Trapped between cultures: Nigerian parents in the US, UK, devise ways to save kids

Source: Punch Newspapers Nigeria. Saturday, November 17, 2018

Born and raised in lands thousands of kilometres away from their ancestral homes, many Nigerian parents in the Diaspora are finding new ways of reinforcing indigenous cultures in their children, writes ERIC DUMO

Jesus na you be Oga, Jesus na you be Oga, all other gods na so so yeye, every other god na yeye dem be," gushed out of 12-year-old Amaka's mouth in disjointed Pidgin English as she made for the door. It was a dry afternoon with wind blowing at top speed across most parts of California, yet the excitement on the little girl's face was as moist as a sweaty palm.


Born and nurtured in the United States, young Amaka only got to visit her parents' country - Nigeria - for the first time last December. She had heard so much about the place - many of those tales were gory presentations of what Africa's most populous country looked like. The little girl was only Nigerian in nomenclature but American in spirit and soul. When she jetted out of the LAX International Airport in California together with her father - Mr. Isaiah Uchendu - and mother, Ijeoma - on December 13 last year, she was unsure of what to expect upon arrival in Orlu, Imo State - the home town of her parents. Tales of blood-sucking demons running riot and huge man-eating apes jumping from trees to rooftops had created a dreadful picture of Nigeria in the days preceding the long voyage. It was the beginning of the end as far as she was concerned. But 11 months after that historic trip, Amaka has a different idea of her fatherland and the amazing culture of its many peoples.

Experiencing Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt, Calabar, Owerri and her native Orlu in the five weeks she
stayed in the country, the little girl not only realised how wrong her earlier ideas were but also what she had been missing all along. She wished she could turn back the hands of time.

"I thought we were heading to a jungle in Africa but I was surprised when the airplane landed in a place called Lagos, a big city with cars and houses," the 12-year-old recalled as our correspondent played guest to the family at their modest three-bedroomed apartment in San Bernardino, Los Angeles, California, during a recent visit to the United States.

There are about 23,302 Nigerians in the state of California alone, according to a 2016 American Community Survey. While many have lived there for decades, acquiring citizenship status in the process, the pursuit of a new life amidst crushing poverty and widening economic inequality in Nigeria has driven dozens more there.

The Uchendus moved to this bustling city a little over 12 years ago - shortly before Amaka's delivery - their first and only child. The couple, despite now fully entrenched in the American way of life, has not forgotten their roots. Each year, one of them makes the long trip home at least once to see and meet with family members, relatives and friends. The tradition has not only helped them to keep in touch with happenings in their home community but also helped them put to good use their hard-earned savings in the United States. Isaiah works as a driver at a delivery company, while Ijeoma is a senior sales executive at a popular chain store. But while they have plenty of 'Nigeria' in them even in America, Amaka only knows little about home - a situation the couple are desperate to change.

"My daughter used to have weird thoughts about Nigeria and Africa in general and that bothered me and my wife a lot," the 42-year-old said, clutching tightly to the little girl on the three-seater sofa they sat. "Initially, we didn't pay much attention to this but as she began to grow older, we became more concerned. We wanted her to know more about home - about our hometown, Orlu, and our culture in general.

"We saw how other Nigerian parents were beginning to seriously introduce and instil their indigenous culture in their children, so we became more interested in doing the same.

"We began to take her to more Nigerian events in California and started making her take active part in the activities just like the other children.

"As time wore on, she started to show more interest and in fact wanted to know more about Nigeria and her many cultures. My wife and I, at that point, thought that it would be nice to finally take her home to witness things for herself.

Health benefits of vegetables

Written by Dr Sylvester Ikhisemojie
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, August 26, 2018.

Written by Dr Sylvester Ikhisemojie

People have known in much of their lifetimes that it is beneficial to take vegetables in our food. For some, it serves as a mere condiment used to garnish the food and make it look more appealing. Others have often used it to improve the taste of their food. Some others use vegetables as a dietary supplement to provide extra nutrients, vitamins and to act as a bowel cleanser. All the above reasons are correct in various degrees in the use of vegetables. However, there are also some people who cannot stand the addition of vegetables to their normal meals.

These sorts of people miss a lot in terms of the tastiness of any particular type of food and what they could stand to gain from its consumption. There are many various types of vegetables but certain ingredients are common to them and in seeking to understand how they positively impact on our overall health, it is better for us to examine what these features are.

Vegetables contain cellulose, a spongy compound which the human stomach is not even designed to digest. Cellulose is the remarkable substance that mostly makes up the fiber in the diet. That compound is able to improve the sheer bulk of our stools and therefore, ease its way through the alimentary canal and get passed out as faeces. Such fiber in the diet helps to flush out waste effectively from the alimentary tract and gastric irritants. By doing this also, they help the body keep various diseases at bay and fight bloating. Cellulose is a complex material which herbivores like goats, sheep and cows are particularly able to digest. These creatures and other similar ones are known as ruminants. Such animals live almost exclusively on these substances and they almost never fall ill. This ability is also replicated in man; as most vegetables help people fend off chronic diseases and to lose weight.

