Elusive female orgasm: who is to blame?

Written by Yetunde Arebi
~Vanguard Nigeria.  Friday, December 16, 2016. 

Female orgasm remains a contemporary issue in female sexual experience because of its complexity both scientifically and naturally. Many factors such as culture and tradition, religion, education. exposure, communication and personality also contribute to the difficulties faced by couples to make this happen with every sexual experience. In my quest to make this near magical experience more accessible to more women, I asked a couple of friends to share their views on the subject with me. It’s quite hilarious:

Bimbo Mate is a 46 year old Civil Servant and Relationship Counsellor. She thinks it is a now social problem:

This is a big problem between many couples. Some years ago, this was not a very important issue in many relationships. Not because it was not there, but because couples hardly talked about it nor did they actually make it a subject of discussion among their friends. But today, things have changed. Nigerians are more enlightened, we are not only more conscious of our surroundings, but of ourselves too.

Women who were hitherto, subservient to their men are now gaining more grounds by the day. There is educational freedom, economic freedom, and a conscious pursuit of good health and general well being on the part of individuals as a whole. So, many women are no longer interested in handouts and leftovers from the men. Even where the women still lack economic power, they have the advantage of education and social awareness to help them get their goals.

So, it’s only natural that things can no longer remain as they were some 30, 20, or even 10 years ago. Women now want to live a more pleasurable and fulfilled life. Back then, women who were bold enough to demand and take what they knew was good for them in relationships were often castigated and labelled. In extreme cases, their men may even seek divorce because of these women’s perceived overbearing attitude. But now, the reverse is more or less the case.

What African husbands expect of their wives

~Punch Nigeria. Wednesday, December 7, 2016. 

In no particular order, this is what some African men say they expect of their wives…

Slim down. Don't let people take you for my mother when, indeed, you are my wife. I love to see you exercise and eat less.

Don't disrespect me. I want to feel respected even with my imperfections. Correct me with respect.

Don't always claim your right. Be quick to say, “I am sorry.”

Don't delay me when we have to go out together. Start getting ready well ahead of time and don’t ever keep me waiting.

I love good food. If you have to attend catering school to make me eat well, please do.

I hate nagging. When you make your request, believe in me to do it in my own time. No amount of nagging can change me.

Don't belittle or gossip about me to anyone. If there are issues that need be to addressed, find a quiet time when we can talk, just the two of us; not necessarily in the middle of the night when you’re most likely going to disturb my sleep.

Don't prioritise anyone over me. Make me your number one - not your pastor, the children, your friends or your family.

Yes, I love sex! Don't withhold it. And don't ever use it as a bargaining chip.

Stop acting like my mother.

Six good times to have sex

Written by Tunde Ajaja

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, December 4, 2016.

For an activity that is both intensely pleasurable and medicinal, it seems understandable that people are paying more attention to it.

Sex has numerous benefits, including the fact that it boosts immune system, lowers blood pressure, it's a good form of exercise, helps to reduce the risk of prostate cancer in men, lowers risk of heart attack, improves sleep and brings about the release of feel good hormone (dopamine), love hormone (oxytocin), pain-killing hormone (endorphin) and many others which have positive effects on the body.

Being something that could take place anytime and in any (reasonable) place where the man or the woman feels like having 'it', one could think timing is not a factor when it comes to having a romp in the sack. But according to some scientists, there are specific times sex is good for the body, especially married couples, who do it without apprehension of being caught or the fear of pregnancy.

Given that the hormones influence how people feel anytime they are released, it seems pertinent to point out that sex can be more helpful at certain times than some other times, and some of the good times you should consider having 'it' include:

In the morning: It is a norm for men to want to have sex in the morning, because even by the time they wake up, their testosterone level is at the peak, usually at about 50 per cent more than any other time of the day, which explains why they usually wake up with an erection. But beyond the pleasure derivable from the response to stimuli, studies have shown that sex in the morning is good for the body. According to an American research scientist, Dr. Debby Herbenick, having sex in the morning makes couples feel more upbeat - positive and making them feel that good things will happen - throughout the day and it boosts their immune system. She also revealed that the endorphin hormone released boosts the mood of such persons, which could make their day exciting. She added, "Having sex in the morning also releases the feel-good chemical oxytocin, which makes couples feel loving all day long." This is perhaps more instructive for women who rarely want sex in the morning because their mind is not prepared for it, but prefer it at night.

