat. In fact, shame will not allow you finish the meal.

It motivates you to complete the meal

Quite a number of people cannot eat a meal if there is no meat let alone complete it. So, the meat inspires and motivates you to empty your food in your stomach. You will even salivate as you look forward to devouring the meat.


It is the way 'I' was brought up

For some Nigerians, the reason why they eat meat last is the way they were brought. The watchful eyes of mummy will not allow them to eat the meat until they finish the food. Hence, you dare not try to eat your meat immediately you start eating if you don't want to receive ahot slap. So, it is already part of them.

You don't have enough money to buy meat

If you buy like 5 types of meat buy your plate of write, there will be enough meat to run the full length of the meal. This will enable to eat meat at the beginning, middle, and end. But, you can't try this if you bought only one meat. You have to reserve it until the end.

It is bad habit

Some people consider eating your meat immediately as bad habit.

Elusive female orgasm: who is to blame?

Written by Yetunde Arebi
~Vanguard Nigeria.  Friday, December 16, 2016. 

Female orgasm remains a contemporary issue in female sexual experience because of its complexity both scientifically and naturally. Many factors such as culture and tradition, religion, education. exposure, communication and personality also contribute to the difficulties faced by couples to make this happen with every sexual experience. In my quest to make this near magical experience more accessible to more women, I asked a couple of friends to share their views on the subject with me. It’s quite hilarious:

Bimbo Mate is a 46 year old Civil Servant and Relationship Counsellor. She thinks it is a now social problem:

This is a big problem between many couples. Some years ago, this was not a very important issue in many relationships. Not because it was not there, but because couples hardly talked about it nor did they actually make it a subject of discussion among their friends. But today, things have changed. Nigerians are more enlightened, we are not only more conscious of our surroundings, but of ourselves too.

Women who were hitherto, subservient to their men are now gaining more grounds by the day. There is educational freedom, economic freedom, and a conscious pursuit of good health and general well being on the part of individuals as a whole. So, many women are no longer interested in handouts and leftovers from the men. Even where the women still lack economic power, they have the advantage of education and social awareness to help them get their goals.

So, it’s only natural that things can no longer remain as they were some 30, 20, or even 10 years ago. Women now want to live a more pleasurable and fulfilled life. Back then, women who were bold enough to demand and take what they knew was good for them in relationships were often castigated and labelled. In extreme cases, their men may even seek divorce because of these women’s perceived overbearing attitude. But now, the reverse is more or less the case.

What African husbands expect of their wives

~Punch Nigeria. Wednesday, December 7, 2016. 

In no particular order, this is what some African men say they expect of their wives…

Slim down. Don't let people take you for my mother when, indeed, you are my wife. I love to see you exercise and eat less.

Don't disrespect me. I want to feel respected even with my imperfections. Correct me with respect.

Don't always claim your right. Be quick to say, “I am sorry.”

Don't delay me when we have to go out together. Start getting ready well ahead of time and don’t ever keep me waiting.

I love good food. If you have to attend catering school to make me eat well, please do.

I hate nagging. When you make your request, believe in me to do it in my own time. No amount of nagging can change me.

Don't belittle or gossip about me to anyone. If there are issues that need be to addressed, find a quiet time when we can talk, just the two of us; not necessarily in the middle of the night when you’re most likely going to disturb my sleep.

Don't prioritise anyone over me. Make me your number one - not your pastor, the children, your friends or your family.

Yes, I love sex! Don't withhold it. And don't ever use it as a bargaining chip.

Stop acting like my mother.

”FOR THE MARRIED WOMEN AND THOSE INTENDING TO GET MARRIED, LISTEN AND TAKE HEED!!

Excerpts from Pastor Chris’ Teaching! 
~Christ Embassy.Org Online Missions

Pastor Chris Oyakhilome

Husband does not mean the male partner in a marriage, husband means master. The reason for most problems in Christian marriages is the fact that women refute God’s definition of marriage and form theirs. 

They believe they are equal partners. If most women had their fathers bold enough to talk to them, they will be very successful in their marriage and they will be very happy people. Most women have never been taught by their parents, their fathers particularly and that’s their biggest problem because they don’t know who a man is, they think he is another woman. 

In marriage, you have the man who is the head of that union and because he’s the head of that union, its important to understand him. You think he’s the one that needs to understand his wife and that is where you are wrong. 
He will eventually but you have to know the type of man you are married to and his needs.When you say you are marrying a man, you are coming under his authority. 
The Bible says, the man is the head of the woman (1 Corinthians 11:3) so when you marry him you come under his authority, you are not authority sharers even though you are both heirs to the kingdom of God.When you decide not to subject yourself to that authority, you are a rebel and God is not going to accept what you are doing because you are not functioning correctly. 