Vegetables are also constituted of about 85 to 95 per cent water which helps hydrate the skin and reduce wrinkles. Besides, they contain substances called phytonutrients which help to guard against premature aging. They accomplish that by preventing cell damage caused by stress, sunshine, environmental pollution and toxins. Brightly coloured vegetables which could be red or orange will usually give the body an added boost of beta carotene which is protective of the skin from the sun's damage while giving it a healthy glow. One common example of an orange vegetable is the carrot and a red one is the tomato. The latter contains a substance known as lycopene which has been proved to act virtually as a natural sunscreen.

What are your kids watching?

Onoshe Nwabuikwu
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, July 8, 2018.

Onoshe Nwabuikwu

The kids are home or will soon be home for the summer holidays or what we used to call 'long vacation. So, it's that time of the year and we get to have this conversation again. On one hand, parents are happy that the kids are home. On the other hand, how best to occupy or entertain them is a real and pressing challenge. Add the fact that some children will end up spending up to seven or more weeks at home and you can picture some parents feeling the 'long' in the long vacation.

My immediate concern of course is what kids watch on television. Do you know what your children are watching on TV? Are they watching programmes/films/shows appropriate for their ages? This would mean that you - the parents - know what's appropriate.

Knowing what's age-appropriate has been made easier by satellite/cable television since most shows have the ratings displayed. I always remind parents that those ratings are not just designs on the screen; they serve as guidance. However, you also have a right to decide what's appropriate for your own kids. Just because a programme is rated a certain age category does not mean you, the parent, shouldn't decide whether it's appropriate for your child/ren.

That's the easier part. What about stations on terrestrial TV, which don't have ratings? Not only that, they are not always sensitive to when kids could be watching TV. Surely, it's not so impossible for TV stations to actually have a holiday programme schedule? After all, summer holidays come every year.

Still making parents' lives more interesting is the fact that TV has fast moved from the good old box in the living room to all kinds of devices at kids' fingertips. The typical Nigerian parent, especially those who want to show they've 'arrived', buys the latest gadgets for their kids. So, in addition to knowing the content of what your kids are watching on TV, think iPads, smartphones and laptops, too.

At the end of the day, parents do have the most important task of ensuring that their kids watch clean TV. It isn't that they have to turn policemen. Even that would not be enough to keep kids from all the sleaze on the airwaves. A good plan is carrying the children along. As clichéic and Nigerianese as that sounds, it simply means letting the kids know the risks involved in watching certain programmes etc.

This should be an ongoing conversation which should also entrust some of the responsibilities of doing the right thing on the children. And it actually helps to begin this conversation/negotiation as early as possible. The idea is that you're not helpless and should not be a hapless receptor of garbage disguised as entertainment.

Where exactly are the wife materials?!

Diary of a Divorced City Girl by Emmanuel Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, June 17, 2018.

HAVE you noticed it's taking men a long time to settle down these days and make an honest woman of one of the 'catches' they always have on the leash? When Joseph hit his 30s, I often counselled him on the advantages of settling down and having all his children whilst he was young. "What's the hurry," he always told me.
A suave gentleman with a good job and a nice to-die-for pad, he believed it wouldn't be an effort to meet a partner when he was good and ready to settle down. He recently hit 40, and a dad to an adorable son whose mother doesn't want to get married! "I couldn't really believe it when she told me", Joseph said, scandalised. "I was too old for her? Too old?

She was in her mid 20s, when we met and already had a child.

"When she became pregnant, I grudgingly decided to ask her to be my wife thinking she would be grateful to have a stepfather for her child. She was also for it at first, but after she had the child, she told me she didn't think I was financially buoyant enough to look after her and two children. That her furniture business was doing well and she would rather be on her own. I was free to visit my son any time I wished and contribute to his upbringing. I was speechless. Not even my mother could talk her round. She's put a big dent in my self-esteem, I tell you! I'm now 40 and don't think I'll ever have a genuine girlfriend to make my wife. I want to settle down and have children by one woman. As things are now, it seems I've mucked up and made a mess of my future. It's true I loved clubbing and each weekend, I'd take home a different girl and we'd have a great time.


"I was young and all I wanted was sex and more sex and I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing – that was until now. To my embarrassment, I've discovered, that no decent girl will come near me. Yes, I do get girls, but they've been around a bit, and I've slept with most of them. Just before the end of the year, I went to an office and met a lot of girls having a natter. It so happened that, out of the seven of them, I'd slept with five.