After a day gone bad: Ordinarily, when people are depressed or frustrated about certain situations, keeping to themselves and being a recluse is usually the commonest response, and so sex could be the last thing on their minds, say when they get home later in the day, but according to experts, that is a good time to have sex. A Toronto-based sexologist, Jessica O'Reilly, told Women'sHealthMag that from holding hands to touching, hugging and getting down to the real thing with their partners could boost their mood at such times. She said, "Studies show that sex and other forms of physical affection, even holding hands, significantly improve your mood and lower stress levels for days to come. As long as your lover is not the source of the anger, such sex can be red hot." In other words, the release of love hormone, feel good hormone and other hormones that improve mood would relieve the person of such stress. It is however worthy of note that a man may not be in the mood for sex when he's down, more so that stress is one of the causes of erectile dysfunction, but findings have shown that men who pull themselves out of that distress and are receptive to the touch of their wives, tend to feel better after the sexual activity because of the hormones that would have been released. In fact, it has been argued that looking at romantic partners or having sex itself could reduce pain.

Sexual issues and solutions true facts about the penis

Written by Kemi Fawole (MD)

Phone: 08034666358, 07059294782 

Email: vieweden@yahoo.com, viewden@ymail.com

Web: www.viewden.com. 

~Vanguard Nigeria. Wednesday, December 7, 2016.

We can go on and on about some facts you need to know about the penis, but we just have to hold on to the basic ones which includes -

A penis is not under conscious control. It's under the control of a guy's autonomic nervous system.

Smoking can shrink your penis by as much as a centimeter during the course of your life - and will make it much less likely you can get an erection.

The underside of the penis head is the most sensitive spot. These means its important that everyman out there lives a healthy lifestyle and eat well.

I'm a 58 year old man with serious condition of diabetes & hypertension which I have been treating for some years now and this has led to total loss of erection. My wife performs all the sexual exercises & this really makes me feel bad. I have started Using Vitolize and I noticed after the second week that I can now get erection though not as hard as I'd wanted but I'm so glad I could come up. Can I combine Vitolize with either African superman or Man up pills for stronger erection on demand? Or what do you suggest - Hon Justice Chriss

Hello Honorable, I'm so glad to hear that you could get an erection with Vitolize, cos in most cases of near impotence, treatment takes longer than that, some are on erection supplements for as long as three months before they can come up with any erection, But Vitolize awakens the redundant tissues due to the suppressant drugs for your diabetes and hypertension, causing rush of blood to the penile tissue slowly. Yes you can take either Man-up pills, or African Superman which increases stamina, sexdrive and the time of intercourse and take effect within thirty minutes of usage and compliments the work of Vitolize and are herbal and very safe just like Vitolize which is a sexual performance enhancer for men. You can take either Man up,, African superman or rhino 5 with the Vitolize. And in case you don't want something in pill form, you can take Maxman coffee to increase stamina, libido and for strong erection.

Im 35 years and I have a serious case of premature ejaculation, what do you think can help me cos the situation is so frustrating. I have been to your website and seen a lot of very lovely products, but it's so difficult to choose.- Chimezie

Chimezie, like I normally tell people, premature ejaculation is more of psychological than medical in about 90% of men and this caused by stress, unbalanced diet, smoking, alcohol etc. to make you last long for about 25 to 30 minutes on your woman, you can get Vitolize or Vigrx plus helps to correct it , but it takes about two to three months to totally correct

Africa’s longest-serving leaders

~Vanguard Nigeria. Friday, December 2, 2016.

Jose Eduardo

Angolan President Jose Eduardo dos Santos, who is set to stand down next year after 38 years in power, is one of Africa’s longest-serving leaders.

The continent is home to many men who have held office for two decades or more, and dos Santos is currently second overall, just a month behind Teodoro Obiang Nguema of Equatorial Guinea.

Here is a rundown:

– African leaders for more than 30 years –

– In tiny, oil-rich Equatorial Guinea, President Obiang is Africa’s longest-serving leader, at 37 years.

Obiang came to power in a coup on August 3, 1979, ousting his own uncle, Francisco Macias Nguema, who was shot by a firing squad.

– Dos Santos is next in Angola, having taken up his post on September 21, 1979.

– Robert Mugabe, 92, rounds out the podium at number three, having run Zimbabwe since its independence in April 1980.

Mugabe is the only leader to have ruled since independence, and has now been either prime minister or president (since 1987) for more than 36 years.

– In Cameroon, Paul Biya has 34 years under his belt. He became president on November 6, 1982 after serving seven years as prime minister.

– Congolese President Denis Sassou Nguesso has spent 32 years in office, but not in one go. He first served from 1979 to 1992 and then came back to run the country in 1997 at the end of a civil war.

Sassou Nguesso was re-elected in March 2016 and could run again when the current term expires.


– In Uganda, Yoweri Museveni has been in power for more than 30 years. He took office in January 1986 after winning the war that ousted Idi Amin Dada, with help from neighbouring Tanzania.