Why did God make the woman? Making woman was not God’s original plan because after God created Adam and before He made Eve, He said in Genesis 1:31 “Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good”. 
God made woman because of man so woman was not His original idea. This is reality.Genesis 2:18a “And the Lord God said “for it is not good for a man to be alone..” The Bible didn’t say “lonely” but “alone”. 


There is a big difference. Man wasn’t lonely but alone. Genesis 2:18b “…I will make him an help meet”. He didn’t say a partner or a supervisor or a special advisor or someone to tell him what to do.
I will make him someone to help him. God gave man a responsibility so woman was made to help man achieve that responsibility. If this is understood in every home then you won’t have problems.

Challenges facing African males in America

~The SUN Nigeria. Thursday, July 21, 2016

THE axiom, 'when death do us part,' is no longer obtainable in marriages of African immigrants, particularly Nigerians in America. Meanwhile, Nigerian marriages are collapsing at an alarming rate in major cities in the United States with a large con­centration of Nigerian. Thus, Dal­las seems to be the divorce capital for Nigerians in the United States. Some argue that Houston has re­cently overtaken Dallas in marriage breakups.

However, based on anecdotal in­formation, one in every five mar­riages among Nigerians in the Dallas metropolitan area is broken. Many more are cued in various courthous­es or are on the verge of exploding. Among Nigerian community, mar­riage is no longer sacred; it is unfor­tunately denigrated and defiled and we regrettably watch helplessly as many of them go over the cliff. As a result, some people, both males and females are now in their second or third marriages-no pun intended.

In the process, the African male tem­pered chauvinistic attitude has been diminished by the American culture and law, a favorable phenomenon to women when it comes to conjugal dis­solutions. This phenomenon seems to paralyze the African males, particularly the Nigerian men, to the degree of to­tal submission and hopelessness when it comes to asserting themselves as the head of the household in situations where the wives have taken complete control.


Unlike in Africa where a man could resolve a marital problem by simply marrying another woman without get­ting a divorce from the current one, the American law prohibits such prac­tice. In the US, bigamy is against the law-well, except in some parts of Utah where some members of religious sects roam with more than one wife.

The bigamy law seems to be a choke­hold on African men whose pride and arrogance have been checkmated by the American law and culture. These men feel frustrated and hopeless contending with the aspect of the American culture that deprives them of the opportunity to have more than one wife here.

Five things to avoid when chatting up someone

AfriMobile
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 31, 2016
Communication between two strangers can be hard. Make them both of different genders and you have the world's oldest mystery on your hands. Contrary to what our parents said, it's not one of those things you get better at by being a good boy and reading your books. In fact, it seems to get worse the smarter you are.

Have you missed out on an opportunity to get to know someone because you were tongue tied? Well hopefully this will happen never again. The next time you want to walk up to someone, here are five things that you should avoid.

PS: Ladies, don't leave the challenge to the men, you can use them too.

1) Having Nothing To Say :

Impulse is not always bad and sometimes there's no time. But the last thing you want to do is hold her up and not be able to string together a coherent sentence. You might still get her number out of pity but is that really a first impression you'd like to leave? Whether it's a compliment or a joke, have at least one sentence ready.

2) Using Clichés:



'I think I've seen you somewhere before' or 'You must have fallen from heaven'. Unless you are absolutely sure this is true, no one wants to hear these clichés that have been around since 1000B.C. It immediately makes people distrust you and raise their walls even higher. Your best bet is honesty. Simple sentences that say exactly what you mean, devoid of Shakespearean phrases will always go down well.

3) Being Dishonest:

Common tenants' complaints against landlords

Written by Abiodun Doherty
~Punch, Nigeria. Tuesday, June 14, 2016.

Abiodun Doherty

Landlord and tenant problems are among the most contentious after issues of land ownership and the reasons are obvious. The interests and concerns of both categories are usually divergent or opposed to one another. One tends to wonder why this is often so and what can be done to reduce or eliminate it. In my opinion, the journey to solution in this instance should start with a careful understanding of the key issues that generate these conflicts. A discussion with most tenants reveals the following issues are the common areas of complaints against their landlords.