"They greeted me warmly but I was shaking in my shoes with embarrassment. I was sure that as soon as I left, they'd be having a good gossip at my expense! I don't want that kind of life again. I know its' my fault that I suddenly found myself out of the market. I mean, I never dreamt I would get involved with a single mother, not to think of such a person giving me the elbow!

Facebook's first hub space in Africa to train 50,000 Nigerian youths

Written by Juliet Ebirim
~Vanguard Nigeria. Wednesday, May 30, 2018.

No fewer than 50,000 Nigerian youths would turn geeks by the time they go through the numerous training modules laid out by popular social media platform and technology company, Facebook.

The trainings would happen at the ultra modern hub space, first in the whole of Africa which it sited in Nigeria recently.

Facebook unveiled the space tagged NG_Hub in Lagos, announcing immediately that it was the first community hub space in Africa. The hub was established in partnership with Nigeria's talent curators, Co-creation Hub,CcHUB.

The hub, according to Facebook, highlights its ongoing commitment to supporting local talent in Nigeria even as it has planned a week-long celebration which will bring together developers, start-ups, and the wider tech community across Nigeria.

Unveiling the new multi-faceted space, Facebook's Vice President Partnerships, Mr Ime Archibong, said the centre is targeted towards bringing communities together to collaborate, learn and exchange ideas.

He said: "Technology provides expansive opportunities to engage young, creative and resourceful Nigerians, especially in delivering solutions to challenges across communities here in Nigeria. Our mission is to build community and bring the world closer together. "NG_Hub provides that physical space that will serve as a centre of learning and skills development in Lagos, and I'm excited about the possibilities that this will create."

Also, the Manager, Developer Programmes Facebook, Mr Emeka Afigbo, said the hub will help Facebook train 50,000 people in digital skills even as it is aimed to drive innovation in Nigeria's tech ecosystem.

Afigbo said the hub was also a deliberate design to equip Nigerian SMEs, tech entrepreneurs and the next generation of leaders to better understand and utilise the power of digital tools for economic growth.

On his part, Bosun Tijani, Founder/CEO of CcHub, said: "Our aim has always been to provide a viable platform for creators and innovators to express their talent and create solutions to the myriad of social and economic challenges faced by countries across the continent. Partnering with Facebook on NG_Hub enables us to achieve our objectives at scale and make the desired impact in the tech ecosystem here in Lagos."

Tribal considerations in choosing a spouse

DOLAPO AKITOYE writes about the roles tribal factors play in choosing a spouse
~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, April 22, 2018.

Culture has always been an important part of the Nigerian society. It governs the way people live their lives. Culture encompasses many aspects of life such as language, food, religion and ways of life. Nigeria is known as the most populous African country with over 300 tribes. It is little wonder that it is referred to as the Giant of Africa.

Every Nigerian citizen belongs to a tribe and members of that tribe incorporate parts of their tribal aspects in their lives including marriage. Marriage is one of the oldest institutions in the world and it involves the coming together of a man and a woman to become one. This means that the two people come together to merge not only themselves but everything relating to them plus their cultures.

It is not uncommon in Nigeria to see families insisting that their children marry from their tribes.

A psychologist at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, Dr. Val Eze, said in the past, especially during the pre-colonial era, ethnic affiliation rooted in traditional, cultural and religious ethos, directed how people selected their partners.

He explained that such was important at the time because the fact that somebody came from a certain tribe had some socio-cultural implications.

Eze stated, "The way a certain group of people behave is determined by their culture, traditions and their social ways of living. If that is the case, it means that an ethnic group is known for certain deviant or anti-social behaviour. It was believed in those times that if a person was chosen from that tribe, he or she might have those traits.''

He added that these cultural tenets were no longer as they used to be due to globalisation and modernity.

"These days, people can meet each other and decide to get married, regardless of tribe, even if their parents refuse," he said.

An Igbo lady, Ada Okoli, who is set to marry a Yoruba man this year, told SUNDAY PUNCH that tribe or ethnicity could not be a factor for her in selecting a partner.

"I've never really cared about that. I'm more interested in who my partner is as opposed to where he comes from," she stated.

Adieu, Winifred Mandela

Written by Oshisada - a veteran journalist, wrote from Ikorodu, Lagos Nigeria.
~The Guardian Nigeria. Friday, April 13, 2018>

Before I eventually decided to write on Mrs. Winifred Madikizela Madela who recently translated, to the Great Beyond, one question repeatedly exercised my mind: "Is it necessary to write a tribute about her?"

Two principles decided my conclusion: "It is better to err on the side of forgiveness", and also: "To err is human, to forgive is Divine".

Therefore, I chose to forget whatever misdeeds that she might have committed towards the end of her turbulent matrimony with her legendary husband, Nelson Mandela Besides, only the Almighty can forgive us our trespasses.