He was elected to a fifth term in February 2016 amid allegations of fraud.

– King Mswati III of Swaziland is Africa’s last absolute monarch. He acceded to the throne of the tiny southern kingdom in April 1986.

– In power for more than 20 years –

– In Sudan, Omar al-Bashir has ruled for 27 years since he staged a successful coup in June 1989.

– Chad’s leader Idriss Deby took over the north-central African nation in December 1990, giving him 26 years in power. Deby won a disputed fifth term in April 2016.

– Eritrea’s head of state Issayas Afewerki has been around since 1993.

– Gambian leader Yahya Jammeh has ruled for 22 years since he staged a coup in July 1994. However, he was defeated by opposition leader Adama Barrow, failing to get a fifth five-year term in Thursday’s election.

Between sexual fantasies and reality

Written by Yetunde Arebi
~Vanguard Nigeria. Monday, November 14, 2016.

Socially deviant sexual acts, date back to Biblical days with detailed records of several sexual acts as captured in the stories of Lot, the brother of Abraham and his wife and Lot's exit from the land of Sodom and Gomorah. Another story of incest was recorded in the story of Noah and his daughters. David's daughter, Tamarah also suffered the trauma of rape and incest in the hands of her brother.

All these were acts of sin before God and man considered them socially deviant. All the same they remained in the fabrics of society, underground acts to be performed under the cloak of darkness, behind tightly shut doors and princely parlours for the rich and powerful. Even as God forbade them, men enacted laws and punishments for those caught in the act of defiling the land and abusing their bodies and destroying the soul of society.

Yet, nothing seem capable of whipping us back into line and curtailing our wild imaginations. If you are one of those who think sex is a simple act performed between a man and a woman and that the missionary position is the most conventional and acceptable, you are in for a big surprise.

Almost on a daily basis, you get to read about all sorts of socially deviant sexual behaviours, some even involving so called men of God. While adultery, rape and incest seem to top the list, there are several other more shocking acts taking place, many shrouded in secrecy. For instance, sometime last year, 2015, stories broke about America's golden black boy, Bill Cosby and his alleged rape accusations.

It was revealed that over a dozen women at various times spanning almost three decades have accused him of luring them into apartments and sexually assaulting them. A peculiar feature in the manner of assault is that they all claim they were drugged. They recounted how they got to the apartments and were served drink meant to make them relax, only to discover that they had been violated on waking up from their forced state of stupor.

What can hurt your sex life

Written by Funmi Akingbade
Phone: +234 8096762941, +234 8029593116

~Punch Nigeria. Sunday, November 6, 2016.

Funmi Akingbade

Many of our readers have been sending countless questions to us wanting to know if there are other things that can hurt their sex life apart from bad addictive habits and some common illnesses that have been mentioned on this platform.

Do you know that being mere can hurt a couple's sex life? As simple as being over excited may look or appear, when married couples are not very mindful of this act, they are unknowingly destroying their sex bed. I am sure many of our readers may think this is not so. But do you know that sometimes, when men are overexcited about having sex, they totally forget about the needs of their wives. And what happens is that, during sex, the husband clumsily squeezes the wife's breast.


The point is that during intercourse, the wife is not warmed up and therefore does not enjoy sex as much as the husband. This action hurts couple's sex life and before you know it, the unsatisfied partner is either not showing interest any more or looking for sex elsewhere. So, husbands, go down on your wife like you mean it! If you want her to enjoy sex, then you neted to enjoy performing oral sex on her. Just like nothing is sexier to many husbands than wives giving them a blow job, nothing is sexier to many wives than a husband who enjoys giving oral pleasure. Documentation shows that only about 25 to 30 per cent of married women orgasm or reach climax through sex and most of these women need and likely want clitoral stimulation in addition to sex. I tell men that when you are through, still go down on your wife. You will be surprised to see another side of her, try it tonight. When you roll over after sex and tell her, 'sorry dear, it's just too hot, or I am so tired from office work, or don't worry, next time I will make out time, then you keep a foot of distance between you and her.

Maybe you chat with her a bit before falling asleep. She is noticeable annoyed and it will backfire sooner or later. Even if you are not someone who likes to touch after sex, you just must learn how to. You can start off small and make some kind of physical contact a normal part of your after-sex routine. Scratch her back for a little while and lay a little closer than normal. Once you have scratched her back for a while, move to a closer touch. Cuddling after sex will bring the two of you closer together. One of the most successful marriage relationships has been linked to bonds created after sex and cuddling. According to research, the way you approach your partner after sex is really important to how you approach your relationship in general. When you and your wife barely experience spark after sex, it could hurt your sex life.