Most landlord and tenant relationships usually start on a semi-formal level and it is only as these issues build up and are not addressed amicably that they degenerate into a level where the landlord is more comfortable with ejecting the tenant or the tenant is more interested in renting another property than renewing his or her tenancy. When issues arise, it is better to discuss them and find amicable solutions to them where possible.

The primary complaint of tenants is that many landlords do not mind their own business. They tend to interfere in the personal space of their tenants and seek to control everything happening in the property. The obvious reason for this is the fact that many landlords have personal attachment to their properties. They are concerned with the look and feel of the properties. They cannot stand to see anyone inhabiting the property without taking care of it as his or her personal property.

Tips for dating a Nigerian woman

By Femi Ajasa

~Vanguard: Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Dating a typical Nigerian lady can be a topsy-turvy experience especially for a man who is just wetting his feet in the dating game. Normally, women are complicated beings let alone a Nigerian woman who has so many challenges to deal with like an unstable economy, family, tradition, ethnicity, religion, peer pressure, biology and much more. All these factors conspire to influence whoever she will date.

The averageman with his chauvinistic African mindset or perception does not understand this and expect this type of woman to accept him hook, line and sinker. Little does he know that the days of parents marrying wives for their kids isold skooland that most women know what they want. If you want your relationship to blossom with a typical Nigerian woman, Jovago.com, Africa's shares tips that can make this dream a reality.

Give her money to make her hair

Didi,Shooku, andPatewoare traditional hairstyles in Nigeria but young women prefer the Brazilian hair, the deft Ghana weaving, and attachment because it makes them appear sophisticated. They rarely wear their natural hair, adorning these foreign hairstyles cost money and time and she expects her man to foot the bill for her hair. If not always but once in awhile. In other cases, if you notice she is wearing a new hairstyle, it will not kill you to compliment her and perhaps pay for it. Afterwards, it is because of you, she spends that much time at the salon anyways.

Your health and mobile phone

Written by ‘Sola Fagorusi - Punch, Nigeria.

 ‘Sola Fagorusi 

The mobile phone is one of man’s greatest inventions. It provides a fitting solution to man’s ravenous craving for communication. It is even more dependable now that it serves other purposes than just sending text messages and making calls.

Smart mobile phones now aid navigation in communities with maps, capture pictures and videos. The services that mobile apps offer are limitless.

Mobile phones have become the most preferred screen to stare at for many hours, displacing television that hitherto held this record.

Researchers peg the number of hours people spend on their mobile phones at an average of three hours daily. If the figure is put in an empirical form, it means that each year, the average person spends about 1,095 hours staring at or getting something done through the mobile phone. The average person with a mobile phone, therefore, spends 45 days on their mobile phones annually. When contextualised into how many years of an average life span this translates to, the result is frightening.

Smart phones have a great appeal because of the several alternatives they offer. Games, torches, finance management, recorders, alarm clocks and, currency conversion are some of the things they offer. As technology improves, one expects that dependence on this all-important device will also increase.

Every woman owes it to herself to have...

Written by Candida - Vanguard, Nigeria. 

WHAT happens to 'meaningful' relationships in your middle-age? Is sex different now you're older? According to Richard, now 50 and a divorcee; "I no longer believe I can sweep a woman up with the sheer physical power of sex and temporarily wash away our failures in a rain of sweat.

As a new relationship moves towards the physical, I find myself thinking: 'I have been through this before, 1 thought I would survive it and I suppose I did, but only barely. I don't want to do it again. I want to be in the water, very much, but I can't bear to dive off that high cliff another time. No more swinging from the chandeliers!

"The women are older too, they open up more readily, they waste less time, they show their needs. Most of all, they read a man's reluctance like a soothsayer looking through her crystal ball. We strain for the pleasures of new romance, but our ability to pretend is short-lived.

'Let's end this before it becomes toxic,' suggested one smart lady after about five dates! What amazes me after a long decade away from the sexual market place is how different our public discourse of sexuality is from our actual experiences. Casual sex, 'friends with benefits' (where you bunk a close friend from time to time with no strings attached) all the arrangements meant to satisfy the libido without entangling the heart, are, for the most part, dull and awkward forms of sexuality. The small miracle for older people is that most of us still believe in love, and live for it, and sometimes, after a long wait, find it."

Rachel, a sports enthusiast in her late 50s runs a thriving company and lives comfortably in her own home with her two sons. "I took several years off romance and sex after having had a moment of spiritual insight, born of intense pain – when 1 was in an unhealthy relationship with a man, my mind and sports, mainly golf, fell apart.

I happen to be a good golf player and most of the men I played with naturally flirted with me. They loved that I could help them with their game – and maybe provide them with a bit of loving too.