On April 2, 2018, at the Netcare Milpark Hospital, Johannesburg, South Africa, Mrs. Winifred Mandela breathed her last, as a result of a long term illness, Life is journey.

And the couple's martial life was a dramatic irony because neither of them ever envisaged their separation at the time that it occurred. How did the martial relationship begin? According to Nelson, in his life time, they met one afternoon.

"As I drove a friend of mine from Orlando to medical school at the University of the Witwatersrand, passing a bus stop, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a lovely young woman waiting at a bus stop.

Struck by her beauty and I turned my head to get a better look at her, but I had gone by too fast. Her face stayed with me and considered turning around to drive by her in other direction, but I went on."

Weeks after, by a miraculous coincidence, Nelson Mandela met the young woman again at the law chambers of Oliver Tambo who introduced him to her and her brother, with the explanation that they were on a legal matter. That was the beginning of the relationship between Nelson and Namizamo Winifred Madikizula.

She attended Jan Hofmeyr School of Social Work in Johannesburg and was working as the First Black female social worker at Baragwanah Hospital.

Our 'assets', a blessing and curse -Women with large boobs and bums

By Eric Dumo
Sunday, March 11, 2018

Daramola Salako

Adedoyin Ajayi is a young lady full of life. A small-scale business woman, her job allows her to
interact with persons from diverse backgrounds on a daily basis. Though she operates from the Ikosi area of Lagos, the 28-year-old constantly moves to different parts of the city to carry out transactions. But despite her frequent interactions with people, Ajayi likes to stay away from the limelight. Even though a very friendly person, certain elements have contributed to making her uncomfortable around strangers these days.

"I feel very uncomfortable with the stares I get from people, especially men whenever I am walking on the road," the young woman said, her face growing pale. "Once I emerge, people look at me as if they had seen a 'ghost'. Some, especially the men, even follow me about just to feed their eyes the more. It is a big problem for me," she added.

Endowed with large breasts and big buttocks, Ajayi's 'heavenly assets' are increasingly proving to be one of her biggest problems today. At only 28, what the Oyo State-born lady 'carries', can perhaps be imagined on most women two times her age, who after several child births would have added more flesh in these 'critical' regions. Besides the leg-crumbling stares she gets from people, the attention from men - old and young - has become a major source of concern for her.

"Sometimes I feel as if I had committed a big crime by having large buttocks and boobs," Ajayi cut in sharply during an encounter with our correspondent at a popular drinking joint around her neighbourhood earlier in the week. "There is nowhere I go to that people don't make me feel uncomfortable with their stares. As a matter of fact, I have had to cancel some movements simply because I want to save myself the emotional burden that comes with this problem. On several occasions, I have had to take a cab to certain places just to avoid being harassed by people, especially the men for my endowments.

"Apart from the kind of looks I get from people, the disturbance I get from men asking me out is enough for me to remain permanently indoors. A lot of times, when people like these can't get my contact, they go to look for me on Facebook to see if they search with my name maybe they can find me. But because I changed the spelling of my name on that platform, it is difficult for them to find me. I know this because some men who disturb me a lot confess to me that they went to find me on Facebook.

"Though I can handle the situation better now than I used to some years back, I still find it hard to cope with the different names men call me as a result of my big bum and breasts. Many of them promise me all sorts of things but because I know they are only lusting after my body, I don't give them a chance. This issue is a big problem for me," she said.

After over 20 years in US, Wisconsin man deported to West Africa for lack of right papers

~Punch Nigeria. Friday, March 9, 2018.
(Culled from USA Today)

After more than 20 years in the United States, a Wisconsin man was deported to West Africa earlier this week, a federal agency confirmed.

The process for his deportation was set in motion eight years ago when a judge ruled that he had overstayed his visa.

Buba Jabbi, 41, of Wisconsin Rapids was deported Tuesday and back in The Gambia by Wednesday afternoon, according to a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement statement issued Wednesday.

Jabbi had entered the U.S. in 1995 and overstayed his visa. He was detained February 15 after checking in with federal authorities as he had been directed and was set for deportation based on a judge’s order from 2010.

A stay of removal had been filed on his behalf, but was denied February 27, according to Nicole Alberico, a public affairs officer with ICE.

Jabbi, the father of two daughters ages five and one, was being held at a detention centre in Sierra Blanca, Texas.

If necessary, Jabbi’s wife, Katrina Jabbi, a native of Wisconsin Rapids, said she would move her family almost 5,000 miles to The Gambia, a nation of about two million people that is almost twice the size of Delaware, to be with her husband.

“We have spent many years trying to rectify this situation,” Katrina Jabbi previously said. “I will continue to fight and file waivers if he is deported.

Nollywood is demonizing the Nigerian culture

Azuka Onwuka
Twitter: @BrandAzuka

Azuka Onwuka

~Punch Nigeria. Tuesday, October 31, 2017

The Nigerian film industry, popularly called Nollywood, has been a big source of pride since it officially took off in 1992 with the production of Living in Bondage. It has provided wealth, fame and prestige to Nigeria and thousands of Nigerians.

Ironically, right from Living in Bondage, producers of Nigerian movies have tended to cast the Nigerian traditional life as evil, as well as portraying Nigerians as people who make their money through the power of the occult and human sacrifice.

The reason Chinua Achebe wrote Things Fall Apart and Arrow of God was to present a balanced view of the African life before the advent of the European colonialists, thereby puncturing the negative portrayal of Africa by Europe as barbarians. Achebe did not seek to glorify Africa; rather, he chose to present a society that was not irrational or lawless, even though it had its flaws.

Sadly, many Nollywood writers and producers have adopted the neo-colonial mindset in their films which focus on Nigerian traditional ways of life. For the sake of specificity, I will focus on Igbo culture in this discourse.

Anytime a Nigerian film focuses on an Igbo village as well as the city, there are some constant narratives: 1. The village is the home of poverty, while the city is the place of wealth and good life. 2. The village is the home of witches and wizards while the city is the home of good men and women. 3. The traditional religion in the village is evil but the Christian religion in the city is the good that always overcomes the darkness in the village. 4. The village is a lawless society where one man can seize the property of anybody, especially widows, with nobody stopping him except by divine intervention, while the city is the land of order.

It has become a joke passed around that once you see an actor like Pete Edochie or Chinwetalu Agu in a film set in a traditional Igbo community, a widow will be dealt with mercilessly. Her goats and chickens will be confiscated in broad daylight. She will be barred from farming on her husband’s lands. Sometimes, the terror is a king in an Igbo community that acts as he wishes, confiscating people’s property as well as daughters and wives, arresting people and even killing some.


One is forced to ask: In which fairy Igbo village do these things happen? If they were old events, in which fairy Igbo society did these things happen?

In the distant Igbo past, a girl could be pushed into a marriage with threats by her parents, but no girl could be forced into a marriage if she chose not to marry a particular man. During the marriage introduction, a girl was expected to visit the bridegroom’s home and spend at least four market days with the mother of the bridegroom, without any sexual relations with the bridegroom. This was the opportunity for her to be studied by the prospective groom’s family and for her to study the man’s family. If she returned and said she did not like the family or the man, the marriage would not proceed.

The crackdown on Southern Cameroonians

~ Tribune Nigeria. Thursday, October 12, 2017.

THE axiom that freedom is never willingly given by the oppressor but must be demanded by the oppressed cannot be more apt in dissecting the current crackdown on “dissident” elements in Southern Cameroon. Just like the unsavoury events that followed the independence votes in Kurdistan and Catalonia, Southern Cameroon was a theatre of anguish penultimate week. On October 1, the day some separatist elements in the region sought to symbolically regain their independence from the Republic of Cameroon, the Paul Biya-led government unveiled the state apparatus to crush any dissent. The symbolic declaration of independence was made on social media by one Sisiku Ayuk, the “president” of Ambazonia.

Early this year, the Biya government cut off internet access in the region for three months. It did not even bother to adopt the option of counter narratives to whatever the “separatists” were saying. It announced a temporary restriction on travel and public meetings across the South-West Region. This was after imposing a curfew in the neighbouring North-West Region. Only a fifth of Cameroon’s 22 million people are English-speaking, and the government has always sought to suppress this minority. In 1961, the former British entity, Southern Cameroons, united with Cameroon after its independence from France in 1960. At the inception of the union, the federalist system was adopted, but things were to change in 1974 when a patently fraudulent referendum stage-managed by the centralist government in Yaounde imposed the establishment of the Republic of Cameroon.

The assimilation process, a feature of colonial rule, was adopted by the Yaounde government, along with disparities in many parts of the country’s national life: the distribution and control of oil wealth, education and the judicial system. Believing that the federal arrangement, which would allow them considerable power over their own destiny is the way forward for a united and prosperous Cameroon, the Southern Cameroonians have always staged protests, with a much more hard-line section embracing violent rhetoric and calling for outright secession from the country and the formation of a dream country, Ambazonia. But the central government has never pretended to be enamoured of the federalist proposal, let alone secession. On September 22, as thousands of “Ambazonians” took to the streets in the two English-speaking regions of Cameroon, soldiers reportedly shot at least eight people dead in the restive Anglophone belt, notably Buea in the South-West and Bamenda, the main town in the North-West. Thereafter, teachers and lawyers hit the streets in protest over the use of French in Anglophone schools and courts. This soon mutated into an outright demand for Ambazonia.