Might another black succeed Obama?

Written by Minabere Ibelema - Nigeria

Minabere Ibelema 

By this time in 2007, a lanky black man was making political waves as a presidential candidate in the US Democratic Party's primaries. Even after he won the Iowa straw polls - the traditional kickoff of the presidential election season - he was still generally regarded as a flash in the pan. Well, he went on to win more primaries and ultimately the presidency and got re-elected four years later. We are talking, of course, of Barack Obama.

Obama's triumph in 2008 places very high on the scale of the improbable. Even higher on that scale would be the reprise of that feat in 2016 by another black man. Well, Ben Carson, a retired world-famous neurosurgeon is poised to do just that. Carson is vying for the presidency from the opposite ideological spectrum, the Republican Party. And in a CBS/New York Times poll released on Tuesday, he is running a close second in the Republican primaries to billionaire real estate mogul Donald Trump.

In many ways, Obama and Carson are a study in contrast. Sure, they are both highly credentialed professionals and they both were raised by their mothers, but that is very much all they have in common. That and their race, of course. As to ideology and political background, they differ markedly.

Obama seems to have been born with politics in his vein. He became active in politics early in life as a community activist and moved rapidly upward from there. Carson, on the other hand, kept politics at a distance. He focused on his medical career, becoming the first surgeon to successfully separate twins who were joined at the head. He didn't join a political party until 2014, and only in preparation to run for the presidency.

Obama is an ultra liberal, who harnessed the angst of youth, minorities, women and gays to catapult him into office. Carson is a social and political conservative who appeals more to the mainstream. Obama galvanised supporters with the slogan, "Yes, we can." But to his more liberal policies, Carson would say no you don't.

A woman's territorial integrity

WHY would a woman leave her matrimonial home just because her husband is taking a second wife? Is that a stupid question, an unfeeling, insensitive one? Because from where I'm standing, I think it is dumb and defeatist for a wife who has laboured in her husband's vineyard for years to abandon the fruits of her labour just because 'Chairman' has decided to bring his sweet 16 home. And I hear women do it these days. Very annoying too.

This is one of the repercussions of going into marriage without shock absorbers. If a woman is not prepared for the thorns that come with the bed of roses, every storm will throw her. Now, I am the first to admit that the sight and or sound of a second wife is perhaps one of the biggest storm difficult to weather in marriage. It is like your husband telling you that you are no longer enough woman or good enough for him. A new wife feels like your replacement, like your nemesis. You begin to wonder what you didn't do and where you went wrong. If you had not met her, you send friends, siblings to check her out. Is she more beautiful?

Is she richer? Is your husband tired of a school teacher wife and prefers this new corporate executive? All the answers most likely will leave you feeling less than a woman. And all of them are lies of the devil. You are still a great woman, a wonderful wife. Your husband is the one who has changed. He's the one who is not as great or wonderful as he used to be to you. He needs revalidation that he is still attractive and a long-distance runner in bed. He has issues with his libido, self esteem and inborn greed for variety. Tell yourself it is not you because most of the time a man needs no excuse to stray or take second wife.

He just wants what he wants. An incoming second wife is not just a headache but a blinding migraine. The first wife has every right to hurt and she should not bottle it up either. Cry in your closet. Never in the open. Don't curse your husband because he will always be your husband. What is the use of a cursed husband anyway? You need to consider all the bills he still has to pay and his conjugal duties. Hmmm, don't revoke his license to your bed. You can suspend the license. You can amend his rights but what the heck, you don't want to try another third leg at this age, do you? When your anger and aggro are over and dealt with, it is better to return to familiar terrain with twists and turns you know how to navigate.

Is marriage getting outmoded?

Written by Francis Ewherido - Nigeria

An Igbo Traditional Marriage event

Recently, I came across a number of write-ups from Europe and America questioning the relevance of the marriage institution. This thinking is mainly borne out of the increasing rate of divorce, and people now living together without being married and having children outside wedlock. In their thinking, if the primary purposes of marriage are companionship and procreation, why go into it when you can cohabit and procreate without being married?

This thinking, though defective, is understandable. More than 50 per cent of marriages in the US end in divorce. The rest of the West is not too far behind in divorce rate. Among African Americans, especially, you see a girl of 25 already a mother of five children from three or more fathers.

But this multiple-fathers trend is not peculiar to them. Here in Lagos, it is not uncommon to see a woman with three grown-up daughters living with her. Between the daughters, they have 10 children from five or more fathers. Some of these absentee fathers are agbayas(good for nothing. That is what you are if you abdicate your parental responsibilities).