8 Things We All Need To Know About Our Blood Type!

BLOOD TYPE AND NUTRITION
Here’s what you need to know – a chemical reaction happens in our bodies (during the entire day) and the blood type can be crucial when it comes to digestion or weight loss. You can take this for example – it’s highly recommended that people with blood type O consume foods high in protein, such as: meat and fish! People with blood type A does not require meal consumption at all, because vegetables are more suitable for them. And, people with blood type B should avoid chicken and consume more red meat! And finally, people with blood type AB will benefit from sea foods and lean meat.

BLOOD TYPE AND DISEASES
Here’s what you need to know – well, mostly because of the different formation of antigens on the surface of red blood cells, every blood type is different. Moreover, this is why every blood group is resistant to one type of disease, while being susceptive to some other type. So, knowing the characteristics of blood types can aid in prevention of specific diseases.

BLOOD TYPE AND PERSONALITY
Can I ask you a simple question – did you know that your blood type can affect your personality? Well, of course and you can take this for example – people with blood type O are considered as extraverts, creative, social, and confident. While, people with blood type A are peaceful, artistically-minded, and trustworthy. People who are dedicated to their goals, strong, and are independent are usually people with blood type B. And finally, people with blood type AB are reliable, shy, responsible, and like to take care of others. What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comment section below!

BLOOD TYPE AND PREGNANCY
The medical experts also say that women with a specific blood type group have bigger chances of getting pregnant than other types. Moreover, women with AB blood type produce less follicle stimulating hormone which helps women to conceive more easily.

It's a huge mistake going to your lover's Matrimonial Home

~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, May 28, 2017.

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine whose profession had to do with the 'bench' was forced to bring her' irresponsible' husband to order. According to her, he was a chronic womanizer who'd humiliated her especially with his lack of choice when lusting after sex. "When you're tanked to the eyebrow;" he often bragged, "who cares what a dame looks like?"

His behaviour got a little reckless when he invited his latest girlfriend and her friends to the naming ceremony of the latest arrival to the family. A good 'friend' of the husband pointed out the culprit and her friends to the wife. They stuck out like a sore thumb anyway, since they were seated in the living room far from the prying eyes of guests and relations. To get to the toilet you had to go through the bedroom and my friend stationed one of her sisters in the room. If she caught any of the 'rebels' passing through to get to the toilet, she should let her know.

When that eventually happened, my friend made sure the girl was back on her seat before she raised an alarm that some pieces of jewellery were missing from her room. She looked frantically around until her eyes rested on the girls, seemingly for the first time.

"I don't know you lot", she said innocently, then turning to relations in the room she asked "did any of you come with these guests?" Nobody claimed the "contraband goods" and the husband, bottles of beer in hand, quickly disappeared into the crowd.

My friend's brother then started roughening up the girls, accusing them of stealing money and jewellery when one of them passed through the bedroom. A few slaps here, some caustic words there, the girls were threatened with police action. They were eventually 'released' with the girlfriend's clothes in shreds.

When a few days later, my friend's husband meal wasn't ready, that was the cue for him to retaliate.

He puffed and huffed and threatened and when his wife lost her patience, twak.!

After giving her a beating she would remember for a long time, he left the house in anger. The wife quickly locked up. Afterall, she was the one allocated the house. When the husband came back in the wee hours of the morning and realized he was locked out, he saw red.

He put his angry fist through a window and there was blood all over the place.


My friend quickly went out the back door, got into her car and raced to the nearest police station. She flashed her ID and informed the sleepy officers that someone in her house was destroying government property. The men in uniform quickly came with her and matched the protesting husband to the cell. late in the evening, after she'd given me an emotional account of what she went through, I finally persuaded her to go and bail her husband out since she was the complainant. She insisted I come with her, so I did. You wouldn't believe the rapport that had quickly existed between the husband and his fellow 'prisoners'! Stripped to the waist, bare-footed and looking unkempt, he was sharing cigarettes with other inmates when we came in.

I WANT A DIVORCE! WHY?

~ culled from FB.

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS!

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to
tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

How to handle a cheating spouse

Written by MOTUNRAYO JOEL 
~Punch Nigeria. Monday, April 10, 2017. 

On June 4, 2015, Mrs. Bukola Yusuf (not real name), a mother of three stormed out of her house in shorts, "I was prepared to engage in a fight with the woman who 'stole' my husband's heart," she told our correspondent.

She said she was fed up with the woman who constantly called and sent messages to her husband's phone.

Yusuf said, "At midnight, my husband's phone would ring; whenever I confronted him about it, he would say, 'It is a useless woman disturbing my phone.' I believed him because I trusted him."

When she discovered that the lady disturbing her peace lived two streets away from hers, she became furious.

"That day-June 4, I was ready to fight; to put an end to everything. But my neighbours stopped me from storming the lady's house," she said.

Little did Yusuf know that her husband was having an affair with the lady. She didn't suspect because he promised her he would never cheat on her. He constantly reassured her of his undying love for her, and like every 'good' wife, she believed him.

"My husband does not have only one girlfriend, I heard he has several girlfriends. I almost lost my mind the period I discovered about his cheating lifestyle. I would cry for days; I felt worthless. He couldn't hold his emotions one night; he blatantly told me that he loves the woman that had been calling his phone. He confessed and said that they met some months ago and that he had been hiding it from me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings," she said.

Yusuf told SUNDAY PUNCH that her husband shares his time between her and his girlfriends.

Yusuf isn't the only one battling with a cheating spouse; Mrs. Toyin Oyebanjo (not real name) is paddling the same boat.

Oyebanjo believes her husband's 'womanising' nature started before they got married. She said she thought he would change.

"I have been married to him for 15 years; we separated for two years. It breaks my heart to say that I've not been happy in my marriage since I got married. People may say I was stupid for marrying him, knowing quite well that he can't remain with one woman. But I thought he would change; I thought his love for me would change him,'' she said.

Wanna kill yourself? A Suicide Awareness!

Sent by Nwachukwu Nwabufo
~ Nigeria. March 23, 2017

# SuicideAwareness 

Imagine this. You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the
letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready.

You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” 
Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. 


Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything.

Why banana, oranges heighten mood -Experts

Written by Sade Oguntola

The Nigerian Tribune. Thursday, March 2, 2017. 

Consuming fruits and vegetables in our daily diet are not only healthy because they help reduce the risk of obesity, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, cancer and stroke, but researchers now say that its psychological benefits can also be tapped into to tackle depression.

Researchers from the University of Otago in New Zealand found that young adults who were given extra fruits and vegetables each day for two weeks ate more of the produce and experienced a boost in motivation and vitality.

They enrolled 171 students aged between 18 and 25 and were divided into three groups for the two-week study. One group continued with their normal eating pattern; the second were personally handed two additional servings of fresh fruits and vegetables, including carrots, kiwi fruit, apples, and oranges each day, but the last group were given prepaid produce vouchers and received text reminders to consume more fruits and vegetables.

The participants were subjected to psychological assessments that evaluated mood, vitality, motivation, symptoms of depression and anxiety, and other determinants of mental health and well-being at the beginning and end of the study.

The researchers found that participants who personally received extra fruits and vegetables experienced improvements in psychological well-being. They demonstrated improvements in vitality, motivation, and flourishing.

But the other two groups showed no improvements in psychological well-being over the two-week period. Furthermore, no improvements were seen in symptoms of depression and anxiety in any of the groups.

Still, the researchers say that their findings in the journal PLOS One indicate that increasing the intake of fruits and vegetables through personal delivery may lead to rapid benefits for psychological well-being.

How to successfully tame your hostile mother-in-law!

By Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 19, 2017.

DUNNI has been a sort of little brother for years now, and he freely comes to me any time he wants any advice. Not that much was happening in his life, not for a long time at least. An only child, he schooled in Britain and only came home when his mum had a mild stroke and could no longer run the family furniture business. His dad had passed on long before then and he confessed he couldn’t cope. “I’m not the businessman type”, he moaned "the first time he discussed the family business with me. ”I’ve noticed how firmly mum deals with the workers but I don’t really have the bottle. For a start, I know little or nothing about the staff, and for another I can’t really shout when things go wrong. I’m not the aggressive type".

I told him to keep his ears to the ground, look for one or two allies amongst the staff and tap their brain. It seemed to work for a while until one of the ‘allies’ started giving him the eye. Handsome is hardly a word to described Dunni, but he is intelligent and kind. In his early thirties, he could count the number of girlfriends he’s had on the finger. His idea of a wild night was having a good meal at a decent restaurant and topping that up with choice wine. So when he started going out with Fareedah, his mum’s personal assistant, I was happy for him.

When he brought her to the house however, my enthusiasm dipped. The girl was very pretty and extremely extroverted. She was considerably younger. What would she want with drab Dunni when she could have her pick of men? But then, I chided myself, she could have had her heart broken by a few Casanovas and wanted to give Mr. Nice Man a chance.

Dunni admitted he was a bit wary of falling in love with her when we next met. “But she is very "caring, Auntie,” he said. “You know I didn’t have that much experience with dating women, but she’d since taken care of that. The shyness I usually felt when I was near women disappeared when I went out with her the first time and she kissed me, I could hardly contain myself. As a result, our first experience at lovemaking was almost disastrous; I had no confidence because it had been such a long time I was with a woman that it was over almost before it started. But she was patient with me and the next time was better. Now we have the sort of sex I’d only ever dreamt of … ”

When I asked if he’d met any of her friends and family he told me her parents were dead. “I’ve met her friends and they are really nice,” he assured me. “If they thought it was odd her going out with me when she was so pretty and younger, they didn’t show it. Anyway, I’ve changed so much since I met her. She’s overhauled my wardrobe and made me buy a sexier car.