The rates of divorce and cohabitation are also increasing in Nigeria. So it is not entirely surprising to hear some Nigerian youngsters also saying that marriage is going out of fashion. Some of these guys "are having the time of their lives." They "camp" girls in their houses without paying any bride price or performing any marital rites.

They owe the girls and their families no allegiance, no commitments, no bond, no strings attached and they can float away like a butterfly anytime they want to. And the situation is perfectly okay with these daughters of Eve because they are either desperate, in lust or do not give a damn.

What is the fate of children brought up in these settings? I have been observing two of them over a period of four years. Even before chest out (sign of puberty), they had started making up and strutting the streets like adults. Now they have reached puberty and gone full blast. They are between 14 and 15 years old, but I will not be surprised to see a protruding tummy tomorrow. May be a few abortions have already taken place.

The increasing rate of divorce all over the world is a major source of concern to everybody. In the last few weeks, I met about five wonderful American couples: two of them have been married for over 50 years, while the others have been together for over 40 years. They are even more worried than we are over here. They "can't understand what is happening to youngsters.

How To Stop Your Partner From Criticizing You

ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.

Web: http://zeezeeio.com

Email: questions@zeezeeio.com

FaceBook/Twitter/Instagram: @ZeeZeeIO

YouTube: ZeeZeeIO

"I'd love to hear from you! Do you think your spouse is just too critical? What exactly can you say to them to stop them from 'stomping' on your self-esteem? I can help. Wishing you unending joy in your marriage". - ZeeZee

Do you feel like your spouse is constantly criticizing you? The second they open their mouth to utter any words, you "dock" because surely, the daggers will soon come flying out. Communication between the both of you has now become extinct, as God-forbid you engage them in conversation, only to end up dealing with such callousness. Right?

You watch out for yourself!

What your spouse does goes beyond criticism of your actions and extends to criticism of your character, which could have a long-term effect on your self-esteem. (Yes it does! You always avoid them because they make you feel less than adequate once the critical comments start flowing).

In most situations, this negative behavior has always existed in the relationship (you just overlooked it hoping they'll see the light and 'change') and eventually the partner who is constantly being criticized - YOU – will get to a point where they can't take it anymore.

So how do you earn your respect back, after you've allowed yourself to be disrespected for so long? Here is one key tip that can help change the course of your relationship for the better.

Your partner needs to learn how to complain and not criticize!

I hear you asking...is that not the same thing? Doesn't complaining still prove they disrespect me? Why must they complain? I'll tell you why. If your name doesn't follow the designation 'St.' (for saint), there is NO possible way you could do everything right in your relationship. Be honest! (If you still need convincing, check in with me ASAP and I'll help bring home a few truths.)

16 Reasons men freak out about dating

Written by By Frank Kobola

1. Statistically, what's the best way to avoid crushing loneliness? 

Nothing gives you more anxiety than seeing data about how you're going to spend the rest of your life alone. Should you meet someone at a bar? What is the probability of finding the love of your life online? What if the love of your life lives in Japan? What if there's a language barrier between you and your soul mate, and you'll never be happy because you'll never find The One? These are all relevant, rational questions everyone thinks about.

2. How do I ask someone out without coming off like a creepy stalker or like I don't care at all? How do we even toe that line?Even after we find someone we're into, asking her out is a whole other question. Do we try to play it smooth and bold, and potentially scare her off too soon? Do we avoid saying anything for three years? Do we get her number and text her a bunch until she finally asks to hang out? The options are numerous and stress-inducing.

3. Does this look like I dressed up or like my mom dressed me up? 

"What does this shirt say about me as a person?" we ask ourselves longingly as we stare into the mirror. We have to have a rugged but boyish charm. We need to look good without looking like we tried to look good. Ultimately, we need to wear a dress shirt and jeans.

4. Is a condom in the wallet a good idea? 

We don't want to look cocky or presumptuous if she happens to see a condom sticking out of our wallet, but we also don't want to be without one, just in case.

5. How drunk is just drunk enough? 

Should we order a few beers? Can we get so drunk that this date is no longer awkward? Will she judge us if we pass out in the bathroom for half an hour?

6. Will we be able to talk about anything beyond our favorite colors and our jobs? 

It's not like we need to have a passionate and undying love for the same hockey team, but if we can't both sit at our table and make fun of what the other patrons are wearing, we're going to run out of "what do you do for a living" small talk rather quickly.