It's none of his business the number of partners you've 'had'!

Candida by Okogba
~Vanguard Nigeria. Sunday, February 12, 2017.

A young friend of mine recently met the man of her dreams. In the whirlwind courtship that followed, they quickly got round to the conversational games that lovers play. And so it was that Mr. Right asked Miss Right; "How many men have you slept with? The sensible girl immediately reversed the question, to which 'he answered '13'. She then replied with a circumspect '10'.

"How many is it really?" I asked excitedly. `Somewhere between a hundred and a hundred and ten', she said, not batting.an eye lid. "So why did she say 10?" ` I just thought that whatever he said, mine should be less'. How brutally honest can you get? 100 to 110 guys in how many years?!

This little story got me thinking what most latter day emotional, Shylock Holmes, think they are letting themselves in for when they seem bent on digging into past histories of their new lovers! It is a really funny question when you are faced with that kind of a quandary.

"As a regular rule," continued our woman-of-the world, "a woman would do well to gauge her answer from a man's. But what happens if he says 400? Would a response of 308 show a charmingly coy sexual reticence or elicit an indignant 'you're not the mother of my future children" from her shocked partner?

"One thing you should avoid saying is that you can't remember because that could reflect badly on you. I can't remember? That many, is it? She continues: "As a rule, men, automatically double the real figure and women automatically half it. Factual information backs up the theory. There are lies, damn lies and statistics and then there are sexual statistics which must be special kind of double lie. 'Whatever lies you tell, you need to get your head above the proverbial troubled waters!

"How many people you sleep with is a private matter. How many people you admit to having slept with is a social matter and, therefore, a question of manners. What you tell your friend is different from what you tell your lovers. People want to feel special, not as though they are part of a sprawling number game. A white lie isn't necessarily a wicked deceit, but could be simple courtesy. Why tread on someone's dreams when you can just as easily not?"

Good common sense, that is, if you ask me. Only it is amazing, how many good relationships are put in jeopardy in the male partners' quest to find out how promiscuous their female partners are. Are they as promiscuous as 'friends' say they are? At one of our 'old-students' renewals recently, we reverted to nostalgia, asking about old boyfriends. One of us looked particularly – sad and it expired that after her studies, she became pregnant and planned excitedly for a wedding with the love of her life. She was more than bewildered when the boy practically disappeared from the face of the earth.

Why you don't have to exercise every day

~Punch Nigeria. Tuesday, January 17, 2017.

Exercise is one of the best ways to avoid chronic diseases like diabetes and cancer, as well as an early death. But it can be tough to squeeze into a schedule: Health experts recommend about 150 minutes of moderate activity, or 75 minutes of vigorous, breath-sapping exercise, each week.

Since daily exercise isn't realistic for everyone, researchers decided to study whether people who tend to cram their weekly exercise into one or two days on the weekend (so-called "weekend warriors") get the same benefits as those who exercise daily. In the new research published in JAMA Internal Medicine, they found that how often a person exercises might not make a difference in determining how long a person lives.

Gary O'Donovan, a research associate in the Exercise as Medicine program at Loughborough University in England, and his colleagues analyzed data from national health surveys of more than 63,000 people, conducted in England and Scotland. People who said they exercised only one or two days a week lowered their risk of dying early from any cause by 30 per cent to 34 per cent compared to people who were inactive. But what was more remarkable was that people who exercised most days of the week lowered their risk by 35 per cent not very different from those who exercised less.


The findings support the idea that some physical activity-even if it's less than what the guidelines prescribe-helps avoid premature death. Researchers saw benefits for people who squeezed the entire recommended 150 minutes per week into one or two days, as well as for people who didn't quite meet that threshold and exercised less.

Exercise was also effective at reducing the risk of heart-related death. The people who exercised regularly and those who exercised a couple days a week both cut their risk by about 40 per cent. Again, the frequency of exercise didn't seem to matter.

The same was true for risk of death from cancer. Those who exercised-whether it was every day or only a few days-lowered their risk of dying from cancer by 18 per cent to 21 per cent, compared to those who didn't exercise. This risk reduction was true whether they met the recommended physical activity requirements or not.

"The main point our study makes is that frequency of exercise is not important," says O'Donovan. "There really doesn't seem to be any additional advantage to exercising regularly. If that helps people, then I'm happy."

The results remained significant even after O'Donovan accounted for other variables that could explain the relationship, including a person's starting BMI. In fact, the benefits were undeniable for people of all weights, including people who were overweight and obese.

That should be heartening to anyone who finds it hard to carve out time for physical activity every day.